A Loyal Friend

Five years ago, during spring break, the kids and I went up to Saranac Lake to spend some time having fun. On day three of vacation, we completed our third hike... Baker Mountain. The kids did great and my usual trick to coax them up the trail with Ruffles to keep them going, was not necessary. My four year old Austin, gave me a look that morning that said it all, "Ya gotta be kidding me with another hike!" That day, speed was not important, they took their time and enjoyed every inch of the trail. Nature really is a natural amusement park! They slid down rocks every chance they got, jumped over puddles, jumped in puddles and used a fallen tree to ride like a see saw. We even stopped for a photo opportunity on a rock they nicknamed, "French Toast." It was interesting watching them purposely take the harder path on the trail because it was more challenging and more fun. Austin would just spontaneously park himself on the trail to rest and play. He did not complain, he would just break out into play, using sticks and rocks to battle each other. That's a boy for you. He even made me carry two of his battle sticks to the top of the mountain. He could have a future in forestry because he also likes picking up rocks on the trail and throwing them to the side. He could be in charge of clearing trails. Hiking the same mountain each day gave us the opportunity to see something new on the trail every day. I know that I have hiked this trail countless times, but with each season and each hike, the trail offers some new experience along with comfortable familiarity. Baker Mountain is a like a best friend to me, always waiting patiently for my return. Baker was one of my first hikes in the Adirondack mountains. Once I became an avid hiker, I left Baker to experience harder and longer hikes. I regarded Baker as "that easy hike." It was always great as a quick hike or a warm up but I pretty much neglected returning to it for years. Like in life, sometimes we neglect the people, things and places that are actually near and dear to us. Once I started having babies, my hiking waned for awhile and suddenly I found myself starting back at Baker again, this time carrying a baby on my back in a carrier. Baker was the trail welcoming me and helping me find my way back to something I love.....hiking. I thought that I was going to die the first couple of times hiking Baker again. Suddenly, I had gained a new respect for Baker and she felt like one of the harder high peaks to me. My perspective had shifted. Now that all of my kids can walk and thus hike on their own, Baker welcomes them with open arms too. I regard Baker as the queen of all hikes because young and old can enjoy her beauty. Families with dogs are often seen on the trail along with kids of all ages. There are many harder, gorgeous trails in the Adirondack's, but some are just too difficult for many to experience. I fully appreciate Baker now and thank her for her continued patience, beauty and grace. I've learned and reflected a lot about myself on that trail. I hiked Baker while I was a graduate student trying to find my way in life. I journeyed up Baker after having babies and now, I get to watch my own children learning about themselves as they hike her trail every year. I will always take time now to honor Baker, because she has helped me grow as a person. I will never take her for granted again and will be as loyal of a friend to her as she has been to me. “There may be more to learn from climbing the same mountain a hundred times than by climbing a hundred different mountains"...(Richard Nelson).

