With The Wind

“Love is like the wind, you can't see it but you can feel it"...(Nicholas Sparks). I woke up this morning to a sad e-mail about the mom I wrote about in my last blog article. Her battle with Lou Gehrig's disease ended this week. I was overwhelmed with tears...thinking about her two beautiful 5 year old boys, missing their mommy. I thought about the struggle she went through over the past few years, facing her disease with such courage as her body continued to shut down a little more each day. I thought about her amazing husband, who cared for her in every way and who had to be a single dad much of the time, while watching his once vivacious wife become incapacitated. I saw him this morning at school and even though his sun glasses hid his tears, he smiled and hugged his boys, letting them know that their daddy is there for them and that they'll get through it together. I stood with him and cried as I offered my condolences and we hugged the type of hug that only grief can allow. His wife and the boys mommy is free now....allowed to travel like the wind. No longer mired down in a body that had shut down, she can spread her wings to fly. Now she is free to watch her boys grow from a different vantage point, from spirit. Her love will always be there, like the wind...swirling around her family, reminding them of the woman she was and the love she felt for them. Love does not disappear with death or time. It is the one constant in this world....it is a force like none other. Love survives anything and everything. I know that people often struggle with their own feelings around loss. I've watched as many disappear when a loss occurs. People are so overwhelmed and awkward that they just don't know what to do or say to someone who has just lost a loved one. Being genuine is the best gift you can offer someone grieving...and tears are a genuine part of loss. “Those things that hurt, instruct"..(Benjamin Franklin). “To spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness”...(Erich Fromm). “Tears are the silent language of grief”...(Voltaire). I cry today in honor of an incredible soul who has soured out of this world into another. I cry to honor my own feelings of grief....feeling incredible compassion for her family, knowing that they miss her profoundly. I cry because it's really all I can do to express how I'm feeling right now. “Misfortune is never mournful to the soul that accepts it; for such do always see that every cloud is an angel's face"...(Lydia M. Child).

Right Here Waiting

"We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us"...(Joseph Campbell). I love nature and music. The picture for this article is a beautiful tree I pass every day on my hike. I don't always notice it because often I am lost in my thoughts, noticing other trees or listening to music on my iPod. One day recently, when my iPod was out of power and I was especially emotional, this tree caught my attention. As I admired the simplicity of it's beauty, I was reminded how we often do not notice the beautiful things right in front of us. This tree has always been there, just waiting patiently for me to notice it. Like the 80's song, "Right Here Waiting" by Richard Marx, some things in life are waiting patiently to be discovered. Even parts of relationships remain hidden. In fact, sometimes when relationships appear secure, you may be surprised to realize that there were things you ignored, things you never realized or new aspects that eventually blossom when you least expect it. I talk about love all of the time but now I'm questioning love....or trying to really grapple with some things about love. One thing I know for sure is that the only thing I can truly count on is this very moment. Nothing is sure in this world and so, I don't really plan my future anymore. I live for today. As for love, it's always in my heart but I'm aware enough to know that I cannot control anything or anyone outside of myself. I really do try to just ride the waves of uncertainty. Sometimes the waves are overwhelming and appear threatening and other times, the waves are perfectly calm. I just go with the flow as much as possible. Oh sure, sometimes I question those darn waves and say..."hey, I thought this wouldn't happen." But then, I come back to my senses and try to laugh, even while I may be crying, knowing that this is the way life goes. I went to an event last night for CoachArt, an organization that pairs artists, dancers, musicians and athletes with chronically ill children. I was very impressed with their philosophy. Listening to families tell their stories about their chronically ill children was inspiring. Even the children spoke about their lives with such courage and strength. They are a teachers for all of us...teaching us that life is just uncertain. There are no absolutes and cherish everything you have, even as you are listing the numerous complaints you may have of what you don't have and what you seem to be missing. Even something as basic as one's health is to be cherished if that is what you have even while you may be struggling in other area of your life. A mom at my sons school inspires me as well. She has ALS disease (also known as Lou Gehrig's Disease), an illness which has rendered her unable to move and she is unable to speak. Wheelchair bound, she uses a computer to talk to her kids and even though her mind is as sharp as a tack, her body has pretty much shut down. She cannot even hold and kiss her young boys. I watch her in awe because she is facing her disease with courage. She watches them play and even though observing is all she can do...she does it with pride. You can tell by the look in her eyes that she cherishes every day she has left to at least watch her children. That is what it's all about....facing life with courage and strength and taking whatever comes your way with stride. That mother thought that she'd get to be just like all of the other moms, walking them to school, running errands, cuddling her kids and being there for them as they grow up. Life threw her a curve ball and even though her body will give out sooner than later, she faces each day with gratitude and uses her time wisely. It's all we really have....today. So, my reflection today is that I'm right here waiting for whatever life throws my way. I'm ready because as silly as it sounds, nobody and nothing can ever break my spirit. I love life and I have love and compassion to offer as my gift. I can't take away peoples pain, their heartaches or their fears....but I can try to remind them that this too shall pass and to just be grateful for what they may have going for them. The tree in this article doesn't flinch when storms head it's direction, it just enjoys the sun while its shining and weathers the storms until they pass. It offers shade and peace to those who take notice because those are the gifts this tree can offer. Nature knows that life is beautiful, no matter what the weather shows. Even a good storm can be an amazing sight. "Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth"...(Ayn Rand).

