Seize the Day

The energy that motivates us into action can often be building for quite some time. At some particular moment however, the energy shifts into high gear and we have an opportunity to seize the moment and act. Carpe Diem is a statement made famous from the movie, The Dead Poet's Society. I cannot help but pay honor to the great comedian, Robin Williams. In that movie and in his life, he lived grandly and spread laughter and light to the world around him. His light will still shine brightly through his movies and from our memories of him. Carpe Diem is translated from Latin as 'seize the day'. It is a profound statement of declaring the moment as the only one that counts and it's about taking a leap of faith. We only have one life to live, so what do we have to lose by seizing the moment. I seized the moment when I wrote my first blog article. I had an intuitive moment, listened to my gut and followed through. When I was living in CA and my sister who was living in NYC said her roommate was moving out....I seized the moment and without much thought said, "I'll move to NYC and live with you." I also seized the moment when my gut told me to move back to California. There are so many moments that I can point to that I leaped with faith instead of stalling in fear. Our reality is whatever we make it! I am trying to teach my kids about being in the moment and taking chances. Life can be pretty boring if you spend it playing it safe. Here are some fun quotes about Carpe Diem. "Enjoy yourself. It's later than you think"....(Chinese Proverb). "Live every day as if it were your last and then some day you'll be right"...(H.H. "Breaker" Morant). "Go for it now. The future is promised to no one"...(Wayne Dyer). "Every man dies. Not every man really lives"....(Braveheart). "Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive"...(Elbert Hubbard). "As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are the things you didn't do"...(Zachary Scott). What moments have you had in your life when you really seized the moment? What are your dreams, the ones that make you want to seize the moment? Would you seize the moment or talk yourself out of it? Just some important questions to ask yourself. Each day is a fresh start and another chance. Carpe Diem...seize the moment and make it happen. Trust life, trust your gut and follow your heart and leap into the unknown. We all know stories of people who play it safe. How many of our parents, friends and family do we all have that live life in a very predictable way, never taking chances. Many people talk themselves out of their dreams, their intuition and their heartfelt desires. They tell themselves that "It's crazy, it can never happen, or it would never work." Let the universe work out the logistics....if you think it, feel it then dream it, the universe will conspire to make it happen. Honor yourself to take the leap to seize the day. Life is full of opportunity, believe in yourself and the rest will work itself out. So "Carpe Diem" I say loudly as we soon head into the holiday's. Make every day the best day ever by finally being true to yourself in every way possible! "Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever"....(Mahatma Gandhi).

Saying Good-bye

"The story of life is quicker then the blink of an eye, the story of love is hello, goodbye"...(Jimi Hendrix). "Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves and then we have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos"...
(Snoopy-Peanuts cartoons). Five years ago, when I first told my son that we would probably move back to California, he cried. He cried for about a half hour or so, telling me how sad he felt to leave his school and his friends. He said he'd miss Connecticut and tried a little bargaining, asking if we could stay two more years. Finally, he surrendered and said he was sad but started asking questions about where we'd move, his new school, etc. As days and weeks passed, he told people about the move and talked about things that he was looking forward to. Flash forward five years....now he is adjusted to California and he is thankful that we live here now. Saying good-bye can often feel overwhelming with mixed emotions because you are dealing with change and loss. However, if only you could look into the future to see all of the wonderful things that you can bring into your life by allowing changes to occur. Okay, now I need to take the therapist hat off and speak from the heart about good-byes. I suck at them! Yeah, I can talk the talk, but walking the walk is an entirely different story. Many people have a difficult time with this issue as well. Hey it's a lot easier to handle a good-bye if you are numb, run away, avoid it or get angry at the person. I know first hand. I have had many good-byes since my birth. During my childhood, I just learned to numb through them, probably appearing on the outside that I was so strong and handling things well. Yep, I was good at looking strong on the outside, yet crumbling on the inside. The biggest transition of my life was 24 years ago when I made that move from California to NYC. I would not allow myself to feel the enormity of the move. There was one very special person to me that I could not bring myself to say good-bye to, yet I was very confused and sad that he would not say good-bye to me. That was the pot calling the kettle black, so to speak! I was more insecure then, so my pride kept me from reaching out. It also taught me a valuable lesson, that you should not judge how people handle loss. My assumption back then, "well he must not care about me at all." That could not be more false and reflected how my own pain blurred my vision on this issue. So many years later, I can see things more clearly and I know all too well that there are always two sides of the story. Besides, the more we avoid a good-bye the more we care! I have struggled with good-bye's. I could not not say good-bye to my own therapist, many years ago. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and had three months to live. I said good-bye and thank you to him on the phone, but was too overwhelmed by emotions to go see him in person to say good-bye. I regret that action now. I knew I would have been a mess though and should have gone anyway. He had been more than a therapist to me, he had also been a mentor and helped coach me through grad school. He allowed me the space to process saying good-bye in the only way I could handle at the time and I thank his spirit occasionally for that. He taught me well though, guiding me through my own maze of emotions. I will be forever grateful to him! Now that I am coasting after so many changes over the past five years, my kids and I and I can reflect about the strength we now have as we have have all grown so much from starting all over. Through all of the changes, I allowed myself the room to feel it fully. My son reminded me of the power of just feeling sad, yet looking at the things to look forward to. I guess I taught him well....but the teacher can also learn from the student. I am a pro at guiding everyone through losses but still have so much to learn myself. Often we just avoid good-byes because we don't want to face our feelings that go with it. Change is inevitable but losses teach every one of us that the process of life is ever changing. Sometimes we have the power to stop it and other times we simply do not. However the good-bye is presented to you be aware of how you handle it. Reflect on past good-byes because you too may have run away instead of really facing how you were feeling. My move 24 years ago as well as my many years as a therapist dealing with losses have taught me to express myself better, not judge others in how they handle their good-byes and to hopefully navigate myself and my children through the various layers of emotions in saying good-bye. "Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything. It's the time we spent together that matters, not how we left it"....(Trey Parker).

Are We Having Fun Yet?

