I Forgive You

"Forgiveness is the giving, and so the receiving, of life"...(George MacDonald). Today's blog article is going to be simple and to the point. I know that most people complain about their family and friends incessantly. Come on, don't deny it...most everyone is guilty of listing the wrongs done to them by family members, spouses, neighbors, bosses, co-workers and friends. While waiting at Starbuck's today, I listened to a woman on her cell phone complain endlessly about her deadbeat ex-husband and every sorted detail about him, including how dinner with his kids does not constitute custodial care. It was kinda funny though because I could tell in how this woman was talking and in how nasty she was about him, that forgiveness would be the last "F" word that would ever enter her mind about him. So, complaining often comes as venting behind people's backs and other times, people just outright complain in front of people, acting grumpy and cranky. A little bit of venting can be healthy especially when it helps you process issues and to reflect about how to handle a situation. A caution though is to be aware to whom you are venting because the wrong person can actually  make you feel angrier or more slighted. Some people love to fuel the fire so to speak, so pick the people you vent to very carefully. It's often best to offer little to no advise and to just let the person blow off some steam. Actually, the only guidance necessary is to help the person be proactive. Meaning, if the person is angry at their spouse, guide them to tell their spouse how they feel rather than stewing behind the scenes. Just wait though, often when we tell people directly how we feel, they get defensive and retaliate. Thus is the art of communication. It's a process and Rome wasn't built in a day. Most people have never been taught to communicate authentically. As far as forgiveness goes, forgiving someone often helps you forgive yourself. Often people blame themselves for putting up with bad behavior or they personalize the behavior, rather than identifying their own part in the struggle. "Keep a fair-sized cemetery in your back yard, in which to bury the faults of your friends"...(Henry Ward Beecher). Bury each self defeating complaint about yourself while you are at it and then the gift of forgiveness is not only what you offer others but the best gift you can give yourself. "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong"...(Mahatma Gandhi). 

Busted Heart

"The heart has reasons that reason cannot know"...(Blaise Paschal). I am pretty intuitive, yet reasoning of the heart still alludes me. There is so much more to our journey's than meet the eye. Our lessons are numerous and often things are unfolding in our lives in an order and manner in which only the Universe may understand. I suppose that is to teach us faith and to enjoy the element of surprise, wonder and learn to appreciate the unexpected. I hear people plead out loud, but "why?." That is the universal question. If you keep asking why however, then you miss the opportunity to learn from that very moment. The maze looks unclear when you are in the middle of it. From above however, it all makes sense and the path looks crystal clear. Our hearts are our navigation system...it's on automatic pilot if you just trust that it is navigating us precisely where we are meant to be at any given moment. Even when you override your navigation, question things and head in the wrong direction for a bit...whose to say that is the "wrong" way? Maybe that was the exact lesson you needed to show you that you need to trust your heart once and for all. All of those seemingly wrong turns may lead us in circles or to a dead end sometimes, but each time we end up stronger and hopefully more in tune to our hearts. Lesson after lesson, through the maze we go....and so our search continues. Part of our hearts journey is mending our broken hearts. Everyone has a busted heart really. "Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation"...(Kahlil Gibran). Each one of us have wounds from love...that's the proof that we love. It's like the badges I give my Girl Scouts for mastering some skill, our wounded hearts are our badges of honor. If someone does not have a broken heart, then I say that perhaps they have never risked themselves on love or that they have a different kind of broken heart, one shrouded in isolation and fear. Others use their wounded hearts as a shield to create excuses to hold onto anger and blame. As I sit here reflecting....I wonder if our busted hearts are our biggest lesson of all, beckoning us to heal by continuing to love. Our busted hearts teach us to cherish love and ourselves by allowing love to blossom within us against all odds. That way, even when we feel stuck in our maze, perhaps on a path that offers many challenges.... we display a strong faith by loving, even as we may be falling down. Again, it's our own universal navigation, letting us know that we are truly never lost...and never so hurt that we can't get back up again. Sadness flies on the wings of the morning and out of the heart of darkness comes the light"...(Jean Giraudoux).

