Love is...

In college, I was in a sorority and we always recited this passage from the bible: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres"....(1 Corinthians 13:4-7). What a beautiful passage! I did not grow up religious. In fact since my mom is agnostic, we got to enjoy a potluck of religions, joining our friends at whatever church they belonged. In that way, I grew up exposed to a lot of different religions. I guess it was one less pressure I had in my life and it taught me various beliefs and ceremonies associated with each religion. One church gave the kids candy, so I liked that religion for awhile. Without a religion however, I was on my own to find spirituality. In college when I would recite "Love is patient," I could not even begin to understand the depth of those words. Maybe I was too young to get it, perhaps it was because I was not yet spiritual, or maybe it was because I was still undeveloped emotionally, but that deeply moving passage from the Bible were just words at the time. Now as I contemplate life and love, those words from "Love is patient".....say it all. Everybody says,"I love you".....but do they really mean them? It's sort of the like the greeting card issue, when people send excessively sappy cards, but don't mean a word that is printed inside of them. I watch couples in therapy say "I love you," but then disclose awful behaviors they have done to each other. I counseled a man yesterday who professed his love to his spouse, yet throughout their marriage acted in very disrespectful ways. Is that love? That's not love. In fact, people who control and manipulate aren't being loving, they use people's love to get what they want. The passage from the bible, "Love is patient"....is one of the most popular for wedding ceremonies. We'd have a better success rate for marriages if people really felt the words in the passage and then lived by them. Certainly marriage and relationships are complicated, yet love is so simple. Of course, if people acted in loving ways to their children, then those children would have a much better chance of growing up and being able to have loving relationships as adults. Loving behavior can heal generations! It all starts with one soul willing to change the pattern. Okay I sound like a therapist, but as a therapist I get to bear witness to all of the hurt, pain and wounds caused by unloving behaviors. This goes back to my mantra, it all starts with you. I found an additional passage while researching, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love"....(1 John 4:18). Think about those passages, reciting them to yourself first. Wouldn't it be great to be patient and kind to yourself? It would be equally wonderful to not put yourself down or keep a running tally of your mistakes. It would be healing for individuals to have hope, to be authentic and then the courage to not fear and to pass all of that love onto others as well. Call me idealistic, but it can happen, one individual at a time. So as I write this blog and read the words again and again, "Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy".....the meaning moves me profoundly and I know that I have grown tremendously from my college days. I found spirituality in a life without religious structure and I rediscovered a passage from the bible that are words to live by. "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love".....(1 Corinthians 13:13).