Time After Time

We arrived in Southern California several days ago and have been enjoying our new home as well as heading to the beach almost every day. The cross country trip was an enjoyable trek for many reasons. I absolutely enjoyed taking in the grand views along the way as well as visiting with family and friends along the route. The kids had a blast but were so incredibly happy to arrive to their new home and sleep in their own beds. Time flew during the trip and I am almost sad that it is already over. Like the kids however, I am very happy to embrace my new, yet familiar surroundings. I have not lived in Southern California for 20 years so I am getting adjusted to the traffic on the freeways and discovering new restaurants and shopping centers around town. I went out with the girls one night to watch an 80's cover band at a club in a nearby town. The age span of patrons ranged from 21 to 70! The music was fun but reminded me how incredibly shallow the whole bar scene is. I sat back and people watched for awhile and it kind of reminded me of the whole Match.com experience. Time has not changed the bar scene any from my earlier recollections of it in the 80's and early 90's. I'm not sure if this is just a California thing or if it just spans all bars across the globe. Perhaps California just takes it to a new level. I hate to slam California on this issue but there is some truth to the idea that California is more....shall we say, easy going and superficial. Not everyone fits into the stereotype of course but the energy is absolutely different on the West Coast compared to other parts of the country. I was a bit sad at the club watching everyone trying to get attention from each other. I was in a crowded bar yet never felt so alone. Am I the only one observing how sad the entire scene really is? Perhaps the East Coast added a bit of depth to this California girl after all. I may go back to that club just to watch that 80's band again. They really looked like they were just enjoying playing the music and not taking any of it too seriously. I can relate to that. Another new discovery was a new spa I went to today. My friend Adrienne and I lost my car however in the parking garage. Let me rephrase that....the car was never lost, we were! The garage at the Galleria is so large, we got completely turned around and spent at least a half hour searching for it. Once we found it, I got onto the wrong freeway going the wrong direction! It is amazing I made it all the way across the country based on the errors I made today. More lessons in patience, laughter and going with the flow. I may need to use my navigation the next time I go to the Galleria however and input the parking level into my iPhone. I can handle getting to know Southern California with new eyes, a fresh perspective and a bit of maturity. Time has changed me in many ways as well as my perspective of California. Now when I am at the beach, I'm not just enjoying the sun and the waves but I am truly observing the absolute beauty of everything around me. My pictures will be a way for me to capture the glory of California as I take in her beautiful sights. We will be visiting Disneyland Monday, another of California's wonderful places to visit. On a side note, at the beach the other day, my ten year old son looked at me earnestly and said, "I am SO glad we moved to California." It was the highlight of my week!! Changes may be tough at first but as my son has already learned in time, they offer new and wonderful opportunities. "Time has been transformed, and we have changed; it has advanced and set us in motion; it has unveiled its face, inspiring us with bewilderment and exhilaration"....(Kahlil Gibran).

