Make It a Venti!!!

I never really drank much coffee before I had children. Now, 14 years later and three children in tow, I am a regular at Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts each and every day! Caffeine has become a way to get through the day. A friend of mine had a baby a year ago and recently we got together for lunch. I asked her how it was going and she said, "you know I love being a parent, but they never tell you how hard it is!" I cannot begin to tell you how many mom's I have counseled through the years that have repeated that very same phrase. Not to say that dad's aren't having a tough time too, but usually it seems the moms are the ones falling apart at the seams. So many women relate to me that they feel that they are failing because they don't handle it all with ease. They look around and say that it appears that other moms have it together. No, some are just really good at hiding it! I've counseled some of those mom's too. They look perfect on the outside yet they are crying every chance they get. Raising kids is just not easy. Children teach us so much about ourselves. They challenge every bit of patience we have or thought we had. I also find that no matter how far we've come in the battle of the sexes, women are still doing a lot more of the child raising, household chores, grocery shopping, birthday parties, booking the sitter, and a whole lot more. No wonder women are frazzled. I remember after I had my first child, my husband (now my ex) and I and son were waiting to board our plane in Dallas after visiting my mom. I was chasing our one year old all over the terminal and I look over, exhausted and observe that my husband is sitting in a lounge chair reading the paper! I'll never forget that moment, because that image said it all to me. After three kids, my ex continued to let me do more and more until my resentment grew from a slow burn to a raging inferno. Many dad's are certainly more involved these days, but why is it that in a lot of cases, women are still doing it all and sometimes juggling careers on top of it. Women need to become better at setting much needed boundaries, expect more from their spouses and find a way to take care of themselves. That is one thing I admire about men, that no matter what, they seem to take care of themselves. Women need to get better at that. I know that in my case.. I personally did try to set much needed boundaries but my ex fought me every step of the way. If you are one of those few men that step up and take care of a lot around the house, are very active in raising the children and let your wife sleep in on the weekends, then I apologize and I sure hope that your wife appreciates you. If you are one of those frazzled mom's, just know that you are not alone. Parenthood is a journey with lots of lessons involved. Each day is a new chance to find a solution, get some help, set boundaries with your spouse, and find a way to cope with it all. So if you are at the grocery store and you observe a mom with screaming children, before you rush to judgment and shoot her a look of contempt, send her a look of compassion. You just never know what she is really going through, how sleep deprived she may be or whether her husband is sitting at home watching a game or in Iraq, while she is juggling the lion's share of the responsibilities and a look with a smile can possibly make her day. As for the coffee, make it a Venti with unlimited refills please!