From the Other Side

“Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness"...(George Sand). I recently had an in depth discussion with a friend who happens to talk with spirits. Yes....you read correctly. Much like the popular Spirit Channeler's of today, she can have in depth discussions with people who have crossed over. It doesn't really matter whether you believe in talking with spirits or not because the messages from the other side are profound and worth considering. The message was clear and concise and meant to help facilitate understanding and healing. The message was from a family member and he (the spirit) said that as he was crossing over, "before I knew what was happening, a mirror was held in front of my face." The mirror was a direct reflection of the life he lived, the choices he had made and of the souls he had hurt along the way. He was greeted by loved ones who had passed on but was shown immediately, the ways in which he veered off course during his life here. He apologized to me for his error in judgement and for his selfishness. He felt regret and knew that he could and should have done more to help me and others in his lifetime. His realization was clear, that he had grown to care more about money and stuff or "toys" as he put it, than people. He apologized for that and saw clearly that he did not make the most of the life he had been given. What an amazing message really. Eerily, the messages he gave could have come from Ebeneezer Scrooge himself. How many people are living their lives right now, the way he had? So many live selfishly and with little or no regard to helping others. It's not as if people aren't given some nudging or reminders to do the right thing. The problem is that many people choose to continuously turn a blind eye to those reminders and they forge ahead only thinking about themselves. That certainly is their choice, but it's not without consequence. My family member has discovered that even though he is on the other side, free from the burdens of being human...he is still in pain. His pain isn't of the body any longer but he suffers from pain of the spirit. His burden is being able to see things vividly and with such clarity that he's left facing how he hurt many people along the way and didn't do everything within his power to help those around him. I love the message he delivered because it's such a reminder to make the most of this life and to pay attention to one's conscience. Not that having nice things isn't enjoyable in life but more importantly, are there people in your life you've pushed away or whom you could have helped one way or another but haven't? Are you so overwhelmed with over commitments, worrying about what others are doing or thinking or trying to keep up with the status quo that you are living an empty existence? My family member doesn't get a re-do. He made his choices to honor money over people and now he has to face the music, so to speak. His lessons offer healing in that others can learn from his mistakes. This story isn't new however. Inspirational writers, musicians, and spiritual gurus throughout the ages have urged people through all creative mediums to pay attention to love, service to humanity and seeing the beauty all around us. Yet, so many people still bury their heads in the sand and ignore the numerous nudging they receive to reach out to others around them, to connect and to start really living their lives. All any of us can do though is to keep trying to wake people up. Life is full of choices....to live a life with love and forgiveness or to live shallowly and in vain. “If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain; If I can ease one life the aching, Or cool one pain, Or help one fainting robin Up to his nest again, I shall not live in vain"...(Emily Dickinson).

