New Beginnings

Easter is four days away and I was having a discussion with my kids this past weekend about the spiritual meaning of the holiday. I was explaining how Jesus died and then was resurrected (reborn in the kids version) on Easter. My four year old then said, "Who is that guy who got dead again? Yeah, Jesus. Is he the Easter Bunny?" That's a great question and of course I had to laugh. They were trying to connect the dots from Jesus to the Easter Bunny. I had no idea myself as to where the Easter Bunny, baskets and eggs came from, so I did a little google research. According to About.com, "The Easter Bunny is a rabbit-spirit. Long ago, he was called the Easter Hare, hares and rabbits have frequent multiple births so they became a symbol of fertility. The custom of an Easter egg hunt began because children believed that hares laid eggs in the grass. The Romans believed that All life comes from an egg. Christians consider eggs to be the seed of life and so they are symbolic of the resurrection of Jesus Christ." Now I can explain more accurately what Easter eggs symbolize. My ten year asked my 6 (almost 7) year old if she believes in the Easter Bunny. I was sure the answer was yes, but she said "no." I hesitantly questioned, "Then who is the Easter Bunny?" I was waiting for the jig to be up, but she said, "It's someone dressed in an Easter Bunny suit of course." Ahhh, she is old enough to know that it would be a pretty silly concept to assume there is a real bunny hopping around delivering Easter baskets, but someone dressed in a bunny suit, delivering baskets all over the world is perfectly plausible. She says that the Easter Bunny operates much like Santa Clause, except without the reindeer and elf to help out. That poor Easter Bunny is all alone in his (or her) quest. Here are some inspiring quotes about Easter. "Easter spells out beauty, the rare beauty of new life"...(S.D. Gordon). "Easter is the demonstration of God that life is essentially spiritual and timeless"...(Charles M. Crowe). "Tomb, thou shalt not hold Him longer; Death is strong, but Life is stronger; Stronger than the dark, the light; Stronger than the wrong, the right"...(Phillips Brooks, "An Easter Carol"). So keeping the spiritual and symbolic meaning of Easter in mind, this time of year is about the possibility of new beginnings and transformation. It is a time of letting go, reflection and the opportunity to begin anew. My kids want to know if all the holidays have something to do with Jesus, even Halloween. I explained how Jesus seemed to have a huge influence on many traditions but that there are various interpretations and symbolic meanings to everything we celebrate, as well as many variations of some holidays. They stopped asking questions and just can't wait to get their Easter baskets on Sunday. They really don't care much about what Easter means at this point. They love the festivities of hunting all over our property for Easter eggs, running downstairs to get their Easter baskets first thing on Sunday morning and having a family dinner at the end of the day. Easter is about magic for them because it takes quite a magical rabbit to deliver those baskets to every boy and girl. May the gift and magic of this Easter be the ability to see things in a new light, start a new chapter in your life and the reminder that new beginnings are always possible.

Time Machine

“May the dreams of your past be the reality of your future"...(author unknown). I just saw the movie, "Hot Tub Time Machine." The movie is laugh out loud funny and quite a blast from the past. The four characters head back in time to 1986. The reality about how much technology has changed things is mind boggling and very funny. I certainly recall typing my college papers on a real type writer or often paying a fellow student one dollar a page to type my papers. There were no re-do's, editing or google. Of course it's tough to imagine life without cell phones, e-mail and texting, which the movie makes a point of poking fun at. It was a very different time. The premise of the movie is good. It is about recalling the past and reflecting about the choices you made and how those choices are affecting you now. The characters are pretty unhappy with their present lives and have a chance to not only feel their pain from 24 years ago but to possibly make different choices. It is quite an adventure, filled with with some hysterical humor and a fun 80's soundtrack. Life is an adventure for all of us and we all have the ability to reconnect with our past without the use of a time machine. With the use of the Internet, facebook and numerous other sites, we have the capability to find people from our past to reconnect, reflect and of course the opportunity to heal. I hear story after story of people finding those from the past, ranging from lost loves to old friends and distant relatives. It is heartwarming to know that people are healing their past, thanks to technology. It really is bringing people together. Even my mom finally signed up for facebook and she has reconnected with some of her old high school friends. In fact, she is even using digital technology to share old pictures and to plan their big high school reunion. One of my very best friends from high school just found me on facebook and I am so excited to be back in touch with her again. The past can teach us one thing, that we always have a chance to change things and create a new adventure. “Life is uncharted territory. It reveals its story one moment at a time"...(Leo F. Buscaglia). What we need to keep in mind about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring us to this very moment. At this moment we can choose to make everything new. Right now is a fresh opportunity. If you want a good laugh, go see "Hot Tub Time Machine." After the movie, reflect for a moment on your past. What would you change if you could? There is no time like the present, to learn from the past and make changes now, to create a different outcome. It's never too late to change. In the meantime, pull out those 80's tunes like Scritti Politti, "Perfect Way" or The English Beat, "Save it for Later" and just enjoy the music because you gotta love those 80's!

