Being Authentic

What does it mean to be authentic? The word is used all of the time, but what does it mean to be truly authentic? It is a launching off point, a place to start asking, "who am I?" How can we teach our children to be authentic in a culture that tells everyone what to do, who to be and who is and isn't good enough. How can children remain authentic if their parents aren't being authentic? To truly be authentic, one has to just start asking questions. First question, who am I, physically, mentally and emotionally? Simple enough question......,yet very complicated answer. Often people will look shocked when I ask them, "who are you" and they often say, I don't know! We are all so conditioned by the adults that raised us. We don't even realize that whatever they encouraged and discouraged, their feelings, attitudes and beliefs all get imprinted on us. Being authentic means to start to uncover who you really are underneath all of that conditioning. People are often afraid of that part of the journey, because it means going against deeply rooted conditioning. People often fear that if they honor their authenticity people will reject them. Being authentic means pushing through your fears and not needing or depending on external approval anymore. The quest is for internal approval.....,it comes from within. With authenticity, relationships will shift. You will often outgrow many relationships that were based on that "old" conditioning. This is the part of authenticity which means facing loss in the process of growth. Second question, why am I here? Asking why is about digging deeper to find your purpose, accepting yourself completely, thereby embracing your very existence. Authenticity is finding out who and what you are instead of trying to be who you think you are suppose to be. The journey of self acceptance and thus authenticity, begins with seeing the world and yourself with new eyes. It's as if you have been wearing someone else's glasses for years. Your parents gave them to you and said "here, these worked for me and you'll be able to see fine with them." You get use to seeing the world with 60/40 vision. Things are out of focus, very blurry, distorted and you cannot see peripherally, but you've accepted that as normal for your entire life. Suddenly, you begin to question, why am I wearing these glasses, maybe I need a new prescription or don't need glasses at all. At first everyone tells you your crazy to spend the time and money to find out if you need glasses. Everyone else is seeing the world with the wrong prescription so why are you daring to challenge that! Finally, you get the courage to take off the old glasses. You are very confused at first, perhaps even blinded by all of the spectacular colors and clarity. You may even feel sick and disoriented as you adjust to seeing the world in a new light. Slowly, you adjust and you just can't believe what you've been missing out on! As you see yourself and the world with your new eyes, you begin to feel differently and you begin to embrace authenticity. You dared to question the vision of ingrained conditioning, you questioned the old order and ventured out onto the path of discovery. Discovering who you are is the journey of authenticity...... so dare to be authentic, to question deeply who you are and to see yourself and the world with new eyes.

Go With The Flow

On the journey of life, when confronted with something unexpected, you can either go with the flow or fight the process of life. Last night, I was offered one of those moments and I chose to go with the flow. Yesterday I decided to take my kids to Massachusetts and to the Vermont border to see the fall colors, go apple picking and just see where the day takes us. Total drive time should have been two and a half hours each direction. At 6:00 in the evening I got on Interstate 91 to head home. I love to take long drives, so I did not seem to notice that this drive was taking longer than usual. Never mind that I also did not seem to notice thanks to the distraction of my kids begging me to start the DVD player that when I was getting onto the interstate, I was heading north instead of south! Thankfully I had grabbed a coffee before I got onto the highway, because it turned out that I would REALLY need it! You can see where this is heading....... Canada! Yep, several hours later, when I finally took notice that something was wrong, I was at the Canadian border! Imagine the look on the Canadian border patrol's face when I explained why I did not have passports and could I please flip a U in Canada. As I was at the border I suddenly remembered a dream I had three nights earlier. In the dream, I had headed out for a two hour drive, fallen asleep while driving and ended up five hours from home! In the dream, I had arrived at an amusement park. I remembered marking it on my navigation in the dream to remember that even when you are lost, you can find places you would have never discovered. So back at the border, I laughed to myself as the dream flashed across my mind. The kids were laughing too, hysterically. They loved it! They did not seem to mind the fact that we would have a five hour drive home. They just loved that we ended up in Canada by mistake. They proceeded to tell the Canadian and U.S. border patrol the story. They also recounted the story over the next hour to the cashier at the mini-mart and the waitress at the restaurant. We all bonded over a crazy turn of events! The day taught my children the value in going with the flow. If I had reacted with anger, impatience, frustration or worry, they would have gotten an entirely different message from what happened. Instead, they learned that it is alright to make mistakes and that in fact, a mistake can turn into the biggest adventure. I learned that dreams can come true. The dream was not to warn me, but to remind me that sometimes the biggest treasures in life come from going in a different direction than you had planned. Things always happen for a reason. Years from now, my children will not remember the semi boring day trip to go apple picking and bowling.......they will remember however how that day turned into a U turn in Canada, an unexpected night in a hotel in Vermont and ice cream cones after breakfast. I hope they remember that life is an adventure and to always enjoy the ride!