The journey of life is full of lessons, many of which are difficult, but the reward....the lesson of laughter and fun. What would it all be for if we couldn't have fun! I love comedians because they can make the most stressful things sound funny. Perhaps, even when we are bogged down by life's stresses, we could just pretend for a moment that all of the craziness is great material for a stand up comic, we could benefit from seeing the humor in all of it sometimes. When my oldest, now fourteen was three, I asked him what he liked about being here. His answer was simple, "I like all the stuff." He still loves the toys...namely games and of course his xBox. My daughter likes being here to play and socialize. The toys never really appealed to her. My youngest is a combination of the two, he likes his toys but equally loves to socialize. We also call him Casanova because he loves to kiss and hug. I'll have to keep a very close eye on him when he reaches adolescence. My kids picked a good mommy this time around, because I am the queen of fun. My girlfriend recently joked that she is going to pick me as her mom in her next life. I love to take the kids on weekend trips (time permitting), basketball, outings like bowling, mini-golfing and the movies. Sometimes fun does not have to cost a lot of money. We absolutely love to play card games like hearts. As soon as my kids could hold the cards, they were at the table playing with us. Baking cookies is fun, the cost is minimal and of course the end result is yummy. Dancing around the living room is fun and helps the kids sleep better at night. Music is just lots of fun anyway, whether it's dancing incognito around the house, out at a club or going to a concert. Backyard camp outs are free and lots of fun. Yeah, my back kinda aches after sleeping in the fort, but it's worth it. My girlfriend has lots of fun playing catch with her kids. I look on Facebook and lots of people look like they are having fun. I notice that sports are a big past time for many and has now taken center stage in my life since all three of my kids play sports now. I grew up in a household of all girls, so sporting events never made my list of fun things to do, but I am adjusting and I love it actually. I also notice on Facebook that many others are traveling to cool places, having fun with their kids and family and some are even sky diving. All of those things sound like lots of fun. I enjoyed the movie Yes Man, because a formerly "poor me" guy turns into a social maniac, when he begins to say yes to life and starts having fun. Life is about so many things, but without fun, it can get pretty boring and monotonous. Going with the flow can be fun, when you allow fun to be with any opportunity, especially when it is something unexpected. Why can't we have fun everyday? Who says that we have to be serious all of the time? We can even have fun while getting things done. My kids have had water fights while cleaning and they laugh the whole time. I notice too many people so serious all the time. A mom at the pediatricians office was chastising her son for having too much fun. He was just making quiet noises, while he was playing with the train set. I've counseled many individuals who told me how they were yelled at as kids for playing too loudly, laughing too much or getting too excited. No wonder so many people are afraid to have fun. They were conditioned to be quiet, be serious and stop being so childish. Oh come on.....let's all be a little childish! People give themselves permission to have fun at Disneyland or on vacation, although I've seen serious people at Disneyland too but yes, Disney seems to lighten up even the most hardened souls. My motto, have fun as often as possible, not only at Disney. Life is an adventure, full of ups and downs, so never ever forget, to have lots of fun along the way! "In between goals is a thing called life that has to be lived and enjoyed"...(Sid Caesar).

Love is...

In college, I was in a sorority and we always recited this passage from the bible: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres"....(1 Corinthians 13:4-7). What a beautiful passage! I did not grow up religious. In fact since my mom is agnostic, we got to enjoy a potluck of religions, joining our friends at whatever church they belonged. In that way, I grew up exposed to a lot of different religions. I guess it was one less pressure I had in my life and it taught me various beliefs and ceremonies associated with each religion. One church gave the kids candy, so I liked that religion for awhile. Without a religion however, I was on my own to find spirituality. In college when I would recite "Love is patient," I could not even begin to understand the depth of those words. Maybe I was too young to get it, perhaps it was because I was not yet spiritual, or maybe it was because I was still undeveloped emotionally, but that deeply moving passage from the Bible were just words at the time. Now as I contemplate life and love, those words from "Love is patient".....say it all. Everybody says,"I love you".....but do they really mean them? It's sort of the like the greeting card issue, when people send excessively sappy cards, but don't mean a word that is printed inside of them. I watch couples in therapy say "I love you," but then disclose awful behaviors they have done to each other. I counseled a man yesterday who professed his love to his spouse, yet throughout their marriage acted in very disrespectful ways. Is that love? That's not love. In fact, people who control and manipulate aren't being loving, they use people's love to get what they want. The passage from the bible, "Love is patient"....is one of the most popular for wedding ceremonies. We'd have a better success rate for marriages if people really felt the words in the passage and then lived by them. Certainly marriage and relationships are complicated, yet love is so simple. Of course, if people acted in loving ways to their children, then those children would have a much better chance of growing up and being able to have loving relationships as adults. Loving behavior can heal generations! It all starts with one soul willing to change the pattern. Okay I sound like a therapist, but as a therapist I get to bear witness to all of the hurt, pain and wounds caused by unloving behaviors. This goes back to my mantra, it all starts with you. I found an additional passage while researching, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love"....(1 John 4:18). Think about those passages, reciting them to yourself first. Wouldn't it be great to be patient and kind to yourself? It would be equally wonderful to not put yourself down or keep a running tally of your mistakes. It would be healing for individuals to have hope, to be authentic and then the courage to not fear and to pass all of that love onto others as well. Call me idealistic, but it can happen, one individual at a time. So as I write this blog and read the words again and again, "Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy".....the meaning moves me profoundly and I know that I have grown tremendously from my college days. I found spirituality in a life without religious structure and I rediscovered a passage from the bible that are words to live by. "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love".....(1 Corinthians 13:13).

