Illumination

"To love beauty is to see light"...(Victor Hugo). As we approach the new year, we all have a lot to contemplate. It is a time of awakening. 2012 marks the end of the Mayan calendar and 2013 sets a path for new beginnings for many. For others....2013 will be a continuation of the prisons they have built for themselves. We have all been urged and pushed to grow and to face our shadow selves. We have been given tests and people have been put across our paths to help us in every way possible. Many choose to ignore those lessons. They buried their heads into the sand, got back into bed to sleep endlessly, poured themselves another drink or grabbed another bag of cookies to devour. You can run but you cannot hide and the lessons will keep coming nonetheless. The people who have ignored the lessons are chasing their own tails and running in circles endlessly. The answers were brought to their doorstep but they ignored them. The reality we live in now is split and the divide is getting bigger each second of every day. For those who have been doing their work...their world is expanding. They are aware that they are co-creators in their reality and their world reflects to them their hearts desires. The message I've been getting for years is about the heart. Our awakening has been about finally tuning into our hearts. The more we tune into our hearts and follow it...the happier we become and everything flows easier in our lives. That's not to say there aren't trials and tests. If a test comes up it's because a hidden fear is blocking your heart and needs to be addressed to be healed. Fear is like a dormant disease...lying deeply in everyone...passed down from generation after generation and hidden in the soul from many lifetimes. Each person has varying degrees of fear and of insecurities. Each wave of fear that surfaces is a blessing because the medicine lies in the opportunity to feel the fear, let it out and move forward. For others, they may solidify the fear...justifying it and in doing so, they retreat back into their prisons. These are exciting times for many but I am saddened by the fact that there are many who are being left behind. Everyone will notice that their intuition has increased. The enlightened will know that it's because we are highly telepathic and we are now fully coming into our power. The ones in fear will also be intuitive but that will either scare them, they'll dismiss it as coincidence or they'll misuse it... misinterpreting the messages. Many will be purposely misled because they are so off track that lower energies can mess with them. When you are stronger and in your power, you are protected and lower energies cannot effect you so easily. The key is to stay grounded and to check in with yourself every day...maintaining your power through breathe, meditation, insight and constant reflection. I am aware constantly now....watching and interpreting (through my heart) the people around me. When you do that, you no longer feel like you are being tossed by the waves of life, merely trying to react to those around you. That makes people feel out of control so they overcompensate by overreacting or being controlling and manipulative. If you are always aware...you are navigating the ship and you can ride with the waves instead of against them. By observing and interpreting through your heart, you can also avoid some storms altogether. However, some storms are necessary because it facilitates our growth, makes us more aware of people deceiving us or we help offer some insight to someone else struggling in their journey. So, sometimes a good argument can be something that helps shift people. If you are coming into your power but you feel more distant from family and friends who are still bound by fear...send them blessings but know that they have a choice in what reality they choose to live in. They were offered the same chances at shifting as we have been. You cannot force someone to grow or impose your reality onto them. That's no better than some over zealous religious fanatic telling people they better believe or else they aren't going to heaven. God doesn't operate that way...people do. God energy is loving and always allows for free will. Heaven can be here now on earth depending on which reality you live in. Of course we will always have pain and loss here on earth because that is a part of being human...but even those in spirit have pain, regret and ache for the ones they had to leave behind. Their pain is more insightful however because they can see the bigger picture and not get so caught up in the limits of being human. Often when a loved one crosses over, they will stick around awhile, checking in on their family and friends. If they left things undone or they hurt people during their lifetime, they will have much reflection and even regret and they'll have to correct those mistakes on the other side. So nobody gets a free pass from doing their work. The choice is always yours...do it now or do it later. Many will have to repeat lifetimes.....with some of the same players, just to get it right. As we ease into 2013....I say a blessing that offers continued illumination for those who choose to wake up. "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that"...(Martin Luther King, Jr.). "When you rise in the morning, give thanks for the light, for your life, for your strength. Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason to give thanks, the fault lies in yourself"....(Tecumseh).

Spirit Warrior

 "Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye"...(H. Jackson Brwon, Jr.)

What if our journey here toward enlightenment is about love. Being enlightened is being in a state of love all of the time is it not? Christ was in a state of love and forgiveness, even when he was angry. His anger was still a loving state. All of the major religions talk about love and you certainly cannot attain a state of healing without love. A spirit warrior knows this...that you must be in a state of kindness in all that you do. That does not mean you allow others to harm you. Sometimes those are lessons in boundaries and knowing that others may not have your best interests in mind. I have been hurt numerous times because I freely gave caring behavior to people who were too wounded to return the favor. I do not regret showing them that I am compassionate, but I had wounds of my own to heal after those interactions. I grew tremendously in the process. I have also found that in having been with people who are selfish, closed off or detached that I was taught the biggest lesson of all....to value love and kindness once it was demonstrated to me. What if I told you that you can have it all and not have to make trade offs in love? What if it just flowed easily and effortlessly. Would you believe me or would you attract pain because its all you know? Are you willing to go outside the box, to challenge your own self limiting beliefs about love and to take risks? People settle because they believe they have to and they are too afraid to dream big. Why limit yourself to settling? Everyone does it at some point..but the price you pay is just too big. When you settle, you sell off parts of yourself and nobody wins in that scenario. Living that way is not living at all. People also attract superficial because they are following their eyes, not their hearts. That just leads to being in shallow or fleeting relationships because they are built on sand. Depth comes from trusting your heart and following it every step of the way. It also means holding a vision of real love and a relationship built on heart which defies the eyes. I may be a dreamer but I knew what I wanted and it wasn't something unattainable...I wanted to find a man brave enough to be by my side, a man of strength and character. I also knew that my heart would recognize him when he came along. I had to test some men along the way, to see if they had the strength to be warriors, but they weren't. Then my warrior showed up quitely...right in front of me and my heart is still in disbelief. I like that we pinch ourselves each day, both in shock that we finally found one another. That's how it should feel...beautiful, easy and now my soul dances every day. Like the love letter I wrote awhile back, beckoning my soul mate as I essentially said...."I'm ready, I'm hopeful and I'm waiting for you." So, hold your own vision of what you want and make sure your vision comes from the heart. Be clear and be willing to do the work to get there. It does take work because you have to endure pain to truly appreciate joy. "Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you"...(Eric Fromm). "Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies"...(Aristotle).