Our Own Worse Enemy

The journey to self love seems to be the most difficult for everyone I come across. It does not matter how successful someone is in one or more areas of their lives. They may have confidence in an area of their life.....but overall, self love still seems out of reach. In the book, The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz says that humans punish themselves endlessly for not being what they believe they should be. He says that people become very self-abusive, and they use other people to abuse them as well. Ruiz states that the way we judge ourselves is the worst judge that ever existed. Why is everyone so hard on themselves?? We have the capabilities to love, transform, heal, hope and learn. So many people can also be so angry at themselves and others, be full of hate and self loathing. Those early years of imprinting during childhood really does a number on everyone! Those early childhood experiences of adults being critical, harsh, ignoring, withholding, judgemental, scolding and the like eventually becomes your own inner critic. The journey is to transcend those lessons and learn that everyone is worthy. So many people say statements like "I am not good enough" and "I don't deserve him or her, the job, or to get what I want." Of course the inner judge can say worse things, "I can't do it, I'm dumb, I'm terrible, I'm not as good as they are," and the list goes on and on. People can be incredibly cruel to themselves! It can be very difficult to get what you want if you are secretly sabotaging at every turn. If you attract a great relationship but you don't feel worthy, you end up pushing them away one way or another with harsh behavior until finally, they give you what you feel you deserve, they leave. The harder you are on other's......the harder you really are on yourself, you're just covering it up in judgement, anger or fear. Ruiz states, "the limit of your self-abuse is exactly the limit you will tolerate from someone else." That statement is a reminder that other's hold up a mirror of your insecurities and lack of self worth. That may be a tough statement to take, but if you keep putting up with bad behavior from someone, somewhere deep within, you believe you deserve it. The opposite can be said as well, that If you are treating other's badly, then you feel incredibly unworthy too. Nobody is perfect. Changing your thoughts about perfection and reflecting about where the unworthiness comes from is the first step to self acceptance and loving yourself. The journey to attain self love and empowerment is the only path to fulfillment, joy and getting everything you really want. It all starts with you. Happiness will always be forever alluding you if you don't find happiness within first. It all goes back to love........stop being your own worse enemy and be loving to yourself, one thought at a time.

I'm Not Who I Was

As I sit on the train heading to New York City, I am struck by how much I have changed since 1990, the year I moved from California to the east coast. When we catch glimpses of ourselves as changed forever, we are reminded of the gift we are offered in life......,the gift of transformation. As a therapist and counselor, I love watching clients grow and shift in their lives. It is so very rewarding to watch the process of change occur right before my eyes. Sometimes the shift is so subtle at first, like a mist of rain, so light that you hardly notice it. Progressively though, those subtle changes add up until you have completely transformed. What an amazing experience! I love when clients share with me those moments when the shifts catch their attention and they realize that they react differently, change their story, forgive someone or move through their darkness and pain into seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I have experienced all of that on my journey. When I moved to New York City so many years ago, I was lost and heart broken but hopeful that I would find my way. I took a chance and moved to NYC with no real plan in mind. I was a blank slate. Sometimes we have to take a leap of faith and head into the unknown. Buddha defined the wise person as "one who will gladly give up a smaller pleasure to gain greater joy." That statement shows how each small choice we make, each risk allows us an opportunity to change and to ultimately find joy. Leaping helps us to reshape who we are. Without ever taking chances, we feel stuck, stagnated and disconnected. Taking risks brings us back to life and offers us new opportunities. So here I am 19 years later enjoying the view as I look back in time and realize that I am not who I was. Bask in those glimpses, those quick reminders that life is a process of growth and change. Enjoy the journey and know that years from now, if you take a leap too, you will catch a glimpse of this moment and realize with a smile, that you are not who you were either, for every moment offers each one of us an opportunity to........ transform.

