Broken Road

There is a song by Rascal Flatts called "Bless The Broken Road" which emphasizes how sometimes we have to go through pain, to lead us to the correct path after all. A client recently asked me to write a blog article about divorce. Her exact question, "When do you know when it is the right time to decide to divorce?" The broken road is often a difficult or fractured relationship. It is full of bumps, pain and lots of lessons. Sometimes when you are on a rocky road, you become so use to it that pain becomes your norm. Pain should never be considered normal. Deciding to split up a relationship is complicated and personal. As a child, I witnessed so many divorces, but of course lacked the understanding of the many complexities in relationships. I understand all too well now. When a relationship is continually painful and you find yourself not liking who your mate is or they clearly do not really like or value you, then it might be time to call it quits. "Why waste your time staying with someone obviously wrong for you? Even if you fear being alone, poorer, losing friends and social standing, depriving your children of a caregiver, the unknown, we sincerely doubt that you should stay together"...(Monte Farber & Amy Zerner-The Soulmate Path). Often, you know in your heart that the person you are with may be the wrong person for you, but you struggle to make it work for many of the reasons listed above. Fear keeps people frozen and in bad relationships. The ultimate lesson is to create harmonious, joyful, connected unions. The key is to be with someone you genuinely love and like and to both be connected to making it work. If denial is in place and the union is seriously fractured, then divorce may end up being the inevitable. As I have discussed before, often people create distractions because they are afraid to personally admit how bad their relationship really is. Cheating is one of those distractions. The cheating is the way to scream out, "I'm not happy in my relationship, myself, or both." The relationship is the issue, while the cheating is the distraction. Sometimes the cheating is the way that people can finally admit how unhappy they really are. Sometimes people cheat for other reasons such as fear of intimacy. If a person stays married and becomes a serial cheater, then avoidance has become their norm and more pain will absolutely follow. I understand how difficult it is to end a relationship. I've witnessed countless couples at that point in their lives. The anger, blame, fear and emotional roller coaster hits an all time high. The person who calls it quits is often blamed, while the other spouse seizes the opportunity to be the victim. It always takes two, so to speak and both parties are responsible for why a relationship ends. Everyone has something to learn, and ending a relationship can teach you many valuable lessons. You can only try to force a broken, fractured relationship to continue for so long. If you don't heed the signs that it may be time to end it, then the drama and pain just intensifies. The lessons from the universe are always full of signs at first, hinting and gently prompting you to face the situation. Then the universe progressively sends harsher messages until you are practically hit over the head with it. So if you are even questioning a divorce, I would recommend reflection, paying attention to how you feel and being very honest with yourself about what the other person is showing you in their behavior toward you. Soul searching is always involved. If however, fighting becomes intensified, counseling did not produce positive results and you know that the relationship is over, then fear of ending it is the only obstacle. Life is short and nobody deserves to be unhappy. Remember, unhappy parents does not provide children with security. I have counseled many dysfunctional adults who came from homes where the parents stayed together and never divorced, but were clearly unhappy. Most of the kids and adults I have counseled from divorced homes display resiliency and strength from what they went through. How a divorce is handled can make all of the difference. Children want to see empowered, happy adults....period! Trust your heart and find a way to strive for, create and attract blissful, exciting unions. The broken road is a lesson and can ultimately lead to finding happiness, if you allow the road to illuminate the way. "When I had nothing to lose, I had everything. When I stopped being who I am, I found myself"...(Paulo Coelho-Eleven Minutes).