Crossroads

"The world has the habit of making room for the man whose actions show that he knows where he is going.”

–Napoleon Hill


Where are you going? Do you know? Are you on your own path or are you on a path others designed for you? Simple questions really but the answers may not be so easy. There were times in my life that I was doing what I thought was expected of me versus what I really wanted to do. Not surprisingly, I was unhappy with myself during those times in my life. When we defy our hearts...our bodies and souls rebel. People tend to over eat, get caught up in addictions, end up depressed or otherwise self destructive behaviors when they lose sight of who they really are. Many just want to be victims because it gives them an excuse to blame others and avoid taking responsibility of their own lives. Many, many people live their lives that way. Each person has a chance to change however....but many choose to stay lost and wandering. The braver souls pick a direction and no matter which trail they pick...they learn something. When I counsel teens and adults about choices, the biggest message I give them is this. It doesn't matter whether you go right, left or straight, just pick a path and see where it leads. You'll learn no matter what. The universe will weave you in another direction if you veer off course. The biggest problem is that people don't pick any path to follow and thus, they always feel lost. The other problem is that people stay stuck ruminating over their problems rather than focusing on solutions. If you try to control the things you cannot control, you might as well dig your own hole now because it goes nowhere but deeper underground. That is a guaranteed way to stay stuck. "Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don't"...(Steve Maraboli). So, I'll keep this article short...like a wonderful quick hike.  Pick a trail and see where it leads. It's your life and nobody can live it but you. "You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down"...(Toni Morrison, Song of Solomon).  

Being Genuine

"Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot"...(David Herbert Lawrence). What do a 30 year year old hottie from LA, a 45 year old doctor from Beverly Hills and a 65 year old CPA all have in common? All have profiles on a dating site for people searching for extra marital affairs. I think more women should be aware that their husbands might be on-line shopping to cheat on their spouses. Now, I must first say that every man on that site says he wants discretion, yet a huge majority of them have a head shot visible or they send their private pics to a virtual stranger without getting to know them. One man was posing as a married man but I busted him on a singles dating site. He wasn't even smart enough to change his profile name. I think he must enjoy pretending to be married so that he can have sex with women without having to buy them dinner. Other men are sending photos of them with their wives and children! Where is the discretion in that? Even better is the amount of men sending shots of their very erect private parts. Yep, you read that correctly. I'm sure the wives would be completely shocked to discover that pictures of their husbands private parts are all over the internet. Very professional, successful men are sending pictures of their junk to any female profile. I have never laughed so hard while doing some investigating on this site. One guy even sent a picture of his ass. Now, I do not know what men are thinking. We women have an amazing ability to visualize just fine. I have a terrific imagination, so I do NOT need to see a picture of a guys junk. It does nothing for me. Every woman I know says the same thing. We all prefer to be surprised by the entire package once intimacy takes place. Unlike men, we are not visual creatures. Men are just as clueless on the singles sites. They post cheesy pics of themselves half naked in the bathroom mirror or pictures of them driving. Really? Are the car shots to make sure we know they own a car and can pick us up for a date? How are those pictures appealing? The car shots look more like mug shots. The bathroom pics are some desperate attempt to look sexy. It's not. I love reading the profiles of men saying they want frequent long romantic walks, holding hands, endless flirting, yet they specify that they are not looking for love or commitment of any kind and seek exploring the woman's naughty side. Hmmmmm...basically they are saying "I want sex, lots of it...I won't give a shit about you but I will tell you all the romantic things you want to hear to get you naked." One guy that just e-mailed me is a handsome, 30 year old man...yet he's already cheating on his wife and even specifies that he's looking for one night stands and threesomes. All I can say to that is "wow." Not sure what kind of gal would take him up on that...but I'm sure there are plenty of women who feel bad enough about themselves to take him up on his offer. Another single man on the site e-mailed a friend of mine who also has a profile. She told him that she would only use him for an orgy with all of her friends (as a joke)...and without even seeing a picture of her, was willing to meet her. My friend and I have been baffled by these men. Many of them are willing to meet a complete stranger for sex...and most of them tell my friends profile one thing and tell my profile something different. My friend plays the naughty girl and the men are willing to line up (lawyers, doctors... retirees, you name it) to have a turn with her. Those same men e-mail my nice girl profile saying that they are gentlemen who would wine and dine me. I wouldn't believe it if I didn't see it for myself! The singles sites are just as crazy. The men on those sites just sell the "love" card more, even though many of those men are just looking for sex as well. Now, men have told me that they have come across many women playing the same game. Many women write that they want a relationship, only to jump the man on the first date. What has happened to relationships in our society? What happened to integrity and honor? I know that affairs are going to happen and are often a catalyst. I am not judging that process...I am disturbed about the lack of personal accountability and integrity in how one puts themselves out there. Some people have open marriages or at least very honest in what they are looking for and available for. It's the deception that is concerning. The deal is this....a person who is not genuine will eventually give themselves away. A person cannot maintain their facade for too long without some discrepancies beginning to show. Women and men need to take that time to figure out if someone is who they really say they are. The genuine person will remain consistent. Most importantly, trust your gut when you are getting to know someone. If something doesn't feel right....pay attention to that! "My concern is how we learn to be genuine human beings"...(Lloyd Alexander).