Mind and Body

"Every human being is the author of his own health or disease"...(Buddha). I always find that the journey of illness and health is a lesson of taking care of oneself, emotionally and physically. I watch so many people denying one owns health and the importance of focusing time and energy to stay healthy. I too have been guilty of working and staying busy, even when my body is trying to tell me to slow down. We all have so much to do that we deny the messages of our intuition, indicating that more rest may be needed. It seems that it is only when the symptoms are undeniable that people succumb to listening to their bodies, but often the symptoms are so severe at that point and may have manifested into major illnesses or disease. How many people have neglected early warning signs and ended up with migraine headaches, back problems, flu and infections all worsened by pushing through symptoms instead of slowing down earlier. I see it all of the time.....adults absolutely neglecting themselves. Many do not go to the doctor, but would have their child there at the first sign of a symptom. Many people go to work sick, even with fevers, chills and extreme pain, when they would have kept their children home for milder symptoms. I have done it myself, tried to will myself into health. Okay, there is positive thinking and there is denial. Once the symptoms kick in, rest and positive thinking are required. Symptoms are your bodies way of saying, "Hey, we are under attack and need some rest to get through this." I have gotten much better at listening and respecting the messages my body tells me. I come across so many people who look exhausted, exhibiting clear signs of illness as they say, "hey, I have no time to get sick." Well, the body will get your attention, one way or another. Clearly at that point, the more you ignore the symptoms, the more likely it is that you will be hit harder. I have also counseled many individuals who have used illnesses to get attention. In those cases, their underlying emotional insecurities prevented them from getting healthy. Either way, whether people are using illnesses to fulfill needs or neglecting themselves, either way their emotions drastically affect their approach to health and wellness. Bernie Siegel MD, revolutionized the idea that your thoughts and feelings affect your bodies ability to respond to cancer and treatments in his book, Love, Medicine and Miracles. In the book by Caroline Myss and Dr. Norman Shealy, The Creation of Health, they reflect on the deep connection between emotional dysfunction and physical illness. The book describes the role that emotional disturbances play in the most common diseases and ailments, from influenza, the common cold, and arthritis to diabetes, heart disease, and cancer. The mind-body connection is more of a mainstreamed concept these days and the holistic alternative healing arena is now a billion dollar industry. Commonly cited examples of alternative medicine include naturopathy, chiropractic, herbalism, traditional Chinese medicine, Ayurveda, Reiki, meditation, yoga, biofeedback, hypnosis, homeopathy, acupuncture, and diet-based therapies, in addition to a range of other practices. The root idea to alternative medicine is that the body displays symptoms rooted in emotional and physical dysfunction. One cannot be addressed without looking at the other as the mind and body are one, affecting each other, not separate from one another. We all know that pain, injury and illness certainly affect our emotions and concurrently, our thoughts and feelings affect our physical health. We need the sun to stay warm, grow food and to give us power and we need a healthy mind to shine brightly, feeding our bodies healthy habits, positive thoughts and increased energy to be in the best health possible. So with that said, take care of your emotional health as well as your physical health. As for me, I have learned to slow down and I do rest when my body feels tired. When symptoms start to appear, get some rest, see a doctor or research alternative options. Overall, preventative care is always the best approach by eating well, exercising, taking care of your emotional wellness, relaxation, and a good laugh. The journey to optimal health is in your hands......are you taking good care of yourself?

Nobody's Perfect

When I was younger, I put a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect. Hey, didn't we all? I certainly remember that most of my peers were trying to impress and were very insecure, so I know that I was not alone. Some still are trying to be perfect, chasing the impossible or judging others because it takes pressure off oneself, noticing everyone else's flaws. With wisdom has come much clarity and acceptance that perfection is an illusion. What a relief to not have to be perfect!!! Whew!! Here are some truths about me. I teach a class called "Clear Your Clutter" yet my desk, car and garage have been known to be cluttered. In fact right this minute, my walk-in closet is a mess! The upside of a cluttered trunk in my mini-van is that I always have my hiking shoes and backpack ready for a spontaneous hike and can find a sweatshirt for the kids in a pinch. I do get to my breaking point though and then I clean my car and it looks like new again. That feels soooo good! I have incredible patience, but.....after my three kids have been screaming and fighting incessantly, I can even lose it once in awhile. They are getting older, so the fighting is calming down quite a bit. I am always behind on my paperwork and billing. I somehow manage to juggle what seems like a million things and once in awhile, something gets missed. We have missed several homework assignments, because I did not look thoroughly through the endless paperwork that comes home in the kids backpacks. Thank you cards for kids birthday parties may or may not get out. I did streamline that one and started handing out thank you cards AT the party as the kids and parents were leaving. Some parents praised me on that idea and said they are going to start using that little trick too. I have to congratulate myself though, because I manage to get a heck of a lot done, compared to what little actually gets missed. I'm amazed at how much I juggle actually, so I'm very proud of myself for that talent. Not being perfect has its perks. If you focus on what you are getting done, rather than feeling terrible about what you forgot....you end up feeling pretty good at the end of the day. My kids know that I am not perfect and I don't expect them to be. If they spill their juice, they clean it up because it's no big deal. They work on being responsible, but they are realistic as are we, about what that entails. My son knows that he should give his work his all...but some days, his all may be 50 percent capacity. Isn't that true for all of us. I have my stellar, full of energy days where I feel like I have had 20 cups of coffee and accomplish so much. Other days, I can barely manage to get through the day with getting one to two things done. Our energy levels peak and wane, so relaxing on the perfection issue can be one less pressure. I just can't keep up with the whole, perfect mom syndrome. I watch moms compete for the best dressed or brightest children contest. I refuse to compete.....way too much pressure for the kids and just plain illusion for the parents. I also watch dads compete for the most athletic son, screaming at their kids from the sidelines of youth sporting events. You'd think we were playing for a National Title sometimes, the way the parents are yelling. I am proud of my now 11 year old daughter with her quirky and cute style of clothing, mixing budding femininity with tomboy sensibility. She does comb her hair more often these days but she still has a style that is all her own. Even when she was the only 6 year old girl at birthday parties that wore boys swim trunks and a swim shirt. What the heck, I've gotta let her be herself! When my youngest use to begs to wear his PJ's to school, we would strike a deal and he wore his Spiderman jammie shirt with his jeans. He's in fourth grade now, so his jammie to school days are over. He would never beg to wear jammie's now unless it's jammie day at school. On a good day, you might catch me with a clean car and I look pretty put together. On a crazy day, that's another story. You'll probably see me at Starbucks grabbing a Venti coffee, a little haggard from the morning, running late for yoga. Yep, I'm often running late to relax. I wear a baseball cap almost every day and the other day, when I did my hair (no baseball cap), my son hesitated getting into the car when I went to pick him up from basketball practice because he wasn't sure that it was me! Perfection is the illusion of the ego and a heck of a lot of pressure. Sure, there are times when striving for the best can be very important, like in competitive sports or in your career. It can motivate us to work harder and strive for our goals. I'm always working to improve and better myself. But overall in life and with oneself, perfection is a goal one can never really reach. It is the little secret in life I wish I had been told when I was thirteen. DON'T TRY TO BE PERFECT!!! Enjoy your non-perfection....bask in it and just plain enjoy being you. "The more you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else, which makes you unique"....(Walt Disney).

Just One of Those Days!

