Back to School, Volunteer, Mom

    Before this school year began, I received a flurry of e-mails from NPHS, my 15 year old son's school. They were begging for volunteers to help in the library with text book distribution. I have always volunteered to help in my children's schools. However, my son is a sophomore and I knew that he would not be thrilled at the prospect of seeing me anywhere on school property, at least not while he was there. I get it. In psychology, its called differentiation. Simple version, "I love you mom but pretend that you don't know me when I'm at school!" I couldn't ignore the continued plea's for help though and finally I signed up to help. Apparently, other kids at school don't want their parents helping out either, leaving the school in desperate need of volunteers. I think it's pretty funny now, reflecting back on the days when he was in elementary school and the teacher would have to draw names from a hat to decide which parents could chaperone field trips because so many parents had volunteered to attend. That's when we parents were welcome to  help at school with open arms and eager smiles from our children. Those days are now long gone.

    I volunteered for one shift and once again, my son made me promise to pretend that I didn't know him. I guess I told him a white lie, because I agreed. Later that day, when he walked into the library to get his books, I gave him a slightly friendlier "hi" with a mischievous grin. I was sort of teasing him a little, knowing he was starting to panic, wondering if I was about to blurt out something embarrassing like, "It's my handsome little boy," (who happens to be 6'2) and "Mommy loves you!" I played it cool though and only slightly embarrassed him by calling him by his name. I know, what was I thinking? I had promised to pretend to not know him.  

    Here is the catch, I graduated from NPHS 32 years ago! Yep, I was a Panther too, and wore black and gold with pride, the school colors. I sat in the quad with friends back then, talking endlessly about things that girls talk about. We actually talked back then, since cell phones were something that we could have never even have conceived of in the early 1980's. I too picked up my text books in that same library and gave hugs to friends as we compared schedules during our orientation. I stood there at the door of the library last week, reflecting back to my days at NPHS and all that I had imagined would be ahead of me, when I walked those corridors. I met a fellow mom, also there to help highlight classes and point students in the direction of their book pick up. Her son wasn't so strict about the mom on campus rule and she was allowed to actually have a conversation with him. Imagine that! 

    Hundreds of students had to stop at us first, waiting for us to highlight their classes, before getting their books. Most students were very friendly and many didn't even look up at us. One memorable student had a list of classes that probably made his parents proud. His classes were not only honors but he was doubling up on some subjects. His parents may love that their son is clearly at the top of his class. His behavior on the other hand, something not to be proud of. Already at 15 or so, he was condescending and rude. We tried to predict his future profession, probably a surgeon with terrible bedside manner. 

   I remember being that age. Many planning on attending college, dreaming about career options, aspirations of making money, family and of being a success. All of those hopes and dreams of life beyond high school. Its a memorable time. If you had asked me 32 years ago, if I would have been volunteering in the NPHS library, helping students find textbooks in my future, I would have thought that sounded crazier than the thought of having devices that sent messages and were portable phones and camera's all in one. I guess both crazy notions came true. 

     As students walked out of the library last week with their piles of books, I wanted so badly to whisper in their ears and share a little wisdom that I have gained over the past 32 years since graduating from high school. "You'll set out to achieve many things, but nothing is more rewarding than helping others out. It costs nothing, you get no pay, most don't even know you are helping, but it's rewarding nonetheless. I know some programs require volunteer hours, but the reward is knowing that you helped someone or something outside of yourself. Trust me, without volunteers, organizations including schools, shelters, hospitals, Red Cross and many non-profits, wouldn't be able to assist as many as they do. You'll learn many subjects in school but the ability to learn, to work together and to adapt can't be found in a book. It's a life skill. Just because you are earning an A, doesn't mean you are learning. Lastly, have fun. I was so focused on college and beyond, that I might have missed just enjoying hanging out with friends on the quad, checking out cute guys. Oh, don't get me wrong, I did pine over many cute guys back then! Once you are a grown up however, raising kids and working, those endless days of hanging out with friends is a distant memory." The last thing I wanted to share with those students as they passed by is this. "The two volunteers that you passed in the library, one is lawyer and the other is a psychotherapist. Yet, our careers have less meaning now, and we gladly help out at our children's schools. So the next time you pass a chaperone at a dance, someone handing out schedules, or anyone helping out at anything, out of the kindness in their hearts, remember this....that could be you many, many years from now. You will likely help out one day at your child's school or you might even decide to give back by becoming a teacher or a future Principal. Either way, don't forget that it's not all about the goals, it's also about the experience along the way. Oh and hopefully, your child will allow you on campus and allow you to slightly look his or her way, but probably not."
    My final thought isn't for the students, its for all the grown-ups. Yeah us, those of us ranging in age of barely past the legal drinking age to retirement and beyond. We all had our goals too. What is important now? Are you living, loving and helping yourself fully or are you still the high school student, going through the motions but not learning anything? Only you know the answer.