Mirror

We are all role models to children, whether as parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, coaches, teachers and just about any relationship you have with and around children of all ages. Parents of course have the most direct and consistent impact on children. Children reflect back what they hear, feel, see and experience. Often people say to me, "How can my kids know that I am unhappy if I never talk about it with them?" They feel everything going on around them, just like we do. If you work with a boss or co-worker who is cranky and unhappy, no matter how much you try to not let it affect you, it still does. We are directly affected by the people we are around the most. Children are more vulnerable because they literally depend on the adults they are living with. In addition, they look to the adults to show them what this world is like. If the adults are angry, anxious, depressed, hostile, intolerant and so on, then that is what they learn and mirror back to you. Often parents get so angry or concerned about behaviors they see in their children. They often want to blame the child because it is so much harder to admit that the child is mirroring something they are picking up from the environment. Parents often do not want to own those same behaviors in themselves. The blame game is not helpful. Divorces often complicate that issue because parents can simply blame the other parent for the behavior. Parents need to see the child as their own person, with their own temperament and individuality and yes, with behaviors and patterns learned from both parents. Instead of blaming, parents need to reflect earnestly about the behaviors they need to work on in themselves. In addition, helping children work through through their emotions and to learn new ways of coping will help. If adults work on themselves then children will learn new ways of behaving too, because they will mirror back the new behaviors. Also, talking to children (in an age appropriate manner) about the behaviors you are working on, help them see that adults are human and need to work on behaviors as well. It's tough to tell a child to not lose their temper and scream when they see their parents do the same thing. The apple does not fall far from the tree, as they say. It is important to ask children how they are feeling. Even if they do not feel like talking at that moment, just you asking them opens up the door for communication. It astounds me how often I come across parents who never ask their children simple questions about how they are feeling or what is bothering them. The other key issue is listening. In fact, we all are more likely to talk to someone about what we are feeling and thinking if we can tell they are really listening. Children are no different. You don't need to say a word, just actively listen. Often the challenge for parents is to not scold, rush to offer advice or minimize their feelings. Just listening can be the best way to encourage them to tell you more and to build trust. Try to treat children the way you know you would like to be treated. Image if you went to a friend and said, "I'm upset that I did not get to go to the basketball game" and they said, "That's ridiculous...it's just a silly game." Would you feel like confiding in that friend again? You don't have to agree with a child, just empathize. "But more important than any words we use is our attitude. If our attitude is not one of compassion, then whatever we say will be experienced by the child as phony or manipulative. It is when our words are infused with our real feelings of empathy that they speak directly to a child's heart"...(Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk). Be willing to evaluate what is working and what is not working when it comes to interactions and relationships with children. In addition, reflect on your own childhood and be willing to admit that sometimes you may be repeating something that you learned in your own childhood, which affected you negatively. With insight, patience and practice, you can extinguish the attitude or behavior pattern. No matter what, don't forget to use humor and play with children. Children can teach us as well, for they are incredibly open to the wonderful world of imagination and await you to join them in just having lots of fun. "Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you"...(Robert Fulghum). "It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself"...(Joyce Maynard).