Waiting For A Star

"To us also, through every star, through every blade of grass, is not God made visible if we will open our minds and our eyes"...(Thomas Carlyle). What if I told you that you are a star. Yes, as cliche as that sounds, if women valued themselves more and felt like stars, they wouldn't lower themselves to giving themselves away, being manipulated or otherwise self degrading behaviors. Women also lower themselves when they think they are being powerful by being caddy, manipulative, selfish, cruel or controlling. Being confident exudes a presence like no other. It is the ability to be firm, aware, savvy yet compassionate and caring. Our greatest strength as women is our ability to feel. I believe a confident woman is strong in her sensibilities yet emotionally balanced. I am proud of the fact that I am feeling oriented, yet I will not allow my feelings to get in the way of a decision that is best for me. Women need to balance their masculine (logical) with their feelings. Often men dismiss women because women get bogged down and overwhelmed with their feelings. When a woman is consumed by emotions, she cannot think clearly or necessarily protect herself. Men have a different challenge in today's society. They need to become more comfortable with their feminine sides, thus feelings. I have come across men that say they feel. They will cry, appear to emote and talk the talk, yet they are so far gone from feeling that it's astounding. Those men deceive themselves and women. They can be the most ruthless, heartless men of them all because they believe they are really feeling when in fact they have learned to use emotions to get what they want. Hey, women are guilty of that as well. I cannot stress enough how being honest with oneself is the first step in an authentic life. Being a star means being true to yourself. So many people are living false lives, hiding behind their masks. I come across so few genuine people. Why are people afraid to be themselves? It's not an easy process to really face yourself. It's much easier to dodge and weave your way through life. There is a price to pay for that however. You leave such a karmic mess by manipulating people, that you'll have to come back to make amends for all the harm you've imposed. Living a facade is such deception however and the easy way out. People live that way because it gives them a sense of control and safety. Daring to be yourself means to shake loose old beliefs, push through fears and to actually feel vulnerable. The lessons of the here and now are all about waking up. An awakening is really just what it sounds like...suddenly becoming aware of what you had not seen before and finally coming into your own existence. My message today...dare to find your light within, to be authentic, free and honest in who you are. Being a star is a gift that lies dormant in us all....but few are brave enough to uncover our unlimited potential. "You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star"...(Friedrich Nietzsche).

All or Nothing

All I want is everything...a passionate kiss, a warm embrace, a smile, laughter, flirting and butterflies in my stomach while desire stirs and builds a blissful connection. I love the line...I want it all, or nothing at all. I am tired of people playing it safe and refusing to commit or follow their hearts in any way. So many men seem to be following one thing..their libido, not their hearts. Perhaps many are just so detached from their hearts that the only thing they can feel is their desire for sex. Desiring sex is pretty easy..it's hardwired into the body really. Look, we are all sexual beings, but there is no denying that the male libido is usually higher than that of a female. Women generally have more control over their desires. We take longer to arouse, so we are not often led by our libido's. Many women have the opposite problem of men....usually emotional issues, self consciousness and insecurities get in the way of the woman being able to be more uninhibited. Am I crazy to want it all? A passionate relationship with feelings. Is it near impossible to find a sexually and emotionally confident man? I'm asking because I have observed a lot of men...sacrificing their families and their pride to get women into bed. When I say sacrificing...I have become aware of a dating site that primary focuses on men and women searching for affairs. Men out number the women drastically on the site. Many of the men make excuses as to why they let their libido lead them. They tell women things like, "I just have an insatiable sex drive," or they of course claim that there is no passion with their wives. I find the same problem on the singles dating sites. Some men claiming to want relationships really only want casual flings and many other men simply state that they are looking for intimate encounters. Men are searching for sex but running from feelings...and sure...some women are too. It has really surprised me how many men will just tell women what they want to hear to get them into bed. Women really need to be more savvy about this. Sure, women are told this but in my observations....more often than not, a lot of men will say anything to get laid. The sad part is that many naive women end up hurt when men mislead them, thinking that there is a relationship building and the bottom line is that the men just wanted sex and they move on. Why can't there be clearer communication about this instead of lies, misleading communication and manipulation? Men have their gripes about flakey women. I'm sure that many women are guilty of misleading men as well. My other concern is how some men allow flirting and initial desire to build only to flee when they start to feel. It just makes men look as if they only wanted sex. What happened to honor in relationships? All or nothing...thats my challenge. I wish that people expected more from themselves and others rather than running, hiding, misleading or playing it safe. If I hear one more time from my female clients that the men they are dating say that they are "not looking for drama or a serious relationship at the moment"....I think I will scream. If I've heard it once, I've certainly heard it a thousand times. What does that mean really? Drama means emotions. Yes, often women do not know how to communicate directly, so men become overwhelmed by a woman's emotions. Claiming to not want a serious relationship right now is a cop out. It's saying...I don't want a relationship with you, but I'll gladly continue to date and sleep with you while you hold out hope that I'll be ready one day. It also could mean that the man is afraid of his feelings and it's just safer to escape with that line of bull. Either way, many women are simply left baffled and frustrated. No wonder many women may appear flakey. Most have been told a pack of lies over and over that they begin to mistrust all men. Men have been misled as well by women who claim to want commitment and yet they ditch the nice men for the bad boys every chance they get. The bottom line is that women and men need to become empowered in their dating lives. Women need to protect themselves emotionally...and to reserve their hearts for the truly brave men who prove themselves to be honorable. And men...they need to be more honest in their approach with women. "Of all the properties which belong to honorable men, not one is so highly prized as that of character"...(Henry Clay).