Last summer, I took my kids to upstate New York for our annual summer trip east. The Adirondack Mountains in upstate New York are absolutely beautiful. The kids and I enjoy many hikes while we're there although, I must admit that sometimes they'd prefer to hang out at the cabin and watch tv. I have to cheerlead them on every hike and once we are about a half an hour on the trail, they are fine and they get motivated to get to the top. On this one particular day however, it took a lot of cheerleading to get us all to the top. We were all set to hike St. Regis. I woke up with energy, made lunches, cooked breakfast and nothing was going to sway me from my agenda. The kids were less enthused and they grumbled, dragged their feet and made excuses as to why we shouldn't hike that day, along with pointing out that, "It is a bit cloudy out today mom and it's probably going to rain!" "Ahhh, a little rain won't stop us, besides"...I continued, "the trees on the trail protect us and we won't get wet." I sweetened the deal with a bribe to go thru Dunkin Donuts drive thru on the way to the trail and they proceeded at a quicker pace and got into the car with a little more enthusiasm. We got to the trail and although it was cloudy, it wasn't raining. The first 20 minutes was uneventful as we were chatting and enjoying the silence that the forrest offers. In the silence, I started hearing rain drops but the trees were in fact acting like an umbrella and shielding us from getting wet. I happily gloated to the kids that I was right and a little rain wouldn't stop us. My kids did try one more appeal at that point to turn back. "But mom," my daughter explained, "The sky looks pretty dark and I think the rain is getting stronger." "Nah," I said as I smiled, "Nice try..but we are continuing." It wasn't long before I started to notice that the rain was getting stronger and in fact, I was starting to get wet. I was hoping the kids didn't notice and I prayed the rain would let up and prove me right that the rain was just sprinkles. Oh no, the rain wanted to have a good laugh at my expense and next thing I know, a torrential downpour began as if the skies just opened up directly overhead and the tree cover was no match for the strength of the water. My daughter didn't even have to say a word as she just shot me look that said it all! I half laughed as water was dripping from my forehead and I said, "Well, I guess you were right and it is raining!" My 9 year old son then chimed in. "Mom, I thought you said the trees would keep us from getting wet!" In a matter of minutes, we were drenched. We scrambled to put our sweatshirts on because the temperatures were dropping and it was getting cold. I really had to cheerlead at that point and press them to continue on. They whined on and off for the next hour and a half until we reached the base of the peak. At that point they REALLY wanted to turn back. We were soaking wet and shivering and we were now at the hardest part of the hike. This is where my bribes had to get bigger and better. I definitely had to sweeten the deal if I was going to get them to the top of that mountain. Look, I didn't really want to climb that peak either at that point but I wanted us all to push through and complete what we started. I explained to them that just because things get hard doesn't mean we give up. I added that there are many times in life, things will seem impossible but those are the times to press on. I reminded them that it wasn't dangerous, we were just dripping wet and the rain is taunting us is all. "No biggie...we can do this!" They weren't thrilled, nor were they inspired but they took advantage of the moment and called in their bribe requests. Smart kids. We started our uphill climb and the rain was relentless. I have never before experienced that type of rain on a hike. I bet that's why we saw NO other hikers on the trail that day. It was a tough climb in the rain, since the trail was muddy and parts of the trail looked like a waterfall. Our shoes were covered in mud and our socks were soaked through. We pressed on and on. We made jokes, we helped each other up rocks and held each others hands so that we wouldn't slip. We became focused on getting to the top and I must say, it seemed like time was standing still, or moving at molasses speed. It honestly seemed like we'd never reach the top of St. Regis, like the top of the mountain kept getting taller, just as we approached the top. We kept thinking we were almost there..but then no, we weren't. Finally, we got there! Hallelujah!!! We were so tired and so very happy. We collapsed on a wet rock to finally enjoy our lunch. We gobbled up our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches as fast as we could and managed to take a few quick pics of us on the top. Due to cloud cover, we couldn't see anything except each other. There was no view to enjoy and in fact, now we had zero tree cover, so the rain had a direct line to us. Usually we stay on the top of peaks a little while but this time, we wanted off that mountain as quickly as possible. We knew we had about a three hour return trip down the mountain and we wanted dry clothes and an ice cream cone (our reward) as soon as possible. The trip down was the best trip down a mountain I've ever had. The kids and I had settled into the fact that we were wet and muddy and we managed to laugh hysterically about it at that point. In fact, we started laughing so hard that we were in tears! My kids said they were glad that I pushed them to the top and little did they know, I had to push myself as well, every step of the way! We talked about school, slid down muddy patches, sang songs and told stories. Once we got to the car, we peeled off our shoes and piled into the car and jacked up the heat! We were exhausted but we felt great. We headed to our favorite ice cream shack and they definitely called in one of their bribes, that they could order any size they wanted. They truly earned it. I'm not exaggerating one bit that they truly are glad that I pushed them to complete that hike. They felt proud of themselves for not giving up. They did understand my point afterwards, that you shouldn't give up just because something gets hard or challenging. I should know better than to give them pearls of wisdom while rain is pounding down over our heads! Hiking St. Regis that day is one of the best and most rewarding hikes we've done so far and I'm very glad that the lessons they learned on that trail will help them throughout their lives. With difficult terrain comes profound wisdom.

Soulmate

I rented the movie, The Ugly Truth. I had seen it in the movie theatre originally but I enjoyed it so much that I had to see it it again. The idea in the movie is that the girl wants to attract a guy and a brash, unedited man shows her what men really want. It's pretty funny. In the end, it turns out that they fall in love and they both want someone who loves them just for who they are....with no pretenses or facades. What a great lesson, to attract a partner whom appreciates you for just being yourself and vise versa. That is certainly one type of soulmate connection, based on mutual attraction and caring. There are various lessons involved in any type of relationship. Sometimes the lesson is of security, other times it is romance, passion and love or a combination of some or all of them. Each relationship a person is involved in is a lesson, whether it be a romantic, marriage or even friendship or work related partnerships. The issue with any relationship dynamic is figuring out what those lessons are. Some people will have the lesson of security and learn to take care of or receive care from another. I have seen many couples with the lessons of balancing power. Sometimes, relationships are lessons in becoming more secure with oneself and understanding insecurity through the partner you chose. Often, once you have learned what is optimal for your souls growth, the relationship will break apart or enter a new phase and will undergo many changes to shift the roles and the dynamics. Either way, change is inevitable in any relationship. Profound soul connections come in all forms of relationships such as parent/child, siblings, friendships and business partners as well as romantic attachments. Lessons abound in every single relationship and dynamic. According to Lauren Thibodeau, in her book Natural-Born Soulmates, "No matter how powerful you become in your ability to live in the moment, to surrender attachments, to assess soulmate situations and use your free will and your inner wisdom to create your life, lessons are part of the journey. Learning to embrace those lessons, to see the lessons of passion, potential, purpose, pacing, and problem solving as opportunities to show your best self will also transform those very lessons." Relationships are a wonderful opportunity to experience an array of emotions and play various roles. If you follow your heart, it will lead the way to the soul connections that you can learn the most from. I often have single clients, complain about how long it is taking them to find a soulmate....or any meaningful relationship. There are lessons in being alone as well as the short lived, fleeting relationships. In addition some soul searching may be necessary to be sure that ones own fears are not getting in the way of attracting what you want. If you are in a long term relationship, your lesson may be to not fall into boredom and complacency. All relationships need to be worked on and have some attention paid to them. I have counseled many people actively engaged in affairs. It is always best to energetically end the relationship you are in first....legalities may take some time. Set the needed boundary in your current relationship by stating clearly that the relationship is over, so that no further confusion or misunderstandings occur. More damage always seems to occur when couples are not honest with each other about the state of their relationship and they go through the pretenses instead of being clear with one another. The difficulty comes when couples break apart. It is heartbreaking to watch couples disintegrate. No wonder couples often create drama and display anger. It is very sad and difficult to walk away from unions, so people do it in messy ways. But, overall sometimes relationships need to end, because it is in the best interest for the growth of the individuals. You should not consider yourself a failure if a relationship ends. Often it takes several relationships to learn the important lessons in your life. Guilt and blame are not useful.....the ego holds court and blames either yourself or the other. As for the continued search for romantic soul connections.....lots and lots of patience. Anything in life truly worthy is worth waiting for. "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye"...(Antoine de Saint-Exupery). As usual, my conclusion when it comes to relationships........learn from the journey and follow your heart, it always knows the way. What are the next lessons you need to learn in your next relationship or the one you are currently in?