Can't Stop How I Feel

"I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel's sake. The great affair is to move"...(Robert Louis Stevenson). We've been busy traveling closer to California since Texas. We traveled all day through Texas and Oklahoma and arrived at Santa Fe, New Mexico at midnight. We stayed at a beautiful hotel in the heart of downtown. It sure was a nice change from the Comfort Inn type of hotels we had been staying at. Santa Fe is a charming city with lots of art galleries and handmade crafts on just about every corner. We departed Santa Fe and headed through New Mexico to Durango, Colorado. New Mexico was beautiful to drive through and I couldn't help but pull over at the side of the road occasionally to take pictures. We landed in Durango to see my high school best friend Lisa and her family. The trip to Durango was symbolic for me because I stopped there 20 years ago when I was moving from California to New York City. I just love Durango but had forgotten a lot of things about the city in 20 years. It has also grown up quite a bit since I visited so many years ago. I love friends like that....friends that you are so close to, that you pick up right where you left off. I felt like I was back in high school, when we slept over each others houses just about every weekend. I really felt as close to her now as I ever did in high school. She greeted us with warm hospitality and my kids loved that she was genuinely nice to them. My friend Lisa has a beautiful 15 year old daughter. My four year old has quite a crush on her now and can't wait for us to visit Durango again. We really enjoyed our stay in Durango but one funny thing did happen while visiting there. On the night we arrived, Adrienne and I (in our two cars) were following my friend to her house on the outskirts of town. We were in the middle of nowhere and Adrienne got pulled over by a police car. I pulled over too because for the life of me, I could not understand why she was being pulled over. The officer talks to her first then comes over to me. He informs me that she was driving too slow and that he wanted to pull me over for going too slow too. Yes, you heard me correctly, we were apparently going too slow. I lost it, I was laughing so hard. I couldn't help but also respectfully give the officer a bit of a hard time. We were going 55 in a 65 mile per hour zone. I explained that we had just arrived in town and did not know the roads, but he wanted our license and registration anyway. This was an absolute first for me....getting pulled over for going too slow!! We were issued a warning and I bet that officer needed a drink after his shift because I later found out that he is new on the job and I rattled him a bit. We left Durango and headed directly to Mesa Verde state park in Colorado. We did a quick trip to check out some ruins, old pueblos and take pictures. Then we beelined for the Grand Canyon and arrived there at midnight. We stayed at a lodge in the Grand Canyon state park and I woke up early in the morning to greet the beauty of her views. My kids adored the Grand Canyon and said tonight that it was one of their favorite parts of the trip so far. We left the Grand Canyon today and arrived in Sedona, Arizona by late afternoon. I have never been to Sedona before and was blown away by the overwhelming beauty of the red rock and unique mountain formations as you enter Sedona. We are staying at a hotel that overlooks Bell Mountain and the energy of the area is profoundly moving. Sedona is on my list of places to return to in the not so distant future. We leave Sedona tomorrow after I take photos and if the kids have their way, we'll arrive in the Thousand Oaks area by late evening. They are so excited to finally arrive in California that they want me to bypass my stop to Joshua Tree state park. I may have to strike a deal with them but either way, we arrive to our new home in about 24 hours. This trip has been amazing for myself, the kids and Adrienne. We have experienced such beauty in every part of the country and have met the nicest people along the way. The children went from sad and crying when we left Connecticut to cheering and begging to get to our new home. They have seen places that many sheltered individuals have never seen. Adrienne commented that many of her friends have never left the confines of Connecticut. I too know many sheltered individuals who have never left their home towns. I look forward to many more road trips, now that I will be west coast based. I have so much more to see and explore. "The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page"...(St. Augustine).

Caravan of Love

I left on my cross country road trip three nights ago. I am driving with my three kids in my vehicle and my friend and babysitter is driving our other car. We spent our first night in Virginia then Tennessee the second night. On day three we got to Memphis by late afternoon. The first two days went smoothly and I sure enjoyed the view. When you are open to synchronicities, a whole world opens up to you. In Virginia, the first three hotels I stopped at were booked solid. Finally, the forth one had a room. In the morning after breakfast, I headed out on foot to see if I could find any bit of nature near the hotel to take some pictures. I walked across the street because I noticed a lot of trees. Before I knew it, I was in the most beautiful park, completely surrounded by nature, acres and acres of it. It was a nice gift to wake up to. Later that day once in Tennessee, I intuitively got off of an exit, just to see if I could quickly find something scenic to take some pictures of. I followed my heart and even though it looked like I was heading into a housing development, I just kept going, because it felt right. Several minutes later, the road opened up to a beautiful waterfall and stream. It was magical. Once again I smiled to myself, glad that had trusted my instincts. On day three, we toured Graceland. It was a lot smaller than I had thought it would be. I bet it was considered huge and state of the art at the time Elvis lived there. The home was medium sized and cozy. It shows how times have changed. A movie star these days would have a home 20 times larger than Graceland. He did have many excesses though, like 14 carat gold seat belts in his private jet. After Graceland, we headed to a southern style restaurant in a truck stop. My sitter Adrienne and I felt a little bit like movie stars when we walked in because every male in the joint was staring at us. Guess the truckers haven't seen women in awhile. The waiter Donovan was so incredibly sweet and I just love the southern politeness, "Yes Ma'am." I tipped him three times the percentage because he was just so darn sweet. We have found many friendly souls on our journey. I have gotten great deals on hotels, enjoyed lots of good music thanks to my iPod and XM radio and certainly basked in the beauty of this great country. We pushed through to Dallas after the truck stop and ended up dangerously tired. The road started to lull us to sleep! We had to pull over at one point, just to close our eyes for 15 minutes. We made it to Dallas and my moms house at about 3:30am. We had a great day today because we got to catch up on some much needed sleep and I have my own room (no rug rats hogging the bed). We swam in a gorgeous pool, went to a movie and took pictures at a lake. The movie was "Inception," which I highly recommend. It goes right to the point that our dream life is very important. I also drove my step dads truck (Texans love their trucks) and received a nice message from driving it. It has no XM radio or iPod hookup. I was stuck wrestling with a regular old AM/FM radio, searching for reception and a song. Then I happened upon this song, "Caravan of Love," by the Isley Brothers. It gave me the chills. I love this song but had not heard it in years. Since this blog is all about love, it fits right into my theme. It dawned on me that I am driving the caravan of love from Connecticut to California. Love is a smile, a feeling and it spreads joy everywhere it goes. I am spreading love and meeting loving souls along the way. My kids cried when we left Connecticut but once on the road started to talk about the family they miss in California and all of the fun things we are going to do. So, join the caravan of love in your own way, each and every day. As for us, we head out of Texas Thursday morning, heading to Santa Fe and Durango, Colorado. The caravan of love will keep you posted as to our adventures. “Spread love everywhere you go: First of all in your own house... let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness"...(Mother Teresa).