Slow Fade

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life"...(Proverbs 4:23). I am now back in California and I came across a song I had never heard before called "Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns. While I was hiking, I listened to it several times and was struck by the accuracy of the words. Part of the lyrics are: "It's a slow fade, when you give yourself away. It's a slow fade, when black and white turn to gray....thoughts invade, choices made, a price will be paid when you give yourself away. People never crumble in a day.....because it's a slow fade." I can relate fully to the message in this song. As much as I have learned over the course of my life, I discovered that some lessons may need to be repeated. Sometimes it takes us several times to really "get it." My most recent fade was luckily short lived. I don't regret some choices I have made over the past six months. I have learned tremendously and hopefully have a deeper compassion for myself and others. I re-approached some things differently and can now say that I have given some old issues a new and better perspective. With that said however, some things can never be fixed, nor are they necessarily meant to be. I know myself...and whenever I try to tell myself what I "should be" doing versus what my heart is telling me, I get off track. Perhaps that's why I love writing about following our hearts...because I know personally how difficult that is sometimes when we have this internal battle raging, between our heads and our hearts. Okay, my heart wins...but it's still a battle sometimes. I have come back to life recently, feeling as if I have come out of a daze. My last fade may have been short lived but it was intense. I probably felt the closest I've ever been to a depression. I lost my usual zeal and excitement for life and I felt my heart slipping away. I just felt numb. I pushed away my dreams and distanced myself from thoughts and feelings of what really brings me to life. I slowly neglected my heart for various reasons, some of which have to do with duty and obligations. I was free in my choice to do so but I paid a price for it. There were moments that if I could have painted a portrait of how I felt inside, it would have been of me on the ground, crumbled and in tears. Oh, I managed occasionally to get up and to reconnect...but I'd slowly fade away again. It took all of my energy to have those moments of optimism. That's probably why I just couldn't manage to write. I profoundly lacked the energy or the words to try to inspire anyone. I went into an emotional seclusion. I understand now how people slowly fade away and end up so disconnected. People fade into something they never intended to be. It doesn't happen over night and the longer you dismiss how you are really feeling, the longer you believe the lie you are living. No wonder it's so tough for people to undo the damage they've done to themselves when they have faded into oblivion. I know people like that....loved one's who are so detached and separated from who they really are. Living like that feels empty and like living half dead. I just thank god that I had enough of a reprieve recently to come back to my senses. Tuning my heart back into it's proper course breathes life into me constantly and is the oxygen I was missing. “If you realize what the real problem is - losing yourself - you realize that this itself is the ultimate trial"...(Joseph Campbell). “Only when you are lost can love find itself in you without losing its way"...(Helene Cixous).

Oxygen

“Self-respect is to the soul as oxygen is to the body. Deprive a person of oxygen, and you kill his body; deprive him of self-respect and you kill his spirit"...(Thomas S. Szasz). There are many ways people are deprived of self respect. Sometimes people create their own misery, doubting themselves so much that they lose all respect for themselves. Other times, people are in relationships with others who disrespect them continuously...until the person believes the lies that have been told to them. Either way, when you allow others to influence how you see yourself, you are giving your power away. Once you can clearly see that and reflect deeply about who you really are, then incredible changes are possible. Sometimes the process of honoring yourself is slow and may appear impossible to attain. I came across a plainly painted drum...called Father Sky. The artist had painted it an azure blue....and mounted a feather on the sides of the drum, representing freedom and flight. The drum seemed simple, yet in the depth of the blue, I saw potential, expansiveness and the symbolic message that anything is possible. That drum remained unsold however and it remained hanging on the artists wall. When I went back recently to pick up my new drum, she showed me how Father Sky had changed. She had several dreams and journeys, telling her that Father Sky now needed more work. This time, she used acrylic paints instead of the translucent Indian ink and now the drum radiates change, complexities and interestingly, self respect. How can a drum radiate self respect you may ask? Before, it was a work in progress even though the artist thought it was complete. It sat on her wall untouched for a year until it beckoned her to work on it again. She hesitated to revisit the drum, believing that it was done and was just awaiting the right buyer. She finally listened to her gut, beckoning her to rework the drum. Her intuition prompted her to paint over the plain blue and now the drum has wind and clouds painted across it. The thicker paint reflects a new depth and the tone of the drum has shifted profoundly. Working on that drum made her confront some of her own father issues that she had thought she had put to rest. In fact, the drum taught her that one's work may never be complete and to respect the process of growth. Isn't father sky a metaphor for life. Sometimes it appears that you are not growing or shifting, yet nothing can be further than the truth. Sometimes, in the calm and quiet, we are shifting the most. In addition, father sky beckons us to pick up the paint brush in ourselves and never hesitate to add some more color, depth and detail, when our deepest selves are ready for a shift. The drum reflects our journey of growth....from appearing one dimensional until we are ready for movement. Life teaches us the most sometimes when we are just breathing even as we struggle to respect our own feelings until we take flight. The feather on the drum represents the possibility of freedom at any time. The drum beautifully depicts the journey of self respect and about coming into one's own. Oxygen is the breath of life and gives us hope that change is always at hand, like the sky on any given day that may go from clear to cloudy in a blink of an eye. Don't ever believe that the impossible isn't possible. Change and growth, like breath, isn't visible until the time is right and like the wind...it blows in all sorts of new possibilities. “What oxygen is to the lungs, such is hope to the meaning of life"...(Emil Brunner).