Rock Steady

Recently, I was listening to one of my 80's Cd's and I had to laugh when I started getting flashbacks of my cocktail waitress days, when I was in my early 20's. It was actually a great way to earn money to put myself through college. Of course, some student loans were still necessary. My cocktail waitress days were spent listening to tunes like "Rock Steady" repeatedly, very late nights, smelling like a long island ice tea from it spilling on me and early training in how to work with people. Back then, the dance scene was huge and everyone went out to clubs in Southern California. Oh, did I also forget to mention the shortest mini skirt ever! How do you think I earned those tips? It sure wasn't purely from my smile and friendly demeanor. The true highlight of those several years was when I got to be "Shot Girl" occasionally. I literally had two shot bottles, one on each hip in a holster. The shots I sold were "Sex on the Beach" and were $1.50 each and boy on those nights, I could make up to $200 in tips. Not bad for a struggling college girl at the time. I am sorry that I may have contributed to getting people drunk during those days, but I was young and needed the money. Believe it or not, it was great pre-therapist training and good mommy training. First, I ended up observing and chatting with lots of men, especially married ones while I was taking drink orders. I learned about unhappy marriages, men clearly cheating on their spouses and watched many interactions (pick-ups) between men and women. Second, I learned the art of listening because once people start to drink, they will tell you their life story. More importantly, I learned how to deal with chaotic situations and conflict resolution, which helps me with bickering couples. Now I get to sit in a comfy leather chair however and thankfully, no more long island ice teas are being spilled on me. I would definitely worry if a client walked into session with a long island ice tea and would probably have to put them into rehab for that. I like helping people feel better with talking rather than selling numerous drinks to have the same result. At least now, the results last longer and don't come with a hangover. Okay, how does cocktail waitressing help with being a mommy, you may ask? Well, cocktail waitressing was one of the most demanding and thankless jobs I've ever had, sort of like being a mommy. The customers in the clubs wanted their drinks and they wanted them now. For a buck tip, I heard pick-up lines, dealt with groping men and jealous women. Some of the customers were quite rude or cheap as well, with no tip in sight. Now instead of a tray with margaritas, beer and vodka tonics, I am carrying a tray filled with juice boxes. My kids will scream their demands across the house as if I am there to wait on them, much like the unruly customers at the club. My kids will hang on me, pull on me and fight all around me. Maybe I should crank up "Rock Steady," dim the lights and pretend I am back at the club. It might make it a little more fun. During those club days, I also learned the art of reverse psychology, which is a very important skill as a parent. Those cocktail waitress days did help me handle lots of stress because the drink orders were endless, I was on my feet for many hours and had to try to keep people happy. I learned that I could juggle much more than I imagined, which certainly helps me now as a mommy. Of course, my role as a parent is beyond satisfying and when my kids say "I love you mommy," it makes it all worth it. Oh I might have heard "I love you" shouted at me while waitressing, but those guys were three sheets to the wind and could barely stand at that point. As a tribute to my club days as a mini skirt, shot holster wearing waitress, I'm playing "Rock Steady" in honor of some of the best life training I've ever had. Oh dear, I think I hear my kids ordering something now.....guess I'm back on duty.

Untying The Knot

Of course we have all heard of the expression "tying the knot." That is such an appropriate saying when couples get married. You notice that the statement refers to a knot versus a bow. Knots are just that, very tightly bound and difficult to unravel. Marriage is a serious commitment and should be like joining two people (two pieces of rope) together to form one united union. But sometimes, those ropes do not form a nice neat knot in which two people maintain individuality in a sacred union. Sometimes the knot becomes a huge tangled mess and the integrity of the union is lost. When two people marry, they blend their lives on every level. Money often becomes mingled, you share everything from dresser drawers to closets and negotiate the holiday's between families. You blend traditions, share the household chores (hopefully) and get to know each others every detail about every day life. When a couple has children, even more is shared when you co-parent. When couples decide to divorce, we should call it untying the knot because you have to begin the process of unraveling the countless ways in which your lives have become intertwined. It is a challenging process for people in the midst of a separation or divorce. When you tell people that you are divorcing, they say "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that" or "I'll pray for you." It's sort of like a death in the family. People send blessings and have this look on their faces as if someone just passed away. I suppose the process of a divorce is much like a death. It is a huge loss, even if the divorce is what the individual or couple wants. That is an oxymoron though. Nobody ever enters a marriage wanting or thinking that they will ever get divorced. It is a deeply emotional process because you are mourning the loss of the relationship, letting go and unraveling all of the ways in which your lives have become enmeshed. The journey becomes one of stepping carefully to create new boundaries and to deal honestly with feelings of loss. Anger often accelerates during a divorce because all that had remained unsaid or stuffed gets thrown on the table. It is also a challenge because ego's get involved and people step into a tug of war of epic proportions. Anger and control battles really help no one though and only causes further damage. Much better to deal with feelings of sadness and let go with integrity, rather than leaving in a rage. Reflection about the relationship is important but often people feel guilty, blaming themselves for the failure of the union. Blame is useless punishment, whether you blame yourself or your partner. No matter what, the journey with your spouse was a necessary lesson. The most difficult challenges are the best opportunities for empowerment and growth. The reasons you chose your partner speaks volumes as well, whether it was based in family of origin issues (which is often the case), family and social pressures or fear of being alone. A marriage should always be considered a success when children are brought into this world through that union, even if the marriage ends in divorce. Those children are the gift and truly meant to be here. The journey of marriage and divorce is full of life changing lessons and an enormous opportunity for growth. “Love is a feeling, marriage is a contract, and relationships are work"....(Lori Gordon). “When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to"....(Helen Rowland).

