All This Time

"Even after all this time the sun never says to the earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that, it lights the whole sky"...(Hafez). I wrote a blog article last week with this title and interestingly, when I went to publish it, it was erased. It was a mystery but as with all things that we cannot control, why cry over spilt milk, I just figure a better version needs to be written. So here I sit on Mother's Day, attempting to clarify my thoughts and somehow translate those thoughts into words that make sense. I have so much to say and yet I don't even know where to begin. My blog started with a step onto a path that I knew would forever change the course of my life. It was a scary start, knowing that I would be perhaps ending my marriage and all that would come from standing up for myself. A storm did ensue but I didn't always handle things well and looking back, I could have done some things differently. Ahhh...hindsight is always 20/20, so I made the best choices that I could with the information and insight I had at the time. Flash forward to now, more insight and a new path is now in front of me. All this time, I had lived with a limited perspective and now after having given my husband a second chance, I have a very clear perspective on things. He has moved out and we are now heading in separate directions. I feel so good about having made sure that things between us were done. I have no regrets about giving our marriage one more try. We discovered some things that had never been present in our marriage and at the same time, we surely found out that the things that broke us up originally just could not be repaired. I never wanted to go forward with unfinished business, so the past year has been a blessing. I have counseled countless individuals through the same type of journey. Relationships are ripe with lessons and not always the happily ever after type. Many relationships are in fact full of conflict, defenses and the lessons meant to teach about how much you ultimately value yourself. There is no better place to see your defenses and your fears than in a relationship. In relationships, you are offered a chance to see what you attract and why. Once you work through all of the lessons you have with an individual, you'll move on. I don't mean to sound matter a fact about that, because thats no easy process and may come with tears, anger or both. But at the end of the day, its far better to move on than to stay trapped in an endless cycle of pain, blame and guilt. To get to the happily ever after, there must be tests, trials and a journey of self love. I cannot stress enough that attracting and staying with the love of your life means that you must feel you deserve it. Otherwise, you'll either never attract that type of relationship or you'll draw it to you, only to run away in fear. So all this time, the answers were right there, waiting to be discovered. "But time growing old teaches all things"...(Aeschylus).