Blown Away

"If you try to be very clever, if you try to be very useful, you will be used. If you try to be very practical, somewhere or other you will be harnessed, because the world cannot leave the practical man alone. Drop all of these ideas. If you want to be a poem, an ecstasy, then forget about utility. Remain true to yourself"...(Lao Tzu). I wrote this quote as my Facebook status today and almost immediately, it apparently pushed someones buttons. A friend wrote that he didn't agree because being useful is a good thing. Yes, being useful is nice but he had missed the entire point. We all spend some time in our lives pleasing others and feeling used along the way. It never feels good to try and please others to prove yourself. In fact, pleasing others at the detriment of oneself, is like constructing a prison cell, thus boxing oneself in, one brick at a time. Being true to yourself is the key point in Lao Tzu's statement. If being useful comes from a place of love and from a genuine place in your spirit versus pleasing others for approval, then wonderful. How many people can honestly say though that they are being true to themselves? I have been humbled over the past year. I broke out of my own self made prison, only to head back into the cell to take a second look and to understand why I ever constructed that darn cell to begin with. It was constructed of poor self worth, other people's expectations, obligations and my own fear of failing. Yet as I feared failing, I grew resentful and angry at myself and others. Now, the me of today can walk back into that cell just to send love to that self of my past who felt that she had no way out. The old me would look out the window and day dream of the day that she would be free. She wondered what it would feel like to smell the flowers, bask in the sun and to sing out loud, not caring if anyone heard her. She worried that she didn't deserve her freedom. She had felt lost and abandoned since birth. Would freedom ever be possible? I can still see the tear stained pillow case, the dreary walls she looked at every day and the hope of a better future. Then she, thus I, garnered the courage to break out...to bust out of that cell and at the time, I never wanted to look back. I busted out of that self made cell and weathered the sneers, the blame and the opinions that I should be imprisoned. I dared to be myself...with no apology. It felt like a gust of wind on a beautiful day, blowing away the pain, releasing the hurt and the fears. The wind also pushed me on to new experiences and different places. I was free. I am only reflecting back now to point out that I can revisit the cell to honor where I've been. My past is something I embrace fully. I know all too well why I felt lost for so long. I can see it all, clear as day. The wind however has shifted my perspective and brought me back to who I was always meant to be. It was no one Else's job to fix those old wounds...it was my cross to bear. I am honored and thankful for everything I have been through. My cell from the past is really an illusion, something I can visit for a moment to say thanks, then it blows away with the wind and transforms into a beautiful tree or a scenic vista. We are one with everything we have been through, because there can be no separation of self. In fact, when you love yourself..you love all that is. Nothing is truly separate. “Wisdom sails with wind and time”...(John Florio).

