I have been counseling men and women for many years through divorces and have heard all of their stories about dating again. A common theme with all of them, on-line dating sites like Match.com. I have actually encouraged clients through the years to go on dating sites as a way to get back out there. I entered into the arena of dating again 5 years ago after a 20 year marriage/relationship, and I had to check out on-line dating for myself. On-line dating seemed strange at first, since the way I had dated twenty years earlier was by meeting people out at bars or through friends. How bad could on-line dating be? After all, I had encouraged many others to do so. I joined Match.com and when I left my career field vague, I was getting a lot of winks (a way for guys to say they were interested) and e-mails. In fact, I was getting too many to keep up with. It is interesting to note that my responses slowed WAY down, once I listed psychotherapist as my profession. I did that on purpose to have a reprieve. I guess guys fear being analyzed. I was curious about my competition, so I did some research on female profiles (thanks to a male client, who graciously showed some to me) to see how women are representing themselves. My jaw was on the floor, looking at female profiles. Even to this day, it baffles me how women degrade, exploit and throw themselves at men through their profiles. Maybe I had been out of the dating game too long, perhaps dating had become a bit more shallow, or maybe I was just completely clueless. Here are some of the tag lines women listed on their profiles: "There is a height requirement to ride this ride," and "Toes in the water, toes in the sand, not a worry in the world, a cold drink in my hand...I want to find my best friend and hold his hand forever." One bleach blond had dozens of revealing photos and listed no requirements for her date....none! Maybe she should just say, "Anyone, anytime." One girl's tag line was "Blue eyed beauty, looking for a partner in crime." She'll find plenty of guys willing to partner up with her. Another gal writes "I'm an easy going, fun chick who's looking to mean somebody who will not only be a partner in life but a best friend." Perhaps she needs to partner up with a dictionary first. It could also be a Freudian slip, warning guys to stay away. One girl said she's a "UniqueWriter1." She's unique alright...her profile picture shows the biggest cleavage and she's straddling a cowboy bull ride. Perhaps she should change her name to UniqueRider1. One woman seems so sincere when her tag line says, "AnotherMother2." It sounds so sweet that she's a mom....but her first sentence says, "Here I am" and she is lying on a desk, half naked with her butt crack showing. There she is alright...nothing sweet about that photo. I'm sure she gets tons of winks and e-mails however. Other profile names for women include, ""Active Cupcake's, 1st Hot Chick and 3,2,1...here we go." Based on the photos I saw of the women, they were all competing to see who can get the most winks, e-mails and dates, of course. "A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she is. I don't think it works like that. I think it's the opposite. I think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent the men become"...(Anita Wise). Okay, enough about the ladies, what are the guys saying in their profiles? One guy writes "It seams that I work to much and need to get out more." Maybe he should get together with the "Fun Chick needing dictionary" because they'd be a perfect match. Another guy has the nerve to put "Free trip to Hawaii or Mexico" as his profile name. Is he hoping that some of the women are dumb enough, or desperate enough to fall for it? That guy is in California and Mexico is only a drive away....but some woman might think she hit the lotto with him. There is a match for everyone. One guy listed as "Halloween," viewed my profile. There is nothing appealing about a guy calling himself Halloween....it sure scared me away. There are some cute profile names like, Jazznjava and oceanfun. Now, it's interesting to note that the guys say all the things that women want to hear. They say things like, "I'm looking for that special somebody," and "I'm looking for the ONE, is she out there." So interesting that the men (who tend to be less verbal and emotional) are spewing poetry practically on Match and revealing heart felt words indicating that they're "looking for their soul mates." They are looking for something alright, but it's probably not soul mates."The first time you buy a house you see how pretty the paint is and buy it. The second time you look to see if the basement has termites. It's the same with men"...(Lupe Velez). The women are half naked, showing off their "best features" and seem to be playing down their brains and intelligence. Well, there it is right there on Match, the way of the world when it comes to the dating game. It's a game alright....one of needing to read between the lines, never believe what you read in profiles until you get to know them, and laugh as a way to cope with it all. To be fair, some people on Match are genuinely looking to find companionship and partnership. In a world where the bar scene is less than appealing, how else are you suppose to find other single people. In the dating scene as a whole, there are always going to be some just looking to score, but on-line is no exception. Now five years later, I can laugh at my initial shock of on-line dating. It was not horrible as a whole, but it certainly had its horrible moments. Unfortunately, it is the easiest way for busy people to sort of date, in the comforts of their own homes, while at work or browsing profiles on their phones on their way to work. However, on-line dating is not for the faint of heart. Most people on-line are professionals at it. Many have been on the sites for years and have no intentions of settling down, even though they may say so in their profiles. More often than not, people on dating sites want hook ups and many more hide behind facades. There is nothing genuine about on-line dating. The true gems are not the profiles that are filled with razzle, dazzle. The nice people have nice boring profiles that many overlook. Those are the ones to look for. A sincere person won't try to push things, sell themselves or start out saying crude things. A genuine person is also one that accurately portrays themselves. I am glad that I tried on-line dating and in fact, that is precisely how I met my boyfriend. His profile was sweet, simple and genuine. That being said though, I had to sort through many toads along the way and I'm in no rush to ever go back on-line to date ever again. In fact, I'd rather get a double root canal before ever logging onto another dating site! "Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then"...(Katharine Hepburn).
