Too Late

"Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother"...(Khalil Gibran). If people are offered a gift and they turn it down....suffering will follow. I have had some ineteresting cases lately regarding love. A male client of mine had an opportunity for love. He suffered for the past few months, missing the woman he fell in love with and trying to figure out his feelings. His feelings had tormented him and had kept him up many nights....along with love was fear and when he was presented with one last opportunity to be with her....he froze and confusion won. He lost her. Yes, even the most intense, soul mate connections can be undermined by fear. Doubt will determine your fate, if you allow it to. If you challenge doubt...you walk by faith and you determine your path. People often believe that if things are meant to be, then fate will bring two people back together eventually. That may or may not be true. When fate calls your number and an opportunity is placed directly in front of you, thanks to free will....you can say yes or no. Fate does not question whether people are "ready" for the opportunity. If the opportunity is placed in front of you, then you are ready on some level, otherwise you would have never attracted that opportunity at that particular time. People endlessly question and create numerous excuses, fate doesn't. Fate says....right here and right now......your wish is my command, so here you go! The test for you is whether you seize the opportunity or do you back away and let doubt take over?  People often create excuses because of self worth issues. Another man recently disclosed to me that he backed away from the love of his life because underneath all of the excuses, he felt that he was not worthy of her. Even though this man had received numerous messages pointing him in her direction, he still questioned. Not to say that people cannot do some soul searching and that growth isn't in order when that opportunity you've secretly wished for presents itself. The key is not wasting too much time spinning your wheels mired down in doubt, confusion and fear because the window of opportunity just might close.  Our spiritual guides may be benevolent souls, but their patience wears thin as well. If you back off from an opportunity too long, the universe takes that as a no and many more tougher lessons are in order. This is not about punishment, it is about teaching us to be stronger and to accept the gifts being offered to us. Once again, if an amazing opportunity presents itself...then quickly do the soul searching necessary to embrace that gift because the Universe believes you have earned it. Only us humans questions our worth and value. On a spiritual plane, we are not judged....we are just learning lessons. I have to say that the more I trusted my intuition, the more I have been rewarded and my confidence grew by leaps and bounds. Now I walk by faith and it always serves me well. So which twin are you going to be best friends with....doubt or faith?

Love Letter

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream"...(Edgar Allan Poe). I talk to you in my dreams....I do. Can you hear me? I speak of things that I cannot tell any other soul. With you, I feel strangely safe and I look forward to going back to sleep to meet up with you again. In this world where people get caught up in defenses, hurt others far too easily and misunderstandings undermine relationships....I prefer the clarity offered in the still of the night, when the heart communicates clearly and without hesitation. How can we bring the purity of heart into the daylight? I wish we could all just listen to our hearts. Why does that seem to be the biggest fear for souls living here on earth? Something so simple is resisted, questioned and dismissed. What a shame. I struggle to understand that, even though I am compassionate to those who are imprisoned by fear. I guess the journey must be difficult for the prize to be worth earning. It seems that only through pain, struggle, loneliness and fears that we eventually discover what our hearts really feel and how to leap into love with the excitement of a child. I guess that is our journey here....to really process all that we have been through and learned and to have those experiences give us wings instead of hardening our hearts. People have a choice regarding which version of reality they want to live. I choose the reality where I jump into a swimming hole, just for fun. A reality where I drive to Joshua Tree, just because my heart says to go there and I paint from a place of abandon instead of questioning whether it is good enough. My reality is shown in my photos, where I attempt to capture the incredible beauty in nature and in the smiles of the faces of my children, friends and family. Regarding love and romance, I prefer a reality where people trusted their hearts and love blossomed more easily, without such hesitation. Okay, our work here in earth school is to find a balance between our minds, bodies and souls...so I know that some processing is human and a part of our journey. The problem with being human sometimes though is over analysis. The mind often overtakes the heart and it becomes a power struggle. That's why I write about love, because it is so pure and beautiful and my process has been to finally trust my heart. I still work through defenses occasionally, because I too am human and we all have layers of emotions to process from living here. I meet up with you at night because in the mystery of the night with the stars sparkling in the dark.....we shine as well and in the night, we don't have to hide. In the night, we don't worry about the future, we just embrace the moment. We can be ourselves, share our deepest thoughts and touch affectionately without holding back. In the dream world, we can kiss the deepest, most romantic kiss possible because in the night, we are free and unencumbered. So I will wait for you in the night and in the day, I will hope and dream that one day.....the separation of night and day is broken and anything becomes possible. It is dawn and I need a cup of coffee to get going but I will think of you throughout the day....knowing that the daylight can illuminate hope. "Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue, and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true"...(Lyman Frank Baum).

