Understanding Women

I'm a woman obviously, so writing about women comes quite naturally. I've also listened to many hundreds of women clients, friends and family members stories, so I could write endlessly about women. First, the rule of thumb for men is "keep it simple" while for women...nothing is ever simple. There seems to be a little issue with the fact that men like things simple...women make things complex...which equals a big problem when it comes to men and women communicating. We are complex by nature I think. Perhaps it's the fact that we can bear children or perhaps it's because we are generally so emotional. Like the depths of the sea, women are mysterious and often misunderstood. Often, because we tend to be emotional, we don't even understand ourselves half the time. We can dive deep into an emotion and unravel every facet of it, which often drives men crazy. I watch in couples sessions when the women are reading a letter they wrote their partner (which often looks like a dissertation) while the men sit there with a baffled look in their eyes as if she is speaking a foreign language. That goes back to...men need things concrete and to the point and women often do not know how to simplify their emotions. We are emotional though and sometimes there does not need to be a solution, just listening can be key and all that is needed. For women, I advise venting to a journal first so as to not overwhelm the men in their life, then approach them with the cliff notes version of what they are trying to say. Women are pretty amazing though. A man in the sauna pointed out to me that women should be respected for the simple fact that mother nature made things tough on them just from having children alone. He said, "I could have never endured what my wife went through having babies, caring for the children and menopause." All men tell me though that they just don't understand why women seem to never let things go and they never forget an argument. I admit, we do have very good memories when it comes to arguments. Even though women tend to seem complex, we are pretty simple at heart. Women want to be desired, respected and adored by their partners. Women often suffer from the "caretaking complex," nurturing everyone in their lives except themselves. Women also tend to lose themselves in their roles of wives and mothers that they simply forget who they were and are at heart. Most women often have also endured harassment or abuses from the hands of men (fathers, bosses, husbands, brothers, strangers, dates) at some point in their lives. Those abuses can and often do create huge barriers for trust and enormous scars in a woman's development of self worth. Women of all ages also tend to have endless insecurities of fitting in, measuring up, or looking good enough which creates more self esteem issues in women often starting at very young ages. The journey for women is the same for men...that is to learn to honor yourself first and then and only then can you accept love from those around you. "Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world"....(Lucille Ball).