Man In The Mirror

I love the song, "Man in The Mirror," by Michael Jackson. The lyrics are poetic and speak to looking in the mirror first, before judging and blaming. This is especially true in regard to our youth. We are all role models to children, whether as parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, coaches, teachers and just about any relationship you have with and around children of all ages. Parents of course have the most direct and consistent impact on children. Children reflect back what they hear, feel, see and experience. Often people say to me, "How can my kids know that I am unhappy if I never talk about it with them?" They feel everything going on around them, just like we do. If you work with a boss or co-worker who is cranky and unhappy, no matter how much you try to not let it affect you, it still does. We are directly affected by the people we are around the most. Children are more vulnerable because they literally depend on the adults they are living with. In addition, they look to the adults to show them what this world is like. If the adults are angry, anxious, depressed, hostile, intolerant and so on, then that is what they learn and mirror back to you. Often parents get so angry or concerned about behaviors they see in their children. They often want to blame the child because it is so much harder to admit that the child is mirroring something they are picking up from the environment. Parents often do not want to own those same behaviors in themselves. The blame game is not helpful. Divorces often complicate that issue because parents can simply blame the other parent for the behavior. Parents need to see the child as their own person, with their own temperament and individuality and yes, with behaviors and patterns learned from both parents. Instead of blaming, parents need to reflect earnestly about the behaviors they need to work on in themselves. Also, perhaps limits need to be set to curb behaviors that your children are displayng. In addition, helping children work through through their emotions and to learn new ways of coping will help. If adults work on themselves then children will learn new ways of behaving too, because they will mirror back the new behaviors. Also, talking to children (in an age appropriate manner) about the behaviors you are working on, help them see that adults are human and need to work on behaviors as well. It's tough to tell a child to not lose their temper and scream when they see their parents do the same thing. The apple does not fall far from the tree, as they say. It is important to ask children how they are feeling. Even if they do not feel like talking at that moment, just you asking them opens up the door for communication. It astounds me how often I come across parents who never ask their children simple questions about how they are feeling or what is bothering them. The other key issue is listening. In fact, we all are more likely to talk to someone about what we are feeling and thinking if we can tell they are really listening. Children are no different. You don't need to say a word, just actively listen. Often the challenge for parents is to not scold, rush to offer advice or minimize their feelings. Just listening can be the best way to encourage them to tell you more and to build trust. Try to treat children the way you know you would like to be treated. Imagine if you went to a friend and said, "I'm upset that I did not get to go to the basketball game" and they said, "That's ridiculous...it's just a silly game." Would you feel like confiding in that friend again? You don't have to agree with a child, just empathize. "But more important than any words we use is our attitude. If our attitude is not one of compassion, then whatever we say will be experienced by the child as phony or manipulative. It is when our words are infused with our real feelings of empathy that they speak directly to a child's heart"...(Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk). Be willing to evaluate what is working and what is not working when it comes to interactions and relationships with children. In addition, reflect on your own childhood and be willing to admit that sometimes you may be repeating something that you learned in your own childhood, which affected you negatively. With insight, patience and practice, you can extinguish the attitude or behavior pattern. No matter what, don't forget to use humor and play with children. Children can teach us as well, for they are incredibly open to the wonderful world of imagination and await you to join them in just having lots of fun. "Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you"...(Robert Fulghum). "It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself"...(Joyce Maynard).

