Judgements

I spent the first ten years of my life in Inglewood, California. I learned a lot about prejudices and judgement during those years. I was in the minority during my school years, since most of the community and classmates were African American. Because I was white, I was picked on quite a bit. I did not understand prejudice or why the color of skin mattered. My best friends were black and I had black and white Barbies that I played with. I even had a Flip Wilson doll, which I loved. I wish I still had it! I had a white friend over to play Barbies and she teased me for having black Barbies. In fact, she threw the dolls across the room and refused to play with them. That broke my heart. Needless to say, I never had her over to play again. None of it made sense to me. I also felt sad and hurt that anyone would judge my friends, based on the color of their skin. "We are all the same," I would think to myself. When we moved to the San Fernando Valley in fifth grade, I was picked on for the next three years for being shy, being too nice and again, for being white. Some of the teasing included threats that I would get beaten up, which did not sit well with me since I was terrified of fighting. Luckily, I seemed to dodge being beaten up. It helped that some of my best buddies were strong black girls who were not afraid to fight and they always stood up for me. It's not what you know, but who you know that matters, as they say. Judgements seem to occur early and kids mirror what they have experienced, seen or heard. In Girl Scouts, my best friend would always ditch me on field trips and camp outs to hang with the "cooler" girls. I always valued loyalty in friends, so what an interesting lesson to have had a best friend who had no loyalty. I guess it was karma from a past life! Once we moved to the Thousand Oaks area in Junior High, the teasing stopped. By that point however, I judged myself harshly and I turned out to be my own worse bully for many years. The judgements just seem to fly during school years and nobody is immune. The judgements label who's cool, skinny, poor, rich, fat, mean, nice, smart, nerds, popular, shy, loud, tomboy and includes racial and cultural teasing. The judgements do not stop however as we head into adulthood. I hear people judging and criticizing others all of the time. We try to teach children not to be judgemental, yet adults are completely guilty of it. Around town, some of the parents talk behind each others backs and judge anyone and everyone. This goes back to the old saying, "better to say nothing, if you have nothing nice to say." Another famous saying of course, which sums up this point, "Do unto others as you would have them do to you"....(Luke 6:31). Tolerance, acceptance, compassion and of course love should be the rule. It all starts with each individual, to use loving words instead of hurtful ones. I try to teach my children by reflecting and discussing how much it hurts their feelings, when someone says something hurtful to them. They always look at me and understand immediately. It is a process trying to teach ourselves and our children, the importance of valuing every individual. "If you judge people, you have no time to love them"....(Mother Teresa).