The Gift

“Life is the first gift, love is the second, and understanding the third”....(Marge Piercy). Today is my birthday and it has been a wonderful day of reflections over the past and wishes for the future. Twenty years ago on my birthday right before moving to the East Coast, I remember going through a similar transition. Twenty years ago though, I was a lot more confused about love and even more confused about the direction of my life. I remember back then, being optimistic about my future but feeling downright confused about the messages my heart was giving me. I started to seriously question the validity of feelings and as I made the move to the East, I decided to tune more into my head than my heart. I also seriously questioned the authenticity of love and again, began to tune more into the rational. My greatest strength, my heart, started to become neglected. Love had hurt way too much and it just seemed wiser to start playing it safe. Many people with broken hearts have made the same error. My twenty year cycle has brought me full circle, back to Southern California and back to facing all of the choices I made over the past twenty years. I have learned so much and I'm glad that I now truly listen to my heart again. I have grown in countless ways over the past years and with increased confidence and awareness, I can now navigate my future, allowing my heart to lead the way. Loving people is an amazing feeling and even with the potential of hurt, I will choose loving over playing it safe any day. I try to bring kindness and attention to all of my relationships now. Others may not always follow the same guidelines but I choose to send love anyway, because it just feels right. In fact, I've heard people say things like, "I think I enjoy pain" which saddens me really. I find the biggest problem is that people are afraid to feel good. Many people I have counseled or known, feel as if life has to be hard or that they do not deserve to be happy. If you think it has to be difficult, then it is. Your wish is your command after all. Why do so many people stop listening to their hearts and choose pain over freedom? It's just as easy to switch your thinking to, "I attract bliss." Think how much happier people would be if they allowed bliss instead of pain. Children seem to know this. They play, laugh and play some more. That same sense of joy can be experienced as an adult too, if more grown ups just remembered that the spontaneity and freedom of childhood is always within, waiting to be reawakened. The movie, "Big" comes to mind, when the boy becomes the man and he brings such playfulness and laughter to being an adult. Why does being an adult mean having to be so serious and why is suffering ever necessary? Once the lessons have been learned, any extra pain and suffering is just self abuse and absolute fear of allowing life to feel good. Life offers all of us the opportunity to be whatever we choose it to be. If you are in pain, then you have to ask yourself why you are choosing pain over pleasure, fear over freedom. The choice is yours. Each new day offers an opportunity to reflect about how your past brought you to today and where you want your choices today to lead you in the future. Do you choose a future of happiness or one of more pain? The decisions you make today make the difference. I choose bliss as I make my birthday wishes today.....and everyday. The little girl in me has a heart beaming brighter than ever and as I blow out my birthday candles, I send heartfelt wishes to all of those nearest and dearest to me. “Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained”...(C.S. Lewis). “Love is, above all, the gift of oneself”....(Jean Anouilh).