Be Brave

"True love is felonious...You take someone's breath away...You rob them of the ability to utter a single word...You steal a heart"... (Jodi Picoult). I have not written in quite a while. I cannot understand why completely. I suppose I found myself busy with my kids schedules and with life. Maybe that does not explain it thoroughly though either. My inspiration was guided toward painting drums and I just didn't have words to express my hearts desires. Without clarity of words, it's difficult to write. I am in love finally. I am in love with life. My path took me from one coast to the other and at times I felt lost, confused, overwhelmed and excited about possibilities. One moment I would think I had things all figured out, only to wake up the next day to discover that I was not seeing the entire picture and my world would fall apart temporarily. I would then adjust my perspective, integrate the new knowledge I attained and carry on. I remained open though to being curious and to trusting my heart, no matter what was thrown my way. I was tested and each test made me stronger. I look in the mirror now and I see the strength I've attained over the past several years. I wore a Wonder Woman costume three years ago and how symbolic she is, for I truly feel like Wonder Woman these days. I still think about love and what it means to truly be in love. It really sets you on a journey of self love and deep contemplation and growth to risk following your heart. I cannot express enough that following your heart is only a journey for the brave. Weaker souls cannot sustain the needed courage to follow their hearts. The first big wave that comes their way, they retreat in doubt and fear and refuse to step back into the waves that lead to the fruits of following their hearts. Following one's heart is like looking for the elusive hidden island filled with treasures and gold. Many people have tried to find it, only to end up on the wrong island, shipwrecked or they retreat all together. Other's never head out in search for it, doubting that it exists at all. The brave never give up. They never let the storms defeat them, they press on through the harshest conditions and they know that one day, they will find it. The brave also know that once they find it, they will protect it and they will never waste what they have found. True love of anything or anyone means guarding it and fighting for it, against all odds and any predators. There are always people wanting to tear people's dreams apart... creating doubt and fear from their envy. The strong are aware of people like that and become savvy to those tactics and this only makes them stronger. I know that the stronger I've become, the less aware I am of people trying to hurt me because I just don't pay them notice any longer. They have no power to affect me for long. I wanted to say that they cannot affect me at all but truth be told, I feel the waves of hurt, have a good scream or cry and then I'm fine. Emotions are a grand thing and expressing them is a gift I have allowed myself to enjoy. Love...it really is quite a journey of faith. I have endless faith now, knowing that my journey on the sea's of life have brought me such strength and courage that the rewards are more valuable than any currency to speak of. "You only need one man to love you. But him to love you free like a wildfire, crazy like the moon, always like tomorrow, sudden like an inhale and overcoming like the tides. Only one man and all of this." (C. Joybell C.)