Make it a Venti

I never really drank much coffee before I had children. Now, 10 years later and three children in tow, I am a regular at Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts each and every day! Caffeine has become a way to get through the day. A friend of mine had a baby a year ago and recently we got together for lunch. I asked her how it was going and she said, "you know I love being a parent, but they never tell you how hard it is!" I cannot begin to tell you how many mom's I have counseled through the years that have repeated that very same phrase. Not to say that dad's aren't having a tough time too, but usually it seems the moms are the ones falling apart at the seams. So may women relate to me that they feel that they are failing because they don't handle it all with ease. They look around and say that it appears that other moms have it together. No, some are just really good at hiding it! I've counseled some of those mom's too. They look perfect on the outside yet they are crying every chance they get. Raising kids is just not easy. Children teach us so much about ourselves. They challenge every bit of patience we have or thought we had. I also find that no matter how far we've come in the battle of the sexes, women are still doing a lot more of the child raising, household chores, grocery shopping, birthday parties, booking the sitter, and a whole lot more. No wonder women are frazzled. I remember after I had my first child, my husband and I and son were waiting to board our plane in Dallas after visiting my mom. I was chasing our one year old all over the terminal and I look over, exhausted and observe that my husband is sitting in a lounge chair reading the paper! I'll never forget that moment, because that image said it all to me. Many dad's are certainly more involved these days, but why is it that in a lot of cases, women are still doing it all and sometimes juggling careers on top of it. Women need to become better at setting much needed boundaries, expect more from their spouses and find a way to take care of themselves. That is one thing I admire about men, that no matter what, they seem to take care of themselves. Women need to get better at that. If you are one of those few men that step up and take care of a lot around the house, are very active in raising the children and let your wife sleep in on the weekends, then I apologize and I sure hope that your wife appreciates you. If you are one of those frazzled mom's, just know that you are not alone. Parenthood is a journey with lots of lessons involved. Each day is a new chance to find a solution, get some help, set boundaries with your spouse, and find a way to cope with it all. So if you are at the grocery store and you observe a mom with screaming children, before you rush to judgment and shoot her a look of contempt, send her a look of compassion. You just never know what she is really going through, how sleep deprived she may be or whether her husband is sitting at home watching a game or in Iraq, while she is juggling the lion's share of the responsibilities and a look with a smile can possibly make her day. As for the coffee, I'm on my way to Starbucks right now!

Get It Over With

There is only one thing worse than going through the motions in a relationship........,going through the motions while having sex! I just have one question, why do so many couples settle on mediocre sex? Why do so many men think it is okay to have sex with their partners when she has said no, implied no or rolled their eyes and act like it's a chore? Why do women say no and allow themselves to be coerced into sex? Why would any woman with self respect allow this behavior? Why would any man with self respect push having sex with their partners by begging, pleading and guilting them until they begrudgingly say fine but say, "hurry it along!" How do men and women find any pleasure in that? Is this what we want to teach our son's, to put their needs ahead of their partners when they grow up? Is this what we want to teach our daughters, to put their partner's needs ahead of and at the expense of their own? By the way, sometimes the roles are reversed and it can be the woman as the assertive one and the man as the passive. It does happen on occasion. What has happened to the intimacy in relationships? How did mutual respect, self respect and true connection leave our unions? This is just crazy! I have counseled hundreds of men and women over the years and dare I say, almost all considered the practice of "getting it over with" as normal! This should not be okay. Relationships should not be based on fear, intimidation or even obligation. It is important for couples to discuss their sex lives, talk about what they need, what is missing and how to increase intimacy. The problem is that many couples are not talking about sex or feelings. They fall into games of avoidance and the "get it over with" behavior which satisfies both parties for awhile but builds resentment and walls. The other avoidance game going on is that some couples are not having sex at all, or rarely. We need to shift. The power plays and games need to stop. We need to question why we allow those behaviors in the first place. Both men and women should not settle on disconnected sex. With disconnected sex you can lose self-respect, lose respect for your partner, lose trust in the relationship, lose freedom, lose connection to your bodies, lose interest in sex, resentment grows, begin hating sex and may even begin hating your partner. Not healthy! Couples need to get back to mutual respect and love. Better not to have sex until the power struggle can be resolved and two individuals can rebuild their relationship into one that is mutually satisfying and based on trust. If that is just not possible then perhaps it is time to question why you are staying in the relationship. We need to stop the insanity happening in relationships. Your sex life is only as healthy as the relationship itself. It all boils down to love. Love yourself enough to honor your body and take care of you. Love yourself to say no and stand your ground. Respect each other's boundaries and discuss making changes in the relationship. If your partner is in denial and wants to keep the status quo........refuse to play the old games with them. Make yourself healthier and you have only to gain. If the relationship falls away because you become stronger, then it's time to move on.

