Get Back Up

I love playing my iPod on car trips. My kids know the words to all of my thousands of songs. My daughter made an astute observation lately. She said, "Mom-all of your songs are about love." Huh, what an accurate observation. One song the kids were singing today was one they have made me play repetitively called, "Get Back Up" by TobyMac. It's especially heartwarming when they are belting out the chorus about getting back up again. No lie.....they make me play it dozens of times in a row. It is an inspiring song about a common theme, to get back up after you've suffered from setbacks and hardships. Everyone could use those words of encouragement at some point in their lives. My kids have gone through a lot over the past year. They made a move across country, leaving their friends and a community they had known their entire lives. They loved Connecticut and they had built their lives around traditions and rituals based on the area we lived. Every Christmas we would go to the local hospital to see the beautifully decorated trees on display which were raffled off before Christmas. As luck would have it, we won one almost every year. We had cold temps and snow in the winter and they looked forward to snow days, so that they could stay home from school and sled in the back yard. I would always bake cookies on those days, so that they would have a warm cookie when they came in from the cold. The kids and I would hike a local mountain called Sleeping Giant in the spring, summer and fall and we had our favorite pancake restaurant called Chips. We knew the staff at Starbucks by name and we knew every inch of the movie theatre at the local mall. They had to leave the house they loved and friends they played with to trek all the way from Connecticut to California. They started school in September and all three had to adjust to a new school and a new house. We had to make new traditions, like Thursday nights are now dinner out at Pick-up Stix. They all made new friends (although they still talk about the friends they miss) and they love their new house. There is no Chips here but iHop seems to do just fine. The new things they enjoy are weekends with their cousins and birthdays and holidays which always include a house full of family members now. They also love that Disneyland is only about an hour away and we go there at least once a month. My oldest recently commented that he likes the weather here because he can wear shorts in December. They are also adjusting to the biggest change....the fact that their father lives in a different residence. They see him every other weekend and occasionally on a weeknight, which is a big adjustment. They are sad about the fact that their dad and I are not together but they are adjusting with all that they have gone through. They miss him tremendously but they do love that he has a pool and jacuzzi at his place. So, when my kids belt out the song "Get back Up" with such gusto and feeling, I think they know what they are singing about. We all have to get back up after losses and changes and as the song poignantly says....you will shine again. What a wonderful lesson about life to remember.


Get Back Up: TobyMac

You turned away when I looked you in the eye,
And hesitated when I asked if you were alright,
Seems like you're fighting for your life,
But why? oh why?
Wide awake in the middle of your nightmare,
You saw it comin' but it hit you outta no where,
And theres always scars
When you fall that far

We lose our way,
We get back up again
It's never too late to get back up again,
One day you gonna shine again,
You may be knocked down,
But not out forever,
Lose our way,
We get back up again,
So get up, get up,
You gonna shine again,
Never too late to get back up again,
You may be knocked down,
But not out forever
[May be knocked down but not out forever]

You rolled out at the dawning of the day
Heart racin' as you made you little get away,
It feels like you've been runnin' all your life
But, why? Oh why?

So you've pulled away from the love that wou'd've been there,
You start believin' that your situation's unfair

But there's always scars,
When you fall that far

We lose our way,
We get back up again
Never too late to get back up again,
One day, you gonna shine again,
You may be knocked down but not out forever,
Lose our way, we get back up again,
So get up, get up
You gonna shine again
It's never too late, to get back up again
You may be knocked down, but not out forever,
May be knocked down, but not out forever!

This is love callin', love callin', out to the broken,
This is love callin'.
This is love callin', love callin', out to the broken
This is love callin'.
This is love callin', love callin',
I am so broken
This is love callin' love callin

Lose our way, [way way way ay ay ay]
We get back up, [get back up again]
It's never too late [late late late ate ate ate]
You may be knocked down but not out forever!

