Soar

When you have been suffering, living your life in silence and you finally declare how you feel.....you find yourself coming back to life. Often people suffer because they made huge life choices with their minds not their hearts and find themselves greatly unhappy, detached and confused wondering how they got there. When you make choices with your mind you are going down a checklist of traits or requirements, overlooking how you really feel. Often people learn to ignore how they really feel, regarding emotions as ridiculous, weak or irrational. So the mind rules the life and makes choices based on ego, insecurities and blind spots. Is it any wonder that people end up unhappy at some point, when they can no longer ignore emotions and they begin the process of waking up. Many movies and books are based on this premise. One client came back to life when she divorced her husband. She faced her deepest fears, found her independence, stood up to her family system and found herself in the process. Another client, after his spouse left him, looked deeper in himself, discovered parts of his life he had neglected and realized that he had let himself slip away. One client came to see me when she realized she hated going to work every day. She had been conditioned by her family to go into the corporate world, but she hated it. Once she owned how she really felt, she decided to go back to grad school to become a social worker. She came back life when she started living life on her terms and is now very happy, working in a career she loves. The growth process of coming back to life is one of liberation and freedom. I too had made some life choices with my mind instead of my heart, which is why I know all too well now, that the heart should always lead the way. I must add that when we make choices with our minds, we don't always realize that we are doing so. It's not that our emotions are not involved, but that our emotions are controlled by our minds and our fears. Once you face your deepest fears, emotions are unencumbered and you can truly feel more connected to to your life's choices. No matter what path you take, there are always lessons along the way and as I have found, the wrong path often illuminates the right one and teaches us the most. When you get sick and tired of being stuck, staying in the same patterns continuously, facing the unknown might seem like a welcome reprieve. Sometimes we make the leap to change and other times it is forced upon us. Either way, it is an opportunity to come back to life. Having counseled so many individuals through the hardest times in their lives, I can tell you that they always come out the other side, stronger and more in tune with who they are. Some slip away and refuse to grow, but more often than not, they seize the opportunity to figure out who they are and change for the better. Sometimes, certain relationships can drastically affect you negatively, literally sucking the life out of you. When I was 18, my college boyfriend was controlling, cheating on me and abusive. At 20, when I finally had the courage to break up with him, I absolutely came back to life. Within months I looked better, was having fun again and felt more empowered, although many more lessons were still to come. I remember looking across the cafeteria at him and his new girlfriend and the vitality she once had was gone. I could already see that he was sucking the life out of her. Some people and situations and even jobs can affect us so profoundly that they deplete our life force. When you are in those situations, you do not see it clearly. Everyone has all been in those life draining places in your lives at least once and what you might have been slightly aware of is that you felt trapped and unhappy. Once you are out of those situations, you literally come back to life. The lesson is to also be aware when something or someone is affecting you so negatively that you don't feel like yourself. You lose parts of yourself, you no longer do the things you enjoy and you are no longer happy. It is always a lesson in empowerment to define life for yourself and not let anyone or anything define it for you. A job, situation or person should never have more power or control over you. Any healthy relationship should consist of mutual support, caring and encouragement. So come back to life by declaring your life as worthy and valuable and never allow anyone else to define it for you. You life is worthy and the journey starts with you.