I Remember Me

"I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn to do it'...(Pablo Picasso). I just had another birthday several days ago. I meant to sit down and write a blog article that day but the day just whirled by and here I sit trying to capture what this birthday meant to me. Each year, I am incredibly amazed at the growth and changes I've gone through during the previous year. One year ago, I was excited and nervous about the many changes I had been undergoing. Now, I'm very adjusted to living in Southern California and my kids and I feel very much at home here. The weather is my favorite thing because it allows me to hike almost every day. I felt empowered to make necessary changes in my life one year ago, but now I just feel incredibly empowered in every way possible. During the past year, I was thrown back into the dating scene which illuminated things big and small about myself and others. I also eventually got beyond my own struggles and decided that it was time to take more of a leadership role in many ways. As a therapist, I have always loved helping people, but now my heart is guiding me to reach out in service through community which means that I get to discover new and unique ways to offer guidance. Help is an interesting word...I think the word service sums it up best because I just feel that what we all can offer is truly ourselves to make our families, our schools, our communities and our world a better place through our commitment. Just committing to do our part creates a positive shift. It's so interesting to note that there is just nothing more satisfying than making a difference in other peoples lives. I have also been shown lately how our own enthusiasm and positive attitude absolutely inspires others. I put the word out to find women in their 20's, to help with the Girl Scouts in my area. My Service Unit needed more help and heck, there is always a need for Girl Scout leaders, co-leaders and volunteers to help with troops. In a matter of two weeks, I signed on six amazing young women. The irony is that they are going to help inspire young women, yet in the process, they will become more empowered. What a wonderful process. They were a bit nervous about starting troops (something new to them), but like the Pablo Picasso quote above...you learn by doing. These young women remind me of myself in my twenties, so eager and willing to learn. I love passing on the legacy of having things in life that inspire us and help us grow in numerous ways, especially when we are helping others in the process. So, it's been a great year. I'm excited to have discovered a new and renewed empowered me along the way and look forward to the new things I'll learn and grow from over the next year. I remember me...the shy, insecure yet positive girl who dared to keep heading into the unknown. The girl I was and now the woman I am, who refuses to succumb to fear and who will never stop daring to take a risk and learn something new in this journey we call life. "To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself"...(Soren Kierkegaard).

Simon Says

I remember playing the game Simon Says as a kid. As I recall, everyone wanted to be Simon, so much so that sometimes we fought over the honor of being Simon. Being Simon meant that we were in charge, the big cheese, the leader. As kids...it was a big deal to be the leader. As adults though, it seems that most people lose that excitement to be in charge and many become followers. I'm not sure when fear kicked in and it just seemed safer to fade into the background, probably in Junior High School, when self consciousness kicks in. I observe so many adults complaining behind the scenes about everything and everyone, but instead of being a part of the solution, they become a part of the problem. Many will be negative about those brave enough to be in leaderships positions but they will never step up to volunteer or try for those positions. I suppose our current education system doesn't help the situation. It is a system based on creating followers. Children are taught to regurgitate information rather than thinking for themselves. Many magnet school are trying to pave the way for more Simon's and less followers, but most schools still follow the old model of creating diligent followers. The kids today are demanding more however. They want to be Simon's and parents are forced to either fight their children to comply with the system or challenge themselves to find ways for their children to express themselves. I watch parents around me though, so worried about what other people think, suppressing their own voices. How can people teach their children to be empowered if they themselves are not. Following others may be safe, but it's not necessarily the right thing to do. I believe in fighting for what's right, not fighting just to fight. I personally like being Simon. If I volunteer to be Simon, it's because I know that I have something to contribute. I also respect other Simon's. I recently volunteered to become the Girl Scout Service Unit Manager of the unit in my area. I honestly was willing to help out in any way to support anyone who would have volunteered to take over that position, but nobody stepped up. In an effort to see this unit thrive and not take a dive, I stepped up. This is one more role in my life that I'll have to fake until I make it. I will also have to encourage and cheerlead others to become Simon's. In fact, the mission of Girl Scouting in general is to create future leaders. In true Girl Scout fashion, I am stepping up with courage, confidence and leadership. I want my children to see that even if I'm afraid, I step up to help others, help a cause and to make a difference. So, I'd like to think that Simon would say...."The work of today is the history of tomorrow, and we are its makers"...(Juliette G. Low).

