My Little Girl

      After I had my first child Garrett, an intuitive energy healer gave me a message about a soul that would be my next child, a daughter. The message was that I needed to get my own issues straightened out about raising a daughter in today's society. That message hit me profoundly. Although I had logged in countless hours of my own therapy and was then practicing as a therapist....I had concerns about having a daughter. I knew that I would have to really process my own issues fully about being a female in a society that does not always value women. I know that this is one of the ugly truths in our society, but women are still vulnerable to abuses, biases and harassment. I have counseled many hundreds of women and approximately 80% of them have been raped by people they knew, namely boyfriends, spouses, family members, dates, friends and classmates. The national statistic is that one in four women will be raped in their lifetime, but since most go unreported, that statistic is much, much higher. Knowing all of that, I wanted to be sure that I could raise a daughter to be strong, stand up for herself and to defend herself when needed. We need to raise women to be more assertive and to be their own person, to not always be accommodating, polite and taking care of others. Second, I wanted to come to terms with valuing fully what it means to be a female, so that I could teach her to really value herself. Onward I went, to work on valuing myself more in preparation for a daughter. It was the start of discovering how amazing it is to be a woman. At the same time, I became more attuned to the fact that we all receive so many messages that devalue women in the media. The lessons continued until I conceived and delivered a healthy baby girl, Taylor. We named her Taylor because her soul felt very strong and she needed a more gender neutral name. Little did I know that the lessons she would teach me would far exceed anything I could have ever imagined. She came out of the womb head strong and determined. She was no wall flower, even as an infant. She cried loudly until she got what she wanted and needed to be held the first 9 months of her life. That is until she could walk, since she skipped crawling altogether. She hated dresses for the first ten years of her life, although I did bribe her when absolutely necessary. Now at eleven, she's a determined, spirited girl who is embracing her feminine side and loves to shop for anything pink, including dresses. She is a natural comedian, and she does the best impressions. She is loud, gets excited, yes even sassy, but she is a big personality. I realized early on that if I just allowed her to be herself, she would be self-confident and she is. She's sensitive, yet stubborn. I don't try to make her into a princess or into an image I project. I honor all of my kids own style and let them show me who they really are. When she was little, I must admit, I had to catch myself wanting to dress her in my style, or wanting to correct her when she behaved differently than I did as a child. I also noticed others looking at how she dressed and people sometimes assuming she was a boy, since she was the biggest tomboy until the past year. She didn't mind, so I learned to just go with the flow. Taylor taught me that all I had to do was to let her be herself and in the process I grew to honor truly being myself more and more each day. Shouldn't we all just bask in the glory of who we are? Taylor does. I will guide all of my children through life's challenges by teaching them first and foremost to trust themselves. I will also always be there when needed as a supportive presence, loving them but allowing them to learn their own lessons. "Avoid pushing too hard. Your children are full of spirit and will find their own way. Their true parent resides within them; you are only a reflection. Mothers who constantly interfere-who push and challenge, who lecture and berate-think they are molding their children into good citizens. In fact, they are destroying confidence and inviting scorn. Know when to intervene and how. Do it with gentleness, firmness, swiftness, and respect. And then release the child to the Way"...(V. McClure, The Tao of Motherhood).
      I no longer worry as much about raising a girl. I learned that in honoring the feminine in me, she will honor it in herself. Regarding daughters, the best way to help them is to talk openly about the vulnerabilities in society. I went into young adulthood clueless and naive about men. Teaching our young women about men who are wolf in sheep's clothing is wise, just as young men should also be taught to protect their sisters. Too may men ignore situations, when their friends are clearly being inappropriate and instead of saying so, they laugh it off or defend their buddy. We work on this together by raising our sons and daughters to respect each other, not dominate or suppress each other. "She (a Mother) teaches her daughters to respect their feminine nature. She teaches her sons to respect their feminine side and thus all women"...(V. McClure, The Tao of Motherhood).