THE FALL

It was a typical work day for me in Connecticut. I had already seen four clients and it was time for a quick cup of coffee. It was a warm spring day and I took advantage of my ten minute break in between clients to walk down to Dunkin Donuts to get my usual dose of caffeine. I was walking back to my office, enjoying my quick break when suddenly everything went black. The next hour was a blur, but I quickly came to and realized that I was on the pavement and my knees and hands were stinging, yet I felt numb. I was disoriented and I was attempting to figure out what had occurred while I was trying to also recover from the embarrassment of falling. I tried to act like everything was alright and attempted to stand up, but each time I stood up, I'd start to feel dizzy again. I layed on the grass in front of my office for hours for what felt like hours, but it probably was less than a half an hour. Time felt surreal and I felt, dare I say, not quite in my body. I was aware as the stinging in my hands and knees got worse, that I was bleeding. I knew I had to get help. I slowly got myself to my office doors and opened the entry door, and there was my client, shocked to see me in this state. She recounts that I looked extremely pale and out of it. I still could not stand up, so she told me to lay on the carpet and she proceeded to cal 911. The fire truck came and paramedics showed up rather quickly and they checked my vitals. Being stubborn, I refused to let them transport me to the hospital and I agreed to let my client drop me off at the local emergency room. I remember thinking, on the way t the ER, that this is all so silly. How could I have fallen like that? I don't remember tripping. Why was I still feeling strange? My client dropped me off and I sat for several hours, waiting to be seen by a doctor, plenty of time to think.
    I sat there, slowly coming back to myself. I sat there without any distractions and I reflected on my life. I disliked the weight I had ballooned to and knew that drinking coffee, skipping meals and then eating meals late at night as well as lack of exercise, had finally caught up to me. I worried for a moment that I might have created a health problem and I knew at 42 years of age, with three young kids, that I should focus more on my own health. How did this happen? I use to be in shape and healthy before having children. How could I preach to clients, day in and day out, the importance of balance, when my own life was not in balance? Finally at some point, my husband and children showed up at the hospital and I hugged my kids up and promised them that mommy was going to be alright. Once I was seen by the doctor, I was no longer dizzy and the doctor surmised that it was probably low good sugar, but that I should follow up with my doctor the next day just to be sure. I agreed, but secretly I had devised my own plan: to get back into shape and to lose the weight I had gained. The very next day was the start of my new life and I walked into the Jenny Craig center with determination and a focus I hadn't felt in years.
    I was a little nervous walking into Jenny Craig because it meant that I was admitting that I needed help and I did not like admitting that easily. I also meant that I had to admit that I was overweight, which was a tough pill to swallow. I had slowly gained weight during the years of having children. With each child, came another 15 or so pounds I didn't take off, which eventually added up. If you asked me then if I liked my body, I would have readily admitted "no." I wore so much black, trying to camouflage the weight that one day, my daughter blurts out that she couldn't believe I was seeing clients in the Bahamas. "What are you talking about," I said to my daughter. She said she thought I was wearing my work uniform while we were in the Bahamas, because I was wearing a black t-shirt and black shorts. Needless to say, I wore way too much black, which reflected my embarrassment of my weight and my need to hide. I knew I couldn't hide anymore, and the recent fall on the pavement had woken me up to the fact that it was time to change the way I had been doing things. The manager  of Jenny Craig took my name and said that a consultant would be right with me. "Okay," I said....as I thought for a split second that I really didn't belong here, as denial started to attempt to creep back in and I could still get out of here before they call my name. Then, they called my name and it was too late. They measured my various body parts and asked me to get onto the scale. This was the moment of truth. I hadn't actually weighed myself on purpose for years, although I was forced to during each of my pregnancies. I weighed in at 205 and I couldn't believe it. "Oh my gosh," I thought to myself in disbelief. My focus became clear very quickly and my frustration at being over 200 pounds, helped motivate me to stick to my goal....to take my life back.