Indecision

I just love the 80's song by Oran "Juice" Jones, The Rain. The song makes me laugh. Basically, the song talks about finding out that his girlfriend has been cheating on him. He doesn't beg her to stay or make excuses, he just ends the relationship. He also does not take it too personally (he's hurt of course), but he just calls it like it is...that the relationship needs to end. So many people just make excuses and extend the pain in bad relationships, rather than dealing with an ending once someone has been discovered cheating. Once cheating has occurred, the relationship is basically over unless some serious work can be done in the relationship to rebuild the trust. It is not an easy process. I also understand so profoundly why people cheat. I've witnessed it countless times in therapy. People have such a hard time ending relationships and owning how they really feel. It is absolutely difficult ending a relationship, so it seems easier when you are angry at each other. Also, people make excuses, like "he's nice and doesn't beat me, so I should be happy." You can "should" yourself to death but you just can't make yourself feel something that you don't. The body doesn't lie, so if you've fallen out of love with someone, your body will tell you by avoiding contact with your partner. The mind can make up all types of rationalizations and lies but the body really never lies! I have also observed people heading straight into denial after cheating has been discovered. The relationship tries to recover some balance, but resentments and anger just become the new foundation. Once in a great while couples can uncover the underlying issues as to why someone cheated and with continued commitment and love lighting the way, a couple can come out the other side, stronger than ever. I have also seen such indecision in relationships. People will put up with less than civil behavior and call it normal. People tolerate such bad behaviors that they begin to feel grateful if their partner makes them a sandwich. Why are people so afraid. Love and respect should be the template in a relationship. Being occasionally nice, but still lacking in love and respect does not make for a strong relationship. More often than not, people stay in bad relationships because of finances and because they fear disrupting their children's lives. Seems to me, that even though we are more insightful as a society, people are absolutely terrified to cause any pain for their children. People staying in bad relationships cause pain to children. It's just spread out over years. Children thrive when they know they are loved by their parents, whether their parents are together or apart. Divorces affect them, but disconnected, miserable parents affect them too. We need to give our children tools to recover from losses. We cannot shelter them from loss, pain and change. It is just not possible. With psychology more mainstreamed, people are learning great tools and understanding more profoundly how their behaviors affect their children. The flip side of that is that people are worried if their children show any signs of distress and upset. Denial is not healthy, neither is fear of emotions. There really are no easy answers when it comes to unhappy partnerships, which is probably why so many people remain stuck in relationship limbo, with one foot in the door and the other outside the door. Leaving a partnership may be one of the toughest decisions one ever has to face, especially when children are involved. Staying in an unhappy marriage is hard and leaving is hard. The decision comes down to honestly facing, when staying becomes more painful than leaving. “Indecision is the seedling of fear"...(Napoleon Hill). “Then indecision brings its own delays, And days are lost lamenting o'er lost days. Are you in earnest? Seize this very minute; What you can do, or dream you can, begin it; Boldness has genius, power and magic in it"....(Johann Wolfgang von Goethe).

Roll With It

Last night was a gorgeous night in Connecticut. The weather is warming up, spring is here and we decided to celebrate the good weather by sleeping in the back yard fort last night. Usually it takes me awhile to fall asleep in that fort because it is difficult to get comfortable in a 5 by 8 space where my kids and I are packed in like sardines. There is no space to even roll over on your side, that's how tight the space is, with our sleeping bags overlapping each other. I was so tired however, I fell right to sleep. Okay, this time thankfully there were no rain storms to contend with but something equally uncontrollable and out of our hands woke all of us up. At around midnight, I was literally jolted awake by a sound I know all too well....projectile vomiting. Yep, my daughter was vomiting absolutely everywhere! Since the space is so small, there was no way to even control the fact that we all ended up in the line of fire. What a lovely thing to wake up to. The only thing I can compare this to is the time we were driving home from the airport and one of the kids started throwing up all over the car while we were on the thruway. It's a very helpless feeling! Luckily, I have a lot of experience with thinking on my toes (even when I'm half asleep) and I quickly got her into the house (and shower), while guiding everyone into their beds and back to sleep, once we were all cleaned up. I tackled cleaning the cabin this morning. Okay sometimes, even when you think that things are going one way, things just end up out of our control. All we can do is damage control! It seems fitting and symbolic that today is my 14th wedding anniversary. After fourteen years of marriage there have been many days, when I just had to roll with it, especially having three children 10 and under. I remember vividly when my youngest was a new born, my daughter was 2 and my oldest was five. It was just pure chaos most days. I can laugh about it now, but wow there were some tough times back then. Having children can put a lot of pressure on even the strongest relationship. The fact that we also had two careers and no family in the area, made it that much harder. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say, but looking back, we probably should have moved closer to family years ago. I usually pride myself on doing everything myself, but I was wrong. We absolutely needed more support. As they say, it takes a village to raise a family. I overlooked the importance of that sentiment. I believe that is probably a huge problem in society today. Families are split apart due to the job market and relocations and people end up so isolated and detached. I have learned a lot about myself over the past 14 years of marriage. Relationships take work, insight and a continued effort. Whenever the effort stops, or anyone feels taken for granted, things start to slip away. The longer resentments build up, the more likely a couple can slip into neverland, never to return. We have many changes on the horizon. Our home is on the market and we are moving to California this summer. The future is unclear, but I know now that every relationship is ripe with countless lessons. I am trying to roll with every opportunity for patience, growth, laughter and tears. Life is a journey and I am grateful each and every day for the gift of this life.