Indecision

I just love the 80's song by Oran "Juice" Jones, The Rain. The song still makes me laugh. Basically, the song is about finding out that his girlfriend has been cheating on him. He doesn't beg her to stay or make excuses, he just ends the relationship. He confronts her when she gets home and breaks up with her. He does not take it too personally (he's hurt of course), but he just calls it like it is...that the relationship needs to end. So many people just make excuses and extend the pain in bad relationships, rather than dealing with an ending once someone has been discovered cheating. Once cheating has occurred, the relationship is basically over unless some serious work can be done in the relationship to rebuild the trust. It is not an easy process. I also understand so profoundly why people cheat. I've witnessed it countless times in therapy. People have such a hard time ending relationships and owning how they really feel. It is very difficult ending a relationship, so it seems easier when you are angry at each other. Also, people make excuses, like "he's nice and doesn't beat me, so I should be happy." You can "should" yourself to death but you just can't make yourself feel something that you don't. The body doesn't lie, so if you've fallen out of love with someone, your body will tell you by avoiding contact with your partner. The mind can make up all types of rationalizations and lies but the body really never lies! Think about that. Have you ever tried kissing someone, that you are angry with? I have also observed people heading straight into denial after cheating has been discovered. The relationship tries to recover some balance, but resentments and anger just become the new foundation. Once in a great while couples can uncover the underlying issues as to why someone cheated and with continued commitment and love lighting the way, a couple can come out the other side, stronger than ever. It's rare, but it can happen if both partners have a heart connection and are committed to rebuilding their relationship. I have also seen such indecision in relationships. People will put up with less than civil behavior and call it normal. People tolerate such bad behaviors that they begin to feel grateful if their partner makes them a sandwich. Why are people so afraid. Love and respect should be the template in a relationship. Being occasionally nice, but still lacking in love and respect does not make for a strong relationship. More often than not, people stay in bad relationships because of finances and because they fear disrupting their children's lives. Seems to me, that even though we are more insightful as a society, people are absolutely terrified to cause any pain for their children. People staying in bad relationships cause pain to children. It's just spread out over years. Children thrive when they know they are loved by their parents, whether their parents are together or apart. Divorces affect them, but disconnected, miserable parents affect them too. We need to give our children tools to recover from losses. We cannot shelter them from loss, pain and change. It is just not possible. With psychology more mainstreamed, people are learning great tools and understanding more profoundly how their behaviors affect their children. The flip side of that is that people are worried if their children show any signs of distress and upset. Denial is not healthy, neither is fear of emotions. There really are no easy answers when it comes to unhappy partnerships, which is probably why so many people remain stuck in relationship limbo, with one foot in the door and the other outside the door. Leaving a partnership may be one of the toughest decisions one ever has to face, especially when children are involved. Staying in an unhappy marriage is hard and leaving is hard. The decision comes down to honestly facing, when staying becomes more painful than leaving. “Indecision is the seedling of fear"...(Napoleon Hill). “Then indecision brings its own delays, And days are lost lamenting o'er lost days. Are you in earnest? Seize this very minute; What you can do, or dream you can, begin it; Boldness has genius, power and magic in it"....(Johann Wolfgang von Goethe). Embrace the tough decisions you've been avoiding and face them boldly.

Allow Things to Happen

"The quality of the imagination is to allow and not to freeze"...(Ralph Waldo Emerson). In life, just like our imaginations, things go better when we allow the process versus fighting it. One of those patterns is called flight or fight response. Often people do not even realize that they are in a fight or flight pattern. In psychology, it refers to an emotional and physical response to extreme stress. It's like our bodies are conditioned to respond to danger, like a bear approaching, to freeze or to flee and run for your life. The emotional response catches up to you later, once you are no longer in danger. We no longer really have to fear bear attacks or basic survival, so our bodies respond to normal stressors in the same way. With that said, lots of people are running around in a constant state of stress, never really catching their breath or frozen with fear, worry and anxiety. Often I look around and see people running with busy schedules, always something to do and on a constant state of alert. No wonder so many people are anxious, cranky, sleep deprived and burnt out. That is why rest and relaxation are so vitally important. It helps us catch our breath, feel our feelings, exhale and reboot our minds and bodies. The other key in stressful situations is to allow the process to flow, rather than freaking out or becoming numb. I had a chance to enjoy some rest on my trip to California this past week. I was challenged though to "go with the flow" however, when my flight ended up rescheduled to depart earlier and I arrived too late to catch it. I did observe very cranky airport staff, who clearly needed some rest or a new job. The customer service rep was anything but helpful and seemed to need to chastise me for missing my flight. I switched counters and the other customer service rep was much more willing to help. I caught the next flight which stopped in Chicago. All went smoothly as I went to the next gate and signed in for stand by. Then, just as they were calling my name to board that flight, I realized that I had left my garment bag with my dresses on the last plane. With a sudden look of panic on my face, I quickly asked the employee at the gate to call to see if that plane was still at the gate. Again, different city and different employee but same attitude and crankiness. She looked completely bothered at having to call for me. She in fact told me to run to the gate myself, except my current flight was getting ready to depart. She too chastised me for leaving my garment bag on the plane. What is it with such meanness in people. I already felt bad enough, but apparently, some people have little compassion. That plane with my dresses was departing to Hong Kong, so as far as I know at this point, my dresses ended up there. Once I arrived in CA and was at the rental car agency, I waited in the longest line I have ever seen. When Will, the very nice customer service agent asked if I wanted to upgrade to a Mustang convertible, I hesitated for a moment and with reflection of the kind of day I already had, I said YES! My attitude at that point was to not fight the process of life, but flow with it. As I was driving down Pacific Coast Highway with the top down, I smiled at how life shifts from moment to moment. It all depends on how we choose to see it. I was enjoying a moment of bliss after a crazy day and was glad I had decided to embrace life, even after some mean people and the fact that my dresses were heading to Hong Kong. It all worked out fine of course. I headed to the store the next morning and purchased a great new dress for the wedding I was attending. In fact, I loved my new dress so much that I was kinda glad my dresses got lost in the mix. I am hoping however that they are found eventually. If not, oh well, perhaps some mean customer service rep at the airlines can use them. One thing I have learned about possessions, they come and they go and to not hold on too tightly to anything. After all, it is just stuff. I absolutely relaxed on my trip and enjoyed several rejuvenating hikes while I was there. No matter how crazy life gets, we have to take in the view and stop running so much and never forget that everything happens for a reason. "Everything in the universe has a purpose. Indeed, the invisible intelligence that flows through everything in a purposeful fashion is also flowing through you"....(Wayne Dyer).

