Get It Over With

There is only one thing worse than going through the motions in a relationship........,going through the motions while having sex! I just have one question, why do so many couples settle on mediocre sex? Why do so many men think it is okay to have sex with their partners when she has said no, implied no or rolled their eyes and act like it's a chore? Why do women say no and allow themselves to be coerced into sex? Why would any woman with self respect allow this behavior? Why would any man with self respect push having sex with their partners by begging, pleading and guilting them until they begrudgingly say fine but say, "hurry it along!" How do men and women find any pleasure in that? Is this what we want to teach our son's, to put their needs ahead of their partners when they grow up? Is this what we want to teach our daughters, to put their partner's needs ahead of and at the expense of their own? By the way, sometimes the roles are reversed and it can be the woman as the assertive one and the man as the passive. It does happen on occasion. What has happened to the intimacy in relationships? How did mutual respect, self respect and true connection leave our unions? This is just crazy! I have counseled hundreds of men and women over the years and dare I say, almost all considered the practice of "getting it over with" as normal! This should not be okay. Relationships should not be based on fear, intimidation or even obligation. It is important for couples to discuss their sex lives, talk about what they need, what is missing and how to increase intimacy. The problem is that many couples are not talking about sex or feelings. They fall into games of avoidance and the "get it over with" behavior which satisfies both parties for awhile but builds resentment and walls. The other avoidance game going on is that some couples are not having sex at all, or rarely. We need to shift. The power plays and games need to stop. We need to question why we allow those behaviors in the first place. Both men and women should not settle on disconnected sex. With disconnected sex you can lose self-respect, lose respect for your partner, lose trust in the relationship, lose freedom, lose connection to your bodies, lose interest in sex, resentment grows, begin hating sex and may even begin hating your partner. Not healthy! Couples need to get back to mutual respect and love. Better not to have sex until the power struggle can be resolved and two individuals can rebuild their relationship into one that is mutually satisfying and based on trust. If that is just not possible then perhaps it is time to question why you are staying in the relationship. We need to stop the insanity happening in relationships. Your sex life is only as healthy as the relationship itself. It all boils down to love. Love yourself enough to honor your body and take care of you. Love yourself to say no and stand your ground. Respect each other's boundaries and discuss making changes in the relationship. If your partner is in denial and wants to keep the status quo........refuse to play the old games with them. Make yourself healthier and you have only to gain. If the relationship falls away because you become stronger, then it's time to move on.