The Heart Knows

Disconnection has become a way of life for many. I sit and ponder how parents can be selfish and not protect or nurture their children. I observe marriages that are strained and tense because they married people based on images, fears and expectations versus knowing who and what their hearts wanted. I can certainly talk about following your heart but how can you begin to follow your heart if you are living a disconnected existence. I too have been disconnected at times. In retrospect, I can now look at my past and see the people and things I was passionate about versus the times my heart wasn't in it. I didn't always recognize it because I didn't honor my own voice at the time. Back then, I felt love but my fears of being vulnerable held me hostage. Ironically, I can also see that I often went out on a limb more than many people around me, which demonstrates how closed off so many people are. I live a heart centered life now. I am very observant of my daily life and my activities and relationships are much more connected because my heart leads the way. How did I get here? It was a lot of hard work. I had to push through my fears and my defenses at every turn. Every time I took a risk and expressed myself, tried something new, or loved openly, I had to resist the temptation to throw my defenses back up. It was like trying to get canoe to move in the direction you are paddling in, when the winds are kicking up. Much easier said than done. Sometimes I felt my own resistance and fears jolting me like loud rumbles of thunder deafening my senses and other times it was smooth sailing. The times it was smooth were the times I noticed how freeing it felt to pour out my heart, like sailing in synch with the wind. During my times of resistance however, it was more akin to the vulnerability of being in the middle of the ocean on a boat without a sail as a storm approaches. I also had to desensitize myself to rejection. Each time I expressed feelings openly made me more resilient, especially feelings of love. Some people hold back anger and love out of fear, but often love is the most demanding and exacting emotion to express if you are terrified of being vulnerable. Case in point, observe how many angry people we have in this world! People express anger but they often are not expressing affection, love, and sorrow. Fear is expressed more openly as well through anxiety and vulnerabilities are at the root of anger and anxiety. Getting in touch with your heart takes awareness and patience, like learning the English language, you must learn your A, B, C's first before you can recite Shakespeare. Following your heart means you must start with the basics and you will fumble occasionally while building your emotional vocabulary. A= Allow your heart to be open. B= Begin observing the difference between your head and your heart. C= Calm your defenses when you feel vulnerable. These steps sound elementary but defenses are swift and create barriers as quick and as fierce as a bolt of lightening. When you progress to being in tune with your heart...the path becomes much easier, but still expect a few waves to knock you down. "The heart knows" will make sense to you if you live with an open heart. The next question is this...If you know your heart and you know what it wants, then what is stopping you from expressing it or reaching for your hearts desires? If you are aware of your heart but your head (and defenses) are stopping the process of letting your heart lead the way, then you definitely live in misery. There is no way around this one. In some ways it's easier to remain disconnected and numb than to be aware of what you are feeling and to do nothing about it. The choice is always yours and the consequences are yours to bear. On the flip side, the rewards are yours if you have the courage to live a heart centered life. Nothing risked is nothing gained. Sure, if you put yourself out there, you might be rejected or your boat might capsize a time or two. If you have faith, you have a life preserver and you simply assess the situation, turn the boat back over and climb back in. Yes, you might even require help getting the boat back in the water occasionally but asking for help is also to expose vulnerability and actually symbolizes progress in your emotional expedition. However, living a heart centered life also means that you'll never feel regret and you'll know that you are one of the few sailors bravely navigating your own life. "It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves." (William Shakespeare)