Blown Away

"If you try to be very clever, if you try to be very useful, you will be used. If you try to be very practical, somewhere or other you will be harnessed, because the world cannot leave the practical man alone. Drop all of these ideas. If you want to be a poem, an ecstasy, then forget about utility. Remain true to yourself"...(Lao Tzu). I wrote this quote as my Facebook status today and almost immediately, it apparently pushed someones buttons. A friend wrote that he didn't agree because being useful is a good thing. Yes, being useful is nice but he had missed the entire point. We all spend some time in our lives pleasing others and feeling used along the way. It never feels good to try and please others to prove yourself. In fact, pleasing others at the detriment of oneself, is like constructing a prison cell, thus boxing oneself in, one brick at a time. Being true to yourself is the key point in Lao Tzu's statement. If being useful comes from a place of love and from a genuine place in your spirit versus pleasing others for approval, then wonderful. How many people can honestly say though that they are being true to themselves? I have been humbled over the past year. I broke out of my own self made prison, only to head back into the cell to take a second look and to understand why I ever constructed that darn cell to begin with. It was constructed of poor self worth, other people's expectations, obligations and my own fear of failing. Yet as I feared failing, I grew resentful and angry at myself and others. Now, the me of today can walk back into that cell just to send love to that self of my past who felt that she had no way out. The old me would look out the window and day dream of the day that she would be free. She wondered what it would feel like to smell the flowers, bask in the sun and to sing out loud, not caring if anyone heard her. She worried that she didn't deserve her freedom. She had felt lost and abandoned since birth. Would freedom ever be possible? I can still see the tear stained pillow case, the dreary walls she looked at every day and the hope of a better future. Then she, thus I, garnered the courage to break out...to bust out of that cell and at the time, I never wanted to look back. I busted out of that self made cell and weathered the sneers, the blame and the opinions that I should be imprisoned. I dared to be myself...with no apology. It felt like a gust of wind on a beautiful day, blowing away the pain, releasing the hurt and the fears. The wind also pushed me on to new experiences and different places. I was free. I am only reflecting back now to point out that I can revisit the cell to honor where I've been. My past is something I embrace fully. I know all too well why I felt lost for so long. I can see it all, clear as day. The wind however has shifted my perspective and brought me back to who I was always meant to be. It was no one Else's job to fix those old wounds...it was my cross to bear. I am honored and thankful for everything I have been through. My cell from the past is really an illusion, something I can visit for a moment to say thanks, then it blows away with the wind and transforms into a beautiful tree or a scenic vista. We are one with everything we have been through, because there can be no separation of self. In fact, when you love yourself..you love all that is. Nothing is truly separate. “Wisdom sails with wind and time”...(John Florio).