Let Go, Let Happen

You know what you want....a new job, a new or better relationship, more money and more time. We all want things, every one of us. We have all heard the saying, "Let go, let god." What if however, the saying is implying that we should let go of what we expected from something or someone. People set expectations every day, sometimes every minute. Letting god take over, is certaininly handing the fate of things over to god. Of course being a spiritual person, means I do believe in that sentiment. Sometimes "letting god" confuses people because they may let go of wishing, trying, pursuing and growing. However, "Letting Happen," takes that one step further. When you "Let Go, Let Happen," you allow anything to manifest. You do pursue, set goals, let god guide you but instead of being focused on one outcome, you allow for any number of things that are in your highest and best interest to happen. If however, you have set your mind on the outcome you want and you don't let go of that, perhaps you aren't letting happen the other things that god or the universe have planned for you that may be even better than you had hoped. If you stay fixed on one outcome, you aren't open to the endless other possibilities. It's tough letting go. Our minds want some type of control, so we stay fixated on what our goal is. I'm not saying that you don't dream of possibilities. Dream away. Also, take action when called to do so. Then sit back and let the universe guide you into the unknown. Unchartered territory is where magic occurs. New worlds were founded when poeple got lost. New inventions were discovered, when people experimented and the thing they were searching for wasn't discovered but instead, they discovered something even better. Let go of what you think this life is suppose to be. Let it be new, creative and filled with surprises. It's kinda like the game show, "The Price is Right." You are a contestant in the game. There are three doors in front of you. You win no matter what. Each door offers a prize. Yeah, behind one door may be a donkey with Disneyland tickets strapped to it's reigns. Another door may have a trip to Europe. The other door has new kitchen appliances. Hey, you arrived at the game with nothing, so anything gained is more than you started with. You can let go of what you expect to win and let the game lead you onto new paths. You can decide to be upset that you won the trip to Europe, when you really wanted new kitchen appliances, or you can embrace whichever door you happen to choose. Any of the doors offer some type of experience or value. Like in life, we have many possibilities. In letting things happen, you might discover on hindsight that the universe guided you precsely in a way that helped you the most. It's so very tough to see that in the moment, when you have your heart set on something and it doesn't happen for you the way you had hoped. People spend decades bitter and angry that they didn't get what they had wanted, but they didn't see that better options were there for them, had they remained open. This game of life is difficult to manage sometimes, and we all face disappointments and losses. On the flip side, feeling those losses is empowering and freeing and we ride one wave of the down tide, only to find that we are back up, riding high on the next wave. Things can change in an instant, just like the tide, that shifts instanaeous and without notice. So let go and let happen, letting life take you on the ride of your life. Ride bravely and passionately until the last wave takes you from this life and into the next.