Caravan of Love Lyrics: The Isley Brothers
Songwriters: Jasper, Chris;Isley, Ernie; Isley, Marvin

Are you ready
Are you ready
Are you ready
Are you ready
Are you ready for the time of life
It’s time to stand up and fight
So alright
So alright
Hand in hand we take a caravan to the marble land
One by one we gonna stand up with pride
One that can’t be denied
Stand up
Stand up
From the highest mountain of valley old
We all shall together with heart of gold
Now the children of the world can see
This a better place for us to be
The place is which we were born
So neglected and torn apart

Every woman every man
Join the caravan of love
(stand up) stand up
Stand up
Every body takes a stand
Join the caravan of love
(stand up) stand up
Stand up

I’m your brother
I’m your brother don’t you know
She’s my sister
She’s my sister don’t you know

We’ll be living in the world of peace
And the day when everyone is free
Bring the young and the old
Want you let chilled flow from your heart

Every woman every man
Join the caravan of love
(stand up) stand up
Stand up
Every body takes a stand
Join the caravan of love
(stand up) stand up
Stand up

I’m your brother
I’m your brother don’t you know
She’s my sister
She’s my sister don’t you know

So are you ready ( he’s coming )
Are you ready ( he’s coming )
Are you ready ( he’s coming )
Are you ready ( he’s coming on the caravan )
You better get ready ( go for it )
You better get ready ( go for it )
You better get ready ( go for it )
You better get ready