Fight or Flight

"The quality of the imagination is to allow and not to freeze"...(Ralph Waldo Emerson). In life, just like our imaginations, things go better when we allow the process versus fighting it. One of those patterns is called flight or fight response. Often people do not even realize that they are in a fight or flight pattern. In psychology, it refers to an emotional and physical response to extreme stress. It's like our bodies are conditioned to respond to danger, like a bear approaching, to freeze or to flee and run for your life. The emotional response catches up to you later, once you are no longer in danger. We no longer really have to fear bear attacks or basic survival, so our bodies respond to normal stressors in the same way. With that said, lots of people are running around in a constant state of stress, never really catching their breath or frozen with fear, worry and anxiety. Often I look around and see people running with busy schedules, always something to do and on a constant state of alert. No wonder so many people are anxious, cranky, sleep deprived and burnt out. That is why rest and relaxation are so vitally important. It helps us catch our breath, feel our feelings, exhale and reboot our minds and bodies. The other key in stressful situations is to allow the process to flow, rather than freaking out or becoming numb. I had a chance to enjoy some rest on my trip to California this past week. I was challenged though to "go with the flow" however, when my flight ended up rescheduled to depart earlier and I arrived too late to catch it. I did observe very cranky airport staff, who clearly needed some rest or a new job. The customer service rep was anything but helpful and seemed to need to chastise me for missing my flight. I switched counters and the other customer service rep was much more willing to help. I caught the next flight which stopped in Chicago. All went smoothly as I went to the next gate and signed in for stand by. Then, just as they were calling my name to board that flight, I realized that I had left my garment bag with my dresses on the last plane. With a sudden look of panic on my face, I quickly asked the employee at the gate to call to see if that plane was still at the gate. Again, different city and different employee but same attitude and crankiness. She looked completely bothered at having to call for me. She in fact told me to run to the gate myself, except my current flight was getting ready to depart. She too chastised me for leaving my garment bag on the plane. What is it with such meanness in people. I already felt bad enough, but apparently, some people have little compassion. That plane with my dresses was departing to Hong Kong, so as far as I know at this point, my dresses ended up there. Once I arrived in CA and was at the rental car agency, I waited in the longest line I have ever seen. When Will, the very nice customer service agent asked if I wanted to upgrade to a Mustang convertible, I hesitated for a moment and with reflection of the kind of day I already had, I said YES! My attitude at that point was to not fight the process of life, but flow with it. As I was driving down Pacific Coast Highway with the top down, I smiled at how life shifts from moment to moment. It all depends on how we choose to see it. I was enjoying a moment of bliss after a crazy day and was glad I had decided to embrace life, even after some mean people and the fact that my dresses were heading to Hong Kong. It all worked out fine of course. I headed to the store the next morning and purchased a great new dress for the wedding I was attending. In fact, I loved my new dress so much that I was kinda glad my dresses got lost in the mix. I am hoping however that they are found eventually. If not, oh well, perhaps some mean customer service rep at the airlines can use them. One thing I have learned about possessions, they come and they go and to not hold on too tightly to anything. After all, it is just stuff. I absolutely relaxed on my trip and enjoyed several rejuvenating hikes while I was there. No matter how crazy life gets, we have to take in the view and stop running so much and never forget that everything happens for a reason. "Everything in the universe has a purpose. Indeed, the invisible intelligence that flows through everything in a purposeful fashion is also flowing through you"....(Wayne Dyer).