Paradise

One of my newest favorite songs is "Paradise" by Coldplay. I love the message in the song, that the girl finds her paradise when she falls asleep at night and dreams. Paradise is something we create in our minds and is a reality that we can visit anytime. The messages about life I have received lately is that people often get lazy and even those who say they are in touch with their highest purpose, often take the easy way out. When people do not listen to their intuition and ignore the numerous messages sent to them through synchronicity, they become more cut off from their true purpose. Yes, free will is allowed but veering off course always comes with a hefty price tag.  Hey, its not unlike school. If you get lazy with your school work, you miss homework assignments and you don't study, you will get bad grades or perhaps risk not graduating. Earth school works the same way. In fact, the lazier you get with your earthy lessons, you end up feeling indifferent, cut off and purposeless. Our spirit guides have great compassion and patience with us but they invest more energy in those displaying the most potential by doing their work. When you slack off, let fear block you or just refuse to follow the signs, the guides expend less and less energy on you. Come on, think about it...it's just like in our lives. If a friend keeps coming to us for advice and they never listen but instead just ignore everything you say, how likely are you to expend too much more time and energy helping them? Chances are, you begin to pull away, getting more frustrated with their laziness or plain refusal to change. It's their choice to stay stuck but you are not going to keep helping someone who is not helping themselves. Our spirit guides work on similar principals. Guidance is always available but guides don't focus so much energy on those who refuse to do their work. When guides begin to depart, you feel an energy shift and life becomes more mundane and routine. You may even notice that you have less energy and it takes more effort to get things done. I find the biggest perk to staying connected and doing my homework is that things fall into place more easily and everything I need gravitates toward me without much effort. In essence, the one way to create more of a paradise on earth is to stay in tune to doing your emotional and spiritual work. As the saying goes, "energy follows thought" so staying positive, focused and centered on growing as a person ensures positive results. Sure, there are tests along the way, but those tests are to help you grow more as a person and to help you get stronger. In addition, some trials are a part of soul contracts made by individuals, cleaning up old karma. Healing old karma is like mending fences, shifting the energy so that your soul becomes elevated. Everyone is attracting the exact individuals into their lives that they need for their highest good and for the most growth for their soul. If you attract someone that hurts you, then ask yourself what you might be replaying or what you needed to help you heal so that you could progress through this lesson. Many people just remain stuck in their pain because they are afraid to live empowered lives. Victimhood is a choice of perception and the easy way out while true empowerment takes effort and work.  Paradise is at hand however, once you take the steps necessary to keep moving forward, excited every day at the opportunities waiting around each corner for another opportunity to graduate to the next level. "When the storm is over and the night falls and the moon is out in all its glory and all you're left with is the rhythm of the sea, of the waves, you know what God intended for the human race, you know what paradise is"....(Harold Pinter).

Lifetimes

"People never leave, we are always here in our past and future lives"...(Paulo Coelho-The Aleph). What if our journey is a cycle of many lives instead of just one. We know in modern psychology that we all repeat patterns from our childhoods. What if our patterns go deeper than that? What if our patterns have been repeating for lifetimes? In addition, what if we have opportunities to grow and shift those patterns in each life so that you can become more empowered. Let's say that in an early tribal life, a young man was in love and had an opportunity to follow his heart but instead he chose to follow orders to marry the chiefs daughter from another tribe, even though he wasn't in love with her. Even after he married the other Chiefs daughter, he betrayed his wife by sneaking off with the young woman he loved. The pattern started there....a man who did not follow his heart and ultimately the two women he betrayed. Eventually he was threatened by his tribe to never see the woman he was cheating with because she was promised to marry another warrior. He complied but slowly lost all of his power because he was no longer connected to his heart and he turned into an evil warrior. The only way he could have power was to take it from others by victimizing the innocent. He had not always been evil but once he disconnected from his heart, he had lost his way. Let's just say that those same players continued the same pattern, lifetime after lifetime. Each lifetime, he would meet up with the love of his life and each time he'd be tested about whether he'd choose her or would he follow obligation. The scenario may look different each time but the souls play out the same pattern in a soul pact that the three of them made to help each of them grow. As lifetimes pass, the man makes the same error in judgement each lifetime and he betrays his heart every time and sinks into despair, anger and darkness. The women grow and change however. The women slowly take their power back each time and turn from victims to turning the tables on him by making different choices. They shift their part in the scenario, even though he hasn't. Each lifetime is an opportunity for each soul but change is a matter of choice. Let's look at another soul. He was a fighter pilot killed in World War I. He left behind a wife and several children. The wife was so overwhelmed by his loss that she sank into anger and depression. His soul never really progresses because her anger keeps him around her instead of his soul moving on. Yes, his spirit stays around the family out of guilt. Fast forward to their next life and these two souls agree to come back to heal their karma together. He comes back to meet and marry her one day to make amends for having left her in the last life and she agrees to work on forgiveness and possibly to let him go this time if needed. They meet and marry but the pattern repeats. This time, he stays by her side after they marry even though she cheats on him. Her anger toward him has been carried on from the previous life and she keeps him imprisoned with his guilt. He doesn't even know why he stays and endures her abuse. Something inside his soul is compelled to never leave her because he's trying to make it right from the past life. She doesn't know why she cheats on him and practically hates him. She has not learned to forgive or to let him go, so they are caught up in a repeat of the past lifetime, even though the situation looks different. The other irony is that she is literally reliving the past life with her obsession of all things Victorian....frozen in time. When people surround themselves with items and decor from another era, chances are. they too are frozen in a past life pattern. When souls repeat the past life pattern without learning or growing from the lesson, chances are they will have to repeat the same lessons in the next life. Their empowerment would come from one or the other saying good-bye to the other, which would break the imprisonment he feels with her. Every soul is sent guides and angels to help them on their journey. Most people are pretty unaware of the guidance they have but some feel it as synchronicity, dreams, deja vu and intuition. What if you are repeating a past life pattern and that you too have brought in some of the same souls that you have been with before to help you play it out. In addition, what if you have progressed and souls come back into your life to reward you for your hard work. It sure makes our lives look a lot different if you are open to the possibility that we are only seeing a small part of the picture. That means that every soul you have been entangled with was for a purpose to bring you to your next lesson or to complete a lesson. If you trust in a higher power, then you feel that there is just so much more at work than meets the eye. At one point in time, people believed the earth was flat...so it's not hard to believe that we may just be starting to realize that our lives are so much more infinite than what we see. "It's what you do in the present that will redeem the past and thereby change the future"...(Paulo Coelho-The Aleph).