Awakening

Heading into the unknown can bring about a spiritual and emotional crisis called the dark night of the soul. "Dark Night of the Soul is the title of a poem written by 16th century Spanish poet and Roman Catholic mystic Saint John of the Cross. The expression has since become a metaphor used to describe a phase in a person's spiritual life, marked by a sense of loneliness and desolation. It is referenced by spiritual traditions throughout the world, but in particular by Christianity"...(Wikipedia). The crisis is really about letting go of the ego and trusting your heart. When you listen to your soul you let go of the ego controlling, ego centered existence. The battle between the ego and the true self is the dark night of the soul. It can lead some into a phase of feeling lost, disconnected and wandering. The dark night of the soul is considered to be a blessing in disguise. Only with feeling completely lost, can you let go of everything you were clinging to for dear life. The spiritual journey of awakening often requires a shifting of old roles, self perceptions and outdated behaviors. The phase can last hours, days, weeks, months or years. It depends on how much the ego is still tying to fight for control. The battle eventually resolves and the individual emerges more alert, aware and in touch with higher consciousness. The journey for humanity at this very important time is to awaken. "One may not reach the dawn save by the path of the night"...(Kahlil Gibran). Perhaps the world is going through the dark night of the soul of sorts. With 2012 behind us, the new energy now is urging all of humanity to become more aware. Awakening is about heading into uncharted territory. As Eckhart Tolle writes in A New Earth, "When you become comfortable with uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in your life. It means fear is no longer a dominant factor in what you do and no longer prevents you from taking action to initiate change....If uncertainty is unacceptable to you it turns into fear. If it is perfectly acceptable, it turns into increased aliveness, alertness, and creativity." People in the dark night of the soul might label themselves as depressed. It just may be however, that life has urged or forced you in a new direction and you are fighting the inevitable. Remember the ego wants comfortable, status quo and the old order even if those things were no longer optimal for the growth of your consciousness. When life throws you on a new path by losing your job, your spouse leaving you, or any other changes....you are being urged to release the ego and resist fighting for control. You may even be the one making the decisions to quit your job, end a relationship or move to a new location.....by following your heart you trust the higher purpose of your journey. Truly trusting that each lesson is what is best for your souls growth is about honoring whatever is happening in your life right now. Being in the moment is the lesson and becoming aware of your true self underneath the ego's desire for control. I know that in my own life, I have cycled in and out of the dark night of the soul over the past several years. It forced me to reassess my life on all levels and I emerged with numerous answers and increased clarity. The clarity also meant that I had to make many changes. No wonder my own ego fought for awhile, trying to preserve a sense of security. "On life's journey faith is nourishment, virtuous deeds are a shelter, wisdom is the light by day and right mindfulness is the protection by night. If a man lives a pure life nothing can destroy him; If he has conquered greed nothing can limit his freedom"....(Buddha). Do not fear if change is upon you and you have entered the dark night of the soul. It is the opportunity to emerge strengthened, with increased hope and a new direction. The new path can bring unlimited possibilities and with your true self leading the way, a sense of purpose unfolds. If awakening is upon you, then change is inevitable and some of the battles with the ego self are bound to happen......so be in the moment and know that each and every moment is a lesson in awakening. "The dark night of the soul comes just before revelation"...(Joseph Campbell).

Imagine

"Imagine all the people living life in peace"... (John Lennon). Today's blog article is inspired by the song Imagine, by John Lennon. Of course I had heard the song many times before, but around years ago, it was played at a funeral and the words really struck me. I don't think I had really listened to the words before. The words to Imagine are as meaningful and profound today in 2014 as they were in 1971, when the song was written. The song transcends all time. The funeral was for a very special man and his favorite song was Imagine. He died much too young from cancer. He had an enormous heart connection, was unpretentious and helped everyone around him. He taught everyone he came in contact with, to never judge a book by its cover. He appeared pretty gruff on the outside but was the biggest teddy bear on the inside. Before he died, he hoped and imagined that people would be more caring and humane. He never understood how selfish and judgemental people could be. I imagine too, a world with more compassion and love. A world where neighbors, friends and family help each other out and kindness is the rule, not the exception. My nine year son imagines a world where people honor the planet earth by recycling, conserving energy and reducing pollution. The children need the world to be one of hope, promise and unity. John Lennon imagined some wonderful things for us and the world we live in. Let's always imagine for the world to be a better place.......Like Martin Luther King Jr, so famously said, "I have a dream." Imagine the best in yourself and dream it into reality. It starts with each one of us and we all make a difference. Begin by imagining that anything is possible.......


Imagine lyrics: By John Lennon

Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
living for today...

Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...

You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.

(Imagine all the people sharing all the world)

Imagine no possesions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.