Illumination

"To love beauty is to see light"...(Victor Hugo). As we approach the new year, we all have a lot to contemplate. It is a time of awakening. 2012 marks the end of the Mayan calendar and 2013 sets a path for new beginnings for many. For others....2013 will be a continuation of the prisons they have built for themselves. We have all been urged and pushed to grow and to face our shadow selves. We have been given tests and people have been put across our paths to help us in every way possible. Many choose to ignore those lessons. They buried their heads into the sand, got back into bed to sleep endlessly, poured themselves another drink or grabbed another bag of cookies to devour. You can run but you cannot hide and the lessons will keep coming nonetheless. The people who have ignored the lessons are chasing their own tails and running in circles endlessly. The answers were brought to their doorstep but they ignored them. The reality we live in now is split and the divide is getting bigger each second of every day. For those who have been doing their work...their world is expanding. They are aware that they are co-creators in their reality and their world reflects to them their hearts desires. The message I've been getting for years is about the heart. Our awakening has been about finally tuning into our hearts. The more we tune into our hearts and follow it...the happier we become and everything flows easier in our lives. That's not to say there aren't trials and tests. If a test comes up it's because a hidden fear is blocking your heart and needs to be addressed to be healed. Fear is like a dormant disease...lying deeply in everyone...passed down from generation after generation and hidden in the soul from many lifetimes. Each person has varying degrees of fear and of insecurities. Each wave of fear that surfaces is a blessing because the medicine lies in the opportunity to feel the fear, let it out and move forward. For others, they may solidify the fear...justifying it and in doing so, they retreat back into their prisons. These are exciting times for many but I am saddened by the fact that there are many who are being left behind. Everyone will notice that their intuition has increased. The enlightened will know that it's because we are highly telepathic and we are now fully coming into our power. The ones in fear will also be intuitive but that will either scare them, they'll dismiss it as coincidence or they'll misuse it... misinterpreting the messages. Many will be purposely misled because they are so off track that lower energies can mess with them. When you are stronger and in your power, you are protected and lower energies cannot effect you so easily. The key is to stay grounded and to check in with yourself every day...maintaining your power through breathe, meditation, insight and constant reflection. I am aware constantly now....watching and interpreting (through my heart) the people around me. When you do that, you no longer feel like you are being tossed by the waves of life, merely trying to react to those around you. That makes people feel out of control so they overcompensate by overreacting or being controlling and manipulative. If you are always aware...you are navigating the ship and you can ride with the waves instead of against them. By observing and interpreting through your heart, you can also avoid some storms altogether. However, some storms are necessary because it facilitates our growth, makes us more aware of people deceiving us or we help offer some insight to someone else struggling in their journey. So, sometimes a good argument can be something that helps shift people. If you are coming into your power but you feel more distant from family and friends who are still bound by fear...send them blessings but know that they have a choice in what reality they choose to live in. They were offered the same chances at shifting as we have been. You cannot force someone to grow or impose your reality onto them. That's no better than some over zealous religious fanatic telling people they better believe or else they aren't going to heaven. God doesn't operate that way...people do. God energy is loving and always allows for free will. Heaven can be here now on earth depending on which reality you live in. Of course we will always have pain and loss here on earth because that is a part of being human...but even those in spirit have pain, regret and ache for the ones they had to leave behind. Their pain is more insightful however because they can see the bigger picture and not get so caught up in the limits of being human. Often when a loved one crosses over, they will stick around awhile, checking in on their family and friends. If they left things undone or they hurt people during their lifetime, they will have much reflection and even regret and they'll have to correct those mistakes on the other side. So nobody gets a free pass from doing their work. The choice is always yours...do it now or do it later. Many will have to repeat lifetimes.....with some of the same players, just to get it right. As we ease into 2013....I say a blessing that offers continued illumination for those who choose to wake up. "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that"...(Martin Luther King, Jr.). "When you rise in the morning, give thanks for the light, for your life, for your strength. Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason to give thanks, the fault lies in yourself"....(Tecumseh).

Spirit Warrior

 "Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye"...(H. Jackson Brwon, Jr.)

What if our journey here toward enlightenment is about love. Being enlightened is being in a state of love all of the time is it not? Christ was in a state of love and forgiveness, even when he was angry. His anger was still a loving state. All of the major religions talk about love and you certainly cannot attain a state of healing without love. A spirit warrior knows this...that you must be in a state of kindness in all that you do. That does not mean you allow others to harm you. Sometimes those are lessons in boundaries and knowing that others may not have your best interests in mind. I have been hurt numerous times because I freely gave caring behavior to people who were too wounded to return the favor. I do not regret showing them that I am compassionate, but I had wounds of my own to heal after those interactions. I grew tremendously in the process. I have also found that in having been with people who are selfish, closed off or detached that I was taught the biggest lesson of all....to value love and kindness once it was demonstrated to me. What if I told you that you can have it all and not have to make trade offs in love? What if it just flowed easily and effortlessly. Would you believe me or would you attract pain because its all you know? Are you willing to go outside the box, to challenge your own self limiting beliefs about love and to take risks? People settle because they believe they have to and they are too afraid to dream big. Why limit yourself to settling? Everyone does it at some point..but the price you pay is just too big. When you settle, you sell off parts of yourself and nobody wins in that scenario. Living that way is not living at all. People also attract superficial because they are following their eyes, not their hearts. That just leads to being in shallow or fleeting relationships because they are built on sand. Depth comes from trusting your heart and following it every step of the way. It also means holding a vision of real love and a relationship built on heart which defies the eyes. I may be a dreamer but I knew what I wanted and it wasn't something unattainable...I wanted to find a man brave enough to be by my side, a man of strength and character. I also knew that my heart would recognize him when he came along. I had to test some men along the way, to see if they had the strength to be warriors, but they weren't. Then my warrior showed up quitely...right in front of me and my heart is still in disbelief. I like that we pinch ourselves each day, both in shock that we finally found one another. That's how it should feel...beautiful, easy and now my soul dances every day. Like the love letter I wrote awhile back, beckoning my soul mate as I essentially said...."I'm ready, I'm hopeful and I'm waiting for you." So, hold your own vision of what you want and make sure your vision comes from the heart. Be clear and be willing to do the work to get there. It does take work because you have to endure pain to truly appreciate joy. "Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you"...(Eric Fromm). "Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies"...(Aristotle).

