I Forgive You

"Forgiveness is the giving, and so the receiving, of life"...(George MacDonald). Today's blog article is going to be simple and to the point. I know that most people complain about their family and friends incessantly. Come on, don't deny it...most everyone is guilty of listing the wrongs done to them by family members, spouses, neighbors, bosses, co-workers and friends. While waiting at Starbuck's today, I listened to a woman on her cell phone complain endlessly about her deadbeat ex-husband and every sorted detail about him, including how dinner with his kids does not constitute custodial care. It was kinda funny though because I could tell in how this woman was talking and in how nasty she was about him, that forgiveness would be the last "F" word that would ever enter her mind about him. So, complaining often comes as venting behind people's backs and other times, people just outright complain in front of people, acting grumpy and cranky. A little bit of venting can be healthy especially when it helps you process issues and to reflect about how to handle a situation. A caution though is to be aware to whom you are venting because the wrong person can actually  make you feel angrier or more slighted. Some people love to fuel the fire so to speak, so pick the people you vent to very carefully. It's often best to offer little to no advise and to just let the person blow off some steam. Actually, the only guidance necessary is to help the person be proactive. Meaning, if the person is angry at their spouse, guide them to tell their spouse how they feel rather than stewing behind the scenes. Just wait though, often when we tell people directly how we feel, they get defensive and retaliate. Thus is the art of communication. It's a process and Rome wasn't built in a day. Most people have never been taught to communicate authentically. As far as forgiveness goes, forgiving someone often helps you forgive yourself. Often people blame themselves for putting up with bad behavior or they personalize the behavior, rather than identifying their own part in the struggle. "Keep a fair-sized cemetery in your back yard, in which to bury the faults of your friends"...(Henry Ward Beecher). Bury each self defeating complaint about yourself while you are at it and then the gift of forgiveness is not only what you offer others but the best gift you can give yourself. "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong"...(Mahatma Gandhi).