Lose our way,
We get back up again,
So get up get up
You gonna shine again
Never too late to get back up again
You may be knocked down,
But not out forever,

This is love [lose our way] callin' love callin' [get back up again]
To the broken
This is love [never too late] callin'
[may be knocked down but not out forever]
This is love [lose our way] callin' love callin' [we get back up again]
To the broken
This is love [never too late] callin'
[may be knocked down but not out forever]

This is love callin' love callin'
Out to the broken,
This is love callin'....

Too Many Walls

I'm going to start this article off with a quote from "The Notebook". "So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday"...(The Notebook- Nicholas Sparks-spoken by Noah, the romantic lead). I just love that quote and how apropos it is that even true love takes work. Sometimes though, no matter how much affection two people have toward one another, there are just too many walls separating them. I'm a firm believer in love...but sometimes love cannot break the barriers separating people. Love is never a waste of time however because just the act of loving someone changes you for the better. It is also an experience of loving oneself, to let go and move on when the walls are just too much to contend with. Walls are another of life's lessons. Walls are barriers, fears, defenses and sometimes things in life that just prevent people from being together. Of course, the romantic in me always believes in hope but nonetheless, sometimes letting go is the best course of action. When too many walls create a divide, one must move on and hope for love with another. Love stories still intrigue us however, ones that beat the odds and shatter the walls. I suppose the female population secretly roots for love to prevail after all. I say females, since they are generally the ones with romance novels in hand and running to the theatres in groves when a new Nicholas Sparks movie opens. Oh sure, men attend those movies too, but generally they are being dragged there by a female. For you few romantic fellas out there who truly admire a good love story, I apologize and I'm glad you enjoy a Nicholas Sparks movie as much as I do. Walls are meant to be broken down when possible, but despite the happy endings in most novels and movies, the walls just may be too difficult to tear down after all. I know that this must be shocking coming from me, the eternal optimist but even I have to concede that some people have built walls just too high or difficult to penetrate. There is still a happy ending....just one with a different outcome. New outcomes and different paths still have the possibility for true love and bliss. The universe hands us several options, thankfully....so never give up hope that your happy ending is just around the corner. I write this particular article with a heavy heart because I really do believe in love. I always carry love in my heart and know that ultimately love creates healing on so many levels, even if that love cannot ever be reciprocated. I say to all of the men and women who have loved others who have been unable able to give that love back due to walls, that you have grown immeasurably for loving them anyway. Personally, I have never regretted loving others but had regrets in the past over masking my love with defenses and fears. I just cannot hide love any longer...because an open heart feels so much lighter and freer. A big "cheers" though to all of the real life love stories that have come true. May love prevail after all, one way or another. "A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave"...(Mahatma Gandhi).