He's Got Game

It is a new dating game alright! It's very interesting when you are conversing and flirting with someone intriguing and thanks to facebook, you get to see recent postings of jacuzzi escapades he is having with other women. This is a real story related to me today from a female client. Modern technology can be great but sure can complicate the dating game. It takes away the mystery of things when conquests are advertised so easily. Every guy however has got to have "game," his way of attracting and seducing a woman. If a guy has no game, then he's alone on weekend nights and ends up pretty frustrated. Even a guy playing the "I'm genuine" card is still using that to attract women. It is a game that men and women are playing and we can never forget that. It is a lot of pressure for men to have to initiate dating and sex. Think about it women....if we were completely in charge of dating, we'd have to come up with a strategy too. Not that there are not plenty of aggressive women out there, but overall, the chase begins with the guy. Women play games too. A women's game is her strategy of enticing men and keeping them interested. All too often women forget there is a game involved and drop their guards much too quickly, only to become prey to their hunters, without ever knowing what hit them. If men kept their game going long after the initial chase, then women might not complain so much about neglectful lovers and relationships would be more fulfilling. The same could be said for women. Being secure and committed in a relationship can be nice but women forget to keep their game going a bit. The bottom line is that men and women need to keep investing some of the energy they initially invested to attract the partner to keep the relationship passionate and interesting. Men are still the strategists initially. They are playing a masterful game of dating chess. Some girls give in too quickly without being much of a challenge and men quickly lose interest in them. Women can work on this by sharpening their "game" skills early on. Even if a couple has been together for a long time, men and women can and should challenge each other to keep things interesting. Women and men complain constantly to me that either can begin to take the 1-2-3 easy route to sex, once in established relationships, rather than continuing the erotic game of cat and mouse. Another frustration that women relate to me is how they crave emotional closeness in relationships and look forward to the calls, texts and e-mails. Men however control the emotional game initially, while women control the sexual pacing. A good strategist knows just how much to give to keep someone interested. That's why calls, texts and e-mails from guys can peak and wane depending on their strategy. Some guys feed the emotional card, lavishing the woman with calls until they get what they want. Later on down the line, women complain "they use to call me all the time, now they never call!" Does not take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. Once the relationship becomes secure, the long calls and texts fade. Other guys play the "aloof" card. They create a desire by not always being available. They give a little emotional closeness only to disappear off the radar, creating mystery. Women complain that those guys confuse them. That game can stir up desire but can backfire on them because women often become frustrated with that game and move on if the guy plays that game too long. Another type of game is "the romantic." Those guys will charm the pants off of you, practically telling you they are Romeo and you are Juliet. They will promise or perhaps deliver some pampering and romancing. Some romancers will play that card until they get what they want, then turn aloof. The bottom line...everybody's got game!! In the process of the games and the chase, people do fall in love. Others catch a mate only to discover that the chase was the appeal and it turns out to be a bad match. All of dating begins with a game however and hopefully some much needed chemistry. So, get your game on! Be as genuine as one can be while playing the game and never to forget to have fun while playing it. If the game is fun and couples make each other laugh as well as keeping each other on their toes, then you've got a good start to something. Men and women aren't so different after all. We all really want to have fun, be inspired, challenged and have some physical intimacy along the way. We may go about the game differently, but life is a game....you just need to learn how to play it with an open heart.

The Hardest Goodbye

“Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened"...(Dr. Seuss). I am counting the days before we start our cross country trip from the east coast to the west coast. We only have 3 more days until we depart. Our planned stops include Memphis, Dallas, Santa Fe, Mesa Verde, The Grand Canyon, Sedona, Joshua Tree and finally Thousand Oaks, CA. It is a real pilgrimage of sorts for me. I have come full circle over the past 20 years. The lost California girl found her way to the east coast and in the process, found herself. On the east coast, I integrated the importance of history, culture, family, security and life experience. Now as I weave my way back to California, I am forever changed. I head back to my home state with an open heart and the excitement of new adventures. In the process however, I am having to say goodbye to some cherished people and places. I worked and lived in or near New York City for the first eight years of my stay on the east coast. I adore New York City. I learned to live comfortably without a car, loved visiting SoHo, art galleries and taking the subway. I met a lot of diverse and amazing people while living there. I became accustomed to hearing honking horns, day and night. I jogged around Central Park, watched concerts in the park and enjoyed trying new restaurants. I witnessed countless homeless people living on the streets and almost got mugged once, but a good Samaritan grabbed the guy and got my backpack back. People often knew I was not from New York City because I heard many comments that I was just too nice to have been raised there. The buzz and activity in the city was exciting and living there was a unique experience that I will always cherish. I've been living in Connecticut for the past 12 years. I love having the ability to still take the train into NYC as well as the convenience of driving in any direction and crossing state lines in an hour or so. The coastline in Connecticut is very different from California. The beaches are rough and rocky. There are no waves and sometimes the water can look anything but pleasing to swim in. It sure is pretty to look at however. I've found some favorite hikes and places to visit in Vermont, upstate New York, Rhode Island and Cape Cod. The east coast is filled with history and beautiful architecture. The seasons are breathtaking and when each season is at it's peak, it is a glorious sight to see. Since I knew that this past year would be my last here, I took special notice of absolutely everything around me...every tree, flower, vista, became accentuated. Sometimes we pass the most beautiful sights every day, but do not notice the spectacular beauty right in front of us. Regarding people, I have to say good-bye to some very special souls. Hopefully, I can handle the goodbyes a bit better than I did 20 years ago. To all of the friends, clients, co-workers and friendly souls I have met while living here...I say thank you from the depth of my heart and soul. You have all touched my life in some way and hopefully, I affected you positively in some way too. We all help each other along the way and I have grown and learned tremendously from each and every one of you. So goodbye east coast....you will always be in my heart and now you are a part of who I have become. Thank you for the heartfelt memories. “May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand"...(Irish Blessing). “Don't be dismayed at goodbyes, a farewell is necessary before you can meet again and meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends"...(Richard Bach).

