The Bridge to Anywhere

Who am I? I don't know, that depends on which angle you observe me from and what your perspective is. If I have to analyze myself from my own perspective, I'd say I'm many things. From one angle, I'm a therapist. From another angle, I'm a mother of three. From another angle, I'm a camp director. From yet another angle, I'm a writer and artist and teacher. From afar, you might think I have it all together. Observe me up close and I might seem lost, trying to read an old fashioned map to figure out which road to take in life. I'm many things of course, as we all are. From another persons perspective, I might be some of those things or none, depending on many factors. We only see small parts of each other. How many people would you say really know you? I'm surprised at how often people just aren't listening. I don't mind sharing things about myself. I'm an open book for the most part. However, half way through the sentence, people change the subject or are distracted. It's tough getting to know one another if you aren't listening. Many don't even ask. They live with each other and never talk or inquire. They live in silence. Many people prefer it that way. I people watch and sitting in public, you will observe people having dinner, saying nothing to one another. I also observe some couples and families chatting and laughing. I love watching families enjoy each others company, even for a moment. I've realized that there are no perfect families. We are all a mess really. Every family has secrets, lies, dysfunction, alcoholism, mental illness, fear, worry, doubt, anger and of course loss. Those things lurk somewhere in the shadows in the immediate or extended family system. The lesson is for us to figure out the road map, and to take different roads than taken before to learn from our families. Many families keep going in circles, repeating the dysfunction endlessly. It's a road they know all too well, but it leads to the same destination....nowhere. The other option means change. It doesn't mean running away (that leads nowhere as well). It means looking at the map and your options with intention and reflection. Purposefully refusing to engage in old patterns, not taking the same dead end road, is healthy. What does that look like? It looks like you are beginning to go back in a circle, repeating a pattern you have lived before, but instead you take a new road, a bridge to a new place, a different experience and an unknown destination. You know the family is still going in circles, but you choose a new path and it liberates you from the cycle of dysfunction. You set the tone for them, that change is possible, or perhaps one of your family members has already taken a new path and they demonstrate to you, that change is possible. All dynamics are cyclical in nature. Energy spins in circles, yet the challenge is to shift the energy to uplift and expand, rather than constrict and trap. Everything is energy. Emotion, dynamics, behaviors, and thoughts are all energy. The moment you were born, you were introduced into an energetic cycle with your family system. No matter what the circumstances were, even in adoption. It's all a cycle that you either participate in continuing or you shift out of. Think about it. Reflect on patterns in your life. Ever feel like things circle back, and you feel like you are repeating a pattern? Ever tell yourself (or a family member tell you) that you have to do something a certain way, because that's how its always done in our family? Each circle back is a new opportunity to change the dynamic and to observe how far you've come. Circling back around doesn't mean you haven't shifted. Only you can tell whether you're merely visiting a familiar place or stuck there. There is a distinct difference. Take your map and venture out of town, away from an old pattern and don't worry about how others view you. Get to know yourself and set yourself free. If any behavior, addiction, fear, or doubt is trapping you, figure out the steps you need to take to be free. Being free means that you embrace change and you have endless options. Don't worry, you can always walk back to that familiar street you've lived on, but instead of feeling stuck three, you get to visit with a new perspective and an appreciation that life is one big lesson in freedom. Nothing traps us ever, unless you choose it to.

Open or closed?