"Lifetimes"(By Sheryl Crow)

Take off your halo, take off your golden crown
The spotlight's off, the shades are down
Where are your friends now, they're ghosts in a windowpane
Sometimes it's hard to stay the same

We can live lifetimes in a single day
No matter what you do, I love you anyway
You say if you're lost inside; well, I get lonely, too
Even in the worst of times, I give my best to you

I dreamed I was swimming, fighting the undertow
Drifting in circles, no place to go
And when I woke up, I was wringing wet
So much stronger than before

We can live lifetimes in a single day
No matter what you do, I love you anyway
You say if you're lost inside; well, I get lonely, too
Even in the worst of times, I give my best to you

The words escape
The silence made
The looks betray
I'm not afraid

We can live lifetimes in a single day
No matter what you do, I love you anyway
You say if you're lost inside; well, I get lonely, too
Even in the worst of times, I give my best to you
Even in the worst of times, I give my best to you

Start of Something Good

"You are a creator. You create with your every thought...anything you can imagine is yours to be, do or have"...(Abraham-Hicks). I woke up this morning, excited to greet the day. I couldn't really sleep last night but that didn't matter. The energy around me has been keeping me up nights but this morning, I didn't care. Once I had my coffee and I started playing my new favorite songs from Daughtry's latest CD...."Breaking The Spell." I felt better than ever. Most of his songs are about love and one of his songs, "The Start of Something Good" was my theme of the day. Today was a magical day. I received vivid signs all day long...giving me messages about things in my life. So many signs happened that there were moments I could barely catch my breath. I have a saying with my friends when synchronicity is at it's best..."you just can't make this stuff up." Have you ever had one of those days when magic occurs all around you? You think something and it happens or you think about someone and you run into them or they call you out of the blue. As I wrote in my last blog post, I need magic and wonder thus I clearly attract it. It makes life so much more exciting! I have found that my ability to manifest has helped in my dating life. First, I have to say that although the dating sites offered options when I was dating before, now the computer dating sites offer me zero appeal but I will forge ahead and try the sites again with a new perspective. Many people misrepresent themselves on those sites or out and out lie. Nothing appealing about that. There also seems to be very few warriors on those sites, meaning men who are courageous, respectful and strong in who they are. Just to recap some funny experiences I had on dating sites before, let me start with the man who represented himself as a successful songwriter who e-mailed me a couple of times because he was looking for a woman to bring home and share with his wife. Another fella e-mailed me and said he'd keep his identity hidden because he is a local police officer but would I want to meet for crazy sex. I of course had to say no thank you to both of those offers. To each their own...but those offers are just not in alignment with who I am. Other guys I met for coffee, turned out to look 15 years older in person because they were using seriously old pictures of themselves. Most of the time, I felt like I was doing therapy with the men since most were very broken from past relationships. Many women I know are frustrated and they ask me..."how do you find warriors in the dating scene." Well, it's all about the law of attraction. If you believe it's out there, you will attract it. If your intuition tells you to look on dating sites for your warrior, then start there. Otherwise, just put out there what you want to attract and it will find it's way to you. If you are in complete alignment with who you are and what you want, the universe will open all of the doors to make it happen. We need more warriors but women need to be clear about what they want to attract. I hear women complain endlessly about the men they date but they do not see why they continue to attract the same type of men. I learned from my first round of dating that you have to be clear about what and whom you want to attract. Just be very aware of your thoughts because your thoughts will send out a signal to what it is you feel you deserve. My approach to dating has shifted dramatically just as with everything else in my life. Whether its dating, running a day camp or any other endeavor...I know I will attract exactly what I need and whomever is in alignment with my highest purpose. I'm so sure of that that my faith is absolutely unwavering. So start with paying attention to what you want and working on yourself first. If you are in fear or you complain endlessly about life, dating, or work...don't be surprised if you attract more suffering. If on the other hand, you display gratitude, courage and excitement....you will then discover quickly that the universe is happy to reward you with abundance.  "Within the seed of your desire is everything necessary for it to blossom to fulfillment. And Law of Attraction is the engine that does the work. Your work is just to give it a fertile growing place in order to expand"... 
(Abraham-Hicks).

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

Now I lay me down to sleep....
This my prayer in vivid thoughts spinning circles around my bed
I want extraordinary not mundane
I want unreal not insane
I want to wake up each day and know that I have a purpose
Not going through my day as if it's a scripted verse
Anyone can follow a manual
Wake up, brush your teeth, go to work
Then what?
Is that truly living
Or is that a living hell?
I want to be blown away by courage, compassion and magic
Knowing that something greater is at work
Weaving its way through the fabric of our awareness
That dreams are more real than we give them credit for
And hoping is not futile
And that the saying..."Anything can happen" is possible when we least expect it
That my tears are not in vain
And my laughter is contagious
That my smile is optimistic
And that our time here is worth every single minute!!
I pray that I am heard...in my thoughts and written word
We all have something to say
But many have gone silent
Muted by fear and doubt
And those who do shout
Only do so to hear themselves spout
Trying to feel alive
Even though they barely thrive
This life is but a dream
Let love shine.....It's the only real thing
In this world of greed and contempt
Love will win...when it's from the heart
I turn out the lights now
Wishing upon wishes...
That this world gets it....because waking up can mean many things
And tomorrow offers everyone another chance at redemption and awareness
See with your heart
Not with your eyes
And life will have new meaning....