Light Up The Sky

"If you shoot for the stars and hit the moon, it's OK. But you've got to shoot for something. A lot of people don't even shoot"...(Confucius). Today marks the one year anniversary of when I started my blog. One year ago, I started the blog off with a reference to "Life is a Hike." Wow, what a hike it's been over the past year. It was like hiking Mount Everest I suppose. There were certainly days it felt like it! Over the past year, I've been tested on every level and to the depths of my soul. There were days that I rested, took stock, cried and tried to gather the energy to keep going. On other days, I enjoyed the view, felt the sun beaming down on me and basked in every step I took. Sometimes I smelled the flowers and waved to other hikers I passed on the trail. There were moments though, that I had my sun glasses on, trying to hide the tears streaming down my face. There were days when I could not see the trail ahead of me and I wondered if I was going the right direction. On those days, I had to rely on faith and trust more than ever, but I kept going. On some days, I wondered if I'd ever reach the top. I'd have a chat with god on those days...and I would get some message of hope, inspiring me to press on. The moon and stars illuminated the way on the dark nights and on the rainy, gloomy days...I relied on instinct. The sun would eventually come back out however, welcoming me with open arms, illuminating the path before me once more. There were times the trail felt easy and other times it felt impossible, but I kept going. Here I am now, sitting at the top of the peak I've climbed over the past year. I am enjoying the view and of course relishing every bite of my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. My blog has been a way to process all of my feelings and discoveries along the trail of life. I felt absolutely divinely inspired to share my journey, like a personal letter to a soulmate. I had to reach out in a way that illuminated who I am today and who I am growing in to. If along my trail, I have been able to encourage or inspire other hikers to keep going, then I have taken my journey to new heights. As I've always said, there is nothing more profound and fulfilling than sharing your journey with others and helping them along the way. I have pondered the issue of love over the past year and have reflected so much about who I am in the process. I have learned to really acknowledge my strengths as well as my shortcomings. We are all working on ourselves along the trail of life. In pondering love, I see others much more clearly and have learned to really love people for their strengths and shortcomings too. Love truly lights the way if we allow it to. My dreams are where my blog was born. Dreams are like the moon at night, so mysterious and powerful. Sometimes we cannot see the moon, but it's there.....just like love, waiting to be discovered. Interesting to note that while at the gym tonight, as I was at the pool, staring at the moon...a fellow swimmer shared with me that September 21st is the Chinese celebration of the new moon which traditionally includes a sumptuous dinner followed by round moon cakes. I will celebrate the moon today and toast it with a glass of wine and a tasty piece of cake. The moon reminds me of the mystery of life and love and of all that is waiting to be illuminated. "The faults of a superior person are like the sun and moon. They have their faults, and everyone sees them; they change and everyone looks up to them"...(Confucius). "For most people, we often marvel at the beauty of a sunrise or the magnificence of a full moon, but it is impossible to fathom the magnitude of the universe that surrounds us"...(Richard H. Baker).

The Key

The key to happiness is balance. Balance is spoken and written about in lectures, religions, and self help books. In my twenties, I journaled and created a collage titled: "The Mind, Body and Spirit." I knew that the key to happiness was hidden in finding a balance between these three concepts. It has taken me the past 20 years to profoundly understand what that means and to finally be living and practicing balance. First though, we have to make a commitment to ourselves to come out into the light. It's impossible to find balance if your shadow self is where you are residing. Shadow selves are the places where avoidance, denial and fear keep you imprisoned. Avoiding your feelings and denying your true self keeps the shadows alive. Stepping into the light and exposing the shadow self for what it is, takes you closer to liberation and freedom. How do people stay in the shadows? Thoughts keep you there. Too many thoughts and not enough balance of the mind-body-spirit, equally divided, creates a difficult to manage shadow self. "Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings- always darker, emptier, simpler"...(Friedrich Nietzsche). Too many of those darker thoughts creates anxiety, worry and doubt. Too much anxiety creates illness, obsessive compulsiveness and panic attacks. Very dark thoughts turned toward the self can contribute to feeling depressed. Balance is the key but it is a journey in disciplining your thoughts to get you there. If your thoughts create your life, then changing your thoughts, changes everything. Discipline is the daily practice of mindfulness when it comes to your thoughts. Being aware of the quality of your thoughts as well as allowing feelings to emerge and be processed is part of the discipline of balance. There are other ways people process their feelings as well, such as through art, music, writing and even humor. All creative outlets can be a great way to channel emotions and to allow deeper feelings to come to light. Dedicating time to take care of your body, through nutrition and exercise is the discipline of nurturing the self. The state of our bodies reflects the state of our dedication to self. Neglect the body and it is symbolic for neglecting your car until it barely drives or begins to break down all the time, hindering your freedom in this life. It is not selfish to care of ones body, it is neglectful if you don't. The spirit is like the breath we take for granted, each and every moment of our lives. It is our heart and soul and connects us to all that is. Neglecting the spirit is like ignoring the beauty of a sunset or sitting on top of a mountain, so distracted and detached, you are planning the next day instead of taking in the beauty surrounding you. When you ignore the spirit, life is one dimensional, flat and missing something. When you don't pay attention to the spirit, it's like baking a cake and forgetting the flour. Like the cake without a key ingredient, life is flat and dry, when you don't nurture the spirit. When you nurture the spirit however, everything comes to life and nature begins glow all around you. Nature is spirit and is so alive with the breath of the earth. The journey and lesson is balance, which is the key to feeling grounded while surrounded by stresses, noise, traffic and the demands of the world. When in more balance, it takes a lot more to throw you off and you recover from stressors a lot easier. So pay attention to the state of your mind-body-spirit....and begin the process of making sure that each one gets its time and honor. The reward....a happier and more balanced life.

