On The Other Side

"The grass is always greener on the other side, until you jump the fence and see the weeds up close"...(Albert Grashuis). "The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. Not at all. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be"...(Robert Fulghum). We've all heard the many sayings connected to the simple words..."the grass is greener." Sure, the grass always looks greener from one side of the fence. My entire childhood was kind of based on those words. I knew it was pretty tough standing where I was...so one day, I knew that I would be standing in greener pastures. That hope was needed along with a healthy dose of detachment from the realities of my childhood. As I got older however, I struggled staying in the moment because my defenses of "hoping for something better" kept operating, even when I was quite content in my present reality. In college, I was a certified mess...but heck, I was not the only one who lost my bearings in college. I dreamt of a future where I wouldn't have to struggle financially, a career, a family, marriage and peace internally. I was tired of the storms raging inside of me...the storms of discontentment. But looking back...I had a lot of fun during those years. In being lost...I was allowed to find my way. If I had hidden behind the veil of having it all together, I wouldn't have been open to all of the guiding experiences I ended up having. In fact, if I hadn't been so lost, I may not have moved to New York City and that turned out to be one of the best experiences I've ever had. I was never taught though to honor where I was standing while reaching for more. I guess that is one of those lessons that can only be taught by life and wisdom. Over the past six months while dating like crazy...I have had numerous discussions with many people who confess that they thought the grass would be greener on the other side. It's not. It's just different pastures but still requires introspection and yes, work. As fun as the dating scene is in meeting new people, there are challenges. Sure, dating someone new is exciting...then it becomes reality just like everything else. One of my girlfriends complains endlessly about the dating scene because she's tired of the endless merry-go-round dating different men. But while she was married, she had numerous complaints about her husband. Seems she's struggling with being happy within herself. Remember you attract the things, people and experiences that reinforce your internal reality. If you are miserable, not suprisingly, you'll attract men who will be more than happy to add to your misery. If you are happy however...you will attract men who want to add to your happiness and reinforce a positive image of yourself and life. Now, back to "the grass is greener." I believe it's important to walk away from current pastures when it's pretty clear that your present surrounding are impeding your growth. Like a plant that outgrows it's pot...new soil is often required for us to grow and flourish. New pastures still require tending to and as I have learned over the past year....new surrounding often mean more work than ever. I know I was more than ready and willing to face that challenge. When you leave your old meadow for a new one, you have all kinds of new experiences to integrate. You also must then face all of the issues within yourself as you adjust to your new surroundings. There were moments over the past six months that I have to admit, I laughed to myself thinking.."I use to complain that my husband wouldn't do this chore or that and well...now I have to do all of it by myself." Hmmm....it sure made me evaluate how I could have been more appreciative in the past about the things he was contributing. I guess that's just a reality about life....we can always see things more clearly after the fact. So here is my new motto about the grass being greener on the other side. Take in the view wherever you may be because wherever you are at this very moment is exactly where you are meant to be to get you where you're going. The grass is pretty green on this side of the fence and the other...so I've taken the fence down so that the World is now my pasture.

Be Still

“Patience is the companion of wisdom"....(Saint Augustine). I've been reflecting a lot lately about being receptive. I've discovered that the more solid I have become in myself, the less work I have to do to attract the things I want in life. I always thought that I had to work hard at everything and still wondered if I deserved the payoff. Many people struggle with that issue. Many of us come from generations of people who had to work hard in life. My grandparents had a very strong work ethic and their parents had it even harder. I suppose every generation improves on the lessons of their elders. I'm not saying that effort is still not necessary but I am living proof that the more secure you are with yourself, the easier life becomes. In dating, I have seen that more than ever. I sit back now and let the process come to me. I don't question my value and worth. I know I've got a lot to offer and that the people I need to learn the most from, will cross my path. Sometimes in fact, if we trust in the process, we just might be surprised what comes our way. I know many women who put too much effort into dating and they end up disappointed over and over. They fear that they won't find the right person instead of just trusting the process. Even a simple coffee date can help you or the other person learn something valuable which helps you grow in some way. The same can be said with friendships, jobs and chance meetings because every experience is another chance at learning something new. Also, when you project fear, you attract the very thing you fear instead of attracting what you want. That is why the more receptive you are, the more you are trusting yourself and life to unfold in the way that is ultimately the best for your optimal growth. Instead of trying to navigate the entire process, sit back and see what comes your way when you hold a positive yet open image of who you are and where you are heading. My lesson then from all of this reflection? Life is the art of being versus doing. Being means receptivity versus active searching. I believe that we receive more when we are still. Simply stated....accept vs seeking, chasing, pursuing. There is no doubt a time for pursuing, but you have to listen to your heart as to when to seek and when to stay still. Active stillness reflects a true confidence and trust in life. Active stillness means deep reflection about what you want and learning from each and every opportunity and experience that comes your way. “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions"...(Unknown).