Our Will

So many of our DREAMS at first seem Impossible, then they seem Improbable, and then when we Summon the Will, they soon become Inevitable"...(Christopher Reeve). As I sit here staring out the window of my Vermont Inn room at Lake Willoughby, the word "will" really struck me. The room has a view of the lake and of Mount Pisgah, a mountain I hiked for the first time two years ago as a trek to summon my own will to make major changes in my life. I didn't know then that in those two years, I'd propel not only myself to change in many ways, but others around me as well. I guess change often sets off a domino effect as it may and others are offered the chance to change. At the time, my marriage was in trouble, I was boxed in by a busy private practice and wanting to spend more time with my three kids. I knew that I wanted a different life and that things just had to change. I certainly had no idea or set course of the outcome except a clear vision of happiness. So, with the force of will as my fuel....I took my first step and every step after, to climb out of the rut I had created in my life. Some changes were small and others were monumental. There were moments that I could have stopped and given into all of the gale force winds of resistance blowing all around me. My husband was less than happy at the time, about all of the changes going on. My kids were scared about uprooting their lives and moving across country. Clients were not happy that I would not be so accessible. Family, including my in-laws, thought that I had lost my mind. Everyone had an opinion and yet....with will and determination, I forged ahead. I watch others get mired down in self pity and thus they stay chained to pain and a vicious circle of confusion and doubt. "Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything good in the world"...(Helen Keller). It saddens me to watch people stay frozen in old patterns, but thanks to free will, we each have a choice in whether we move ahead or not. It wasn't easy at times, braving the storm....but my will just wouldn't let me stop. I had doubt occasionally but then I'd remember that my heart had a clear agenda and I had to listen. So here I sit, enjoying the view from my room and as I hiked Mount Pisgah yesterday with my daughter, I left several stones from my favorite California hike, a symbolic offering of how I have come full circle over the past two years. My life is what I had dreamt and hoped it would be. My children made the transition to California and had a great year, learning that they could make changes, make friends and enjoy living in a new place. They also loved seeing me more. I have more quality of life now, I simplified my schedule and hike almost every day. My kids have a happier mommy. While going through a divorce and dating others...my husband and I discovered much about ourselves that had been lost or missing. In a strange twist of fate, we found our way back to each other and now we have the relationship we had always wanted but had previously seemed impossible. I have now discovered that anything is possible. One year ago, my husband complained endlessly about all of the changes I was forcing on him, including a move to California. As it turns out though, my husband now loves California and absolutely adores living there. I am wearing a new wedding ring. It's actually my original diamond in a new setting, representing the beauty of transformation. When we renew our vows in August, our past 20 years together will be infused with a new beginning and a fresh start. Life is funny sometimes and all it takes is a lot of will and the willingness and courage to take the first step toward following your heart. “You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water"...(Rabindranath Tagore).