The Bridge to Anywhere

Who am I? I don't know, that depends on which angle you observe me from and what your perspective is. If I have to analyze myself from my own perspective, I'd say I'm many things. From one angle, I'm a therapist. From another angle, I'm a mother of three. From another angle, I'm a camp director. From yet another angle, I'm a writer and artist and teacher. From afar, you might think I have it all together. Observe me up close and I might seem lost, trying to read an old fashioned map to figure out which road to take in life. I'm many things of course, as we all are. From another persons perspective, I might be some of those things or none, depending on many factors. We only see small parts of each other. How many people would you say really know you? I'm surprised at how often people just aren't listening. I don't mind sharing things about myself. I'm an open book for the most part. However, half way through the sentence, people change the subject or are distracted. It's tough getting to know one another if you aren't listening. Many don't even ask. They live with each other and never talk or inquire. They live in silence. Many people prefer it that way. I people watch and sitting in public, you will observe people having dinner, saying nothing to one another. I also observe some couples and families chatting and laughing. I love watching families enjoy each others company, even for a moment. I've realized that there are no perfect families. We are all a mess really. Every family has secrets, lies, dysfunction, alcoholism, mental illness, fear, worry, doubt, anger and of course loss. Those things lurk somewhere in the shadows in the immediate or extended family system. The lesson is for us to figure out the road map, and to take different roads than taken before to learn from our families. Many families keep going in circles, repeating the dysfunction endlessly. It's a road they know all too well, but it leads to the same destination....nowhere. The other option means change. It doesn't mean running away (that leads nowhere as well). It means looking at the map and your options with intention and reflection. Purposefully refusing to engage in old patterns, not taking the same dead end road, is healthy. What does that look like? It looks like you are beginning to go back in a circle, repeating a pattern you have lived before, but instead you take a new road, a bridge to a new place, a different experience and an unknown destination. You know the family is still going in circles, but you choose a new path and it liberates you from the cycle of dysfunction. You set the tone for them, that change is possible, or perhaps one of your family members has already taken a new path and they demonstrate to you, that change is possible. All dynamics are cyclical in nature. Energy spins in circles, yet the challenge is to shift the energy to uplift and expand, rather than constrict and trap. Everything is energy. Emotion, dynamics, behaviors, and thoughts are all energy. The moment you were born, you were introduced into an energetic cycle with your family system. No matter what the circumstances were, even in adoption. It's all a cycle that you either participate in continuing or you shift out of. Think about it. Reflect on patterns in your life. Ever feel like things circle back, and you feel like you are repeating a pattern? Ever tell yourself (or a family member tell you) that you have to do something a certain way, because that's how its always done in our family? Each circle back is a new opportunity to change the dynamic and to observe how far you've come. Circling back around doesn't mean you haven't shifted. Only you can tell whether you're merely visiting a familiar place or stuck there. There is a distinct difference. Take your map and venture out of town, away from an old pattern and don't worry about how others view you. Get to know yourself and set yourself free. If any behavior, addiction, fear, or doubt is trapping you, figure out the steps you need to take to be free. Being free means that you embrace change and you have endless options. Don't worry, you can always walk back to that familiar street you've lived on, but instead of feeling stuck three, you get to visit with a new perspective and an appreciation that life is one big lesson in freedom. Nothing traps us ever, unless you choose it to.