Expectations lead to misery, while hope allows for possibilities. I have realized that I use to lead my life with too many expectations. I would plan Thanksgiving with a list of expectations that I didn't even fully realize I had. I look back to the many Thanksgiving where I was miserable because I either felt like I had dropped the ball, like when my kids were young and I was working and I didn't get to the store to buy things to cook, and my now ex-husband did not get to the store either. Of course, the difference was he could care less about what we ate on Thanksgiving as long as he wasn't cooking it, so he was free from pressure while I felt like a bad wife and mother. That Thanksgiving we went out to eat at a local burger joint and the kids were thrilled. Yet, I harshly judged myself as having not met some sort of expectation I had running in the background. Fast forward to many holidays when I did get all of the food, invited family, and yet it still felt stressful and as if it didn't meet an expectation. What was the expectation? Perfection? family getting along? Norman Rockwell version of a holiday? I don't know but this year, I realized that I have evolved past expectations and it's darn freeing. This Thanksgiving, thanks to the pandemic, we kept it simple and devoid of expectations. I ordered a pre-cooked meal from Sprouts, bought a few things to make from scratch, bought pies at Marie Calendars (I expected those to be delicious, lol), and the kids and I approached the holiday from a new perspective. My daughter and I enjoyed making latte's and playing backgammon on Thanksgiving morning, we walked, I took a hot bath, the boys slept in and played X-Box, and my daughter played the piano (her happy place). We warmed up the meal as it got dark, we sat down together with the fire blazing in the fireplace behind us and we were happy. That's when it struck me, that all of the years that I had run around trying to please everyone, attempting to fit into a version of Thanksgiving I had created had put a lot of pressure on myself and my family. I wasn't living in the moment. This Thanksgiving, I was in the flow....absolutely being in the moment, enjoying what each moment offered. I wasn't stressed, we all did things we wanted and then came together for a meal dressed casually, just being ourselves. No pressure, no expectations, no pleasing others, just a simple and enjoyable day. At the end of the day, while sitting in the front of the fire reading, I finally understood what bliss feels like. It wasn't a state of trying to feel something, it was just being in the flow, appreciating each moment and allowing each moment to be what it is without judgement or pressure to be something else. Now, I will approach Christmas with the same hope...to allow it to unfold naturally. I will purchase a pre-cooked meal again, buy delicious pies the day before and make the few dishes I enjoy cooking, and I look forward to a day in which we all get what we want, a relaxing day without me projecting a list of "should be's." If the lock-down and pandemic can teach us anything, it's that we all needed to slow down and take stock about what is truly important.
