Love Hurts

"Sadness flies on the wings of the morning and out of the heart of darkness comes the light"...(Jean Giraudoux). The latest song playing repetitively in my household is called "Love Hurts" by Incubus. I loved the song immediately when my nephew played it for us on our recent family trip to Sedona. My oldest son loves it even more though. He makes me play it continuously. He's eleven...what does he know about love and heartbreak. I think about all that he has ahead of him. He'll know about love hurting one day and when he does, the words to this song just might help console him, if only to remind him that the journey of love almost always comes with some lessons in pain. The song reminds listeners though that love is worth the risk because without love, you die inside. Over the past several years, my son had a front row seat to the confusion, break up and reconciliation of his father and I. I'm sure he processed some lessons about love from what he observed. He knows all too well now that relationships are not easy, nor does he have a Disney version of romance. He was happy though that he got the real "Parent Trap" story in his life and that his parents found a way to rediscover love and romance with each other. I've thought about love long and hard and it always seems that love becomes more profound and genuine after loss and pain. It seems that it's only through loss we discover the depths of our love. I see all too often people remaining shallow and distracted with the very people they say they love, only to absolutely crumble when they lose the person they took for granted. Some people remain shallow in relationships to protect themselves from getting hurt. You can run from your fears but you can't hide, because running equates to numbing and avoiding depth. In the end, that race just leads you feeling empty and alone, even in the presence of others. Being around people who are numbing is just truly painful...because I can always feel their incredible avoidance of really feeling. It's sort of like being around an actor who is always on stage. Nothing feels real or genuine around them because they're empty inside and faking life becomes their reality. So...when you challenge yourself to feel...you will inevitably hurt. I also love the song, "Better than a Hallelujah" by Amy Grant, because she expresses how painful feelings are beautiful expressions of our real and honest selves. My son may only be eleven but he already understands that with love comes pain, but it's a worthy price to pay. "Where there is love, there is pain"...(Spanish proverb). “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love"...(Mother Teresa).

Go With The Flow

On the journey of life, when confronted with something unexpected, you can either go with the flow or fight the process of life. Last night, I was offered one of those moments and I chose to go with the flow. Yesterday I decided to take my kids to Massachusetts and to the Vermont border to see the fall colors, go apple picking and just see where the day takes us. Total drive time should have been two and a half hours each direction. At 6:00 in the evening I got on Interstate 91 to head home. I love to take long drives, so I did not seem to notice that this drive was taking longer than usual. Never mind that I also did not seem to notice thanks to the distraction of my kids begging me to start the DVD player that when I was getting onto the interstate, I was heading north instead of south! Thankfully I had grabbed a coffee before I got onto the highway, because it turned out that I would REALLY need it! You can see where this is heading....... Canada! Yep, several hours later, when I finally took notice that something was wrong, I was at the Canadian border! Imagine the look on the Canadian border patrol's face when I explained why I did not have passports and could I please flip a U in Canada. As I was at the border I suddenly remembered a dream I had three nights earlier. In the dream, I had headed out for a two hour drive, fallen asleep while driving and ended up five hours from home! In the dream, I had arrived at an amusement park. I remembered marking it on my navigation in the dream to remember that even when you are lost, you can find places you would have never discovered. So back at the border, I laughed to myself as the dream flashed across my mind. The kids were laughing too, hysterically. They loved it! They did not seem to mind the fact that we would have a five hour drive home. They just loved that we ended up in Canada by mistake. They proceeded to tell the Canadian and U.S. border patrol the story. They also recounted the story over the next hour to the cashier at the mini-mart and the waitress at the restaurant. We all bonded over a crazy turn of events! The day taught my children the value in going with the flow. If I had reacted with anger, impatience, frustration or worry, they would have gotten an entirely different message from what happened. Instead, they learned that it is alright to make mistakes and that in fact, a mistake can turn into the biggest adventure. I learned that dreams can come true. The dream was not to warn me, but to remind me that sometimes the biggest treasures in life come from going in a different direction than you had planned. Things always happen for a reason. Years from now, my children will not remember the semi boring day trip to go apple picking and bowling.......they will remember however how that day turned into a U turn in Canada, an unexpected night in a hotel in Vermont and ice cream cones after breakfast. I hope they remember that life is an adventure and to always enjoy the ride!