Breaking Free

When the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing....then you will make a change. What I have found is that the first step of change is the hardest. Every step thereafter becomes a trek of shedding the many, many layers of old patterns that had been weighing you down. Sort of like wearing way too many layers of clothing. Once you wake up and realize that all of those layers are just holding you back and slowing you down, you begin shedding one article at a time until you feel lighter, freer and can finally go from a slow pace to walking and finally running. Those layers represent defenses and dysfunctional patterns...or old tapes that kept holding you back. Realizing and facing those patterns is the most important step in owning your part in having attracted relationships that kept you in pain. Those relationships are lessons...to teach you what you deemed your self worth to be at the time. Gratefully, nobody has to stay in those old patterns. We are given the tools and messages to change but change is a choice, since we all have free will. Make no mistake though, we are all given many messages to help us along the way, to inspire and support our ability for growth and change. Some people are just too stuck in their own pain to see the messages. Others have high stakes in staying in dysfunction because it gives them attention and they can use their wounds to manipulate and take from others. Again, I can't stress enough that everyone has free will. Once you begin to change, tests often come in some sort of resistance from those around you. It's as if they just know that you are feeling better and they conspire to pull you back into old patterns. An example of this is when someone divorced starts dating someone new and an ex starts demanding more time or attention for anything or everything even through acting more hostile or difficult. Any attention is better than nothing. The ex senses something is different on an unconscious level and they kick into gear to garner the attention again because they are threatened by the change. It's also a test for the individual to not get sucked into the dysfunctional pattern again and to forge ahead taking care of his/her needs. We all know that sometimes kids will act out as well when a parent starts dating someone new. This is to be expected because they have to adjust to a new dynamic. There is just an adjustment period that is expected and everyone has to ride the waves until the change settles in and everything becomes calm and settled again. In fact, more often than not, the changes can even be for the better for their optimal emotional growth as long as parents are sensitive in their approach to the changes. Avoiding change is not the answer. Change is a part of life and it teaches us resiliency and makes us stronger. Overall though, people's worse enemy isn't their ex's, their bosses, kids or family....their worse enemy is often themselves. The only reason a person would be pulled back into old patterns is because on some level, they are afraid of having everything they've ever dreamt of. They fear they are not worthy or that getting everything they want is a pipe dream, so they settle. Once you confront your own resistance and forge ahead anyway, embracing change becomes easier. The bottom line is this....take ownership of the rest of your life otherwise you are the victim, letting everyone else dictate and determine your fate. "The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live"....(Flora Whittemore).