The Marriage Trap

Okay, our society sells us on an image of marriage. As children, it is assumed that we will get married and have children. As young adults, friends and family pressure, "hey, when are you going to settle down." Women in their late twenties start to panic if they are not hitched yet. We are sold a glamorous, glossy, magazine type image of marital bliss. Boy are we duped or what! The reality is that we are told to get married, but not advised on how to marry the correct person. When I was in my 20's, everyone just married whomever they were dating at that time. None of my friends including myself ever stopped to ask, hey, do we have what it takes to last! Anyone can get married, it takes a lot more than that to stay married. I wish there had been an Adult Ed class called "marry for the right reasons." Do people really marry for love? My own mother certainly could not advise me on the subject, nor can many parents. Many parents are in their own marital hell. How many aging parents actually seem happy in their own marriages? Not to say that there are not some happy marriages, but they are the exception not the rule. I have observed many late 50's to 60's marriages who seem anything but happy. They are sarcastic to one another, grumpy, tired and appear as if they survived the war. I've counseled some of them and sure they raised their kids, but still question why they stayed together. Heck for that matter, I recently looked around the school at my son's open house and most of the couple's I observed in their 30's and 40's looked pretty miserable too. One woman I counseled in her 50's came to me after she started cheating on her husband. She was extremely anxious about cheating on her spouse, yet she admitted that she felt happier than she had been in years! The interesting turn of events was that she soon discovered she had breast cancer. She died within a year but said to me she never regretted the affair. Instead, she regretted not leaving her spouse years ago. Not that I advocate cheating, but why are so many people trapped in unhappy marriages? We've come a long way since the era of a Jane Austin novel, haven't we? Maybe not. People still seem to feel trapped by societal pressure, finances and familial or religious expectations. Today in a counseling session, I asked a male client of mine "what is good about your marriage?" His first response, "we have a really nice house!" Wow! He mentioned that first, even before his kids. So there it is...... Are people staying together because they have nice houses? What I have observed and learned is that often people marry the wrong person at the right time. From a lesson perspective, there is never really a mistake. The wrong person can teach you much about yourself. Often the wrong person helps to mirror back to you your fears and insecurities. You have to go back and question, why did I marry that person. It makes you face much about your insecurities to evaluate whether you worried about your families approval, peer pressure, family history of enabling and denial, religious beliefs and more. How can you discover the right path unless you've followed the wrong path first. There is a lesson in every path we take and there are truly no wrong turns. The question becomes, have you sorted through why you've made the choices you have and what have you learned? With awareness and healing the next step becomes the wrong person becomes the right one after all, or the marriage splits to help each individual grow in separate directions. There is no right answer and often a lot of pain and soul searching involved. I observe so many people running from the tough questions they have to face about their lives and marriages. Instead they engage in escape tactics such as affairs, being workaholics, alcohol and many more unhealthy behaviors. As the saying goes, those things are symptoms, what are you really running from and afraid to face? I choose soul searching. Much better to discover who you are and what direction to head than to bury your head in the sand. I am not sure where the search will lead...... but with love in my heart, it will be an interesting journey nonetheless.