Wide Awake

"Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe"...(Josh Billings). It was a normal June day in Connecticut. The sun was shining and I was taking a much needed break in between clients to walk over to Dunkin Donuts to get my second dose of caffeinne. I was walking back with my iced coffee, enjoying the view around the quaint main street where my office is located when suddenly everything went black. I remember being vividly aware of being flat on the pavement. My knee was burning and my coffee was lying empty on the ground next to me. I was disoriented as to what had happened. Had I tripped? I don't remember tripping but who knows, maybe I was more tired than I realized. Someone ran up to me to ask if I was alright. I said yes, even though I really wasn't sure. I tried to stand up but I started to get dizzy, so I sat back down. It took what seemed like an hour to crawl the 20 feet to my office door. I opened it and my client (who had been waiting for me to return) looked alarmed and she called the ambulance. I was checked out by the EMT and they released me to her after I half heartedly convinced them that I was fine. I was still unsure about what had happened to me. My client took me to the hospital and from that moment on, my life has never been the same. As I sat waiting in the Emergency room, it really struck me how I had been sleep walking through my life. I had been neglecting my health and my important workout routine including hiking, had become a distant memory. I did not like who I had become. I focused on helping everyone else except myself. I was suddenly more awake and aware that things had to change. It turned out that I had passed out on my walk that day due to low blood pressure. The next day, I started going to the gym faithfully and I completely changed my diet. I worked on getting more sleep and I started to really look at the patterns I had allowed in my life. Diligently, I started to break every pattern that was dragging me down. It took time...and lots of patience but I continued on. I had to address the biggest culprit of all, my own guilt. For many reasons, I believed that I had to be there for everyone else. I had allowed myself to give my power away. I was angry at others for that but really, my anger was at myself. Poor self worth had fueled that faulty thinking because at the root of things, I just didn't believe I was worthy to be happy, healthy and successful.  What I have learned over the past 5 years since that fall to my awakening, is that things are not always what they seem. I discovered that the fall was an initiation of sorts, ushering me to the me I was always suppose to be. Many of the misbeliefs I had about my childhood have become illuminated and relationships that were not in my best interest fell away while new opportunities and people presented themselves. The Katy Perry song, "Wide Awake" has been playing on my iPod lately, reminding me of how far I've come since that drop to the concrete in Connecticut. I have a star shaped scar on my left knee always reminding me of the star shining inside of me from a much needed wake up call. I thank my guides for changing my life that day. Wake up calls come in various forms but make no mistake, they are the Universe's way of getting our attention. "When a man has fulfilled all four of these requisites--to be wide awake, to have fear, respect, and absolute assurance--there are no mistakes for which he will have to account; under such conditions his actions lose the blundering quality of the acts of a fool. If such a man fails, or suffers a defeat, he will have lost only a battle, and there will be no pitiful regrets over that"...(Carlos Castaneda).

In the Red

I just arrived back from my usual summer trip to the east coast. My kids and I spent the past 25 or so days in Connecticut, upstate New York and a quick night over to Vermont. As usual, the trip was very good for me and I always come back with new knowledge about myself and life. How can I even begin to explain the journies I went on while drumming, the endless contemplation about life while hiking and the feeling of having one foot on each coast. I missed California however and I am very glad to be back. I must decribe my moods in color because it helps me to describe in a visual how I am feeling, much like the way I use photograps with my words to tie nature intimately with my words. Red is a color of fire energy, it can rejuvinate, motivate and expand. Now that I am back in California, red is the best way to decribe how I am feeling. I also use the term to describe how I might be feeling when I am heading into depletion, warning me that it's time to get rejuvinated again. All I can say is that I am in the red and with that, I will channell the red energy into painting drums, getting organized, hiking and having fun with my kids. Upon reflection of the past month, I have received messages from my guides constantly, indicating that I am heading in the right direction. I learned that my tribal name was Running Elk from a past life and I watched fire flies dance around my back yard in Connecticut. I danced like crazy on a girls night out, never mind that the average age in the place was 24. My friends and I didn't care. We danced with whomever and it was incredibly freeing, dancing with abandon. I remember being so self conscious when I was younger and worrying about how I looked, forever fearful that I'd embarrass myself. Now I embrace making a fool out of myself. Just ask the girls who attended the Girl Scout camp I directed. I rapped a camp song I wrote in front of over 200 girls. I'd say my days of being overly self conscious are over. I also held a women's drumming circle at my house in Connecticut and watched in awe as 5 other women with their beautifully painted drums, joined together to send healing intentions to those in need. The power of that drumming circle was palpable. Even two of my children begged to drum with us. It was a beautiful moment. If you had asked me several years ago if I'd ever be painting shamanic drums, having drumming circles at my house and talking about past lives so openly, I would have called you crazy. Now I embrace crazy and the life I am now living. My next drumming circle will include men as well since their energy was not purposely being excluded and masculine energy would be a nice balance to the group. I am learning the meaning of balance and day by day, my self awareness grows exponentially. My children had a great time on the east coast and they embrace the fact that their mom talks about god, guides, spirit and past lives...in the same casual manner that most people talk about their neighbors. My children have embraced their bicoastal life and we are all grateful to have so many opportunities to embrace change which helps us remain open and flexible. On this trip my children were actually begging to return to California by the time we boarded the plane this morning and they were extremely excited when the plane landed in Los Angeles. The east has endless green trees and friendships that remain strong, the west coast offers us new friendships and opportunities to expand in who we are. We have surely discovered that we are truly growing and learning wherever we may find ourselves. "In the sky, there is no distinction of east and west; people create distinctions out of their own minds and then believe them to be true"...(Buddha).

