Compromises

We all make them...compromises. The issue becomes, what price do we pay sometimes for making certain compromises. A female client came to me in crisis. The compromise she made, giving up the sexual side of herself to stay in a loveless marriage. In fact, I come across this dynamic all of the time with individuals and couples. Many are afraid to make the difficult decisions of parting from an unhappy marriage, so they sell off parts of themselves to keep it going. The real issues can never be completely avoided however and often come out eventually, once you have nothing left of your self esteem or you can't take it anymore. This client wanted me to help her stay in her marriage, yet her feelings were trying to wake her up to how she really felt about her marriage. Another woman came to me confused when she found herself angry every time her husband touched her. Upon further exploration, it turns out her husband had been verbally and emotionally abusing her for years. She compromised how she really felt until her anger woke her up. Regarding sex in relationships.....it is very telling when that part of the relationship deteriorates. Sex is a form of communication and expression, so when that part of the relationship fails, then the state of the entire relationship is in crisis. "Your sexual expression is conditioned by who you are, as well as by what you believe you are worth"...(B. Marciniak, The Path of Empowerment). By the time people face how they are really feeling in a relationship, the avoidance has reached it's maximum and things are pretty bad at that point. Another client came to me in crisis after his spouse ended the relationship with him. He still wanted the relationship to continue, even though she clearly had no feelings for him and avoided sex whenever possible. Why do so many men and women put up with this dynamic? Do people really feel they deserve to be neglected? Nobody deserves neglect....but you teach people how to treat you so if you allow it, on some level, you feel you deserve it. It is also very unhealthy to suppress your sexual side to keep a relationship going. That is self neglect at it's best. Sexual energy is a vital force, part of one's expression in life. If you deny such a vital force in your life then you completely compromise who you are. I have counseled many clients who engaged in affairs to cope with failing marriages. The affairs are the symptom, the issues in the marriage still need to be addressed. Yes, often affairs act as the catalyst to help wake people up to face their failing marriages, but sometimes people stay in affairs which solves nothing and only causes more hurt eventually. As a society, we need to value the expression of sex as sacred and allow it to teach us who we are and how we really feel. "Sex is a dance of energy; it is your contact point with the vital force of creation as well as a declaration of your identity in physical reality. Sexuality is an essential aspect of your creativity; when founded upon worthy values, your sexual experiences will offer romance, excitement, trust, sharing, intimacy, passion, pleasure, fun, exuberance, caring, love, and self-worth"....(B.Marciniak, The Path of Empowerment). Evaluate who you are through your sexual expression and set out on a path of self empowerment by allowing your sex life to be alive, wonderful and exciting and steer clear of any expressions of sex that is demeaning, frustrating or obligatory. Life can be full of fun when you stop compromising who you are and allow sex to be a shining aspect in your life, otherwise life feels pretty empty and frustrating. So start enjoying yourself, attract positive experiences.......and enjoy the game of life.