Self Acceptance

"Self-worth comes from one thing - thinking that you are worthy"...(Wayne Dyer). Looking back over my life, I can see clearly the patterns of who I am and who I have always been. I struggled accepting myself for many years, but now embrace who I am completely. I know my strengths and I'm well aware of my weaknesses and things about myself I've either accepted or am working on improving. In 3rd grade I ran for class office and my slogan was, "Denise for peace." That was very fitting and still suits me today. I didn't win the election but it taught me that you win some and you lose some. I'm very glad that I had the courage to at least try. During my elementary school years I tutored younger kids in math, which demonstrated that my helping other people skills were present, even at a young age. The math however, quite ironic, since I am always behind on my billing. I was always a loyal friend as early as Kindergarten. I enjoy my friendships and love staying in touch and in contact with friends. That has never changed. What has changed is my ability to set boundaries and let people go who are not in my best interest. The me of not so long ago gave people a million chances. I believed loyalty meant you allow people to treat you badly because the healer in me wanted to see the best in everyone. I was blinded by my loyalty and I allowed people to hurt me further after I saw warning sign after warning sign and I allowed them to stay in my life. That is a direct reflection of what I learned in my childhood, since issues and emotions were never dealt with directly, they were just ignored and brushed under the carpet. I learned to ignore bad behaviors and hope that those behaviors would disappear and that people would change. The stuff I had been ignoring piled up under that carpet until I was tripping over that bump daily and I could no longer ignore it. I had a lot of cleaning to do, dealing with the mess of emotions I had swept away and I had further work, setting boundaries with people in my life. Think of it like guidelines. If you opened your own store, would you just open your doors without business hours, policies, having a business plan? You certainly wouldn't open your store and say do whatever you want in my store, pay whatever you feel like paying and you wouldn't let your employees show up and leave at will. We as people need a set of guidelines to live by. Things we allow and don't allow. Of course some flexibility is key and we can define our boundaries but that doesn't mean you step all over someone else's boundaries either. It should be about respect. I respect others and If others demonstrate a lack of respect for me, I limit their role in my life or I let them go completely. That is how I am different today and now I do let people go. That has been a tough lesson, yet a very healing one for me. Dedication to things I am passionate about was present in my childhood. In high school I was in a team of Mat Warmers, kinda like cheerleaders for the wrestlers and I was voted most dedicated. That still fits me today since I am a very dedicated person to anything and anyone important to me. As a Mat Warmer I helped out in a pinch, never missed a match and took my role quite seriously. By the way, how the heck did they get away however with calling us Mat Warmers? (LOL) A little derogatory wouldn't you say? Why didn't they just call us "cater to the males on the wrestling team, serve them, cheer for them and bring them snack girls." I guess it was early training in taking care of men. I have since learned that my High School did change their names to Wrestlerette's. I was also pretty shy yet outgoing through all of my school years. I know that sounds like an anomaly, but I am shy by nature, yet I learned to push myself to be more social and outgoing. In high school I took everything in and revealed very little. Someone said something interesting to me recently, that nobody knew me in high school. Upon reflection that makes sense. Also some foretelling of my future as a therapist. Become good at observing everyone else and appear to be a blank slate. Now however the shy part has faded and the extroverted part is getting stronger. Obviously the reveal very little has shifted as well, since writing often requires that art imitates life. I have definitely learned to allow myself to be more open and vulnerable versus guarded and shy. I have always loved taking photos. Digital technology certainly has made that hobby so much easier. Interesting to note that I also loved creative writing as early as I could write and I loved art, but was too insecure at the time to explore art further. Yet now, I teach art as a parent volunteer in the elementary school and I paint my own drums. I was also very clever as a child to avoid getting into trouble, which is a very useful skill. I knew how to show the adults what they wanted to see, while my baby sister always got into trouble. I would get back at my sister alright but I was just sly about it. Ahhh sibling rivalry - a payback I am living through with my own children. These days however I have learned that letting go and forgiveness works much better and I do allow myself to outwardly rock the boat when I need to advocate for change. I was a Girl Scout as a girl which was a safe haven and a way to feel a part of something when my home life was anything but stellar. Now as an adult, I get to give back by leading my daughters troop, managing the Girl Scout Service Unit and countless of other roles I have taken on to help kids in the community. I see it as paying it forward. I was also in a club for nature lovers in 6th grade. Again, some foreshadowing going on there since nature is heaven sent to me and I hike frequently to stay grounded. I took a vocational test in High School that indicated that I'd do well as an over educated party planner, event coordinator. I was mildly insulted at the time, since being an event coordinator didn't sound serious enough as a career, yet here I am....an over educated Camp Director and Event Director as a part of my volunteer, side career roles and I absolutely love it. I guess it all comes full circle. Looking back I can also see where I felt very misunderstood, struggled with other peoples judgements and grappled with wanting acceptance. Those were further lessons in self acceptance. It is an important lesson for all, that often you cannot change people's judgements or perceptions because their judgements are mirrors of their own issues. As the saying goes, you cannot please anyone except yourself. Our past mirrors are our lessons and helps us to learn who we are, one reflection at a time. Embrace your gifts, strengths and your temperament as well as the challenges and things to still learn, for it makes us who we are. Self worth is merely a step in self acceptance, so know who you are and affirm your own value. "We must not allow other people's limited perceptions to define us"...(Virginia Satir).