The Authentic Self

What does it mean to be authentic? It really means being true to yourself. However, what if you are in a relationship with someone who does not like you the way you are? What if they are trying to change you, mold you, direct you, and control you. What if they aren't being authentic and they were never passionately in love with you but instead they fell in love with wanting to be in love. What if you come home from the honeymoon and realize that your spouse wasn't honest with you about what they wanted in the relationship because they thought you wouldn't marry them? What if your spouse/lover has been cheating on you? What if you are cheating? There are so many ways that people are not authentic with themselves and others. When you are lying to yourself, you are not being authentic or genuine. I must add a side-bar that some extremely sensitive issues need to be handled with care. A gay son who has a parent that is a religious zealot, might not be able to handle the information that her son is gay. Each situation is unique and the person needs to reflect about whether honesty is to protect or to hurt the people they love. Being genuine calls for the person to know who he/she is and most people have no idea who they are! Often, people are running so fast, for so long....doing what they think is their duty (work, raise children, get things done) that they never slow down to find out who they are. People are very hard on themselves, pushing every minute and suddenly realize that they haven't been enjoying life. Others are busy pleasing others, doing what others expect that they also don't stop to ask, "Who am I?" People hit retirement age and often struggle because suddenly they have time and they become completely overwhelmed and stressed at the thought of so much freedom. Younger people these days disappear into X-Box, electronics and gaming and although they may not feel the pressure to work, they are lost too...in a fantasy world where they continue to avoid getting to know themselves. I must stress that most people are not getting to know themselves. Posting pics of what you want the world to see isn't being authentic either. Sure, some people are authentically telling the world about their lives on Facebook but it's easier to create an image of who you want to be rather than living an authentic life. Staying in relationships that do not honor who you are and in fact keep you hiding is not conducive to being authentic. Blaming parents and people around you for wanting you to be a certain way is not productive and keeps you from being authentic. Being genuine means stopping the excuses and bravely taking steps to honor yourself, your feelings, your hopes and your dreams. Owning your feelings means to identify your anger, sorrow, and sadness so that you can move forward in your life. Dreams cannot emerge if you do not honor yourself. Dreams eventually fade away and die as a result of you ignoring yourself. Nothing kills the authentic self more than you neglecting or abusing yourself. Dreams need to be fed by hope. The self is nurtured through compassion and change happens when you get tired of hiding, blaming and avoiding. Set yourself free from self imposed limits and you will have taken a step on the road to authenticity.