Crossroads

"The world has the habit of making room for the man whose actions show that he knows where he is going.”

–Napoleon Hill


Where are you going? Do you know? Are you on your own path or are you on a path others designed for you? Simple questions really but the answers may not be so easy. There were times in my life that I was doing what I thought was expected of me versus what I really wanted to do. Not surprisingly, I was unhappy with myself during those times in my life. When we defy our hearts...our bodies and souls rebel. People tend to over eat, get caught up in addictions, end up depressed or otherwise self destructive behaviors when they lose sight of who they really are. Many just want to be victims because it gives them an excuse to blame others and avoid taking responsibility of their own lives. Many, many people live their lives that way. Each person has a chance to change however....but many choose to stay lost and wandering. The braver souls pick a direction and no matter which trail they pick...they learn something. When I counsel teens and adults about choices, the biggest message I give them is this. It doesn't matter whether you go right, left or straight, just pick a path and see where it leads. You'll learn no matter what. The universe will weave you in another direction if you veer off course. The biggest problem is that people don't pick any path to follow and thus, they always feel lost. The other problem is that people stay stuck ruminating over their problems rather than focusing on solutions. If you try to control the things you cannot control, you might as well dig your own hole now because it goes nowhere but deeper underground. That is a guaranteed way to stay stuck. "Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don't"...(Steve Maraboli). So, I'll keep this article short...like a wonderful quick hike.  Pick a trail and see where it leads. It's your life and nobody can live it but you. "You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down"...(Toni Morrison, Song of Solomon).  

Being Genuine

"Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot"...(David Herbert Lawrence). What do a 30 year year old hottie from LA, a 45 year old doctor from Beverly Hills and a 65 year old CPA all have in common? All have profiles on a dating site for people searching for extra marital affairs. I think more women should be aware that their husbands might be on-line shopping to cheat on their spouses. Now, I must first say that every man on that site says he wants discretion, yet a huge majority of them have a head shot visible or they send their private pics to a virtual stranger without getting to know them. One man was posing as a married man but I busted him on a singles dating site. He wasn't even smart enough to change his profile name. I think he must enjoy pretending to be married so that he can have sex with women without having to buy them dinner. Other men are sending photos of them with their wives and children! Where is the discretion in that? Even better is the amount of men sending shots of their very erect private parts. Yep, you read that correctly. I'm sure the wives would be completely shocked to discover that pictures of their husbands private parts are all over the internet. Very professional, successful men are sending pictures of their junk to any female profile. I have never laughed so hard while doing some investigating on this site. One guy even sent a picture of his ass. Now, I do not know what men are thinking. We women have an amazing ability to visualize just fine. I have a terrific imagination, so I do NOT need to see a picture of a guys junk. It does nothing for me. Every woman I know says the same thing. We all prefer to be surprised by the entire package once intimacy takes place. Unlike men, we are not visual creatures. Men are just as clueless on the singles sites. They post cheesy pics of themselves half naked in the bathroom mirror or pictures of them driving. Really? Are the car shots to make sure we know they own a car and can pick us up for a date? How are those pictures appealing? The car shots look more like mug shots. The bathroom pics are some desperate attempt to look sexy. It's not. I love reading the profiles of men saying they want frequent long romantic walks, holding hands, endless flirting, yet they specify that they are not looking for love or commitment of any kind and seek exploring the woman's naughty side. Hmmmmm...basically they are saying "I want sex, lots of it...I won't give a shit about you but I will tell you all the romantic things you want to hear to get you naked." One guy that just e-mailed me is a handsome, 30 year old man...yet he's already cheating on his wife and even specifies that he's looking for one night stands and threesomes. All I can say to that is "wow." Not sure what kind of gal would take him up on that...but I'm sure there are plenty of women who feel bad enough about themselves to take him up on his offer. Another single man on the site e-mailed a friend of mine who also has a profile. She told him that she would only use him for an orgy with all of her friends (as a joke)...and without even seeing a picture of her, was willing to meet her. My friend and I have been baffled by these men. Many of them are willing to meet a complete stranger for sex...and most of them tell my friends profile one thing and tell my profile something different. My friend plays the naughty girl and the men are willing to line up (lawyers, doctors... retirees, you name it) to have a turn with her. Those same men e-mail my nice girl profile saying that they are gentlemen who would wine and dine me. I wouldn't believe it if I didn't see it for myself! The singles sites are just as crazy. The men on those sites just sell the "love" card more, even though many of those men are just looking for sex as well. Now, men have told me that they have come across many women playing the same game. Many women write that they want a relationship, only to jump the man on the first date. What has happened to relationships in our society? What happened to integrity and honor? I know that affairs are going to happen and are often a catalyst. I am not judging that process...I am disturbed about the lack of personal accountability and integrity in how one puts themselves out there. Some people have open marriages or at least very honest in what they are looking for and available for. It's the deception that is concerning. The deal is this....a person who is not genuine will eventually give themselves away. A person cannot maintain their facade for too long without some discrepancies beginning to show. Women and men need to take that time to figure out if someone is who they really say they are. The genuine person will remain consistent. Most importantly, trust your gut when you are getting to know someone. If something doesn't feel right....pay attention to that! "My concern is how we learn to be genuine human beings"...(Lloyd Alexander).