Dudley and The Skunk

Five years ago, my sister moved in with us while we were living in Connecticut with her black lab, Dudley. We had no pets, so it was an adjustment suddenly having a dog living with us. Two of my kids took some time warming up to Dudley, but my youngest, who was three years old at the time, took immediately to him. Dudley, being from California was getting use to the Connecticut weather and surroundings. He had woods to run around in and had to adjust to the wild turkeys and deer roaming freely across our property. We had 2.5 acres, so Dudley had a private park to check out. It really was an adjustment for everyone. One night, I was having dreams of skunks. At one point I woke up and wondered if a skunk had sprayed right outside the master bedroom because the aroma was so strong. Since we lived in a wooded area, the smell of skunk was something I smelled occasionally, so I wasn't surprised that a skunk could spray close to the house. In the morning, I went downstairs and wow the smell of skunk seemed to be getting stronger and stronger. I called out to my sister and she and Dudley came upstairs from the finished basement. The smell of skunk almost knocked me over at that point! If you have never smelled the direct scent of skunk up close, you can't even compare it to the smell we all have smelled from a skunk spraying further away. The smell is so pungent, it makes your eyes water. I looked at my sister and said, "why does Dudley and our entire house smell like skunk!?" Her eyes grew wide and she realized that when she had taken Dudley out for his midnight potty break, that he must have been sprayed at that time. She said that he had seemed spooked when he ran back to her. You see, she has such bad sinus problems, that she can't smell anything!! She had spent the entire night cuddling Dudley to calm him down, not realizing that he was reeking of skunk. My dreams had been correct, our house had been skunked. Over night while Dudley was in the basement, the smell of skunk went up through the ventilation system, penetrating every area of our three story home. When my husband ran out to get coffee that morning, the waitresses looked around and said, "What is that smell!!!?" "That's me," my husband responded. We all smelled of skunk for days. My kids lunch boxes were banned from the school and had to sit outside the classrooms. Luckily, they were still allowed in school, even though their friends said they smelled. My kids were pretty resilient and did not take it too personally. It was quite an ordeal and it took weeks to get the skunk smell down to a minimum. How did we reduce the smell in the house? Kitty litter! Many boxes of kitty litter had to be laid out around the entire house to help absorb the smell. According to Ted Andrews in the book Animal Wise, "When the skunk appears, opportunities will open to bring self-esteem and respect." I don't know about that...but I know the message was that we had no other choice except to go with the flow! We all also had to adjust to the changes in our lives. The line in the movie Forest Gump says it best, "when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade." We eventually all had a good laugh over the experience and Dudley steered clear of skunks from that moment on. Poor Dudley had a lot to adjust to as well. He had to cope with numerous tic bites, Lyme disease and my three year old trying to ride him like a pony. All changes in life come with adjustments and stresses, that's just part of new experiences. The lesson in Dudley and the skunk.........when changes occur in your life, expect the unexpected and learn to adapt and adjust. Dudley passed away a little over a year ago and we will never forget the adventures he had with our family and the love and patience he showed my kids. We miss him and I'm so very glad that we had that time with Dudley. Learning to adjust was worth it!

Communication Dance

Communication is a dance of sorts. Sometimes, the communication flows nicely like a waltz or two-step, when both people are in sync. Other times, communication can be off balance and out of sync. It's sort of like when one person is dancing to the beat of a Jay-Z song and the other one is dancing to opera. You can move to both types of music but try dancing together to the beat of Jay Z and opera, you might get frustrated. One type of communication between people that signals trouble, passive aggressiveness. Okay, we've all done it......been somewhat passive aggressive. Since most everyone is guilty of it, let's understand it a bit more. It's really a form of communication and is about acting out, passively. A client of mine complained recently, how her husband says he'll be home at 8, but ends up home at 10. He doesn't call or respond to calls or texts. That is passive aggressive. A friend asks you to help her move. You really want to say no, but you say yes. When she keeps calling to remind you of the moving date, you avoid the calls. That's passive aggressive. A client does not want to tell his wife how angry he is at her. When holidays and birthdays come, he conveniently forgets to get her something. That's passive aggressive. It is communication through avoidance, trying to not rock the boat or cause conflict. When you act out passively, you are still sending a message loud and clear. Many times you are conscious of it and other times you are not. People have a tough time communicating or owning how they really feel. Sometimes, they are aware of what they are doing and just want to retaliate, plain and simple. If you are not completely aware of your anger, then denial is in operation. Either way, the result is anger. if you ever find yourself getting frustrated at someones actions, when they have acted passive aggressively toward you, they will often minimize the situation saying, "You are blowing this way out of proportion." I have witnessed spouses going at it with each other full steam, when one has been behaving passive aggressively. It sometimes produces more damage, mistrust and resentment than active, aggressive anger. Why do so many people communicate this way? It starts in childhood. As children, we watch parents act passive aggressively. You hear, "Don't tell your dad I went shopping," or you witness adults avoiding telling each other how they really feel, always skirting the issues. Even children start acting that way. They figure out real quickly how to avoid getting into trouble, if they just tell you what you want to hear. Thus, the dynamic is born and they are off and running. Many adults are not communicating......or should I say, they are communicating via avoidance and passive aggressiveness. To improve the dance of communication, one has to stop their part in passive aggressiveness and avoidance. First step, communicate clearly. Even if you fear the other persons reaction....at least take responsibility for how you are feeling. If someone acts passive aggressively toward you, don't take it personally and again, direct communication is best. Let the other person know you are aware of their passive aggressiveness and don't be surprised when they deny it or try reverse tactics. Communication can be tricky at times, but be true to yourself, try to dance verbally with integrity and respect.....and know that there are always two perspectives and the truth often lies somewhere in the middle. "All that we are is the result of what we have thought. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him (Buddha)." Communicate more effectively and once in awhile you will still step on each others toes, but the dance will be a lot more fun.

