I Wish....

"I wish you can see me now, I wish I could show you how... I'm not who I was. I use to be mad at you, a little on the hurt side too... I'm not who I was." Those lines are lyrics from a Brandon Heath song. Five years ago, that song became my anthem of sorts. The song was written to a former girlfriend of the artist and I could completely relate to what he was saying in the song. I too had been hurt by a former boyfriend and I wanted him to know that I had forgiven him and that I had changed. More than anything though, I was feeling so proud of the growth I had made in my life. Little did I know however that I was about to embark on even bigger changes and further growth in the following five years, leading me up to the present. The past five years have been mind boggling in what I've gone through and how I now look in the mirror and barely recognize who I was five years ago. All of the growth I had attained leading up to that point was about to be tested and accelerated beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I left an unhappy marriage and moved my kids across the United States, from Connecticut to California to be closer to family. I gave up a thriving private practice and a beautiful home to live in a rental home and I basically started over. I was infused with excitement, challenge, and optimism most days. I had moments that tested my hope of course but then I'd forge ahead, refusing to give up or crumble under the pressure. If experience is our best teacher then I was working on my PhD in life! Although I seemed to have it all when I was living in Connecticut, I was very unhappy. Changing my entire life (and my kids lives) meant following my intuition and having lots of unwavering faith. It was the best and hardest lesson I've ever faced. In the process, I transformed and all of the things I wished for, started coming true. I wanted to be strong, confident, spend more time with my kids, be more assertive and I wanted to feel happiness. I also wanted to find love. I wanted a lot and slowly but surely, all of my wishes came true. I had to work at it and I never gave up. I kept dreaming about what I wanted to feel like and what I wanted my life to be and each step of my journey that seemed to challenge me, actually gave me the opportunity to grow into the woman I wanted to be. I embraced every opportunity thrown at me and I knew that the moments that I felt my lowest were not set backs, they were tests to see how badly I really wanted all of the things I hoped for. Now five years later from when I first wrote an article reflecting about how much I had grown, I can chuckle that as far we think we've come.. There is always room for opportunities for growth if we remain open and abundantly hopeful. I very much appreciate my new life, time with my kids, the opportunities and experiences I've had over the past 5 years and I'm grateful that I never gave up. I wish now for others to be brave enough to allow transformation in their lives. You might be thinking, "I'm miserable, stuck, can't get out of this," and so on but change is possible. Don't get bogged down by excuses or focus on impossibilities. The universe see's paths that are often unimaginable from our limited perspectives sometimes. Letting go and letting the universe show you the way means being open. A closed person will only see problems and roadblocks... An open person with a dream will see those roadblocks too but instead of focusing on what won't work, they focus on the path that seems impossible but they see that possible is always hiding in what seems impossible... Knowing the road less traveled is the one with the biggest rewards. I see me now.. And I'm not who I was and I love that my opportunities for growth are now limitless. There are no more road blocks and only opportunities heading in every direction. Dare to dream, dare to hope and dare to change and you can join me on this amazing adventure I call life.