Ghosts

"Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower"...(Hans Christian Anderson). Well, it's never a good sign when you find yourself in the emergency room of a hospital and you are actually praying that they admit you. That's what happened to me last Sunday. I had surgery several weeks ago and about a week post Op, I started having signs of an infection. The doctor started me on a round of pretty good antibiotics and I went home hopeful that this would clear up easily. Each day I continued to feel worse and symptoms were not improving. By Sunday, I felt so sick and was starting again with severe chills and nausea and all signs started to point to Emergency! Just to be sure, I called Dr. Mom to get her opinion. We call her doc mom because she lives by the Merck medical manual and looks every symptom up on google. Her advice... Go to the hospital! A doctor friend backed us up on this. So there I was in the ER, so out of it that I prayed to be admitted. The culprit of my symptoms, a very bad infection that was moving fast, that I picked up from surgery. Of course they admitted me and started me on the Cadillac of antibiotics. Monday was quite a blur to me, except I remember the very nice nurse trying to care for me and throwing up everything in a pink bucket next to my bed. I want to find that nurse and bring her flowers. She was a tough cookie and very old school, but she knew what she was doing and she kicked the doctor's behind to get the meds I needed. They drugged me with much needed pain meds, gave me several doses of anti-nausea drugs (which didn't work) and kept pumping me full of antibiotics. I was miserable and couldn't even keep sips of water down. The message of the day, my body is at war, close my eyes and let my body fight. I knew I was a bit in trouble when I saw spirits parading around my room whenever I closed my eyes. I was in an altered state. On Tuesday, I woke up so incredibly thirsty yet couldn't drink anything because I'd throw it up. It is the weirdest feeling to feel like you've been walking in the dessert for days and yet you cannot drink one sip of water. They let me shower eventually, even though I could barely stand, but let me tell you.. A shower never felt so good. Sometimes, the simplicity of things are so appreciated. I did not have shampoo or any of the usual niceties you have with showers. I had a bar of soap that I even washed my hair with. I honestly did not care. I hot shower, a clean towel and a fresh hospital gown, those were the things I came to appreciate while I was in the hospital. On Tuesday, I could finally hold food down and get a tiny bit of strength back. The weather looked gorgeous outside, yet there I was, lying in a hospital bed praying to get better. I didn't care about the weather or what I was missing, I was completely and utterly in the moment, hoping my body could win the battle over the infection. I continued to drift in and out of consciousness, too weak to even listen to my iPod. It was an interesting position for me to find myself in. Suddenly, I was not the therapist, the mother, the friend.....I was a patient in need of others to care for me. For the first time in a long while, I had nothing to offer anyone. I could not dispense good advice, cheerlead others efforts, be there with a shoulder to lend, or take care of anyone but myself. It was about survival at that point. I remember receiving the message to just let go and let my body fight. The other message, let others take care of me. Interesting to note that I even received some texts from clients asking for advice while I was in the hospital. The plea's for help quickly turned them into the helper as they received word that I was in the hospital and many clients sent me prayers and blessings via texts and e-mails. In fact, I received word from family and friends as well, sending me much needed prayers and good thoughts. As I always say, thoughts are energy in motion, so all of the healing thoughts sent my way were music to my soul. I needed the help. I could barely muster the energy to pray myself. A huge thanks to all of you who sent healing thoughts! I appreciate it more than you will ever know! By Wednesday, I was getting some strength back and just to stretch my legs, I did some laps around the unit, wheeling my IV next to me. I witnessed many people suffering in pain in their hospital rooms. One lady yelled "help" continuously for hours. They released me yesterday to continue to heal at home. My lessons were numerous over the past week or so. No matter how bad you have it, as they say, there is always someone who has it worse. I send many blessings to all of the people in hospitals right now, battling illnesses, injury and diseases. I learned that there is only so much you can control. The rest you have to leave up to god and fate. I appreciate the fresh air more than ever and send love to my body for being a pretty amazing vehicle in this life. I know I need to just slow down, listen to my body more and let it heal properly. The biggest lesson, to let others be there for me. I felt more loved over the past week, than ever in this life. What an amazing gift I received from being so sick. When I closed my eyes while I was semi conscious, I saw ghosts, people who had passed over while they were in the hospital. Whether you believe in that stuff or not, does not matter. The parade of ghosts are a sign that life is short and a huge reminder to make the most of this life. "Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't"...(Richard Bach). "When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me"...(Erma Bombeck).