The Spirit of Saranac Lake

Nineteen years ago in the summer of 92, the California girl living in New York City, made the first trek up to Saranac Lake (in upstate New York) for the first time. I got into a mini-van with a bunch of strangers and headed into the unknown. I had answered an ad in the New York Times for a private camp counselor, to entertain and supervise a group of cousins at an old Adirondack camp. Now here I am staring out of the window of my cabin, enjoying the beauty of Saranac Lake, while my own children lay asleep downstairs. My first hike up here 19 summers ago was St. Regis Mountain. Appropriately, I hiked St.Regis yesterday with my children and we celebrated our triumph with ice cream afterward just like we did all those summers ago. As I get ready to trek across country to move back to my home state, I can't help but reflect over the past 19 summers of memories from Saranac Lake. My first five summers were spent working for the family of Cottage #2. The children ranged in age from two to fourteen. I was a little scared about spending an entire month with strangers at first, but the adventurer in me was up for the challenge. The matriarch of the family, the grandmother was a classy and elegant lady. She taught me the value of enjoying the moment. I remember she had the mini-van pull over as we were on route to the camp, just to pick some flowers and to bask in the beauty of the surroundings. Once we arrived at the camp, she clearly came to life as she showed me the lake. She wanted me to teach the kids to enjoy each and every day at the lake. The camp had no electronics, no video games and no television. The lesson, to enjoy the simple things in life, swimming, playing, reading and resting. Oh yes, resting was a requirement as I quickly learned. Every day after lunch, there was a strict napping/rest policy.....no exceptions. That threw me off at first, that even the adults napped during this time. After I adjusted however, I absolutely came to adore that down time. I remember the first time I set eyes on Saranac Lake. I was overwhelmed by her beauty. I felt as if nature had thrown a huge hug around me, embracing me fully. During those first five summers, I learned the value of being completely in the moment and the importance of unplugging from society once in awhile. I always felt more rejuvenated and at peace after being at Saranac Lake. I have to send a special blessing to Ellen, the grandmother who inspired me. She saw some hidden potential in me and after my first summer at Cottage #2, she recommended that I be hired to work in their NYC office, so that I could be their camp counselor every summer. She passed away years ago but I will be forever grateful to her for allowing me the opportunity to find myself among the evergreens, mountains, trails and Saranac Lake. The children of Cottage #2 helped me grow in numerous ways as well. We all spent many long days on trails and we laughed, told stories, sang songs and celebrated with ice cream after each hike. We watched each other complete hikes we secretly thought we'd never survive and we peeled off muddy shoes and jumped into the lake after the most gruelling trails. We baked chocolate chip cookies at night, made s'mores and played monopoly endlessly. Those are summers I hope they never forget...I know that I won't ever forget the simplicity of just enjoying each others company. It is a lesson I try to teach my own children now.
    Other memories of the Adirondack mountains include the time I brought my grad school girl friends up here to hike. I offered them a choice of a three mile hike or five mile hike. They were all avid runners at the time and type A personalities, so naturally, they opted for the five mile hike (10 miles round trip). I tried to warn them that hiking up here was tough, but they were confident in their abilities. Several girls went running before the hike, which is when I secretly knew that they had no idea what they were in for. Another girl had her full make-up on. I was laughing to myself. During the first hour of the hike, we all chatted and told stories. By the second hour however, the talking started to wane and I could tell that they were realizing that hiking was serious business. At the third hour, nobody was talking at all. It took us four hours to reach the top and I loved knowing that the mountain had taught them a thing or two. We devoured our peanut butter and jellies, enjoyed the magical view and headed back down. The trek down was a mission of survival. Again, nobody spoke the entire time. They did not want to admit that they had gotten themselves into something that challenged them to the depths of their souls. When we finally reached the bottom, we all jumped into the lake, clothes and all. Everybody was so sore that night that they could barely walk. I'll never forget that hike! One of the girls admitted later that she thought hiking meant a leisurely stroll through the woods. I've been bringing my own children up to Saranac Lake for the past 11 summers and now they have memories of hiking, s'mores, canoeing and swimming for endless hours in the lake. Many hikes like St Regis, hallenge them to their core. St.Regis is a 5-6 hour hike. They complained a few times but they kept going. Once on top, they basked in the glow of knowing that they completed something very difficult. I will be heading out on a kayak in few minutes to spend a little more time with Saranac Lake before I depart tomorrow. I am listening to the song, "I Hope You Dance" which seems fitting for how I feel right now. Enjoy life's simplest moments, bask in the beauty of nature and never forget.....that life is an adventure.