It's a new day, a new opportunity and a chance to see things from a different perspective. I love waking up each day knowing that it is a reset of sorts and a way to see something that you didn't see before. Of course you have to be open to this process. If you are closed, then each day is just a continuation of the last and the days blur into one another. As I've gotten older, I can more easily see peoples misery written on their faces. When I was younger, I didn't see beyond facades as well as I can now. I'm not sure if it's because my intuition has become more acute, or if it's because I've peeled away so many layers myself, that I am just more grounded in truth. Whatever the reasons, I'm astounded at how many people are running from themselves. Young people can hide behind their youthful looks but their behavior is often their tale-tale sign that they are spinning out of control. Older adults are often more restrained in their behaviors and become better at playing their roles, but their anguish is written in the lines in their faces, the look in their eyes and in how they carry themselves. People who are miserable are stuck. Being upset, sad, hurt and angry are emotions that people can cycle through easily if they are in touch and open. Those who are closed, hold onto those feelings and they become locked in their own fortresses of pain. It's sad because unfortunately, misery loves company and those people tend to lash out onto those around them. If you are open, then don't let those in misery contaminate you. You can love them from a distance and send them blessings but by all means, protect yourself. Chances are, someone closed wouldn't even be reading this blog, or they'd roll their eyes while reading an entry. But if by chance, a closed person wandered here by mistake or out of curiosity, you can change if you are open to the process. The process is simple actually. All change just requires the first step...wanting to change. Being open to change means simply embracing a new path, and a new way of seeing things. You don't even have to know how to get there yet. The answers always come when you need them and the direction illuminates itself, if you just remain open. Practice feeling open, or if you are open, then visualize yourself opening up even more! Embrace all that can come your way, rather than making demands or cracking the door open only slightly and wondering why nothing is changing. Push the door open all the way, and let life happen! Know also, that sometimes the universe sends you something you need the most but it's not what you asked for. Trust the process. From now on, when you fall asleep at night, let the day slip away with gratitude. Then, set your intention for new things to come your way and be open to seeing things in a new light. That way, each day offers a new chance and life begins to feel exciting again, with countless possibilities. The other option....remain closed and life feels lifeless, stagnation sets in and misery attempts to color everything. Open = opportunity. It's always your choice...are you open to it?

Life is a Battlefield

Life isn't always easy, in fact, it's a series of challenges. Sure, some people seem to have a charmed life, but I believe that even those that seem to have it easy, may just be good at detaching. Anyone in touch with their emotions knows this: That life is a series of ups and downs; Being happy is a matter of perspective and lastly; That true connections are rare and are often taken for granted. We live in a transitory world, where information comes fast and peoples loyalties can change as quickly as the tides. I adore children because they are our future. How do we teach them to hold onto their integrity, their honor and their hopefulness in a world that often teaches them the opposite? I know I'm a dreamer, but this world needs more hopefulness. I'm now over the half way point in my life and when you get past the half way mark, you begin to really reflect about things. I feel like I've progressed yet still have so much to learn. When I was a teenager, I was a hopeless romantic and I believed in love. Then life happened. I found myself in a series of relationships, which seemed less about love and mostly ended up leaving me feeling lost. I don't want to lose that part of me, the woman that loves from the heart with abandon. Yet, I too struggle with holding onto hope. I fight the hopelessness daily, combating it like a soldier heading into battle. I arm myself with armor, not enough to hide but enough to shield myself from the harsh realities in life that attempt to break my spirit. I use my wit and humor to diffuse the hurts and gratitude to dodge the negativity. There are days that I sure wish I could bury my head under the covers to hide from some of the hardships I've had to contend with. I can't though, because I cannot surrender, no matter how much I sometimes would love to wave the white flag. I'm too competitive to give in and give up. So I head into battle by waking up and being a good soldier. I imagine that soldiers in war must have to find some higher purpose to forge on, even when their worlds are crumbling around them. It's a true testament of our spirit. My battleground may be more of a cold war, one with spies and allies, but I choose to approach life with the optimism of a child and the sense and strength of a General. We can teach our children hope, by letting them dream while giving them practical tools to navigate life's mine fields successfully. Maybe my biggest error was that I didn't know that mine fields and enemies existed. My optimism left me vulnerable and naive. I wish I had been sufficiently warned. Maybe it would have saved me some near fatal wounds, or maybe not. Perhaps I wouldn't have listened or believed the warnings. I guess this goes back to life's ups and downs, and that we all must learn in our own way. So this life and this war remains like all wars, with no winners and no losers. Nobody ever really wins in battle. There are only survivors, and as a survivor, I will become stronger from the experience. Since happiness is a perspective, even in my moments of sadness, I choose happiness. I suppose the naive girl in me does still exist with the strong General at her side. That's life...the duality of strength and innocence, war and peace and of course....love and loss.