Navigating Desire

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place"...(Billy Crystal). How is it that men and women ever get together? I suppose that sexual energy is the driving force of course, but we are so different. After counseling so many women, I hear their frustrations with dating, relationships and sex. I am currently on vacation and I have my 25 year old babysitter along with me. She has been telling me numerous guy stories that make my head spin. I am getting flashbacks to my 20's, when I was dating a lot and just like her, I had my horror stories about the dating scene. One thing I always hated about it...the insincerity. I know that's how it works, right? Men tell women "lines" and try to get them into bed...and oh yeah, they'll take you on a date if they have to. It all goes back to sex. Women get frustrated with the whole thing too, because they don't trust (understandably) and feel like the next piece of meat at the deli counter. No woman wants to feel like she is the next conquest. The whole thing sets up for a lot of frustration between the sexes. Now, it does not help when women are pandering themselves like objects and wonder why men only want sex from them. Come on ladies, men want sex no matter what....you don't have to brand yourself and tie a ribbon around your neck. What do women want? They want to feel special and that the guy they are talking to, sincerely finds something unique about them. Ditch the canned pick-up lines guys and actually pay attention to the girl you are talking to. If you notice one unique thing about her, compliment her on it. Women eat up compliments like children devour candy. Sex may be the short term goal but guys, you are being a bit short sighted. If you put some effort into the art of seduction and not take the "Dummies Guide to the Pick-up" version, you'd get a lot more from women. Women should be treated as goddesses. Yes you heard me correctly. Back in ancient civilizations, women were revered and honored. Feminine power is the route of creation. If it were not for women, men would never be born. Every man and woman on this planet was created in the womb of a woman. There is nothing more amazing than that. Women are divine and should be treated as such. Men are amazing too. They are the force of creation and masculine energy is expansive and vital. Men and women are meant to compliment each other and balance....the yin and the yang. Men should act more respectful toward women. When it comes to dating, even though the sexual energy is impossible to deny, they should be more sincere in their approach. Seduce a woman with effort and genuine desire (not just to selfishly get one's own needs met) and you can have a lover, not just a one night fling. You'd get a lot more sex from a lover than from having to exert the effort again and again, seducing different women. Women need to stop seeing themselves as objects and revere themselves as goddesses too. The women settling for bad sex and condoning bad behavior from men, give all women a bad name. Guys, make an effort always with women and she will be more likely to please you in return. After a date, let alone sex, make that phone call or text, just to show you are still thinking about her. Don't worry, she won't think that you want to marry her because you acted respectfully. I've heard countless stories of guys totally blowing a girl off after sex....only to call weeks later, with their tail between their legs because suddenly "I was thinking about you." Sure, a bottle of vodka will do that! Ladies, hang up the phone or lose their number if they dare to treat you so poorly. Don't take it personally, just use it as much needed knowledge of the character of that guy and move on. Regarding women, a healthy sex life can be a wonderful thing. Women need to decide what they want in their sexual lives. Women desire sex as much as men do, but often do not set the needed parameters or boundaries with men. Regarding men, they want emotional closeness as much as women do, but often disguise that need in shallow sex and defenses. So, the battle of the sexes continues. My advice, more respect for each other and the need for balance to be restored...because when a man and woman are in synch, the mystery of life unveils itself. “Sex is more than an act of pleasure, its' the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it's almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you're a part of them"...(author unknown).