Scrooge

I love the movie, "A Christmas Carol." My daughter watched it with me recently and she was a little confused with the whole, ghost from the past, present and future thing, but she understood the sentiment the movie teaches. I have seen just about every version ever made and the timelessness of the tale is inspiring. We have all come across Scrooges in our lives and perhaps, even in our darkest moments, we have all acted a bit like Scrooge. He is bitter, angry, jaded by life and completely closed off. He had a rough childhood, jilted the girl for greed and lost connection with himself and humanity. He pushes everyone away and is imprisoned by his pain. His darkness causes him to lack compassion and laugh in the face of generosity and kindness. He lives in his head and without a heart connection, he is cold, detached, and just plain mean. I know a few people who might match that description. I would say that Scrooge could use a little therapy. Then the spirits of the night take him by surprise and give him the quickest version of psychotherapy possible. I wish it was so easy and just one night of visions about the past, present and future would completely do the trick! I'd be out of a job, but who cares. If we could transform bitter people into compassionate, loving human beings over night, I would be fine with switching professions. I guess in some ways I am the ghost of the past, present and future, rolled into one. I guide people to reflect on how the past affected them. In the present, I urge them to analyze how to improve current relationships and be more aware of the moment. I also help people shift gears and bring illumination into their lives, which consequently, improves their futures and what they attract. So, if the overnight vision thing became the new therapeutic technique, I could just sign on to be one of the ghosts, working while I sleep. Scrooge is so clearly jolted back into his heart, with all of the emotions he is forced to feel. He transforms back into the man he was always meant to be. Those ghosts are pretty powerful and what great lessons for every one of us, which is why the movie still touches people's hearts year after year. The spirit of the past is about reflection, regret and awareness. It is so important to just become aware of who we are and how we got here. In the story, one visit to the past does the job, but the idea is for just enough reflection to learn the lesson and move on. Reflect back to something in your past you wish you could change. Recognize how that pain might be hindering you today or getting in the way of you moving forward. You cannot change the past, but honoring that you would if you could, acknowledges the truth beneath the defenses. Scrooge looks back and is horrified by what he sees. With new eyes, his realization is that he had been so fear driven and guarded and that he lost everything that he ever loved. When he views the present, he is equally horrified, because his selfishness had blinded him to the people in need all around him. His bitterness blocked him from really seeing the loving souls, trying to get his attention. He had become bitter and jaded and only saw people at selfish, because in actuality, he was selfish. He couldn't see people for who they really are because he could not get past his projection of himself. Compassion and feelings flood him when the blinders are taken off and he begins to see beyond his pain. That is when compassion fills his heart. The future terrifies Scrooge, because he is shown that what you put out there truly comes back to you. If you are not feeling and expressing kindness, love, compassion and joy to the world around you, then eventually you get nothing back, because nothing is what you have been offering. That old saying, do unto others as you would have them unto you, could not be more true. I always cry at the moment he wakes up on Christmas morning a changed man, full of life and hope. The message is so beautiful to all watching, that it is not too late and everyone has the opportunity for a second chance. Scrooge embraces the moment and mankind becomes his mission. He discovers instantly how gratifying it is to be kind and giving. It is an amazing story of redemption. I suppose that is why, no matter how many times we see or read the story, the impact is always profound. Let's learn from the tale of Scrooge. Live in the moment, offer love and kindness to everyone around you and know that change is always possible. I joked about it being a little exaggerated that change could happen overnight as Scrooge does in the tale, but actually, it only take one moment to decide to change course and live life differently. People make things seem impossible or difficult in their minds rather than just leaping with faith and changing course now. "Bah Humbug," Scrooge use to say...what excuses are you making or are you living proof that living life with an open heart is possible?

Alchemy

Alchemy is about transformation, literally translated as medieval chemistry concerned with turning metal into gold. The idea of alchemy in ones life is to transform your heart and soul into gold. In the book, The Alchemist, the character sets out on a journey to find a treasure....but the journey turns out to be the treasure and the pot of gold is within him. We are all on our journey to transform, become present, conscious and fulfill each of our own destinies. As Eckart Tolle writes in, The New Earth, "A reversal of your priorities comes about when the main purpose for doing what you do becomes the doing itself, or rather, the current of consciousness that flows into what you do." He states that, "The modalities of awakened doing are acceptance, enjoyment, and enthusiasm." The idea of acceptance is simple, that we begin to take responsibility for everything in our lives. When we take responsibility for what we are doing and for each moment we have, we become empowered. That is not to say that you may not want to stay in the current situation you are in, but it is accepting that you are there in the present moment until you can shift the situation fully. There is no "victim" energy or "poor me" or any type of suffering if you enter into a state of acceptance. The idea is to release ego from dictating your state of being and allowing a state of empowerment. Enjoyment is all about channeling joy into everything you do. Yes, there can be a state of enjoyment in vacuuming as well as going for a hike. Enjoyment is also a state of being, when you are in a conscious state of being in the present moment and bringing the energy of joy into life. It is not seeking out activities that bring you joy. Then the state of being is outside of you, not in you. If joy is in you, then you bring it to everything that you do! "Enthusiasm means there is a deep enjoyment in what you do plus the added element of a goal or a vision that you work toward (Eckhart Tolle)." Everything in your life should be able to enter one of the three categories, acceptance, enjoyment or enthusiasm. If you cannot stand something in your life and you truly cannot accept it, then you might want to stop that dynamic or activity because it is clearly not helpful to your journey. I notice that being in the moment allows me to notice the gorgeous clouds, while I may be sitting in traffic. I don't mind running errands, because I enjoy the music I listen to in the car and feel satisfied at completing things that needed to be done. I was able to enjoy a five hour detour on my drive to Vermont, because I allowed myself to embrace the moment. I also have things in my life that I want to shift, but am in a state of acceptance as I sort out all of the changes that need to be made. We all have things we need to accept until the time comes to shift the situation or circumstances. Evaluate your life and shift your perception to being more conscious and aware. What can you accept, rather than resist or complain about? Surrender to acceptance and take responsibility for your life. By being more conscious you can also bring enjoyment to everything that you do. What simple activities can you allow yourself to enjoy? Life is so much more fulfilling when you can consciously, accept and enjoy each and every moment. With that said, the more fully present you are, then you make room for enthusiasm to enter your life which brings you to an even higher state of being. Allow alchemy in your life.........shift your awareness into the present moment and allow the transformation of your spirit to begin.

