Undeclared

"The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows"....(Buddha). I was speaking with a college aged client recently and was reminded of the pressure to declare a major in college. I was undeclared and undecided as long as I could be, then finally settled on Liberal Arts. It was the quickest way to get out of college at that point and blended two of my favorite interests, psychology and art. I remember feeling somehow not serious enough when everybody had their majors picked out by sophomore year. Well as time went on, many of those people changed their majors or graduated and went into a line of work completely unrelated from their degree. I know people in their 30's and 40's, and older still majoring in "undeclared" in life. Undecided means you are open to finding a new path and new opportunities. It is pretty daunting to try to figure out what you want to do with your entire life at the age of 21 or so. You are just discovering who you are in your 20's, so your major is really minor, while getting to know who you are is your major. Okay, some people come out of the womb focused on what they want to be when they grow up, but that is far from the norm and they are the exception to the rule. The focus in life should not be the pressure to fulfill some societal rule but to find your calling in life. I am watching many clients at various ages, now going through many changes from marriages falling apart, job losses and every other kind of loss imaginable. People just can't escape who they are, what they created and what they have avoided in their lives. The "going through the motions" kind of life is no longer cutting it. Like my college aged client relating to me the pressure she feels to "have it all figured out," so many others followed the same path. When you are suppose to have it all together, you may be doing it out of expectations rather than truly finding your own way, even when that means your own way appears as if you're lost for awhile. Being lost is not as horrible as it sounds.....it just means you are not pretending to know what you want and are brave enough to not cling to the illusion of security. My advice to that college student, "don't panic, you'll figure it out and don't rush into any decisions to please others." No matter what age you are, it is never too late to figure out who you are and to "major" in yourself. It's not about pleasing parents, spouses, bosses, children and so on. First make peace with yourself, otherwise you end up giving away pieces of who you are with each compromise you make. I know all too well. Over the last 19 years (and perhaps my entire life), I slowly gave away a piece of who I was to please others and several months ago, decided to take it back. It was a lesson born out of years of introspection. I am no longer willing to sacrifice who I am for anybody anymore. I majored in me....and finally figured out who I am. I counsel people all the time that tell me similar stories, saying things like "I lost who I was" or "I let important parts of myself go to make a relationship or career function." The price is just too high. "Only those who truly love and who are truly strong can sustain their lives as a dream. You dwell in your own enchantment. Life throws stones at you, but your love and your dream change those stones into the flowers of discovery. Even if you lose, or are defeated by things, your triumph will always be exemplary. And if no one knows it, then there are places that do. People like you enrich the dreams of the worlds, and it is dreams that create history. People like you are unknowing transformers of things, protected by your own fairy-tale, by love"...(Ben Okri). Create the life you have always dreamed of and finally declare your major.......you!