In the Shadows

“To rid ourselves of our shadows - who we are - we must step into either total light or total darkness"...(Jeremy Preston Johnson). I have had an adventurous past week or so, traveling from Lake Arrowhead to Yosemite. For the week long trip to Yosemite, I had my two sisters with me as well as six kids. I lead the six kids in a trip every summer we appropriately call, "The Cousins Trip." Last summer the cousins trip was on the East Coast to New York City and the Adirondack Mountains in upstate New York. This was my first trip to Yosemite, but I can guarantee that it will be the first of many trips there. Yosemite is breathtaking and spectacular. I have been home from the trip for two days now, pondering all of the lessons I have learned lately, both during the cousins trip and after. Last night I was sitting in my car, combing through pictures on my iPhone, before heading into the movie -"Eat, Pray, Love." I was listening to my iPod and a song I've heard many times over the the past several weeks played. It is a song by Leona Lewis about having a broken heart but at the end of the song there is this long pause. Again, I've played the song hundreds of times over the past month, but I just thought the pause was a glitch, so I'd hit the forward button to go to the next song. I never waited out the pause before but sitting in my car, distracted by the photos, something miraculous occurred. I wasn't paying attention to the pause and suddenly a song starts playing that I have never heard. It startled me because the song is so beautiful and speaks about love and passion. I wondered where the song came from and realized it is a hidden gem for hiding in the shadows of a song about loss is an untitled, part B....just waiting to be discovered. The beauty of the song is that to hear it, you must listen to the first song and then wait out a several minute pause, but it's worth it. I was delighted by my discovery. The song about love hidden in the shadows is a beautiful lesson that reflects my past week. First, the cousins trip is a wonderful, yet challenging experience when you put seven to nine family members together. There are always some disagreements, fights and negotiations. It's one thing to motivate my own three kids to hike, but quite another ordeal to get all six of them to willingly set foot on a trail. I usually feel like part cheerleader and part drill Sargent on these trips. The peanut butter and jelly is not enough to motivate them, so I usually have to sweeten the deal with promises of ice cream and soda, once they complete the hike. Lots of bribing usually occurs but my goal to complete a hike is usually fulfilled. Being with both of my sisters is always interesting because we are all so different. I won't lie, we may have fought more than the children did. We may not always agree but when all is said in done, we love each other very much. It's the same with the kids, I watch them all laugh, play and hug, when they don't realize anyone is watching. As with all families, seemingly lost in the shadows is love, that lies silent, waiting patiently to be discovered. When I was frustrated during the trip, I would reflect while on top of a mountain and connect back to the love I feel for all of my family, knowing that we are all different yet the same. It is so interesting to note that I never feel alone when I am on top of a mountain, even if I hiked it by myself. I feel so connected to all that is, to god, to the people I love and to nature when I am staring out across the miles. It is an amazing feeling of peace to be on top of a mountain that is absolutely overwhelming. Back in my car last night, after listening to the hidden song, I went in to see - "Eat, Pray, Love." I feel like I am somewhat like the main character in the movie, except with three children and instead of Bali it's California. The character divorces her husband and through her pain, she finds herself and even finds love again. The song hiding in the shadows is symbolic for the me I had to find over the past year, the part of me that had been lost in the shadows. It is also symbolic for hope, a message for me to be patient, for we all must remember that hidden gems surprise you when you least expect it. I know now that many things await me on my journey, some things that are obvious and many that I will discover along the way. The things in the shadows are the people and experiences that can delight us with the promise of hope when we are distracted or feeling confused. I love how life offers up the messages we need at just the right time. So don't always look at life at face value....it's in the shadows that new things will be brought to light, which illuminates the promise that life will amaze and astonish us, when the moment is right.