Dear Self

Dear Self,

     You don't know me, not yet anyway. I'm your future. I'm over twice your age. The irony is, I feel younger now then I did at your age. I certainly feel wiser. To you, I'm ancient. You think that someone my age is done, over, biding their time until the grave. You think the future is you, the young people. You won't believe this but now we have portable phones that have camera's and lots of young people (and older ones too), take "selfies," which are outrageous photo's of oneself trying to look cool. I know it's hard to imagine, but it's true. Lots of things will change for you over the next 25 years, too much to be able to tell you in one letter. The future is you and me, and everyone. To exclude any one age group and marginalize them as if they have nothing to contribute is wasting a valuable resource. You should listen more to elders, since we have some valuable life lessons that we can share with you. You need us and we need you. If you devalue what I have to say, then you devalue yourself, since I am you one day.
     I'm so sorry that I wasn't always there for you. You were struggling and crying out in so many ways, and I let you down. I was hard on you and pressured you to have it all together, when you really just needed my support. You worried about body image and you fell in love with men who didn't treat you very well. I didn't have the guidance to give you because I wasn't able to yet. I can look back now and tell you that you are amazing, because I finally found the confidence you are endlessly chasing. Nobody outside of me provided that, I had to search within and it took many steps on our path to find it. It was earned through experience. You will seek mentors but friends will come and go, as will lovers. You will cry because you thought that each one truly cared. They only care as much as you care about yourself, and unfortunately you don't hold yourself in high regard. You are falling apart at the seams and nobody knows it, or everyone is burying their head in the sand. It's up to you then, to find your own way. You can do it! I'm living proof that you can. I''l try to help my peers offer support instead of judgement to our youth. Just as I am you one day, you are the younger versions of us. Loving ourselves means loving who we are entirely, our past, present, and future selves.
     There are days that I bask in life, and other days, I am struggling to get through the day. I enjoy a sunset, more than I did at your age. I also appreciate so much more than I did when I was you. You remind me to dream though, and to nurture hope. You have endless daydreams of what your life will turn out like. You long for the day to have the money to buy a new car, what your future kids will be like and you can't wait to be a career woman. It's pretty cool to have the freedom (and credit) to buy a car, but you'll find excitement in driving a mini van because it fits the kids pretty comfortably and has a portable movie player inside! It also has automatic doors! It's like something out of "Back To the Future," except it doesn't fly. I know...I know, you thought you'd have something cooler like a sports car. I'm sorry to burst that bubble. There is still time for that though. I'll have to ask my future self, what is in store for us for the next 25 years. Having a career is pretty empowering too, except I found that raising kids became more important, so career and being a mommy became conflicting roles at times. I still find a way to contribute to society, but for some crazy reason, being a mommy isn't valued in our society nearly as much as it should be. I hope that changes by the time our daughter becomes a mommy. Ultimately though, I don't care what society thinks. I know what is important and our kids need me right now.
     I am always here for you, cheering you on from the future. I embrace your struggles and love you that much more for all of the difficulties I know you are facing, and will be facing. Hold your head high, and never let others peoples perceptions of you dictate the direction of your life. You are a free spirit and one day, you will soar. I love you and when you fall asleep at night, you will hear my prayers whispering to you throughout the night. The future doesn't want you to hurry, just enjoy the present. You'll be here one day. Treat the earth kindly, for your children and their children and so on, need a place to explore their journey's. We will meet in our dreams but by day, as you take a step forward, so will I. We will truly compare notes when we leave this life. I have so much more to tell you, but we'll save that for another time. Until we meet again....

Cheers,

Denise