Choose Your Story

Our stories are unwritten, so it's up to us to be the author our own life. It's similar to the theme in the movie "Groundhogs Day," when the Bill Murray character keeps repeating the same day over and over until he changes his behavior. Once he learns the lesson, the outcome changes and he rewrites his ending. Each day we need to keep in mind that how we live, reflects what we think, feel and ultimately what we attract. We are the authors of our lives, so each day we can choose to change. People often stay anchored in their outdated stories, replaying their old roles or drama over and over. The gift of transformation and change is to shift out of those stories and redefine your life. Everyone has their stories, their wounds and things they have been through. Some have many battle scars, some have few, but everyone has some wounds from their past. Often people stay anchored in their stories, letting their stories define them. We are all free! There are no limits except those that are self imposed. Those stories are lessons, once you learn the lesson, set yourself free and let the story go. One client labeled herself as "needy and dependant" because of patterns throughout her childhood and adulthood. Those labels were limiting her and keeping her trapped. To author her life, she needed to redefine herself. The labels were behaviors which were reactions to childhood neglect. Her behaviors were actually reflections of her resiliency. She had to survive and cope with neglect, so she found a way to get needs met. The down side was that she ended up in a continuous cycle of neediness. She also always felt abandoned when people left her. She was just repeating childhood issues. To rewrite her story, she needed to have compassion for the needy child within and acknowledge the pain she had been in throughout her childhood. It was a process of rewriting how she viewed herself, until she saw a resilient, strong person who could now change how she proceeded in adulthood. She is now the author of her life, no longer bound by an old story. Reflect on labels you use to keep yourself trapped. All too often I have a client drag their unwilling spouse or family member to therapy. The resistant person says, "I am who I am, it's too late to change." Other things resistant people say, "I'm too old to change" or "'I've been abused, neglected, wronged, etc., and I will never get over it." Again, people have a choice to take the journey to grow beyond self imposed limitations or to stay firmly anchored in them. Another form of resistance is denial, when old stories trap them but they refuse to acknowledge it. That is until their pain attracts attention because their spouses leave them, their anger or behavior gets them into trouble or they end up with substance abuse problems or worse, they end up suicidal. You can change your ending but you cannot change someone else if they refuse to change. If another person is affecting you negatively, change how you interact with them or set boundaries and work on yourself. I know personally that it difficult when others are out for vengeance, but I try like heck to take the high road, since it is the best choice I can make. Shake off those labels, know that change is always possible and that you can choose a different ending. The journey is yours to define and each and every day you can rewrite your story. You are the character in your own novel so let it be a story of lessons, challenges, triumph, change and miracles. Ultimately, be the author of your own life and allow your story to be filled with love. "We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world"....(Buddha).