Kindness

I have been thinking about kindness lately. I believe in being kind to others. I guess that makes sense, since I am a therapist and I value helping others. The employee, Jim at Starbucks is kind. When he overheard me say it was my birthday last September, he gave me my iced coffee on him. The woman behind me in line at Starbucks today was mighty surprised, when I bought her cup of tea, just to be nice. My son felt great today giving his teacher a handmade card, in honor of being kind. She told him that his card "made her year." I suppose it didn't hurt that he wrote that she is the best teacher in the whole wide world. We are always touched by random acts of kindness. It restores our faith in life. We always remember when someone does something nice for us. I have a client who brings me a coffee, because his sessions are early and he knows I am always running late. The coffee assures both of us that I will be somewhat alert and manage to pay attention during the session. One of my favorite movies is, "Its A Wonderful Life." The movie is a reminder that we all make a difference and that in the end, his kindness brought kindness back to him tenfold. In the uplifting movie, "Pay It Forward," the boy helps others by doing something nice for someone and telling them to pay it forward. I always try to be kind to people around me. I will run an errand to help someone, bring my kids a slushy while they are at summer camp, or just plain go out of my way to help anyone. When I was pregnant with my third child, I had a flat tire in the fast lane on the Interstate. A stranger pulled over and insisted on changing my tire. His act of kindness came from a tragedy. It turns out that his sister was killed while sitting in her car waiting for a tow truck to come change her tire. I am always astounded however, when kindness does not come naturally to people. Often people just get so caught up in themselves and their own lives, that they don't even notice all of the people needing some kindness around them. I love what I do for a living, because at the end of the day, I feel good that I am helping others. Everyone can get that feeling, just by offering small or large acts of kindness. It feeds the spirit and makes you feel good! Here are some inspiring quotes about kindness. "I prefer you to make mistakes in kindness than work miracles in unkindness (Mother Teresa)." "My religion is simple. My religion is kindness (Dalai Lama)." "Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you (Princess Diana)." "A laugh, to be joyous, must flow from a joyous heart, for without kindness, there can be no true joy (Thomas Carlyle)." "As much as we need a prosperous economy, we also need a prosperity of kindness and decency (Caroline Kennedy)." "As I've gotten older, I've had more of a tendency to look for people who live by kindness, tolerance, compassion, a gentler way of looking at things (Martin Scorsese)." Kindness acts much like love.....it melts anger and dissipates tension. It should be like a mantra, one that you live by each and every day until its a habit. So, have fun being kind. I loved the look on the lady's face when I bought her tea. It was great fun surprising my niece and nephew several weeks ago when I flew to California to celebrate their birthdays with them. I especially love surprising my kids with random acts of kindness. It teaches them that kindness is a way of life. Today when they gave donuts to their classes and cards to their teachers, they received the rewards too, because they felt good and enjoyed being kind. Who can you surprise and make smile, just by doing something kind?

Gratitude Beyond Measure

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, I cannot help but feel overwhelming gratitude in my heart for so many things in my life. I am incredibly grateful that I am here, living this life, learning and growing as an individual. Words alone cannot even begin to describe my gratitude for being here. I am grateful for every experience that I have ever had, for every joy, every pain, each loss, countless tears and lots of laughter, for all of it makes me who I am today. I am overwhelmed by the joy I feel in having three beautiful, amazing souls as my children. They teach me more and more every day in more ways than I ever imagined. I am grateful for every person I have had the pleasure to learn both heartfelt and painful lessons from. Each one of us plays a role in each persons life, often acting as a catalyst to help each other grow and learn lessons. With that said, I truly forgive everyone who has ever hurt me...those lessons are the toughest to get through, but teach us compassion, resiliency and builds emotional strength if you allow them to. I also apologize to anyone I have ever hurt.....and hope you know that I believe I played a role to help you grow and learn as well. Please forgive me however for any pain I may have caused. I am grateful for all of the twists and turns my life has taken, for the adventure has been character building and given me an interesting view. I am grateful for the opportunity to turn my lessons into guidance for others. I am grateful for each and every client that has ever walked through my doors. I appreciate the opportunity to provide guidance, give solace, help reflect and overall for your trust that I could help you in any way. I am grateful to that boss who fired me, because he was right, I was a terrible waitress and it pointed me in a different direction. I am grateful for having had several adults in my life growing up, whether blood related or not, who took the time to let me know that I mattered. I am grateful for a partner who is truly my best friend. We have helped each other grow immeasurably and more than that, he has shown me that relationships can be filled with respect and kindness. I am grateful for each and every day, for each one is a gift which offers new lessons and opportunities. I am thankful for my friendships. There are a few individuals who have stood by my side through very difficult times over the past year and I appreciate them more than they know. I am grateful for the spectacular beauty of nature, which gives me a profound inner sense of balance and connects me to the deepest part of my soul. I am grateful for the inspiring music I listen to every day, for it revives my spirit and gives me hope. I am grateful for individuals who have taught me about love, for that is one of the most powerful lessons of all. I am grateful beyond measure for the journey and that the lessons will go on and on until my life is over........What are you grateful for?

Energy Follows Thought

When I read Masaru Emoto's book, The True Power of Water, I was profoundly moved by his scientific evidence that the energy of our words, and thus our thoughts and feelings behind our words, have the power to alter the structures of water crystals under a microscope. He writes, "We consistently found that water responded to positive words by forming beautiful crystals. As if it wanted to express its joyous feeling, the crystals opened like a flower. In contrast, when water was shown negative words, it did not form crystals." He found that water only manifested crystals when positive words were used, and that love and gratitude formed the most spectacular crystals of all. In contrast, his research showed that negative words produced broken, unbalanced and scattered crystals or none at all. Energy is in and around us.....everything is energy! All things emanate a vibration, some things vibrate positively and others negatively. When you consider that every word, thought and feeling produces a distinct vibration, it brings to your awareness the power that each of us has to affect the world around us. We all know that words of encouragement, love and gratitude elicit positive feelings and positive results. Much like the water crystal experiment, when someone says loving words to us, we light up and feel good. Giving praise and positive encouragement to children helps them to excel, feel secure and have higher self-esteem. On the contrary, negative words, criticism and anger brings about a very different reaction. When we are treated harshly, we do not feel good. Negativity brings about diminished self worth, blame, resentment and elicits more negativity. Emoto also found that giving any type of energy was actually better than giving none at all. "To give your attention to something is a way of giving energy (M. Emoto)." Being ignored or not giving attention to something or someone can have the most damaging results of all. Other negative emotions that affected the water crystals were worry, anxiety and fear which reflects that when you are internalizing those emotions, you are profoundly affecting your own energy in ways that are not supportive. In sessions with clients, I have witnessed the destruction that negative words and behaviors do to relationships, childhoods, working relationships and overall how people feel about themselves. I also get to observe the healing moments, when people finally say, "I love you, thank you, you are amazing, I forgive you and I'm sorry." Some days, I feel I have the best job in the world. I observe individuals very fragile moments and vulnerabilities and watch them find ways to heal, forgive and blossom. That brings me back to the healing energy of love and gratitude. The energy of love and everything it touches is life supporting, life nurturing and all encompassing. Sending love through your thoughts, saying loving things to others and yourself, helps you and everyone that energy touches to shine, just like the water crystals in Emoto's experiments. Be more aware of the profound influence the power your energy has on yourself and others around you, and with each thought, word and feeling.......infuse it with love or gratitude and let the healing begin.