Some time after my son was born an intuitive, energy healer gave me a message about a soul that would be my next child, a daughter. The message was that I needed to get my own issues straightened out about raising a daughter in today's society. That message really got to me. Although I had logged in countless hours of my own therapy and was then practicing as a therapist....I had concerns about having a daughter. I knew that I would have to really process my own issues fully about being a female in a society that does not always value women. My first concern was that I have counseled many hundreds of women and approximately 80% of them have been raped by people they knew, boyfriends, spouses, family members, dates, friends and classmates. The national statistic is that one in four women will be raped in their lifetime, but since most go unreported, that statistic is much, much higher. Unfortunately, I too fall in the 80%. Knowing all of that, I wanted to be sure that I could raise a daughter to be strong, stand up for herself and to defend herself when needed. We need to raise women to be more assertive and to be their own person, not to always be accommodating, polite and taking care of others. Second, I wanted to come to terms with valuing fully what it means to be a female, so that I could teach her to really value herself. Onward I went, to work on valuing myself more in preparation for a daughter. It was the start of discovering how amazing it is to be a woman but realizing that we all receive so many messages that devalue women. The lessons continued until I conceived and delivered a healthy baby girl, Taylor. We named her Taylor because her soul felt very strong and she needed a more gender neutral name. Little did I know that the lessons she would teach me would far exceed anything I could have ever imagined. She came out of the womb head strong and determined. She was no wall flower, even as an infant. She cried loudly until she got what she wanted and needed to be held the first 9 months of her life. That is until she could walk, since she skipped crawling altogether. She hated dresses and still does, although I can bribe her if absolutely necessary. Now at six, she's a determined, spirited little girl who is a tomboy through and through. She hates to comb her hair, thus she begged to have it cut short. She loves skater or surf board t-shirts with baggy jeans and has a style all her own. She is loud, gets excited, yes even sassy, but she is a big personality in a little body. I realized early on that if I just allowed her to be herself, she would be self-confident and she is. I don't try to make her into a princess or into an image I project. I honor all of my kids own style and let them show me who they really are. At first I admit, I had to catch myself wanting to dress her in my style, or wanting to correct her when she behaved differently then I did as a child. I also noticed others looking at how she dressed and people sometimes assuming she was a boy. She doesn't mind, so why should I. Taylor taught me that all I had to do was to let her be herself and in the process I grew to honor truly being myself more and more each day. Shouldn't we all just bask in the glory of who we are? Taylor does. I no longer worry about raising a girl. I learned that in honoring the feminine in me, she will honor it in herself. "She (a Mother) teaches her daughters to respect their feminine nature. She teaches her sons to respect their feminine side and thus all women"...(V. McClure, The Tao of Motherhood). I will guide all of my children through life's challenges by teaching them first and foremost to trust themselves. I will also always be there when needed as a supportive presence, loving them but allowing them to learn their own lessons. "Avoid pushing too hard. Your children are full of spirit and will find their own way. Their true parent resides within them; you are only a reflection. Mothers who constantly interfere-who push and challenge, who lecture and berate-think they are molding their children into good citizens. In fact, they are destroying confidence and inviting scorn. Know when to intervene and how. Do it with gentleness, firmness, swiftness, and respect. And then release the child to the Way"...(V. McClure, The Tao of Motherhood).
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