The River of Love

I've been going through boxes and came across all of my old journals. It has been an interesting journey today, combing over some of my old entries. There were no blogs back then and no lap tops, so everything was hand written filling many notebooks. It was interesting to look at what I was writing through the years 1982-1990's. Piecing all of my years of journals together represents a river of love for me, learning what love is all about. Most of my entries struggle with matters of the heart and grappling with loving myself. I also wrote poetry about love, loss, pain and confusion. Here is an entry from the winter of 1991:

Questions unending, poking at my belly. I look into the mirror and wonder, who am I? What would make me happy? Who will I marry? What is my purpose in this life? I smile into the mirror, confused, yearning for the answers. I'm 25 years old and feel that I am at a crossroads. I should get on track. Youth has not left me, by any means, but old enough to be concerned about love and my future career. Who will love me and marry me? What will I be when I "grow up?" A psychologist? An artist? An author? A student? Who will I be....who am I really? I glance into the mirror, seeing my bright smiling face and I sense that my questions will be answered sooner than I think. Smiling once more, I realize, I am and will play many roles in this life....the student, the daughter, a mother and who knows what else. As confused as I may be, some questions will answer themselves in time. Life is funny...who knows what will happen next. Life is full of change. Life is basically unpredictable so hold tight, stay determined and ambitious. Go out and try to make certain things happen. Follow your dreams, be realistic but believe in yourself. Have confidence and strive to make your dreams come true. Just wait and see however, what curves life will throw at you. Treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated. Feel emotions....cry, laugh, yell, scream, jump, dance, shout. Break out! Oh wall that surrounds me, crumble, fall, disintegrate, disappear....you hinder me and keep me hidden from life and from emotions. I don't want to hide anymore. Oh walls, you deceive me, giving me a false sense of security. Emotions are to be felt and life is to be lived. Confusion is part of life, so be it. Mirror, mirror on the wall, I've got to break out. Carpe Diem...live life and take chances!

Hmmm....it sounds like one of my blog entries. I was feeling pretty lost back then, so it's nice to reflect on who I am now and see that I have attained the vision I hoped for back in 1991. I can see the scared but optimistic me from 91, trying to accept myself and yet with a voice conditioned into me saying "be realistic." The heck with realistic. The other "conditioned" part was, "who will love me?" That was surely my insecurity talking. I should have said "I will follow my heart until I find love and it finds me." What I did not see in myself then was that I was still all too willing to play it safe. A hurting, fearful heart led the way back then. Yes I took risks and grew in numerous ways, but still hiding behind my walls, I did not completely break out, until now. I asked an old friend recently if I have changed much from my younger years. The response, "same fire." It is the fire in me that has kept me moving forward, taking chances and finding a way to enjoy life, no matter what. The river of love flows from each lesson to the next. I allow myself now to flow with the river and see where it takes me. Love is a rainbow of light, flowing with the currents throughout our lives. I fly out to California tomorrow to attend a wedding and I plan to drive up Pacific Coast Highway, listening to some of my favorite tunes from 20 years ago and I must take some pictures of course. Some of the music listed in my old journals as my favorites: When I'm With You-Sheriff, Forever Young-Alphaville, Party Train-The Gap Band, My Place In This World (ironically from the Album, "Go West Young Man"), The River Will Flow-White Heart (from the Album called "Freedom") and That's What Love Is For-Amy Grant. Some interesting messages hidden in my song list. My music list also truly reflects who I am at heart....reflective, spiritual, hopeful, romantic and fun. Download "Party Train" because you just can't help feeling good when you listen to it. I've enjoyed dancing around the living room with my kids to it! I am so glad that I have written in journals most of my life because it helps me remember vividly, what a wild journey life truly is.