Releasing the Victim

I recently learned about a shamanic ritual to release the pattern of "victim" energy. I love rituals. I have been training with a shamanic healer for awhile and have learned first hand how powerful rituals and ceremonies can be. Many rituals have disappeared in our society, but the ceremony of rituals have been used for centuries across the globe in various religions and cultures. Rituals can be a rite of passage, releasing old patterns and helping the individual transform emotionally. This ritual is about releasing the generations of victim energy into a stone. That stone is then brought to a sacred place in nature and left behind, thus releasing the individual from that energy forever. Pretty powerful! Without going into too much detail, I completed the ceremony and had to bring my victim stone to nature to release it once and for all. This ritual is really an affirmation of self love. How many people can say that they carry some victim pattern with them no matter how many levels and layers of self worth they have addressed and healed. That old victim energy can hang around like an old pair of jeans, completely worn out, but you hang onto them anyway because they somehow still feel comfortable. So I am on my journey, my pilgrimage to get rid of the stone. I bring it to my favorite mountain in Vermont. I am hiking and half way up...... I freeze, realizing that I left that stone in the car!! Okay, I cleared my mind and meditated for a moment. Then the message came to me, the stone is to go into the lake at the base of the mountain not ON the mountain. Cool, I am reminded that everything happens for a reason. I am in the clear so I continue my climb to the top. Sitting at the top of the mountain taking in the view, I realized that I had ended up more like my mom than I ever wanted to admit. How does that happen? No matter how much we try, we still repeat those patterns we witnessed again and again growing up. Like a magnet, we draw those patterns into our lives, like it or not. Each generation is offered a chance to change it, improve it or to make it worse. My mission in this life..... transform those family patterns and teach others to do the same. So, I was ready to wave good-bye to that victim shadow and I said a silent blessing to my mom and to all of the family members that paved the way for me. I realized that we are all the same and that no matter where we are on our journey, we are all learning. Some lessons are of pain, some of loss, regret, some of gratitude, isolation or of hope. But no matter what, love connects us all. On some level aren't we are all striving to love ourselves, be loved, find love and to share love. With those insights on my mind, when I reached the lake at the bottom of the mountain, I was ready once and for all to throw that stone into the water. I said a prayer of thanks to that old victim energy and I realized that I learned much about life from the lessons that victim hood taught. I learned to assert myself, to find my voice and it taught me to never put my self worth into an others hands. As I threw that stone in the water a feeling of peace came over me and I realized that this was the ultimate gift I was giving myself......... What a release!

Letting Go

There is a saying, you teach people how to treat you. That couldn't be more true. You teach them by allowing, laughing off, and ignoring bad behavior. Even if you lecture them on how to treat you.....if the behavior does not change, then you are allowing them to treat you badly. I use to think that if I voiced how I felt, I was being strong. It is a process of becoming stronger, but true strength lies in being able to walk away. You see, tonight I had to say good-bye to my dad. The irony is that he said good bye to me from the moment of my birth. My parents were separated when I was born and he had to be threatened to come see me in the hospital. My mother named me after him so that he would never forget who I was. He was gone most of my childhood and when he was around, well let's just say, he was anything but a doting father. I could list the many hurts and offences I have endured, but to what avail. I know what love feels like. The overwhelming love I have for my own children comes from the the depth of my soul. I have never felt one moment of that kind of love from him. My dad was dragged into fatherhood and he never learned to embrace the gift and the opportunity he had been given. So here I am, grown with three kids of my own and I finally have the courage to say good-bye. I truly understand how and why I allowed him to treat me badly. I always just wanted a dad, so I learned to stuff how I really felt, just to have him in my life. I am a Virgo, a helper and a healer. I always hope for the best in people and give them the benefit of the doubt. I always hope that they will change. What if they can't or won't. That is my lesson which brings me to letting go. Saying good-bye is not easy for me. I have always held onto people much longer than I should have, trying to see the best in them. The sacrifice? Me. I am not saying good-bye to my dad out of anger or vengeance. I am letting go out of love... love for myself. There is a saying in the bible, honor thy mother and father. What if they are not honoring you? So the little girl in me has arrived to the moment of truth. The loss I have to face is actually one I had at birth, that I would never have a father. So I say good-bye....,good-bye to the hope I had nurtured my entire life of having a dad and to hoping that he would change. I am finally seeing him for who he really is. In saying good-bye, as I let the tears flow..... I say hello to me, welcome to the world! People can change if they want to, but in the end we can only change ourselves.......that is the journey of love.