Love Hurts

"Sadness flies on the wings of the morning and out of the heart of darkness comes the light"...(Jean Giraudoux). The latest song playing repetitively in my household is called "Love Hurts" by Incubus. I loved the song immediately when my nephew played it for us on our recent family trip to Sedona. My oldest son loves it even more though. He makes me play it continuously. He's eleven...what does he know about love and heartbreak. I think about all that he has ahead of him. He'll know about love hurting one day and when he does, the words to this song just might help console him, if only to remind him that the journey of love almost always comes with some lessons in pain. The song reminds listeners though that love is worth the risk because without love, you die inside. Over the past several years, my son had a front row seat to the confusion, break up and reconciliation of his father and I. I'm sure he processed some lessons about love from what he observed. He knows all too well now that relationships are not easy, nor does he have a Disney version of romance. He was happy though that he got the real "Parent Trap" story in his life and that his parents found a way to rediscover love and romance with each other. I've thought about love long and hard and it always seems that love becomes more profound and genuine after loss and pain. It seems that it's only through loss we discover the depths of our love. I see all too often people remaining shallow and distracted with the very people they say they love, only to absolutely crumble when they lose the person they took for granted. Some people remain shallow in relationships to protect themselves from getting hurt. You can run from your fears but you can't hide, because running equates to numbing and avoiding depth. In the end, that race just leads you feeling empty and alone, even in the presence of others. Being around people who are numbing is just truly painful...because I can always feel their incredible avoidance of really feeling. It's sort of like being around an actor who is always on stage. Nothing feels real or genuine around them because they're empty inside and faking life becomes their reality. So...when you challenge yourself to feel...you will inevitably hurt. I also love the song, "Better than a Hallelujah" by Amy Grant, because she expresses how painful feelings are beautiful expressions of our real and honest selves. My son may only be eleven but he already understands that with love comes pain, but it's a worthy price to pay. "Where there is love, there is pain"...(Spanish proverb). “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love"...(Mother Teresa).

Crossing Over

"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time"...(Mark Twain). Today's blog article is in honor of my uncle who passed away today suddenly. His death was like his life....on his terms. He died doing something he loved, flying. One could be saddened by this tragic accident, yet in sadness...I respect his desire to keep taking risks, right up until the very end. When someone dies, a strange door is opened and everyone touched by that loss takes pause to reflect about life and death. Each loss reminds us that we are all one step away from crossing over, whether that day be today or many years from now. We cannot live each day in fear of death however. Living a life in fear is living a life half dead. What's the point of that? Death teaches us all that we have a choice to live life to the fullest. People often get mired down in the pain of loss and the fear of death, neglecting the very life they have been given to live. Sometimes deep reflection after a loss is needed however, to honor the life of the loved one who crossed over as well as reflecting about the meaning of life. As strange as that sounds, people are so busy with their daily concerns that they forget what a true miracle life really is. Yet after a loss....people are touched by the opening of deaths door. The opening of that door is an opportunity for healing. We can heal in forgiveness and in taking stock of what we've learned from the life of the person who passed. Every person's life is a lesson and can teach us something, even if those lessons are what we'd do differently. It's so interesting to watch how people are in daze after a death and how they join together in bereavement. A loss weaves family and friends together through their sadness and their reflections. If only for a moment in time, people who have been scattered, come together to honor the life of their loved one. Loss connects us all ultimately because to live is to have lost and no soul is untouched by death. Here are some inspiring quotes about the lessons that death teaches us. “I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge - myth is more potent than history - dreams are more powerful than facts - hope always triumphs over experience - laughter is the cure for grief - love is stronger than death"...(Robert Fulghum). “Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows"...(Pope Paul VI). "We cannot banish dangers, but we can banish fears. We must not demean life by standing in awe of death"...(David Sarnoff). “Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy"...(Eskimo Proverb). Living life with love, passion and heart is the lesson I choose to honor from each loss. A person's life is their legacy here and forever leaves an imprint in the lives they've touched. So in honor of my uncle....I say a blessing to remind people to live life fully, with everything they've got. Laugh so deeply that it hurts, don't hold back loving words because you fear rejection and just let yourself feel every emotion fully. Why hold back? Life is but a blink of an eye and will be over before you know it...so enjoy, cry, scream, and love with every part of your heart and soul.