I'm Here

I remember driving up Pacific Coast Highway over 20 years ago, listening to the song by Michael W. Smith called, "Place in this World." I listened to it over and over again. The lyrics include: "The wind is moving, but I am standing still....a life of pages, waiting to be filled. A heart that's hopeful, a head that's full of dreams. Feels like I'm looking for a reason, roaming through the night to find my place in this world." That song really inspired me and spoke to the confusion I carried within me at the time. I wondered why am I here and what is my place in this world? We all want to feel like we have some purpose. Ultimately as well, we want to be loved and appreciated for who we are. As trite as that may sound, being loved for who we are is the ultimate quest. When I watch couples fight, the underlying issue is "you don't see me and love me for who I am." Finding our place in this world is our individual quest to figure out why we are here. Love is one reason we are all here. The journey is to transcend pain, conflict, roles and losses to ultimately love who we are and share our love with others. Yeah, we have to learn how to manage life including egos, power, money, responsibilities, fear, doubt and the myriad of ups and downs. Those are no easy mountains to climb, and often people get mighty lost along the way. As I have searched for myself, I have discovered my place in this world. It is not a location on a map or achieving something. Yes, I needed to discover my own self worth and my path led to education and counseling others in a career that is very fulfilling. My journey didn't stop there though. I could have settled in to endless years counseling individuals but my path led me to other adventures as well. Because I was open to transforming, I started a youth day camp, and run events that benefit local girls. I'm still counseling, but my career continues to shift because I allowed myself to grow. The key though is to always honor who I am. The more I have followed my intuition, the more "right" life feels. Everything became synchronistic and "signs" were everywhere with each step I took. That is how I knew that I had honored my place in this world. My journey continues to unfold each day, but I continue to trust my intuition and embrace who I am. I guess you could say, like in the movie "Yes Man," since I say yes to life. I was scared and confused 20 plus years ago, as I listened to that song, but I was extremely hopeful. Hope really did light the way. My place in this world is the knowledge that I am meant to be here at this point in history. We all are. When I was 18, the year 2015 seemed like an eternity away. Now it is an exciting time filled with changes, growth and transformation on a societal level. Everywhere I look, people are shifting in major ways. The crossroads for everyone is the choice of freedom or increased pain. Your place in this world is up to you, but finding peace within and valuing yourself is of the utmost importance. "Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go and do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive"....(Howard Thurman).

Be Happy

There is something so simple and pure about the saying, "Don't worry, be happy." It's a process however, sorting through your fears and doubts. We live in a society based on perpetuating fear and worry that it takes a lot of awareness to keep yourself from spinning into fear. Why do people worry so much? It is a form of disempowerment. If you believe in the lie that you are powerless, then you will feel like a victim of life, rather than a creator of your reality. The truth is that we are powerful but have been conditioned to give away and deny our power. The flip side is that there are those in powerful positions that abuse power and benefit by keeping people pessimistic, disempowered and afraid. "Humankind is being tested to become much more consciously aware of how to use the power of thought"....(Barbara Marciniak-Path of Empowerment). Fear keeps people from listening to their hearts and keeps them frozen. You have to conquer the battle within first and subdue and control your fears. Whatever you fear you will either manifest or perceive...since you create your reality. I have a client who has been incredibly miserable in her marriage for many years. Her spouse essentially told her years ago that they could just "do their own thing" as long as they kept up the pretense for their kids and families. She bought into that reality, until recently when she found herself falling in love with someone else. The perpetuated fear however is about the kids. She fears that her kids will be upset if she leaves her spouse. In truth though, she admits that her kids are very aware that the marriage is over. The kids never see them kiss, touch, laugh or spend time together. The kids have witnessed an unhappy partnership. Her fears have kept her frozen and now life is offering her a wake up call. When people worry, their fears color reality. The opposite is true too. Like the case of the woman who fears her kids will be upset, if she chooses an empowered path, then she can confront her failing marriage with truth and integrity. She can give her children the chance to process their emotions about the divorce and trust that they will grow from the experience. Otherwise the lesson is one of disempowerment, secrets, unhappy parents and lacking the trust to allow their children to grow emotionally. Whatever the situation is, whether it is the apprehension of driving on the interstate or worries about finances, criticism or speaking up for yourself, never let fear stand in your way. Just remember again, that whatever you fear or worry about, you will attract one way or another. Let life reflect to you, through what you are attracting or avoiding, what your hidden fears are. Set your intentions with the conscious choice to change your thoughts and thus change what you attract. Don't worry, be happy and watch your world transform as what you feel and attract begins to change radically. It really is that simple. "By changing ourselves, by loving ourselves, the message we deliver to our children carries the seeds of love and truth. These seeds go onto our children, and these seeds can change their lives. Imagine how our children will grow up when we share with them the seeds of love instead of the seeds of fear, judgement, shame, or blame"...(Don Miguel Ruiz-The Voice of Knowledge).