On The Other Side

"The grass is always greener on the other side, until you jump the fence and see the weeds up close"...(Albert Grashuis). "The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. Not at all. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be"...(Robert Fulghum). We've all heard the many sayings connected to the simple words..."the grass is greener." Sure, the grass always looks greener from one side of the fence. My entire childhood was kind of based on those words. I knew it was pretty tough standing where I was...so one day, I knew that I would be standing in greener pastures. That hope was needed along with a healthy dose of detachment from the realities of my childhood. As I got older however, I struggled staying in the moment because my defenses of "hoping for something better" kept operating, even when I was quite content in my present reality. In college, I was a certified mess...but heck, I was not the only one who lost my bearings in college. I dreamt of a future where I wouldn't have to struggle financially, a career, a family, marriage and peace internally. I was tired of the storms raging inside of me...the storms of discontentment. But looking back...I had a lot of fun during those years. In being lost...I was allowed to find my way. If I had hidden behind the veil of having it all together, I wouldn't have been open to all of the guiding experiences I ended up having. In fact, if I hadn't been so lost, I may not have moved to New York City and that turned out to be one of the best experiences I've ever had. I was never taught though to honor where I was standing while reaching for more. I guess that is one of those lessons that can only be taught by life and wisdom. Over the past six months while dating like crazy...I have had numerous discussions with many people who confess that they thought the grass would be greener on the other side. It's not. It's just different pastures but still requires introspection and yes, work. As fun as the dating scene is in meeting new people, there are challenges. Sure, dating someone new is exciting...then it becomes reality just like everything else. One of my girlfriends complains endlessly about the dating scene because she's tired of the endless merry-go-round dating different men. But while she was married, she had numerous complaints about her husband. Seems she's struggling with being happy within herself. Remember you attract the things, people and experiences that reinforce your internal reality. If you are miserable, not suprisingly, you'll attract men who will be more than happy to add to your misery. If you are happy however...you will attract men who want to add to your happiness and reinforce a positive image of yourself and life. Now, back to "the grass is greener." I believe it's important to walk away from current pastures when it's pretty clear that your present surrounding are impeding your growth. Like a plant that outgrows it's pot...new soil is often required for us to grow and flourish. New pastures still require tending to and as I have learned over the past year....new surrounding often mean more work than ever. I know I was more than ready and willing to face that challenge. When you leave your old meadow for a new one, you have all kinds of new experiences to integrate. You also must then face all of the issues within yourself as you adjust to your new surroundings. There were moments over the past six months that I have to admit, I laughed to myself thinking.."I use to complain that my husband wouldn't do this chore or that and well...now I have to do all of it by myself." Hmmm....it sure made me evaluate how I could have been more appreciative in the past about the things he was contributing. I guess that's just a reality about life....we can always see things more clearly after the fact. So here is my new motto about the grass being greener on the other side. Take in the view wherever you may be because wherever you are at this very moment is exactly where you are meant to be to get you where you're going. The grass is pretty green on this side of the fence and the other...so I've taken the fence down so that the World is now my pasture.

The Path

“You cannot travel the path until you have become the path itself"...(Buddha). You always know you are on the correct path in life when everything just feels right. I have heard others recount how everything in their lives was a mess until they started following their hearts and then like magic, everything becomes easier. In all of the years I have been counseling, people often seek help when they are struggling with pain, resistance, and confusion on their path in life. For many, once they have some insight and clarity, they stop fighting what they have been feeling and everything begins to change. I have watched many people get back into alignment of their hearts desires after going through very painful but illuminating lessons in life. Some will choose to stay in pain because it's all they know and sometimes it just seems easier. It is not easier, it's just a form of turning a blind eye to all that you are afraid to see. If you don't allow yourself to see, then something better doesn't exist from that limited perspective. All that is however is fear of the unknown and surrendering to a life of pain. Some struggle with such deep seated issues of guilt, suffering and the bondage of unworthiness, that escape may seem impossible. With each step on our path however, there is always a renewed opportunity to change, grow and release the chains of the past. Someone asked me recently to describe the pain I experienced as a child. It was quite liberating to tell my story without feeling that it defines me any longer. Those were experiences I went through and grew from, but they don't define me any longer. Our hearts and souls define us, not the various roles, traumas and lessons we've learned along the way. How those things teach us and what we choose to gain or lose from those lessons is up to us. I love hearing people talk about their stories because I learn real quickly how much baggage from the past they are still carrying with them. It's written all over their demeanor, body language, words they use and even in their eyes. Here are several interesting quotes about walking our path. “The stages of the Noble Path are: Right View, Right Thought, Right Speech, Right Behavior, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness and Right Concentration"...(Buddha). "Many are stubborn in pursuit of the path they have chosen, few in pursuit of the goal"...(Friedrich Nietzsche). “As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives"...(Henry David Thoreau). "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail"...(Ralph Waldo Emerson). What kind of path are you walking? Are your footsteps light and joyful or are they heavy and burdened? Are you enjoying the path, curious and excited about what lies ahead or are you anxious and worried about the future, never really taking in the view. Is the past being carried with you, like a heavy bag upon your shoulders? Are you dragging your feet, complaining about anything and everything or are you skipping and singing along the way. It's your journey and your path and how you walk it is up to you.