Navigating Desire

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place"...(Billy Crystal). How is it that men and women ever get together? I suppose that sexual energy is the driving force of course, but we are so different. After counseling so many women, I hear their frustrations with dating, relationships and sex. I am currently on vacation and I have my 25 year old babysitter along with me. She has been telling me numerous guy stories that make my head spin. I am getting flashbacks to my 20's, when I was dating a lot and just like her, I had my horror stories about the dating scene. One thing I always hated about it...the insincerity. I know that's how it works, right? Men tell women "lines" and try to get them into bed...and oh yeah, they'll take you on a date if they have to. It all goes back to sex. Women get frustrated with the whole thing too, because they don't trust (understandably) and feel like the next piece of meat at the deli counter. No woman wants to feel like she is the next conquest. The whole thing sets up for a lot of frustration between the sexes. Now, it does not help when women are pandering themselves like objects and wonder why men only want sex from them. Come on ladies, men want sex no matter what....you don't have to brand yourself and tie a ribbon around your neck. What do women want? They want to feel special and that the guy they are talking to, sincerely finds something unique about them. Ditch the canned pick-up lines guys and actually pay attention to the girl you are talking to. If you notice one unique thing about her, compliment her on it. Women eat up compliments like children devour candy. Sex may be the short term goal but guys, you are being a bit short sighted. If you put some effort into the art of seduction and not take the "Dummies Guide to the Pick-up" version, you'd get a lot more from women. Women should be treated as goddesses. Yes you heard me correctly. Back in ancient civilizations, women were revered and honored. Feminine power is the route of creation. If it were not for women, men would never be born. Every man and woman on this planet was created in the womb of a woman. There is nothing more amazing than that. Women are divine and should be treated as such. Men are amazing too. They are the force of creation and masculine energy is expansive and vital. Men and women are meant to compliment each other and balance....the yin and the yang. Men should act more respectful toward women. When it comes to dating, even though the sexual energy is impossible to deny, they should be more sincere in their approach. Seduce a woman with effort and genuine desire (not just to selfishly get one's own needs met) and you can have a lover, not just a one night fling. You'd get a lot more sex from a lover than from having to exert the effort again and again, seducing different women. Women need to stop seeing themselves as objects and revere themselves as goddesses too. The women settling for bad sex and condoning bad behavior from men, give all women a bad name. Guys, make an effort always with women and she will be more likely to please you in return. After a date, let alone sex, make that phone call or text, just to show you are still thinking about her. Don't worry, she won't think that you want to marry her because you acted respectfully. I've heard countless stories of guys totally blowing a girl off after sex....only to call weeks later, with their tail between their legs because suddenly "I was thinking about you." Sure, a bottle of vodka will do that! Ladies, hang up the phone or lose their number if they dare to treat you so poorly. Don't take it personally, just use it as much needed knowledge of the character of that guy and move on. Regarding women, a healthy sex life can be a wonderful thing. Women need to decide what they want in their sexual lives. Women desire sex as much as men do, but often do not set the needed parameters or boundaries with men. Regarding men, they want emotional closeness as much as women do, but often disguise that need in shallow sex and defenses. So, the battle of the sexes continues. My advice, more respect for each other and the need for balance to be restored...because when a man and woman are in synch, the mystery of life unveils itself. “Sex is more than an act of pleasure, its' the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it's almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you're a part of them"...(author unknown).

