Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Every day people face the very difficult decision in marriages. They ask themselves: Should I stay or should I go? Some stay because of the children. This is one of the most understandable of reasons. It is so difficult when you have a good relationship with your children, to face possibly not seeing them perhaps 50% of the time if you share custody or less time if you are a parent that chooses the every other weekend visitation. Of course the easiest solution seems to stay, suck it up and wait it out until your kids head off to college or out of the house on their own at 18. Other people stay because of finances. Some people have boxed themselves into a lifestyle that they do not want to lose. Some women won't leave because they fear their exes will not support them, despite what the laws are and some men do not want to split their assets and money. Of course there are many men and women that navigate the divorcing process fairly and equitably but many others do not. Many of the fears about finances is based on fears but there are truths to it as well. If an ex does not act fairly, they can spend excess money in court fighting over every penny and it can be a long and drawn out process. Overall, what should you do if you are in this dilemma? Should you stay or should you go? The answer is complex. If you are debating this question, chances are that you have been unhappy for a very long time. In addition, if you are thoughtful enough to be milling over this question, you did not jump out of the marriage at the first sign of problems, so you are deeply considering every angle and trying to balance the pros and cons. Some who are pondering this question have had couples counseling, individual counseling or both. I am an advocate of couples counseling however, often the issues that bring a couple to counseling are so complex and run deep into the fabric of the relationship, that trying to unravel why things went wrong is a difficult question to answer and much more difficult to fix. Very often, people just married the wrong person. Meaning, they married that person for the wrong reasons but thought they were the right reasons at the time. Many people want their parents approval, or they lack insight into who they are and what they want at the time, or they feel the pressure because their peers are getting married. The bottom line is that many people are not "in love" with the person they married. Many do not know what being in love feels like or really means. I have to add that the choices are really never wrong because you ultimately marry the correct person for your highest growth to become the person you are meant to be. That doesn't mean you have to stay with them though. A marriage starts to hinder growth if you are miserable and resisting the changes you know you have to make. The hardest decisions are the most liberating. Like the tree picture with this blog, beauty comes from and through the harshest conditions. The choice is yours. Stay hidden and hiding in the rocks or let yourself break through.