More Like Falling in Love

"In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world, there is no love for you like mine"...(Maya Angelou). As a therapist, I often have a front row seat to the workings of many relationships. One would think that the easiest decision would be to follow your heart and let yourself fall in love. It's really not. People often run from falling in love and instead choose mates based on having some type of control. What do I mean? Well, people don't want to feel out of control so if they choose someone who doesn't really stir them up on every level but instead makes them feel as if they don't have to deal with their insecurities and fears, then that choice feels safer. Safer doesn't really mean secure though because too often, without a real heart connection....you sleep walk through the relationship, going through the motions. I have watched lately as men and women have sabotaged their potential relationships which offered them a true heart connection because of fear. One client asked me honestly, "How many great relationships do you observe?" That was a good question and a true commentary on our society and how people settle for less than fulfilling relationships. I don't observe very many at all. That's why I choose falling in love and surrendering control. Control is an illusion anyway. Falling in love is like losing your heart only to find that it's not lost but that it found it's way. How can people be open to loving completely if they are guarding their hearts? It seems to me that we should be here to love with abandon, to give love your all because life is short and holding back defeats the purpose of healing and growing spiritually. "Love is of all the passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses"...(Lao Tzu). The song that I have been listening to lately is "Crazy Love" by Brian McKnight. It speaks to a true heart connection and how the woman he is with, loves him with all her heart. It's a very romantic song. Bryan Adams has some wonderful songs too about his journey of surrendering to love. I know all of this seems easier said than done, but why does everyone make it so hard? Fear and defenses make it hard and I understand all too well why we all try so hard to protect our vulnerabilities. But at the end of the day....we are here to love, to heal and to give life our all. How can we give life our all if we hide? I wish that more people would take the leap and choose opening their hearts to then discover that as scary and risky opening your heart may feel initially, it's the risk that makes the journey exhilarating and exciting. Love is like hiking...what kind of view are you going to get if you stay at the bottom of the trail, merely dreaming of what it looks like at the top of the mountain? Much more fun to hike the trail to the top and check out the view yourself, no matter how rough the terrain may seem at times. Following your heart is always worth it....it's your heart and you determine how much it shines based on whether you listen to what it is feeling or do you constantly ignore its messages? "I would rather have eyes that cannot see: ears that cannot hear; lips that cannot speak; than a heart that cannot love"...(Robert Tizon)

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Wounded Warrior

We are all broken and scarred aren't we? Everyone of us carries wounds....and nobody is truly spared from experiencing some kind of heartbreak, loss, tragedy or more. Some have so many scars, that they are warriors who have been through too much to speak of.  Others have hidden scars, on the inside....protected by many layers of facades and defenses. All of us are warriors because we survive. The  less resilient warriors create all kinds of armour and often try to control everything around them because they feel so out of control within. Those wounded warriors blame others for their pain and their wounds always remain unhealed. This only continues to make them feel powerless and it becomes a vicious cycle. The more resilient warriors transform their pain into compassion and they take their power back by using their compassion to help others. The resilient warriors have scars that may be in various stages of healing but they honor their wounds by feeling them and understanding that those wounds just need a lot of tender care. Other wounded warriors manage their pain in other ways by walling themselves off from the possibility of love. I would love to say that healing means that our wounds disappear. They don't. Tonight, my wounds were triggered unexpectedly and much to my surprise, I cried on and off for hours. I'm a resilient warrior but every once in awhile if those scars are touched just right...the wounds reopen, reminding me that healing is truly a journey that takes a lifetime. I didn't stop the tears as they flowed, I just honored my pain. I have a choice, I can remain a compassionate wounded warrior or I can don that old armour I use to wear. I carry a shield which protects me but I refuse to wear the armour again. We've all walked different paths but pain is a given and instead of hiding the wounds, we should truly honor where we've been, much like the tribal warriors would dance a ceremonial dance after battle to honor what they had been through. In some tribal cultures, wounded warriors would have to reclaim the parts of themselves scarred by trauma by going out alone into the dessert to journey until the painful part was reclaimed and reconnected. Honoring our scars is the most healing thing we can do. It means they are a part of us but they don't define us. The worse thing wounded warriors can do is to totally disconnect from their wounds because they then become zombies, missing complete pieces of themselves. I have been listening to an inspiring song lately that reminds me of the beauty of our scars. The song is called "Scars" by Johny Diaz and the lyrics...."Praise God we don't have to hide scars, they just strengthen our wounds and they soften our hearts. They remind us of where we've been but not who we are, so praise God we don't have to hide scars." Scars are just a part of our trek here on earth, our badge of honor and the true test of our spirit. With scars also come great joy if you allow it, when healing begins and love take holds. "It is through being wounded that power grows and can, in the end, become tremendous"...(Fredrich Nietzsche).