Count Your Blessings

"God will not permit any troubles to come upon us, unless he has a specific plan by which great blessing can come out of the difficulty"... (Peter Marshall). It's holiday time and I heard the song "Count Your Blessings" today. The theme of gratitude was already on my mind, so the song just seemed very fitting. I have really been thinking long and hard lately about why things happen and truly being grateful for the twists and turns I've been blessed with. Over a week ago, I flew to Connecticut to see clients. When I walked into my house, I intuitively felt that something was wrong but I ran to shower since I was running a little behind schedule. The cold shower tipped me off that something was definitely wrong. I headed to the basement to check things out and much to my surprise, my entire basement was flooded in 3 inches of water. Water was pouring out of my water heater from the bottom. I remained pretty calm, called a neighbor to help me turn the water off and I turned my focus back on my busy schedule. I called the insurance company in between clients, slowly pulled wet things out of the basement and eventually got hold of the insurance and a company specializing in water clean up. As days went by, my work schedule wrapped up and yet I was still waiting for the clean up crew to work its magic. I had to cancel my California obligations as each day passed and the basement was still in turmoil. I took it all in stride that for whatever reasons, the Universe wanted me here in Connecticut a little longer. Although I've missed my kids terribly, we have all learned various lessons from this experience. I have been so grateful for this pause in my life. I didn't realize it at first, but I had been running so fast between all of my responsibilities that I had lost touch with myself. I hadn't been writing much and I'd felt a little numb spiritually. I needed a re-boot, a renewed perspective and to reconnect with a part of myself I had let slip away. The extra time has given me a very special gift....inspiration. I feel completely re-charged. I dealt with the workers, helped with clean up and spent some time journalling, going to a movie, baking cookies and resting. Even though I had thought that I had plenty of time to think in California, I had still lost touch with some important parts of myself. I am also blessed that in staying here, a drum that I had commissioned to be painted called "The Fleur De Lis"...or otherwise known as the tree of life, was ready to be picked up. The shamanic artist texted me that my drum was ready but that I'd have to actually pick up the drum in Connecticut, since it required a special ritual. She had no idea that I was here. My new tree of life drum ironically symbolizes reconnection which grounds us to who we really are at our core. So, I count each and every blessing. In the midst of something chaotic is something beautiful...in the center of turmoil can be a needed opportunity and an unexpected gift. "Change, like sunshine, can be a friend or a foe, a blessing or a curse, a dawn or a dusk"...(William A. Ward).

One Day

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us"....(Helen Keller). I have heard many stories lately from people worried about the future and holding onto past relationships with absolute terror that if they let go of the past, there will be no future. I love Helen Keller's quote because often people hold onto bad relationships too long, so fearful that if they let go, they'll be all alone. What people don't often see is the new opportunities right in front of them. The same goes for jobs, schools they don't get into, and every door that appears to close in a person's life. If people cling to fear, they cannot see the new and amazing opportunities directly in front of them. Fear keeps people frozen and blind. Fear perpetuates the "why not, what if and why me" statements. I know that I have had to take many risks in my life and I've had to navigate through my own self defeating thoughts. I have faced moments where I wondered and yes feared for my future. Here I sit however, reflecting deeply about my present and my future. I feel as if life is cyclical. I am still growing and learning every day yet with each cycle and every turn of the wheel, my intuition gets stronger. Many years ago, I worked at arriving somewhere....a mystical detination that doesn't really exist. In High School, I wondered about all facets of my future including career and love questions. In College, I wondered about the same things. After college, I added kids to the mix but my curiousity remained the same. I thought that one day I'd arrive....make it to adulthood, have all the answers and sit back and relax. Ahhhh, what a nice thought. Now I manage to relax on a hike or at the spa, but my questions remain the same. Someone once said to me a profound statement, that the more knowledge we gain, the more we realize how little we really know. I suppose that's the trick in life, that we never figure it all out. Our journey is to find some kind of peace in the chaos and wisdom from experience. Our journey also is to follow the bread crumbs and to trust that a missed opportunity, a closed door and a new path, may be a blessing in disguise. I couldn't agree more with Hellen Keller's quote...to look ahead and not back, to be curious and to be aware of new doors opening for us. I'm glad that I always ask questions....it always keeps me on my toes. So, even though I have had my struggles lately, I embrace the here and now as well as my unfolding and unknown future. One day, our hearts will get the answers we are seeking. One day, may be today...if we trust our hearts over our heads and know that the unseen holds endless possibilities for us. "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart"...(Helen Keller).