Courage Wins

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear"...(Mark Twain). Fear and doubt  have the power to erode your very foundation.....because fear is really nothing more than false excuses appearing real. Much like building an intecrate line of dominoes. You build your foundation with hopes, dreams and wishes. Then one day...you have a real possibility of love, success and all that you have prayed for. This is the real test. You start to question your faith, undermine hope and just like that....your fears finally put enough pressure on one domino and one by one, all the rest fall. Courage is the antidote to fear however. It uses fear to motivate and it helps you persevere the tests and to feel more empowered. Its only through giving into fear that your foundation falls. On the other hand, courage protects you and builds a stronger foundation. While I was running a day camp for Girl Scouts, I told several girls that I would have them help me run the ceremony the next day. One little girl told me that she was afraid to get up in front of the audience and she asked me if I'm ever scared when I'm in front of everyone leading the camp. I told her that I use to be very afraid to talk in front of audiences but that I just kept trying until my fear went away. I told her that I refused to let fear win. A little while later, she came up to me and said that she decided to get in front of everyone and that she'd just pretend that she was in front of one person instead of an audience. She didn't give into her fears, she came up with a way around them. She had a smile on her face and she was looking forward to next day instead of dreading it. I know that her test seems small but every small test gives you strength to have the courage when bigger tests come your way. Love is the biggest test of fear versus courage. So many people justify their fear based, bad behaviors as a means to protect themselves. People site excuses like...."I've been hurt before, I can't trust anyone and It's not worth it." Once again,  excuses are just false beliefs....pure illusion. In fact, I've seen all too often, people lashing out and hurting others because they believe..."I'll hurt them before they hurt me." Courage is the opposite...it operates from honoring one's heart and taking risks. It never seeks to hurt others as it's goal. Yes, courage sometimes requires protecting oneself with boundaries but with love. Much like warriors past would head into battle to protect their tribes or to slay a bear for it's meat and fur...they would do so with the greatest respect. Courage also means taking the road less traveled and being willing to walk the path that is in direct alignment with one's highest good. You always know when you are not being courageous and when you are not following your heart. Usually you will feel terrible, have ruminating thoughts, have difficulty sleeping, feel irritated and seek to blame others. That's just to name a few. Right now, I have the courage to ask myself difficult questions, face my lessons head on, walk by faith every day and to follow my heart completely, even if that scares me sometimes. Are you going to let fear dictate your life or live courageously? Courage gives you wings and if you allow it in your life, you always win. "Fear has its use but cowardice has none"...(Mahatma Gandhi).

Love

I recently read a beautiful parable about a King and his three sons. In trying to decide which of his three sons should be his heir, he decided to test them. He gave each son a sack of seeds and told them that he was going to be gone for several years on a journey. The son who cared best for the seeds would be his heir. One son locked the seeds away, the other son sold them with the intention of buying new ones when his father returned and the third son threw all of the seeds into a garden and cared for the plants and flowers as they grew. When the father returned, the one son who had locked the seeds away, gave him a bag of dead seeds. The King was disappointed. The second son gave the father the new seeds he had purchased. Although this son did better than the first, the father was still not pleased. The third son took his father out to the garden and showed his father the beautiful, flourishing garden....of which the son said that he would soon collect the new seeds from the flowers to give back to his father. The King was very happy that this son knew how to care for the seeds, so this son became his heir. The moral of the story is this: "The seed is never in danger, remember. What danger can there be for the seed? It is absolutely protected. But the plant is always in danger, the plant is very soft. The seed is like a stone, hard, hidden behind a hard crust. But the plant has to pass through a thousand and one hazards. And not all plants are going to attain to that height where they can bloom into flowers, a thousand and one flowers....Very few human beings attain to the second stage, and very few of those who attain the second stage attain the third, the stage of the flower. Why can't they attain the third stage, the stage of the flower? Because of greed, because of miserliness, they are not ready to share...because of a state of unlovingness. Courage is needed to become a plant, and love is needed to become a flower. A flower means the tree is opening up its heart, releasing its perfume, giving its soul, pouring its being into existence. Don't remain a seed. Gather courage--courage to drop the ego, courage to drop the securities, courage to drop the safeties, courage to be vulnerable"....(Osho).  

Cherokee Ritual

Someone recently sent me this passage via e-mail and it is such a beautiful reminder about walking by faith, especially when we are scared and unsure. It is through the darkness that we learn to trust. Guidance is always at hand and all we need to do is follow our hearts and to have faith that we are always being guided for our highest and greatest good.

Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian

youth's rite of passage?

His

father takes him into the forest, blindfolds

him and leaves him alone.
He is required to sit on a stump the whole night

and not remove the blindfold until the rays

of the morning sun shine through it.
He cannot cry out for help to anyone.

Once he

survives the night, he is a MAN.

He cannot tell the other boys of this

experience, because each lad must come into

manhood on his own.

The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all

kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely be

all around him. Maybe even some human might

do him harm. The wind blew the grass and

earth, and shook his stump, but he

sat stoically, never removing the blindfold. It would be

the only way he could become a man!

Finally, after a horrific night

the sun appeared and he removed

his blindfold.

It was then that he

discovered his father sitting on the stump

next to him.

He had been at watch the entire night,

protecting his son from harm.




We, too, are never alone.
Even when we don't know
it, God and the guides are watching over us,
Sitting on the stump beside us.

When trouble comes, all we have to do is

reach out. 

Moral of the story: 

Just because you can't see God,
Doesn't mean He is not there.

"For we walk by faith, not by sight."

Too Late

"Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother"...(Khalil Gibran). If people are offered a gift and they turn it down....suffering will follow. I have had some ineteresting cases lately regarding love. A male client of mine had an opportunity for love. He suffered for the past few months, missing the woman he fell in love with and trying to figure out his feelings. His feelings had tormented him and had kept him up many nights....along with love was fear and when he was presented with one last opportunity to be with her....he froze and confusion won. He lost her. Yes, even the most intense, soul mate connections can be undermined by fear. Doubt will determine your fate, if you allow it to. If you challenge doubt...you walk by faith and you determine your path. People often believe that if things are meant to be, then fate will bring two people back together eventually. That may or may not be true. When fate calls your number and an opportunity is placed directly in front of you, thanks to free will....you can say yes or no. Fate does not question whether people are "ready" for the opportunity. If the opportunity is placed in front of you, then you are ready on some level, otherwise you would have never attracted that opportunity at that particular time. People endlessly question and create numerous excuses, fate doesn't. Fate says....right here and right now......your wish is my command, so here you go! The test for you is whether you seize the opportunity or do you back away and let doubt take over?  People often create excuses because of self worth issues. Another man recently disclosed to me that he backed away from the love of his life because underneath all of the excuses, he felt that he was not worthy of her. Even though this man had received numerous messages pointing him in her direction, he still questioned. Not to say that people cannot do some soul searching and that growth isn't in order when that opportunity you've secretly wished for presents itself. The key is not wasting too much time spinning your wheels mired down in doubt, confusion and fear because the window of opportunity just might close.  Our spiritual guides may be benevolent souls, but their patience wears thin as well. If you back off from an opportunity too long, the universe takes that as a no and many more tougher lessons are in order. This is not about punishment, it is about teaching us to be stronger and to accept the gifts being offered to us. Once again, if an amazing opportunity presents itself...then quickly do the soul searching necessary to embrace that gift because the Universe believes you have earned it. Only us humans questions our worth and value. On a spiritual plane, we are not judged....we are just learning lessons. I have to say that the more I trusted my intuition, the more I have been rewarded and my confidence grew by leaps and bounds. Now I walk by faith and it always serves me well. So which twin are you going to be best friends with....doubt or faith?

