Shine

I want to talk about my perspective on letting yourself shine versus marketing yourself. I know from my own journey and from watching others, I can now clearly see the difference from authentically being confident and from advertising oneself from a place of insecurity. I have been there in my past. I know when I was insecure and needing to get validation from presenting what I thought those around me wanted to see. It wasn't authentic (it was genuine insecurity) but I was too afraid to really be myself. It's not easy to express and show that you are insecure or unsure of yourself. The beauty of being more confident however is that you become so much more comfortable in shining your strengths as well as admitting your shortcomings with ease. I joke about myself and will readily admit that I make mistakes and that I am terrible at some things (like balancing my checkbook). I'm willing to grow and learn however and I stress that as one of my strong suits. There would have been a time that I could have never stepped up to coach my son's basketball team. I would have been afraid of looking stupid and would have put a lot of pressure on myself. Even when I have to actually dribble the ball or shoot (of which I look completely lame) I do so with the utmost confidence that I am a work in progress when it comes to basketball. Better to at least try than to hide and not learn a thing. I watch others advertise their lives and see the insecurities that I use to try to cover up. I understand that place of "not good enough" all too well. When you have to sell yourself though and to present a picture to convince others about how great your life is, how in love you are or how knowledgeable you are, then I ask....who are you trying to convince? The more you are marketing your life...the more you are covering up. Some just hide...that's very authentic actually but those folks may never let themselves shine and they have a lot to share with the world through coming out of hiding. Now shining is something different altogether. We as a society judge those who shine because secretly, it brings up insecurities for those who are not truly confident and comfortable in their own skins. I'm not saying all people have to put themselves out there to shine, but to not hold back one's gifts and talents. I held back for most of my life in one way or another. I had been too afraid to really draw or paint, even though I love art, because I thought that I wasn't good enough. Now that I am comfortable with myself, I paint and teach art to kids and I love it. I have a lot to learn but I am so happy that I can now let my creativity flow through my paint brush onto the drums I paint. Letting yourself shine is to not be as self conscious, to be comfortable doing one's own thing and less aware of impressing others. When you live freely and authentically, things like impressing others just isn't as much of a concern. I work a lot with kids of all ages and they often let themselves shine until too many judgements and criticisms force them into hiding. It's a balance of course, to help children be the best they can be and to handle suggestions. Praising children for everything they do, may be a bit ingenues versus pointing out their positive contributions, their genuine effort and even just saying "I'm so glad you are here." Children can see through false praise. So all praise should be genuine. Letting them know what they need to work on is important as well. Many adults forget to infuse suggestions with positives. How are children going to grow and push themselves harder to see what they can achieve unless you let them know what the expectations are? If you make sure however that they can listen to suggestions, handle discussions about areas they need to work on and help them assess themselves, then you give them strength to be themselves too. Don't forget the praise though. A little praise goes a long, long way. I have those types of internal discussions with myself daily. I don't want people telling me how wonderful I am all of the time, LOL. I too however love to hear something positive once in awhile. I also take suggestions but weigh them carefully with my own gut. I am actually the #1 judge and cheerleader for me. I also know many people who are so hard on themselves though that they are frozen. That type of insecurity only keeps oneself from growing and certainly prevents them from shining. The question: Are you holding yourself back by hiding or by presenting a false front? Are you dependent on others for praise and attention instead of feeding yourself the needed validation? Are you paralyzed by fear and hiding because you are terrified of failing? Are you devastated by criticism or crumble when someone points out something you've done to hurt them? Or instead...Do you get defensive easily and try to make excuses and deflect the responsibility? Confidence means your ego may be stung by criticism but that you can bounce back, self assess and make corrections if needed. Some of the harshest critics have been my best teachers because sometimes they were right. Others were just harsh and negative and I learned to tune out their judgements. However, I am always wanting to grow as a person so I think deeply about everything I need to work on. In conclusion, think about where you are at. Are you comfortable in your own skin? Only you can answer that. Are you shining and being all that you can be each and every day? "We are told to let our light shine, and if it does, we won't need to tell anybody it does. Lighthouses don't fire cannons to call attention to their shining - they just shine." (Dwight L. Moody)