The Sanctuary

The kids and I flew into Newark yesterday, ready for a week away prior to the start of chemo. The house I rented on the lake was a home I found on the internet. Usually, we stay at condo on lower Saranac Lake that is a part of a large rental property, run very much like a hotel. I had decided back in early June, before my diagnosis, that we needed something cozier, so I had inquired about this rental. Then, my life turned upside down and for awhile, I wasn't sure I'd be able to get away and I wondered momentarily if I should perhaps be more conservative with finances. I told the home owner that I would have to talk to my doctors, to see if I could get away, and he was gracious enough to say he would not rent it to anyone else until he heard from me. In fact, after he heard about my illness, he disclosed that he is a pastor at his church and he e-mailed me that he and his congregation at their lovely lake church started praying for me. A sign from god? I'd like to think so. I knew then that his house was perfect for our get a way, and as soon as the doctor confirmed we could go, I was super happy to let him know that the Burke family would be staying in his home. We arrived last night, after a very long day of driving from Newark airport. After a red-eye flight, we all felt a little delirious. We stopped on the way and had lunch with three of my good friends from Social Work school. I had not seen them in 4 years, and it felt like not a single day had passed. Once again, cancer seems to have brought people back together and for that I am truly grateful. I know that the kids and I need oodles of support and every hug, smile and gathering, feels like god is reaffirming that we are not alone. 

We arrived in Saranac Lake just before dark and the Pastor's home is located on upper Saranac Lake. Once you make the right turn off of the main route, it's 2.2 miles of a concrete then dirt road to what looks like heaven to me. We are in a private association with 40 something homes hidden throughout the woods and lake, but honestly, it feels like we have the lake to ourselves out here. The pastor and his adult daughter greeted us and showed us around. Austin absolutely lit up when he saw the hot tub, in the enclosed porch. I did too! There is a ping pong table in the basement. I have to say, the musty basement smell actually floods me with memories of visiting my grandparents in Walkerton, Indiana when I was a kid. In fact, the wonderful thing about this home, is I feel like I'm at grandma's house. From the crotchet blankets, homemade quilts, antique knick knacks, 40+ bottles of mens cologne and women's perfume on the dresser (because clearly grandkids didn't know what else to get them as gifts) and many other wonderful reminders of someone's home, built with love and care. The pastor also had frozen pizza's for us, and even left me coffee and wine. Bless him. The pastor's wife passed away this past April at 82. He told me that she had a heart condition that began when she was 8 years old, and that she was quite sick toward the end. I offered my condolences and he smiled, telling me that she had lived a long and good life. I felt as if he is happy that a family in need of sanctuary is staying in his home, and I'm sure his wife is smiling from heaven that we are here. 

I feel incredibly comforted that my kids and I will be taken care of through all that we will be going through. From renting this perfect home from a pastor who welcomed us with open arms and is praying for us, to countless of friends, family and new friends, all reaching out to help us any way they can. Maybe that is a part of my lesson in all of this. For so long, I felt as if I had to do everything on my own, yet I would council others that they need support, especially through difficult times. I know we need help and I know we cannot do this alone. More than anything, I feel vulnerable as a mother, knowing that I have been my children's sole support. Once I received the diagnosis, I panicked for many reasons, but mostly because I'm suppose to protect and care for them, but how can I do that when I am going through the most difficult time in my life? Then in ran the village, reminding me, that others will step in to help my kids, when I cannot. I am not as afraid, and I feel more at peace as I head into the unknown. 

For now, I get to enjoy this sanctuary on the lake. We all actually slept in today, and its raining, a perfect day to do nothing. 

#SynovialSarcoma