Be Resilient

I have to admit, I didn't learn the most in life from what went right. I learned the most from what went wrong. Let me explain further. I didn't have a perfect childhood. My father left when I was born, my mom married two more times and I lived in at least 7 different homes/apartments by the time I was 18. I didn't have security but I certainly learned to be resilient! I look back and I can see the variety of ways the difficulties I've faced have been my greatest teacher. One poignant experience was 10 years old. I had wanted so badly to attend Girl Scout camp in previous summers, but my mom could not afford to send me. This particular summer, I was given financial aid to attend one camp session at Camp White's Landing, on Catalina Island. I was just thrilled! My best friend and I were all set to go and as we took the boat over to Catalina, we discussed all the exciting things we'd do at camp for the next week. Once we arrived, we took our sleeping bags and duffel's over to our raised platform tent and checked things out. Sometime over the next 24 hours, my best friend made friends with some "cooler" girls and the next thing I know, she moved her things out of my tent and into theirs. My camp dream of spending the week with my best friend was dashed. The two new girls that I was also bunking with, jumped in to comfort me however, which helped cushion the blow. I focused on my new friends (instead of focusing on being ditched by my best friend) and I set out to have the best week ever, and I did. When I look back, I do recall being ditched. However, I remember more sweetly, the kindness of the two girls that comforted me, the songs we learned, and the activities we did. That one week summer camp stuck with me into adulthood, and is one of the many factors that contributed to me starting my own summer camp. I didn't know I was resilient then, but I was. For some other child, they could have sulked the entire week from being ditched by their friend. Their memories would be different from mine and perhaps, they would never want to send their kids to camp, let alone start a camp, because their earlier experience stuck with them negatively. I am glad that I'm resilient and I can now see the many ways, that has helped me recover from adversity. I also learned from a difficult marriage. My ex has his own perspective of course, but since this is my blog, I get to share mine. My ex wasn't always kind. He was inpatient, had a short fuse and perhaps the word "selfish" would best describe him. I learned so much in the 20 years I spent with him. Let me also add however that he was funny, he would make me laugh, and at times he could be charming. The nicer side is what he showed the world. Unfortunately for the kids and myself, we got the meaner side, more often than not. I learned that in addition to resilience, I had a high tolerance for bad behavior. I also see that I wanted to help my ex, but as the saying goes, you cannot help those who do not want to help themselves! Those things needed to be worked on in myself. Once again, my resilience got me through however, optimistic about love and relationships instead of jaded and angry. This past Valentine's Day, I saw Facebook post after post from angry women, cursing Valentine's Day. Wow! I'll take my resilience any day over being jaded. I understand why people get that way, but hurts do happen and nobody is really immune. I want my children to be secure, yet resilient! I can't protect them from every hurt, nor should I. They need to experience hurts, failures, and mistakes. Those mistakes aren't mistakes at all, but will teach them how to correct their own behaviors and perspectives. Don't get me wrong, I certainly will step in and protect my kids when necessary, but some things need to be experienced. My 9 year old has a huge crush on a girl in school. He asked me last night, after explaining that he said something kinda stupid to his crush, how he could say just the right thing. He was embarrassed about what he said in his nervousness. I explained that it's only through trial and error will the right words come. I told him that at 9, he won't have all the answers in life. He cutely said, "Why Not?"  I told him to just keep trying, and if the words don't feel right after saying them, reassess and try again. Great words of wisdom for us all. Even I have to take my own advise sometimes, since none of us are perfect. Be resilient though. Learn and grow from pain, bounce back from disappointments and always try to find something positive, especially during the darkest times. Resilience certainly helps me daily in life, and the cost of resilience? It's free! Holding onto pain, doubt, and anger? Not free...since you always pay a price for harboring negativity. Live freely, be resilient.