Wide Awake

"Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe"...(Josh Billings). It was a normal June day in Connecticut. The sun was shining and I was taking a much needed break in between clients to walk over to Dunkin Donuts to get my second dose of caffeinne. I was walking back with my iced coffee, enjoying the view around the quaint main street where my office is located when suddenly everything went black. I remember being vividly aware of being flat on the pavement. My knee was burning and my coffee was lying empty on the ground next to me. I was disoriented as to what had happened. Had I tripped? I don't remember tripping but who knows, maybe I was more tired than I realized. Someone ran up to me to ask if I was alright. I said yes, even though I really wasn't sure. I tried to stand up but I started to get dizzy, so I sat back down. It took what seemed like an hour to crawl the 20 feet to my office door. I opened it and my client (who had been waiting for me to return) looked alarmed and she called the ambulance. I was checked out by the EMT and they released me to her after I half heartedly convinced them that I was fine. I was still unsure about what had happened to me. My client took me to the hospital and from that moment on, my life has never been the same. As I sat waiting in the Emergency room, it really struck me how I had been sleep walking through my life. I had been neglecting my health and my important workout routine including hiking, had become a distant memory. I did not like who I had become. I focused on helping everyone else except myself. I was suddenly more awake and aware that things had to change. It turned out that I had passed out on my walk that day due to low blood pressure. The next day, I started going to the gym faithfully and I completely changed my diet. I worked on getting more sleep and I started to really look at the patterns I had allowed in my life. Diligently, I started to break every pattern that was dragging me down. It took time...and lots of patience but I continued on. I had to address the biggest culprit of all, my own guilt. For many reasons, I believed that I had to be there for everyone else. I had allowed myself to give my power away. I was angry at others for that but really, my anger was at myself. Poor self worth had fueled that faulty thinking because at the root of things, I just didn't believe I was worthy to be happy, healthy and successful.  What I have learned over the past 5 years since that fall to my awakening, is that things are not always what they seem. I discovered that the fall was an initiation of sorts, ushering me to the me I was always suppose to be. Many of the misbeliefs I had about my childhood have become illuminated and relationships that were not in my best interest fell away while new opportunities and people presented themselves. The Katy Perry song, "Wide Awake" has been playing on my iPod lately, reminding me of how far I've come since that drop to the concrete in Connecticut. I have a star shaped scar on my left knee always reminding me of the star shining inside of me from a much needed wake up call. I thank my guides for changing my life that day. Wake up calls come in various forms but make no mistake, they are the Universe's way of getting our attention. "When a man has fulfilled all four of these requisites--to be wide awake, to have fear, respect, and absolute assurance--there are no mistakes for which he will have to account; under such conditions his actions lose the blundering quality of the acts of a fool. If such a man fails, or suffers a defeat, he will have lost only a battle, and there will be no pitiful regrets over that"...(Carlos Castaneda).