Love Letter

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream"...(Edgar Allan Poe). I talk to you in my dreams....I do. Can you hear me? I speak of things that I cannot tell any other soul. With you, I feel strangely safe and I look forward to going back to sleep to meet up with you again. In this world where people get caught up in defenses, hurt others far too easily and misunderstandings undermine relationships....I prefer the clarity offered in the still of the night, when the heart communicates clearly and without hesitation. How can we bring the purity of heart into the daylight? I wish we could all just listen to our hearts. Why does that seem to be the biggest fear for souls living here on earth? Something so simple is resisted, questioned and dismissed. What a shame. I struggle to understand that, even though I am compassionate to those who are imprisoned by fear. I guess the journey must be difficult for the prize to be worth earning. It seems that only through pain, struggle, loneliness and fears that we eventually discover what our hearts really feel and how to leap into love with the excitement of a child. I guess that is our journey here....to really process all that we have been through and learned and to have those experiences give us wings instead of hardening our hearts. People have a choice regarding which version of reality they want to live. I choose the reality where I jump into a swimming hole, just for fun. A reality where I drive to Joshua Tree, just because my heart says to go there and I paint from a place of abandon instead of questioning whether it is good enough. My reality is shown in my photos, where I attempt to capture the incredible beauty in nature and in the smiles of the faces of my children, friends and family. Regarding love and romance, I prefer a reality where people trusted their hearts and love blossomed more easily, without such hesitation. Okay, our work here in earth school is to find a balance between our minds, bodies and souls...so I know that some processing is human and a part of our journey. The problem with being human sometimes though is over analysis. The mind often overtakes the heart and it becomes a power struggle. That's why I write about love, because it is so pure and beautiful and my process has been to finally trust my heart. I still work through defenses occasionally, because I too am human and we all have layers of emotions to process from living here. I meet up with you at night because in the mystery of the night with the stars sparkling in the dark.....we shine as well and in the night, we don't have to hide. In the night, we don't worry about the future, we just embrace the moment. We can be ourselves, share our deepest thoughts and touch affectionately without holding back. In the dream world, we can kiss the deepest, most romantic kiss possible because in the night, we are free and unencumbered. So I will wait for you in the night and in the day, I will hope and dream that one day.....the separation of night and day is broken and anything becomes possible. It is dawn and I need a cup of coffee to get going but I will think of you throughout the day....knowing that the daylight can illuminate hope. "Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue, and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true"...(Lyman Frank Baum).

Breaking Free

When the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing....then you will make a change. What I have found is that the first step of change is the hardest. Every step thereafter becomes a trek of shedding the many, many layers of old patterns that had been weighing you down. Sort of like wearing way too many layers of clothing. Once you wake up and realize that all of those layers are just holding you back and slowing you down, you begin shedding one article at a time until you feel lighter, freer and can finally go from a slow pace to walking and finally running. Those layers represent defenses and dysfunctional patterns...or old tapes that kept holding you back. Realizing and facing those patterns is the most important step in owning your part in having attracted relationships that kept you in pain. Those relationships are lessons...to teach you what you deemed your self worth to be at the time. Gratefully, nobody has to stay in those old patterns. We are given the tools and messages to change but change is a choice, since we all have free will. Make no mistake though, we are all given many messages to help us along the way, to inspire and support our ability for growth and change. Some people are just too stuck in their own pain to see the messages. Others have high stakes in staying in dysfunction because it gives them attention and they can use their wounds to manipulate and take from others. Again, I can't stress enough that everyone has free will. Once you begin to change, tests often come in some sort of resistance from those around you. It's as if they just know that you are feeling better and they conspire to pull you back into old patterns. An example of this is when someone divorced starts dating someone new and an ex starts demanding more time or attention for anything or everything even through acting more hostile or difficult. Any attention is better than nothing. The ex senses something is different on an unconscious level and they kick into gear to garner the attention again because they are threatened by the change. It's also a test for the individual to not get sucked into the dysfunctional pattern again and to forge ahead taking care of his/her needs. We all know that sometimes kids will act out as well when a parent starts dating someone new. This is to be expected because they have to adjust to a new dynamic. There is just an adjustment period that is expected and everyone has to ride the waves until the change settles in and everything becomes calm and settled again. In fact, more often than not, the changes can even be for the better for their optimal emotional growth as long as parents are sensitive in their approach to the changes. Avoiding change is not the answer. Change is a part of life and it teaches us resiliency and makes us stronger. Overall though, people's worse enemy isn't their ex's, their bosses, kids or family....their worse enemy is often themselves. The only reason a person would be pulled back into old patterns is because on some level, they are afraid of having everything they've ever dreamt of. They fear they are not worthy or that getting everything they want is a pipe dream, so they settle. Once you confront your own resistance and forge ahead anyway, embracing change becomes easier. The bottom line is this....take ownership of the rest of your life otherwise you are the victim, letting everyone else dictate and determine your fate. "The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live"....(Flora Whittemore).