My Place In This World

I remember driving up Pacific Coast Highway over 19 years ago, listening to the song by Michael W. Smith called, "Place in this World." I listened to it over and over again. The lyrics include: "The wind is moving, but I am standing still....a life of pages, waiting to be filled. A heart that's hopeful, a head that's full of dreams. Feels like I'm looking for a reason, roaming through the night to find my place in this world." That song really inspired me and spoke to the confusion I carried within me at the time. I wondered why am I here and what is my place in this world. We all want to feel like we have some purpose. Ultimately as well, we want to be loved and appreciated for who we are. As corny as it sounds, being loved for who we are is the ultimate quest. When I watch couples fight, the underlying issue is "you don't see me and love me for who I am." Finding our place in this world is our individual quest to figure out why we are here. Love is one reason we are all here. The journey is to transcend pain, conflict, roles and losses to ultimately love who we are and share our love with others. Yeah we have to learn how to manage life along the way including egos, power, money, responsibilities, fear, doubt and the myriad of ups and downs. As I have searched for myself, I have discovered my place in this world. It is not a location on a map or achieving something. Yes, I needed to discover my own self worth and my path led to education and counseling others in a career that is very fulfilling. The key though was to honor who I am. The more I followed my intuition, the more "right" life felt. Everything became synchronistic and "signs" were everywhere. That is how I knew that I had honored my place in this world. My journey continues to unfold each day, but I continue to trust my intuition and embrace who I am. I guess you could say, like in the movie "Yes Man," I say yes to life. I was scared and confused 19 years ago, as I listened to that song, but I was extremely hopeful. Hope really did light the way. I stand on the verge of major changes in my life once again and hope continues to be the torch lighting my path. My place in this world is the knowledge that I am meant to be here at this point in history. We all are. When I was 18, the year 2010 seemed like an eternity away. Now it is an exciting time filled with changes, growth and transformation on a societal level. Everywhere I look, people are shifting in major ways. The crossroads for everyone is the choice of freedom or increased pain. Your place in this world is up to you, but finding peace within and valuing yourself is of the utmost importance. "Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go and do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive"....(Howard Thurman).

Reflecting

Birthdays are often a time to reflect on the past, observe where you are now and decide where you are heading. Tonight was one of those birthdays for a friend of mine. I went to a dear friends 40th surprise birthday party. My friend was so incredibly shocked by the surprise that she was shaking. Once she composed herself, she made the rounds and was so appreciative that friends and family from near and far had made every effort to share in her big day. She was profoundly moved by the entire experience and it was emotionally inspiring to see how happy she was to see everyone. Once she composed herself, she made a heartfelt speech, that many of us can relate to. She shared that approaching 40 was somewhat difficult and that she had realized lately how the most important things in her life were her relationships. She had secretly wished that she had planned ahead and organized a party to share this day with those closest to her, but life had gotten away from her. What she did not know was that her husband had planned all of this secretly. Her speech touched on the wisdom we all gather as we get older, that her relationships mean more to her than anything. It's so true that relationships in our lives are more important than money, things, careers, or just about anything else. It is the time we spend with those we care about that really matters in the end. Her party was truly special and I thoroughly enjoyed watching her excitement and deep appreciation of those she cares the most about in her life. As she looked around the room, she was reminded of the chapters she had in her life, ranging from childhood, college, grad school, kids and neighbors. New and old friends, as well as family surrounded her and cheered her on with good wishes as she enters her 40's. We all have those moments, when we take stock of our lives. What are our chapters? Who are those nearest and dearest to us? Has life gotten in the way from spending time with friends and family? Do we tell those closest to us how much we appreciate them? I miss my family very much. Having been so far away from my sisters and niece and nephews has made me appreciate what little time I have had with them each year. I vowed to make every effort to see them frequently and have kept my promise every year. I am excited to be moving back to the area my sisters live, to be able to finally attend birthday parties, graduations and even spend the holidays. Being so far away has made me much more aware of the importance of family. "Family life is full of major and minor crises -- the ups and downs of health, success and failure in career, marriage, and divorce -- and all kinds of characters. It is tied to places and events and histories. With all of these felt details, life etches itself into memory and personality. It's difficult to imagine anything more nourishing to the soul"...(Thomas Moore). Regarding friendships, they are equally important and friends certainly help us through the various chapters in our lives. There are friends along the way......friends of the road that help us in specific chapters of our lives. Those friendships are meaningful but fade away at the end of the chapter. There are friends of the heart.....whom weave in and out of the chapters of our lives but are always with us along the way. "The only way to have a friend is to be one"....(Ralph Waldo Emerson). "Long, long afterward, in an oak I found the arrow, still unbroke; And the song, from beginning to end, I found again in the heart of a friend"...(Henry Wadsworth Longfellow). The other important lesson in getting older is about really getting to know yourself. As you reflect over the chapters of your life, you can see themes and garner a better understanding of who you are based on the people you attracted into your life along the way. The lessons of each chapter are meaningful and meant to help us reach our fullest potential. What we do with the lessons is up to us. Growth is a choice and reflection is a free present you can give yourself. Happy Birthday to my friend and may she bask in the glow of her birthday reunion for years to come.

