All This Time

"Even after all this time the sun never says to the earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that, it lights the whole sky"...(Hafez). I wrote a blog article last week with this title and interestingly, when I went to publish it, it was erased. It was a mystery but as with all things that we cannot control, why cry over spilt milk, I just figure a better version needs to be written. So here I sit on Mother's Day, attempting to clarify my thoughts and somehow translate those thoughts into words that make sense. I have so much to say and yet I don't even know where to begin. My blog started with a step onto a path that I knew would forever change the course of my life. It was a scary start, knowing that I would be perhaps ending my marriage and all that would come from standing up for myself. A storm did ensue but I didn't always handle things well and looking back, I could have done some things differently. Ahhh...hindsight is always 20/20, so I made the best choices that I could with the information and insight I had at the time. Flash forward to now, more insight and a new path is now in front of me. All this time, I had lived with a limited perspective and now after having given my husband a second chance, I have a very clear perspective on things. He has moved out and we are now heading in separate directions. I feel so good about having made sure that things between us were done. I have no regrets about giving our marriage one more try. We discovered some things that had never been present in our marriage and at the same time, we surely found out that the things that broke us up originally just could not be repaired. I never wanted to go forward with unfinished business, so the past year has been a blessing. I have counseled countless individuals through the same type of journey. Relationships are ripe with lessons and not always the happily ever after type. Many relationships are in fact full of conflict, defenses and the lessons meant to teach about how much you ultimately value yourself. There is no better place to see your defenses and your fears than in a relationship. In relationships, you are offered a chance to see what you attract and why. Once you work through all of the lessons you have with an individual, you'll move on. I don't mean to sound matter a fact about that, because thats no easy process and may come with tears, anger or both. But at the end of the day, its far better to move on than to stay trapped in an endless cycle of pain, blame and guilt. To get to the happily ever after, there must be tests, trials and a journey of self love. I cannot stress enough that attracting and staying with the love of your life means that you must feel you deserve it. Otherwise, you'll either never attract that type of relationship or you'll draw it to you, only to run away in fear. So all this time, the answers were right there, waiting to be discovered. "But time growing old teaches all things"...(Aeschylus).    

Let Love In

"If you meet someone whose soul is not aligned with yours, send them love and move along"...(Wayne Dyer). I came across that quote last week and was struck by it's simple message. People often hold onto others too long, like baggage....afraid to let go and move on. People stay trapped in unhealthy relationships endlessly, rationalizing why they should stay. When those relationships are no longer serving them in a positive way, that type of energy just keeps people stuck and causes more damage in the end. How many friends do you know who complain endlessly about their horrible relationships, only to continue staying in the endless cycle of pain and drama. Some people like the drama because its all they can relate to. In fact, many people are just plain terrified of actually getting into a healthy, intimate relationship. There is a saying that you attract the exactly type of relationship that you are available for. Therefore, if you are continually in relationships void of passion and connection, its because you are unconsciously attracting something that helps you stay guarded. As you grow and learn, those unhealthy relationships will naturally transform or fall away because as you change, you shift what you attract. People also get tested. People may attract a partner whom offers amazing chemistry and compatibility but you have to choose between that partner or the safety of what they knew. Sometimes people pass the test and follow their hearts and life opens up endless possibilities for them. Others rationalize themselves right out of something beautiful, only to retreat into despair, depression and a mundane existence. Why is love and a powerful heart connection important and why does everyone go on searching for it? Because a heartfelt love like that brings out the best in each individual. That type of love is powerful, intense and defies all logic. That type of love vibration is the highest of energies and it inspires and makes you feel alive. "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage"...(Lao Tzu). Also, those love connections are timeless and if you are open to the idea of past lives.....then know that soul mates travel from lifetime to lifetime together. That's why you can meet someone and feel an incredible chemistry with them, as if you've known them before. The real question is....are you going to let love in? The choice is yours. If past hurts and wounds from the past keep you guarded, then you will sabotage and push love away. Letting love in is a lesson in vulnerability and in taking risks, is it not? What is the other option? A lonely life filled with fear and doubt. People can especially live lonely lives within partnerships or marriages if those relationships were founded in rationale over a heart connection and old patterns rather than breaking free. Letting love in, simply put...is a process of trusting in life. "What we need to know about loving is no great mystery. We all know what constitutes loving behavior; we need to act upon it. Over analysis often confuses the issue and in the end brings us no closer to insight. We sometimes become too busy classifying, separating, and examining, to remember that love is easy. It's we who make it complicated'...(Leo Buscaglia).