Waiting For A Star

"To us also, through every star, through every blade of grass, is not God made visible if we will open our minds and our eyes"...(Thomas Carlyle). What if I told you that you are a star. Yes, as cliche as that sounds, if women valued themselves more and felt like stars, they wouldn't lower themselves to giving themselves away, being manipulated or otherwise self degrading behaviors. Women also lower themselves when they think they are being powerful by being caddy, manipulative, selfish, cruel or controlling. Being confident exudes a presence like no other. It is the ability to be firm, aware, savvy yet compassionate and caring. Our greatest strength as women is our ability to feel. I believe a confident woman is strong in her sensibilities yet emotionally balanced. I am proud of the fact that I am feeling oriented, yet I will not allow my feelings to get in the way of a decision that is best for me. Women need to balance their masculine (logical) with their feelings. Often men dismiss women because women get bogged down and overwhelmed with their feelings. When a woman is consumed by emotions, she cannot think clearly or necessarily protect herself. Men have a different challenge in today's society. They need to become more comfortable with their feminine sides, thus feelings. I have come across men that say they feel. They will cry, appear to emote and talk the talk, yet they are so far gone from feeling that it's astounding. Those men deceive themselves and women. They can be the most ruthless, heartless men of them all because they believe they are really feeling when in fact they have learned to use emotions to get what they want. Hey, women are guilty of that as well. I cannot stress enough how being honest with oneself is the first step in an authentic life. Being a star means being true to yourself. So many people are living false lives, hiding behind their masks. I come across so few genuine people. Why are people afraid to be themselves? It's not an easy process to really face yourself. It's much easier to dodge and weave your way through life. There is a price to pay for that however. You leave such a karmic mess by manipulating people, that you'll have to come back to make amends for all the harm you've imposed. Living a facade is such deception however and the easy way out. People live that way because it gives them a sense of control and safety. Daring to be yourself means to shake loose old beliefs, push through fears and to actually feel vulnerable. The lessons of the here and now are all about waking up. An awakening is really just what it sounds like...suddenly becoming aware of what you had not seen before and finally coming into your own existence. My message today...dare to find your light within, to be authentic, free and honest in who you are. Being a star is a gift that lies dormant in us all....but few are brave enough to uncover our unlimited potential. "You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star"...(Friedrich Nietzsche).