Rebirth

The symbolic meaning of Seagulls is psychological communication. They rule the mystery of the seashores, where two worlds meet, the sea and land. Therefore, they also represent the elements of air and water. The element of air relates to expressing yourself and water (ocean) is about the depths of the subconscious and the healing and mysterious aspects of feminine energy. Now that spring is in the air and fast approaching, it seems appropriate for individuals to come out of their winter shells, take flight and communicate the ideas and growth that has been brewing during the winter months. I have noticed over the past several days that not only has nature started to gradually shift and start to awaken but individuals all around me seem to be coming back to life. Many of my clients have been in better spirits starting on March 1st. All of the heavy psychological work many were undergoing during the winter months is now helping them begin to feel more empowered and ready to head in new directions. Winter is really that time to reflect and go within, while spring is the time to spring into action. "Throughout the spring season, creative forces are stirred into expression. There is an impulse throughout nature to resurrect itself. As we spend time in nature during the spring season, this impulse will even impact our dream activity-making it brighter and more colorful, revealing how we can begin anew"....(Ted Andrews/Nature-Speak). As we all move forward into spring, it is important to contemplate and become aware of what we want and where we would like to direct our energy. The journey of introspection is about understanding how everything relates and connects to everything else. Where we are heading is connected to our feelings and progress we have made so far. If everything is connected, then whatever you have been thinking and feeling over the winter will begin to manifest during the spring and summer months. Everything has a cause and effect and there truly are no coincidences. Everything happens in direct relation to what you think and feel. "Everything we do and think sets energy in motion and shapes what will unfold somewhere within our life"....(Ted Andrews/Nature-Speak). Spring is a great time to allow the changes in the air to help you go with the flow as well. Spring literally brings everything back to life and nature does so with effortless ease. Allow spring to grace you with the energy of easy transitions, healthy change and letting go of the old to make way for new growth. Take flight this spring and enjoy the possibilities of rebirth....your soul is ready and it's up to you.

Judgements

I spent the first ten years of my life in Inglewood, California. I learned a lot about prejudices and judgement during those years. I was in the minority during my school years, since most of the community and classmates were African American. Because I was white, I was picked on quite a bit. I did not understand prejudice or why the color of skin mattered. My best friends were black and I had black and white Barbies that I played with. I even had a Flip Wilson doll, which I loved. I wish I still had it! I had a white friend over to play Barbies and she teased me for having black Barbies. In fact, she threw the dolls across the room and refused to play with them. That broke my heart. Needless to say, I never had her over to play again. None of it made sense to me. I also felt sad and hurt that anyone would judge my friends, based on the color of their skin. "We are all the same," I would think to myself. When we moved to the San Fernando Valley in fifth grade, I was picked on for the next three years for being shy, being too nice and again, for being white. Some of the teasing included threats that I would get beaten up, which did not sit well with me since I was terrified of fighting. Luckily, I seemed to dodge being beaten up. It helped that some of my best buddies were strong black girls who were not afraid to fight and they always stood up for me. It's not what you know, but who you know that matters, as they say. Judgements seem to occur early and kids mirror what they have experienced, seen or heard. In Girl Scouts, my best friend would always ditch me on field trips and camp outs to hang with the "cooler" girls. I always valued loyalty in friends, so what an interesting lesson to have had a best friend who had no loyalty. I guess it was karma from a past life! Once we moved to the Thousand Oaks area in Junior High, the teasing stopped. By that point however, I judged myself harshly and I turned out to be my own worse bully for many years. The judgements just seem to fly during school years and nobody is immune. The judgements label who's cool, skinny, poor, rich, fat, mean, nice, smart, nerds, popular, shy, loud, tomboy and includes racial and cultural teasing. The judgements do not stop however as we head into adulthood. I hear people judging and criticizing others all of the time. We try to teach children not to be judgemental, yet adults are completely guilty of it. Around town, some of the parents talk behind each others backs and judge anyone and everyone. This goes back to the old saying, "better to say nothing, if you have nothing nice to say." Another famous saying of course, which sums up this point, "Do unto others as you would have them do to you"....(Luke 6:31). Tolerance, acceptance, compassion and of course love should be the rule. It all starts with each individual, to use loving words instead of hurtful ones. I try to teach my children by reflecting and discussing how much it hurts their feelings, when someone says something hurtful to them. They always look at me and understand immediately. It is a process trying to teach ourselves and our children, the importance of valuing every individual. "If you judge people, you have no time to love them"....(Mother Teresa).