Just Being Me

Five years ago, I wrote the mirror article to this one, called "Backyard camp out." Five years later, I can read that blog article and reflect about my sentiment and analyze if I practiced what I preached. Back then, I slept in the fort with my kids (and froze) but I was working way too much. I did manage to squeeze in fun road trips from time to time and a little quality time, but I was failing when it came to the work/life balance. I was not spending nearly enough time with my kids. I was juggling way too much and the result was that I was stressed, exhausted and often lacked patience with my children. I tried to make myself feel better by taking them on road trips, but the reality was that I was not there enough for them. When I was with them, I enjoyed it but since I was drowning in obligations, I was often distracted. I would squeeze in a class trip or volunteered in my child's class, but I'd be running behind schedule or high tail it back to the office to see another client. I felt important, after all....people needed me. What I didn't see was that my children needed me more. I also suffered from mommy guilt, from being a working mom. I just couldn't balance all of the demands very successfully. Once I decided to move to the west coast, I knew being a full time mom would have to take priority. However, I didn't know how to be a full time mom. I wondered, "What is my identity if I'm not working as much and what will I do with all of that time!?" Moving created a lot of distractions and mostly we were all adjusting to a new home, a new state and a new school. We needed to find our new favorite restaurants and we all needed to make friends. Although I kept a small remote private practice, I found that during my first year after the move, I was literally deescalating from the intense schedule I had maintained on the east coast. My kids and I settled into the new house and they pushed all of my buttons as they were also not use to seeing me so much. I admit, I just wasn't a very good stay at home mother at first. I also realized that I had far more freedom and independence while working and any parent that says otherwise just isn't being honest. Going to work is a break. Hey, I adore my kids but they fight and bicker and need attention constantly. In my new life, I found myself joining the PTA and volunteering more at school, things I didn't have as much time for when I was working full time. I actually started making friends, another thing I didn't have much time for while working full time. My children started seeing me happier and we began to settle in to our new routine. Now four years later, I can honestly say that I couldn't even begin to imagine juggling the type of schedule I did back then, nor would I want to. I do keep busy, leading events for Girl Scouts and then in between....I hike, do yoga (something I had always wanted to do) and I trek my kids to their sport practices and games. I am a glorified taxi driver and I don't mind it one bit. I learned that I had to redefine what it meant to be a success and I learned that my identity was not tied to my career. In fact, my identity is really just me....being and doing what best serves my family. My children will grow up fast and I have plenty of time to focus on my career, but for now I'm finally happy working part time and being there for my children. It's the most rewarding thing I've ever done. Now my kids joke..."Go get a job mom!" I know they love having me around and mostly they need to know I'm there for them so they can joke about me working all they want. I have the best job ever actually...being their mom.