Going Through the Motions

I love a good hike! Hiking connects me to nature, to balance and to the simple things in life. While hiking, I feel more fully engaged in the moment. I love the song by Matthew West, The Motions. The words are as follows: "This might hurt, it's not safe but I know that I've gotta make a change. I don't care if I break, at least I'll be feeling something. Just okay is not enough, help me fight through the nothingness of life. I don't wanna go through the motions, I don't wanna go one more day, without your all consuming passion inside of me. I don't want to spend my whole life asking, what if I had given everything.... instead of going through the motions." This song say's it so beautifully. Who hasn't gone through the motions at some point in their lives? We all have. The song is about spirituality but also reminds me of a higher calling if you will and waking up, feeling and wanting more. While hiking, it's kinda tough to go through the motions. Hiking forces you to stay in each moment, to connect and feel every step that you take. It engages you physically on so may levels, like all forms of exercise. Perhaps that is why exercising is a natural anti-depressant. We are forced while hiking, running, etc, to give our minds some time off. Whenever I am hiking, if I start to think too much I either trip or my heart beating so fast pulls me back to the task at hand, to focus on the moment. We all live roles but are we feeling the moment...... and if so, what are we feeling? That is the other message I love about the song, to feel hurt, to feel pain, is better than feeling nothing at all. I counsel people day in and day out. They generally come to counseling in crisis with symptoms of depression and anxiety. The main problem is that they have been pushing down how they have really feeling for years. The symptoms of depression and anxiety wake them up! They usually look at me with surprise when I normalize what they are feeling and say, "you are just feeling, now it's time to sort out what you have really been feeling but pushing away." Like a child that tries to get their mom's attention with repeated verses of "mom", pulling on their shirt and whining until the child realizes mom is not paying attention and they head off to pull their sisters' hair. There, that got her attention! Symptoms are the wake up call, the screaming child within, trying to get your attention.... to wake up to your feelings. Feelings are so natural yet we all have learned so many ways to suppress, deny and avoid them. What nature reminds me on a hike is that there is perfect balance, a spiritual dance of the elements, the animals, insects and the weather. Everything works in harmony. Once you start allowing your feelings to flow more naturally you can feel more in the moment like nature at any given moment. The challenge, to not judge but observe what you are feeling. A good hike, walk, run or just sitting in nature can help you begin the process of allowing your emotions to unfold. There are no "bad" emotions. Just like a good rain washes away debris and nourishes the earth, a good cry can be very cleansing for the spirit. Once you just allow your feelings to flow, then begins the journey of self discovery.

Life is a Hike

The thing I love about hiking mountains is that there is a clear goal, get to the top! Half way up you begin to wonder, "why am I doing this again," then you remember that there is a clear goal, the peanut butter and jelly sandwich you get to eat when you get to the top. That sandwich always motivates me! Of course I can't wait to take in the view, but when you have been hiking for hours and your legs are so tired they feel like spaghetti and it feels like you'll never get there, that sandwich seems more important than the view. When I arrive at the top, rest and eat, I sit in wonder staring out at the gorgeous view and congratulate myself for making it to the top. It is an amazing feeling. Hiking is a metaphor for life. You are on your journey..... sometimes you take in the view, sometimes you're so tired that you feel like giving up and other days, you just want to get to the top. With each hike as with each step on our journey in life, we get to the goal and assess, rest, take in the view and set our next goal. The journey of life is a series of hikes. Oh sure, some people just opt out and stay at the bottom of the mountain making excuses as to why they can't hike. I've met many of those non-hikers. They gave up on themselves and life and sleepwalk through life. They claim that they could hike the highest peaks, so to speak, but never take a step onto the trail. There are also those who start hiking and give up along the way. Lacking in enough self worth to climb to the top, they stop somewhere along the trail and turn back. They complain too, stating endless excuses as to why they have to stop but claim they "could have" made it to the top if they wanted to, but why bother. They are the poor me hikers. They at least engage in their life, but they keep giving up on themselves instead of following through to their goal. The non-hikers and poor me hikers are dictated by fear. That is all it is, fear, plain and simple. They live with the many excuses that fear creates, "It's raining, I'll do it tomorrow (tomorrow never comes), I can't do it, it's their fault, I would if...it's too hard, what if I get hurt, I'm too good to hike, I could hike Mount Everest," etc, etc. Okay, the hikers, the one's that make it to the top are afraid too. They may even have some self-worth issues (who doesn't), but they never let their fears stop them. Our journey and our series of hikes is about engaging in our journey. Nobody can make the climb for us and everyone has fear. Don't ever let fear stop you from taking that first step onto the trail and continuing to take steps until you get to the top. As for love, love yourself enough to believe that your journey is worth it. No matter what issues you are battling, scars from the past you carry or perceived hardships, start with a glimmer of love and take the first step onto the trail and don't look back until you've reached the top.