The New Dating Game

I have been counseling men and women for years through divorces and have heard all of their stories about dating again. A common theme with all of them, Match.com. I have actually encouraged clients through the years to go on dating sites as a way to get back out there. Now that I have entered into the arena of dating again, I had to check Match out for myself. First, I joined and when I left my career field vague, I was getting a lot of winks (a way for guys to say they are interested) and e-mails. In fact, I was getting too many to keep up with. It is interesting to note that my responses slowed WAY down, once I listed psychotherapist as my profession. I did that on purpose to have a reprieve. I guess guys fear being analyzed. I was curious about my competition, so I did some research on female profiles (thanks to a male client, who graciously showed some to me) to see how women are representing themselves. My jaw is still on the floor. Maybe I've been out of the dating game too long, perhaps dating has become a bit more shallow, or maybe I'm just completely clueless. Here are some of the tag lines women listed on their profiles: "There is a height requirement to ride this ride," and "Toes in the water, toes in the sand, not a worry in the world, a cold drink in my hand...I want to find my best friend and hold his hand forever." One bleach blond had dozens of revealing photos and listed no requirements for her date....none! Maybe she should just say, "Anyone, anytime." One girl's tag line is "Blue eyed beauty, looking for a partner in crime." She'll find plenty of guys willing to partner up with her. Another gal writes "I'm an easy going, fun chick who's looking to mean somebody who will not only be a partner in life but a best friend." Perhaps she needs to partner up with a dictionary first. It could also be a Freudian slip, warning guys to stay away. One girl says she's a "UniqueWriter1." She's unique alright...her profile picture shows the biggest cleavage and she's straddling a cowboy bull ride. Perhaps she should change her name to UniqueRider1. One woman seems so sincere when her tag line says, "AnotherMother2." It sounds so sweet that she's a mom....but her first sentence says, "Here I am" and she is lying on a desk, half naked with her butt crack showing. There she is alright...nothing sweet about that photo. I'm sure she gets tons of winks and e-mails however. Other profile names for women include, ""Active Cupcake's, 1st Hot Chick and 3,2,1...here we go." Based on the photos I saw of the women, they are all competing to see who can get the most winks, e-mails and dates, of course. "A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she is. I don't think it works like that. I think it's the opposite. I think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent the men become"...(Anita Wise). Okay, enough about the ladies, what are the guys saying in their profiles? One guy writes "It seams that I work to much and need to get out more." Maybe he should get together with the "Fun Chick needing dictionary" because they'd be a perfect match. Another guy has the nerve to put "Free trip to Hawaii or Mexico" as his profile name. Is he hoping that some of the women are dumb enough, or desperate enough to fall for it? That guy is in California and Mexico is only a drive away....but some woman might think she hit the lotto with him. There is a match for everyone. One guy listed as "Halloween," viewed my profile. There is nothing appealing about a guy calling himself Halloween....it sure scared me away. There are some cute profile names like, Jazznjava and oceanfun. Now, it's interesting to note that the guys say all the things that women want to hear. They say things like, "I'm looking for that special somebody," and "I'm looking for the ONE, is she out there." So interesting that the men (who tend to be less verbal and emotional) are spewing poetry practically on Match and revealing heart felt words indicating that they're "looking for their soulmates." They are looking for something alright, but it's probably not soulmates."The first time you buy a house you see how pretty the paint is and buy it. The second time you look to see if the basement has termites. It's the same with men"...(Lupe Velez). The women are half naked, showing off their "best features" and seem to be playing down their brains and intelligence. Well, there it is right there on Match, the way of the world when it comes to the dating game. It's a game alright....one of needing to read between the lines, never believe what you read in profiles until you get to know them, and laugh as a way to cope with it all. To be fair, some people on Match are genuinely looking to find companionship and partnership. In a world where the bar scene is less than appealing, how else are you suppose to find other single people. In the dating scene as a whole, there are always going to be some just looking to score, not just on Match. "Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then"...(Katharine Hepburn).